Stars twinkled in the sky above Regulus’ head, each one pulsing in a specific pattern as if communicating with each other. A language only they could understand, only they could grasp. Just for themselves.
Anyone peeking in would have to just assume that it was just a movement, a shiver, a slight sound. They would assume it was just normal activity, they didn’t know better.
However, Regulus knows. As he watches, he studies and he learns.
A form of communication so subtle that no one would notice. Such is something Regulus knows well. A clench of a jaw, a flick of the wrist, a pointed look, a tap, a sniff. All of which is ultimately a pattern, a pattern that he knows. A pattern that he made, that he learned and that he changed. It was all something he had learnt from the stars – well perhaps one star in particular.
A form of communication that he had lost. A pattern that would never return.
Regulus sighs, leaning down to press his head against the cold railing that he had been leaning on. The cold seeping through his skin soothing his aching head and the tremors rolling through his body. The only solace the pain in his head had brought him was not being able to focus on the memories that plague the corners of his mind. The stabbing pain behind his eyes happened to be a great distraction.
There is something missing tonight, more someone. An overwhelming presence that was comforting, warm and inviting. A presence that was unrelenting, of which was welcomed and unwelcomed at the same moment in time.
However tonight is the first night back after summer, and here Regulus is, leaning against a stone railing near the stars. Perched at the highest point he could possibly be to the world beyond the sky.
And perhaps Regulus was a fool to assume that their little deal would extend past the couple months that it had resided in.
Maybe that's all Regulus has the ability to be. A fool.
Someone who relies on others but fights and pushes them away. Scratching at the giving hand.
He tilts his head up and away from the railing, still slightly hunched over, to gaze back up at the stars. There is something so serene about the lack of noise, the lack of light, that falls over the castle at night. Allowing the ambience of the moment to shine in all its glory.
A soft humming of a voice Regulus could recognize even with his ears blocked, perhaps what he simply recognizes is the feeling of warmth that bleeds through his shoulders. The soft tenor that voice normally has is replaced with a deep bass, however it isn't any less comforting. Regulus believes that no matter the tone the voice could take, he would always find it drenched in the feeling of home.
At the raucous scrapping of both the door on the stone tablets of the ground and its hinges, that are decaying but never seem to dissipate, Regulus turns. Met with the soft smiling face of someone he once thought he hated, someone that he would’ve never missed. Even less yearn for.
“Hi” the voice speaks, smiling at Regulus as he slips through the door. Pushing it closed softly behind him, the door makes the same grating sound that it had before making him wince. “They need to fix that door, Merlin.” he mumbles under his breath, Regulus can barely pick it up.
“Hello James.” Regulus replies, trying to keep the relief out of his voice. James smiles at him, teeth poking out from between his soft lips. He walks over to where Regulus is standing with his back resting against the railing.
“Sorry love, I was going to show up earlier but Sirius was freaking out over Remus,” James doesn't even bother feeling a bit apprehensive about mentioning his brother to him, he’s possibly the only person who doesn’t care about mentioning Sirius to him. The only person that doesn’t make Regulus relive losing him, simply because Regulus knows that James does not belong to his brother. That James is perfectly content splitting himself between the two of them, he loves them both equally just in completely different directions. Enjoying spending time with both of them, just while doing vastly different things.
James places his hands on either side of Regulus’ hips, boxing him in – the only type of cage he’d let himself be trapped in would be one that James has the key to – and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his lips. “I went to the come-and-go room first before coming here, I hope you weren’t waiting too long.”
Regulus hums tilting his head down to catch James’ lips fully, nothing indecent just a soft press of lips. A silent way for Regulus to express how he had missed him. James tilts his head up more, melting into the kiss before pulling away and resting his head on Regulus’ shoulder.
“I missed you too lovely.” He murmurs into the junction of Regulus’ neck, his breath warm and soft against his cold skin.
Regulus buries his hand in James’ curls, scratching his scalp with dulled down nails. “Can I ask you something?” James asks, tilting his head up away from Regulus’ neck, gazing up at him, more specifically his chin, the angle his head is in does not allow much more. His eyes are still filled with the same amount of love and mirth as if he could fully ogle at Regulus’ face.
“Ask away, mie.” He replies, removing his hand from James’ curls to use it to guide his face away from his neck. Holding the tips of his fingers against James’ jaw, tilting his head up a bit so he can look Regulus directly in the eye.
James’ swallows his throat bobbing, he takes a breath before asking, “Why won’t you talk to Sirius?” in possibly the least accusatory tone possible but Regulus still tenses.
James’ looks at him with furrowed brows, he seems a little unsure of his question but still resilient in wanting an answer.
Regulus sucks in a sharp breath, his throat dry. “I-” Regulus tries but his words fail him a bit, he feels violently unprepared for that line of questioning.
Why doesn’t he talk to Sirius? A plethora of reasons spawn in his brain, Regulus can remember it all too well.
He can remember Sirius holding his hair back as he sobs over the toilet when he was 4 after getting sick for the first time since he was fully cognisant. He remembers Sirius singing to him quietly, just loud enough for Regulus to hear and so their parents don’t.
He remembers Sirius’ first burst of accidental magic, magic that closed up a gash on his arm, threading that skin closed. All while there was his own blood pooling around his feet.
He remembers shuffling into Sirius’ room when he was 8 years old, and poking at his side harshly, trying to wake his brother up from his slumber. He remembers whispering at him.
“Sirius,” he had whispered harshly. “Reveille-toi, please, Sirius.” The pain in his stomach had grown, it was nestled in the joints of his hips and where his thighs met his groin. He had shoved Sirius’ shoulder hard, jerking him awake. “Wha- Rhea? Qu’es qui passe?” Sirius had pushed himself off of the bed with one arm, the other one was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
“Je suis peur, everything hurts Sirius.” He had mumbled quickly his words combining together, the ‘Je suis’ turning more into a ‘Shui’. If Sirius had not been practically fully awake that would’ve woken him up quicker than dumping cold water over his face. “Huh?” Sirius says very eloquently, squinting at Regulus scrutinizing him, trying to see if he could see what was wrong.
“Ma front, my legs. I don’t know Sirius, y a du sang.” Regulus had said panicked, he was shaking both from anxiety and pain. It was something he has never felt before, there was nothing to compare it to. Sirius had at this point swung his legs over so he was sitting on his bed facing Regulus.
“Où?” Sirius asks gently but with an urgency to his voice. “Where are you bleeding from? Maman ta cogner?” Regulus shakes his head, blinking back tears as he stands in front of Sirius. “I- I just went to the washroom and there was blood.” He rubs his eyes, keeping the tears in them from running down his face.
When he opens his eyes again Sirius is looking at him with something akin to realization in his eyes. “Oh” He had said. “Parle à maman, this should be okay to wake her up for.” Regulus opens his mouth to protest when Sirius cuts him off by speaking. “Trust me Rhea, for once I don’t think she’ll mind.”
He pushes himself off of his bed and holds out his hand to Regulus, “Come on, I'll come with you.”
He remembers that very clearly, he remembers that his mother had for once in her dreary life had been happy to be woken up. He remembers her congratulating him and her telling him what to do. He remembers her being his mother.
James moves away from him, the hand he had on his chin dropping down by his side, just for it to be immediately snatched up by James’ hand. He presses Regulus’ hand to his forehead, holding it there for a second before bringing it back down to near his waist, still holding his hand in his. “You ran away from me for a second, I shouldn’t have asked that. I’m sorry.”
Regulus swallows, opens his mouth, closes it then opens it again and croaks, “It’s okay.” he pauses and clears his throat, “It’s okay,” he says less pathetically this time. “I just don’t think I’m ready to rely on him again.” he admits quietly, hoping that if says it soft enough that James won’t hear it, that it won’t be as pitiful as it had been when it was tucked away in his brain.
“Okay.” James breathes out, he moves over to the side of Regulus facing the railing, looking out towards the pitch, out towards the stars.
So Regulus turns and does the same, he watches the stars.
He studies them. Watching them blink. Following their patterns.