Chapter One
Taylor’s relieved to finally jump into the car but her brain feels like mush. As soon as she’s buckled herself in she pulls her noise cancelling headphones from the bag on the seat next to her and puts them on. She fights sleep the whole way to the hotel but never gives in. She makes it to the hotel suite and just lies in bed, unmoving, for way longer than should be allowed. In the back of her mind, she knows she should shower. Yet she can’t bring herself to. Eventually she realises her brain won’t let her sleep unless she gives in and get’s clean and comfy. So, one heavy limb after another, she makes her way to shower. Sheds her clothing. She keeps the water warm, and slowly sinks down to the shower floor, wrapping her arms around herself. Being done with the tour doesn’t feel like an accomplishment. It feels like yet another weight on her chest that is impossible to shift. She misses the days when all this was just a dream. When she was simply a sixteen year old making her dreams a reality. Back then it felt like everything was new and perfect. Anything was possible. Then she started getting what she wanted and it wasn’t enough. So, she kept working hoping that one day it would be. Only to end up here. In some Canadian shower, the salt of her tears mixing with the pure water. Staining it forever. She stays like that, no energy to move, for hours. Until her skin is wrinkled and red. When she finally gets out and slips into pyjama bottoms and an oversized t-shirt she doesn’t feel much better. She slips on some Girl in red hoping that the music will lull her to sleep but it doesn’t work. Outside the stars shimmer, taunting her. Showing off that they can be bright, sometimes famous, simply for existing. No pretending. Just natural beauty. Too perfect to represent the dead, like people claim. The moon, hidden behind a cloud, is much more realistic. Closer than people realise and fake, with it’s light a mere reflection of the sun's. Half of it hidden from the light, impossible to communicate with. The longer she listens the more she starts to think about Karlie. Starts to miss her with her whole soul. Without thinking she pulls out her phone and dials the number still saved a sunshine emoji in her phone.