Defence Against The Dark Arts
The Gryffindor boys dorm, Saturday
"Getting hammered in front of half the bloody year? It's a new low, even for you Sirius!" James scowled. "Sounds like you had fun though, practice was boring."
"You don't have to stay with me. Don't let me ruin your lunch time." Sirius sulked, still reeking of vomit.
Remus had to carry the boozed out Sirius out the three broomsticks all on his own. Mary and her bestie Marlene had clearly had enough of boys for the day. Peter wasn't much help either as he kept getting distracted by pretty shop displays and complaining that Sirius was too heavy for him. The new girl on the other hand offered her help, which was kind, but wouldn't really have done much considering Sirius was much heavier than her.
Since she couldn't offer her help, she did offer him a fag, which was nice, they were hard to get cheap in the wizard world.
It was wrong to think but Remus was rather glad that Sirius had his little 'accident'. It gave him a chance to talk with Eliana. He knew that if Sirius was even slightly conscious he would have controlled the entire conversation, and got overly excited at her cigarettes, and Remus would hardly an opportunity to speak.
Remus could have really done with that draught of sobriety Slughorn made them brew yesterday.
"Pete's already gone to lunch, you can go with him James, I'll watch over Sirius." He said. He knew James wouldn’t abandon his best mate, he had such a complex about this sort of thing.
"That greedy git. I'm not leaving Sirius. Although Pete better had bring back some bloody food for us!" James said.
He had explained to James, much to his disdain, how one of the Slytherins hexed Sirius into falling onto Mary's boxand vomiting all over her. He debated on wether to tell James that Sirius was getting rather frisky with her, and in his opinion, deserved to be humbled.
"Idiot. Hah. Deserved that." James laughed.
"Hey! Sorry I know how to have a good time." Sirius slurred his words, eyes glossy. "Snivellus was so salty, casting that hex on me like that! I'll destroy that greasy punk!" He growled.
"Uh actually Sirius..." Remus began, unsure wether to continue.
He knew it wasn’t Snape who casted the spell. Sure it was the type of thing he'd do, but this time he didn't deserve the credit. Remus saw who had cast the spell though, it was the new girl's twin.
"It wasn't Snape who did it, It was Eliana-"
"That bitch! What was she thinking? Getting me all drunk so she could make a fool of me!" Sirius sprang up, an angry flame in his eyes.
"No! No!" He asserted. "It wasn't Eliana, it was her sister!" Remus let out a sigh of relief, he thought Eliana was nice and didn't want to let her take the fall for her twin's shortcoming.
Sirius, too, sighed and fell groggily back onto his unmade bed.
"Ohh. Tch, bet she was so jealous, seeing me flirt with what's-her-face... Marl- Mary like that." He rubbed his forehead, as if he was deciphering an ancient code and not trying to remember the name of his housemate whom he had known for four years.
"Jealous or not, that's nasty work! Jinxing someone just because you want them all to yourself!" James added.
"Ugh, don't let him get started! James, it's exactly the type of thing you'd do so you can get some ginger action!" Sirius fake coughed, "Lilyyyy." He sang.
"As if! James added. "That's just what Snivelly would do!"
"Okay, you got a point Potter." Sirius nodded.
"Maybe Snivelly and Catrina are the perfect match after all. Thought she seemed nice in potions too!" James shook his head.
"That's too far James. She's too fit for Snivellus." Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Oh, and Lily Evans is not?!" James scowled.
"Well, if we are talking rack size..." Sirius smirked.
Remus did not understand Sirius. Eliana's sister made him look like a fool in front of everyone. Although, Sirius never cared what anyone thought, maybe he didn't care about being embarrassed? He should at least care that he embarrassed Mary, he owed her that much.
Sirius did however, get excited and oddly playful at the prospect of... taking revenge.
"Remus, aren't you gonna tell us what you were talking about with Ellieeee?" Sirius said, before passing out once more.
~
Monday
The following morning at breakfast, Professor Dumbledore made an announcement.
"Professor Damien has some news to share with you all." The headmaster began, "I trust you will see the relevance of his proposal, I see it a highly appropriate one, considering the current climate. Gaining an in person experience that will broaden your horizons and open your minds, is vital in these times where darkness seems to engulf our society." Dumbledore sat, motioning to Professor Damien he may speak.
"Morning students! I'd just like to share some exciting news with you all!" Professor Damien started, "I'm running a little field trip. Our excellent headmaster has suggested that it should be a compulsory one at that."
Murmurs and excited whispers reverberated through the great hall.
"What does Professor Damien teach?" Catrina turned to her housemates, at the Slytherin table.
They scoffed and jeered in a sort of rehearsed unison.
"I certainly wouldn't call him a professor." Malfoy scowled, haughtily turning up his nose.
"He is 'professor' of muggle studies. Crackpot Damey just tries to indoctrinate us in thinking that muggles are just as bright and civilised as us. The other houses are stupid enough to fall for it." Lestrange whispered.
"If he thinks they are so good why doesn't he throw away his wand and go live with them. He'd shag one if he could, but no bird in their right mind would touch that loony." Amycus said.
Catrina thought Amycus assumed wrong. Professor Damien was handsome, with his wise aged face, and bookish looks, a pair of silver rimmed spectacles on his face, not to mention his intellectual curiosity. Plenty of girls would want Professor Damien, especially because he was a teacher.
"Yes they would." She said, too fast.
"Maybe the Ravenclaw sluts. Ugh, don't tell me you'd strip your knickers for him too." He scowled.
"You mustn't insult a lady's virtue, Amycus." Malfoy said.
Dumbledore stood. Catrina expected him to raise his voice or tap a glass or something, but Dumbledore’s merepresence was loud enough to silence the hall.
"Thank you Headmaster. As I was discussing, we will run an educational trip to particular muggle hotspots, so you can see in the flesh, get real close and learn something from the thick of it. As Professor Dumbledore always said, a textbook can teach you to take the exam, but real world experience can teach you how to create the exam." Professor Damien smiled.
Lestrange leaned in, whispering, "So, they want to throw us into some muggle pig sty! Think it'll teach us to be all tolerant and accepting! Tch! We all know Dumbledore's pushing this because he's worried about the Dark Lord corrupting our little adolescent minds!"
"Well he's too optimistic, if anything, we'll just get to see how degenerate the filthy muggles are!" Another boy added.
"Who says we are actually going? I certainly won't be, you won't catch me anywhere near those animals!" Malfoy sneered.
Professor Damien spoke again, "You will get the opportunity to experience muggle life and visit their institutions. I've been in contact with a very kind headmaster of a muggle high school in London, and he's more than willing to accept some visitors! I can assure you, there is plenty you teenagers can learn from muggles." He enunciated the word 'teenagers' and winked, Catrina got an odd feeling he was implying a sex ed lesson, oh dear.
She had already experienced a muggle high school and would rather not relive it, even as an undercover witch.
Amycus, smirked. She knew exactly what he was thinking. "A high school? Perfect." he rubbed his hands together. "Getting into muggle sluts trousers is easy. Quick body binding jinx with my dads wand and the ministry don't trace a thing. I don't do even do a memory charm. Leave them dreaming for more, you know, unless she's bleedin and cryin by the end of it, hah." The boys sneered and laughed. Catrina suddenly felt rather hot and uncomfortable.
Lestrange grinned as well, along with a couple other boys, looking excited at the prospect. "But what if she ends up with child? You don't want a little half breed bastard running about?" He said.
"Just pull out, but if that don't work, my dad showed me a spell, 'Sperma Reducto' should do the trick." He said casually, earning a few nods from some of the creepier looking boys.
"Please do not engage in such primitive behaviours, Lestrange." Malfoy grimaced.
"Don't be such a boring prude, Malfoy." Lestrange sneered.
Professor Damien spoke once more. "This trip will be attended by fourth years and older. For ease of numbers the Slytherins and Gryffindors will go first. Any questions, don't hesitate to pass by my office, that is all, thank you." Professor Damien, smiled again, creasing his face into wise wrinkles, there was a twinkle in his eyes.
"Oi, new girl. Avert your gaze! Tch, eyeing him up like he's the tastiest snack in the world." Lestrange waved his fingers infront of her face.
Gosh, did they really just catch her staring? She felt the blood rush to her cheeks, embarrassed at her slip of grace.
"Come off it. It's not nearly as weird as what you guys talk about!" She said. "Poor muggle girls!"
"Feeling left out new girl?" Lestrange smirked, forking some of the food from her breakfast plate. "Maybe you'll get lucky and I'll treat you one day."
"Don't count on it Lestrange. She'll already belong to me before you can get your hands on her." Amycus smirked, making her shudder. For a moment she felt like one of those muggle girls.
She would've turned red, if she wasn't already flushed, because Professor Damien was strolling purposefully over to their corner of the table, with a grin painted on his handsome face.
"Try not to wet your knickers new girl." Lestrange teased.
Professor Damien stopped behind her, he wanted to talk to the Slytherins.
Although in her mind, professor Damien would just want to talk to her.
She would turn around and get a good look at him if her cheeks didn't give away her entire mind.
"Morning lads, and ladies. Been a while since I've taught some of you. Nice to see a new face at the table though. Miss Mikovsky, isn't it?" Professor Damien smiled, extending a veiny hand.
"Yes that's right sir." She took it and met his eyes.
"I hope you'll be taking muggle studies. It's a worthwhile subject, Slytherins in particular it seems have the most to learn from it." He winked.
She hadn't chosen all her subjects yet, McGonagall had just put her in all the compulsory classes for the week so she could get a feel, and then she would pick her extras.
Muggle studies certainly was tempting... there was a serious.. positive of the class. Even so, surely she would be an expert in it already? Easy pass.
On the other hand, if none of her Slytherin friends thought very highly of it... perhaps it wasn't wise. But she had other friends, well, her twin. Maybe Elle would want to take it.
"Uh... I'm not sure..." She couldn't outright say no to a professor, it would be uncourteous, but she couldn't say yes either.
"Then I'll have to make you certain, won't I?" Professor Damien smirked, she was feeling really hot and uncomfortable, and would do anything to escape the tight squeeze of the bench, enclosed by boys, and the heat of the morning sunlight.
"It's a great subject! If you want to waste your time fawning over animals, but there's care of magical creatures for that." Malfoy scoffed.
"And that's exactly why this trip will do you guys some good. You need to keep an open mind Mr Malfoy! The non magic folk have plenty you could learn from, some manners for a start. I look forward to seeing you all rearing and ready to go!"
~
The Gryffindors and Slytherins filed into the Defence Against the Dark Arts Classroom.
“Wonder who will be teaching us this year?” James said. “That’s if Dumbledore has found a replacement.”
“What happened to the old one?” Eliana inquired.
“Same old. They leave every year. Must be me and James running them outta here.” Sirius yawned.
“Professor Stanforth left because he caught dragon pox, and Professor Cawley left because she was offered a job at Ilvermony. Don’t give yourselves all the credit.” Remus rolled his eyes.
“Ah, look who finally shows up.” Sirius smirked. Peter Pettigrew was running into the classroom, panting and sweating.
“Peter you’re late, and you missed breakfast! Where’ve you been?” Remus said.
“The teachers not here yet?” Peter panted some more. “Phew!”
Eliana thought Peter looked rather red faced, like he’d just ran a marathon to get to class, though she supposed, he wasn’t particularly used to running.
“Are you alright Peter?” She asked, just for safe measure.
“Ah I’m perfectly okay now!” Peter sighed, she thought she saw a twinkle in his eyes. “You do look lovely today Eliana!”He sung, which then turned into more of a squeal and a gulp as somebody prodded him on the back.
“Does she now?” A coarse, aggressive voice snarled. It was one of her twins new friends.
“Ah! Hello Alecto… I only meant-!”
“That’s mistress to you! Hold my stuff, little elf!” The plump girl hissed, shoving her load into Peter’s weak little arms. “Good elf. So obedient. Now kiss my feet.”
Peter merely whimpered and obeyed, forcing a smile as his…er… girlfriend(?), glowered at him. “Yes mistress. Anything you want…” Peter dropped her bag and books and knelt down onto the dirty stone floor, hesitantly placing a kiss to her shoes.
She ruffled his hair with her feet, “Save me your lunch later, I’ve got detention.”
“But- I-… I’d rather like to have my own lunch- mistress…I’ll be hungry!” Peter mumbled.
‘Tsszztt!’ She touched his ear with her fingertips, making a sort of electric shock noise, to which Peter made a squeal of pain. “Ouuch! That hurt…!”
“That’s nothing compared to what I’ll do to you if you don’t give me your lunch! Foolish elf!” The girl snarled, squeezing onto Peter’s ear.
“Yes madam. I promise… your l- lunch!” Peter cried, his ear finally released as she walked off.
“Crikey Pete, she’s got you on a lead…” James said, looking as bewildered as Eliana currently felt.
“Are you really gonna let that troll walk all over you? That’s low Pete, assert some dominance!” Sirius scowled. “Why do you let her do that to you?”
“Oh, you mustn’t talk ill of my sweetums!” Peter cried. “Not while she may still be listening…”
The door flung open with a bang, as if someone had used a spell to barge through it.
“Am I in the right class? This place is more of a maze than I remember!”
A tall, curvy figure stood in the door frame, wand a grasp, draped in a swede green travelling cloak.
“Morning students! I’m Professor Aster! You don’t need to call me professor though, I’m not an old fashioned teacher, like Professor Binns, hah. I’ll be teaching you the Dark Arts! Oh Merlin! I meant Defence Against the Dark Arts! I’ll need to watch my tongue!” She laughed.
Professor Aster was the most beautiful women Eliana had seen. She had long auburn curls, which were woven into a braid. She had broad strong shoulders yet feminine curves, and emerald green eyes.
The boys in her class too were starstruck, their mouths hung open like gargoyles.
“Merlin, she is something else!” Sirius, James and Peter gawked up at their new professor.
“Hmph, she’s way too young to be a teacher, I hope she’s fully qualified, I don’t want my grade to slip because the teacher can’t teach.” Lily shrugged disdainfully, along with Mary and Marlene.
Professor Aster flung off her travelling cloak, revealing a swede bodice, embroidered with flowers and trees, she wore brown riding trousers and knee high boots. “TIME FOR CLASS WARS! I hope you’ve been listening in a history of magic!” She used her wand to push the desks up against the walls of the classroom, creating a kind of trench system.
Everyone stood still, like lemons in the middle of the classroom.
“Don’t be little bores! Right, Slytherins, you are the Germans! You, young man!” Aster pointed to Snivellus, “You can be Grindelwald, leading them into battle! And you noble Gryffindors, you’re the allied forces! You can be Dumbledore, Mr….?”
“Potter, James Potter!” James smiled brightly, looking proud of himself for being chosen, much to the annoyance of Sirius.
“Right, young wizards and witches, show me your defensive and offensive abilities, in a, friendly, duel! I’ll pretend not to notice any…foul play, you need to be prepared for anything if you’re going to be battling dark wizards. Now as if you’re battling in the Global Wizarding War of 1939 to 1945, begin, five minutes to plan strategy!”
The students gathered into huddles, whispering and throwing looks at the enemy.
Sirius grabbed the shoulders beside him and pulled himself tighter into the huddle “Right battle plan! Peter you take on their three girls at once, that leaves us only one boy short, so it won’t dent our army too much, and it means we can just focus on Grindelwald’s men. Now, you four girls can take on Rosier and Nott at once, should be easy enough, since they’re the weakest boys. That leaves James and Remus to take on Avery and Mulciber and moi to Snivelly!!!”
“Who made you leader? I’m Dumbledore!” James scowled. “I want to take on Snape!”
“Yeah, and just because they are girls doesn’t make them weak! I would know… Alecto is so… intense.” Peter shuddered.
Peter won’t stand a chance three against one, he couldn’t even take one girl. No offence Pete.” Lily snarled, she was particularly irritable this lesson.
“Right, as Dumbledore I say-”
“Huddle times up! Remember, I don’t want any broken bones, and if a soldier knocks you down, you’re dead! Begin!” Aster called
They stood their awkwardly for a few moments, unsure of what to do. Would they follow Sirius’ plan? They waited. And then somebody made the first blow.
Snape had began an assault on James, or Dumbledore, she supposed. He was throwing hex after hex at him, which James was bravely defending.
Mulciber cornered on Sirius, and Avery on Remus. There were more boys in Slytherin than girls, as Sirius mentioned, so this meant some of the Gryffindor girls would have to fight a boy, she crossed her fingers and prayed it wouldn’t have to be her, as these boys in particular were highly aggressive, and she hardly knew any spells.
Thankfully, Lily bravely went after Nott, casting a spell on him so he flew up into the air. His friend, Evan Rosier, sneakily ambushed Lily while she was basking in her own success, leaving only the Slytherin girls left for her to duel. Phew.
Mary and Marlene ganged up on that prissy; annoying Greengrass girl. This was perfect, she could just ‘battle’ with Catrina.
“Hey, Elle, Stultus Lapsus!” Catrina shot a spell at her, Eliana skidded back across the classroom, crashing into Peter, who was still cowering behind, unsure of where to put himself.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got you Eliana! You’re safe with me!” Peter smiled, pleased with his gallantry, as he held her in his arms.
“Er… watch out!” She pushed Peter away, dodging a shot from a Slytherin.
Alecto Carrow towered over them, looking like a bog troll. “Elf! Why are you basking in the company of this whore!” She raised a wand at her.
“You’re the enemy right now… s- so go away you… you filthy German!” Peter stuck his fingers down both ears, earning another electric shock from Alecto. “Ahh! Sorry mistress!” Peter wailed.
“Forget it elf, I’ve got an ‘auror’ to destroy…” Alecto grunted glowering at Eliana, and aimed her wand. “Cruci- agh, can’t use that one… er- stupefy-”
Alecto’s moment of hesitation only allowed her to dodge the incoming spell.
“I’ll protect you Eiana!” Peter cried arms open, catching a hex square in the chest, effeminately.
“How dare you defy me! You’ll regret this, little slave!” Alecto transfigured worms out of thin air into Peters trousers, they were wriggling out the hems.
While Alecto was giving Peter a thumping, Eliana took this opportunity to make a run for it. She glanced around the classroom, James and Snape, or Dumbledore and Grindelwald, were still deep in battle. Catrina was striding over.
“Hi Catie- I mean, what do you want, you dirty crony!”
“Levioso!” Catrina shot a spell at her, which was blocked by her own prompt ‘Protego’.
“Heard anymore on you-know-who? Or anything on the ball?” Eliana asked. She knew it was abrupt but there was no better time, everyone was in the heat of battle.
“Nice try, you can’t distract me!”
“I’m being serious! Throw all the spells at me you want, I give up!”
“Er… I haven’t heard anything. This ‘you know who’ is still an enigma…” Catrina mumbled, she couldn’t more obviously be lying.
“STOP LIAISING WITH THE ENEMY ELLE!” Sirius shouted, throwing off spells from the Slytherins.
“Sorry! Stupefy!” She shot at her twin, narrowly missing.
Lily appeared at their side “So inconsiderate of Professor Pants-too-tight to make you fight, how many spells do you even know Elle?” Lily scoffed, shooting a spell at Catrina.
She didn’t think it was inconsiderate, Professor Aster was about as new as she was, how was she supposed to know she was brand new and didn’t know a toss about magic duels.
“You’ll regret that you ginger sket! Depulso!” Catrina cast a spell at Lily, shooting her backwards into the wall.
“Oi, you filthy German, don’t talk to my comrade like that!” Sirius shouted. “I have revenge to carry out anyhow, how dare you hex me in the three brooms!”
“I meant it for Mary… but I’m not mad it hit you.. you are a bit of a prat.” Catrina evaded his spells.
“Tch! Did your boyfriend Snivelly teach you that one?” Sirius glowered.
“No way! And he certainly is not my boyfriend!”
Sirius and Catrina were now engaged in a duel, a pretty imbalanced one at that, Sirius was undoubtedly better at magic than she was.
Eliana thought she should go and check up on Lily, who hit the wall with quite the thud.
“Lily, should we… help James?”
“Dumbledore, you mean, and, no. Grindelwald is his battle. Haven’t you read a history of magic? Only Dumbledore was able to defeat Grindelwald. We need to work on destroying his forces, well I’m out, not sure how I’m out before you but, I can offer advice from the sidelines.” Lily said, irritably. “Leave Peter with Alecto, he needs to learn his lesson. Remus is fine, he’s got Avery on the ground, Mary and Marls are finishing off Rosier… and your sister will definitely be no trouble for Sirius… so fine… I suppose I’ll help James, you go give Sirius a little hand then.”
“Right. Okay.” It seemed Sirius could do with an extra hand now, as Mulciber had joined the fight. It seems he had caught him out as Sirius was clutching his leg painfully, she went over and knelt down to check if he was alright. “That looks like it hurts? Do you need to go to the nurse?”
“Ah, thanks Elle, don’t worry I’m fine, of course I had it all under control.” He blushed.
“Can’t duel me without your girlfriends help, Black?” Mulciber taunted from behind. “Reducto!” He aimed the spell not at Sirius but at her. Eliana felt her head hit the ground.
“Hey! That was a cheap shot! Can’t even fight a girl fairly!” Sirius growled, limping back up onto his feet. “Are you alright Elle? Sirius extended his arm, helping her up. He stared down at her with those handsome grey eyes.
“She’s fine. It’s the point of the game you poof.” Catrina scowled.
“Alright then, you wanna play dirty?” Sirius lunged himself at Catrina, playfully tackling her to the ground. Eliana cringed at his flirtatiousness, as it seems did Mulciber, who continued to hex him, despite Sirius already being ‘dead’.
“Alright alright! Catie tell your fan-boy to stop attacking me!”
“Watch your mouth, Black! And remove your filthy perverse hands from her!” Mulciber shot another over-kill jinx at Sirius.
“Come on Gryffindors!! You’re outnumbered 6-3!” Professor Aster yelled, the boys seemed a lot more motivated now.
The only Gryffindors remaining were James, Remus and Marlene.
“Dumbledore, if you can destroy Grindelwald, then the battle is yours! Come on!!” Professor Aster cheered them on, it was obvious which house she prevailed from.
Remus and Marlene went to take on the five Slytherins, but didn’t stand much a chance against their brutality. Eliana felt bad she couldn’t have been much help, especially because her housemates were so competitive.
The Slytherins went to gang up on James. “Stop! He’s mine to kill!” Snivellus snarled.
“It’s just a game, let’s thrash him now.” Mulciber scoffed.
“You think Dumbledore will just go down without a fight?” James readied his wand. “I can take you dirty Slytherins, five on one!”
“That’s our James!” Sirius cheered.
James was evading the hexes sent at him, rolling and jumping around the tables. “Stupefy!”
“Expelliarmus!” Catrina cried, she was learning fast, she always did.
“Levioso! Descendo!” Snape snarled, annoyed that his fun was cut short.
“And… er… Grindelwald wins! Guess we should sprachen zie Deutsch now…” Aster extended her arm to James, pulling him up. His cheeks were stained red.
“Does she think she’s funny or something? Grindelwald wasn’t like Hiter! He wanted to spread magic not German nationalism, goodness!” Lily scoffed.
“Yeah, and her outfit is totes inappropriate, her bum is showing!” Mary rolled her eyes. “Perhaps we should call her Professor Arse-ter!”
“I think she’s lovely!” Marlene smiled. “This is the best fun we’ve had in this class ever!”
“You all fought valiantly students! But I think we’ve found our star pupil! Ten points to Slytherin!” Professor Aster patted the disinterested Snape on the back. The Slytherins boys jeered for their pal, the Gryffindor boys merely scoffed and seethed.
“Lucky Snivellus, I think I can see a boner. He’s got a thing for gingers too, doesn’t he!” Sirius cackled, nudging James, who walked off.
“One more word class! Your homework for the week will be something a bit more advanced, I want you to create your own spells, you can do it alone, in pairs or small groups, but I want everybody to put in the work! Doesn’t have to be anything special, but having your own handy secret weapon is a crucial tool for fighting dark wizards… I would know!” Professor Aster exclaimed.
Oh great. How hard could coming up with your own spell be.
“Well that’s Snivellus even further up her good books, how many bloody spells has he come up with?” Sirius groaned.
“Tch, and what would she know about fighting dark wizards, she looks about twenty one!” Lily scoffed.
“Twenty one, and I can see a few wrinkles!” Mary tutted.
“Maybe you’d like to partner with me, Eliana?” Remus asked her.
~chapter end~