Chapter 1
“Remus? You here?” Sirius called, kicking off his boots and glancing around the kitchen. He let out a sigh at the firewhiskey bottle on the table. A small, naive voice in the back of his head told him Remus couldn’t have been conspiring with death eaters if he’d been home drinking all day.
Sirius ignored it.
Who knew what Remus was really capable of. The drinking could be a cover. However as he stepped into the bedroom, it was clear it was not. Remus was completely asleep, beautiful face buried in blankets. Sirius stood there, watching him breathe. His usually fluffy golden curls were greasy and matted. What had happened? What happened to the mysterious, bookish, werewolf Sirius had fallen so hard for?
Well, Sirius thought bitterly, the werewolf part remained. Remus loved to make that known, nowadays. They had not spoken about anything related to the wolf since Ferox’s death, but Sirius still heard Remus’ warning ringing in his ears. He had been right. Sirius shut that thought down, trudging through the messy room and changing out of his robes. He grimaced at the scorch marks from a narrowly avoided curse.
Remus stirred, making a soft noise of surprise as he squinted and saw Sirius.
“Oh… is it already late? Meant to stay up for you…” he slurred, running his hand through his hair and wincing as he hit knots.
“Mm. Hard to stay awake after a whole bottle of firewhiskey, isn’t it?” Sirius replied sharply. Remus’s eyes widened in hurt.
That wasn’t right. Remus should be fighting back. They should both be yelling, expressing their feelings through gritted teeth and icy glares. But Remus was trying. Even when Sirius knew he was being horribly distant, Remus still tried.
Sirius turned away, unable to look into those golden eyes any longer.
“I’m sleeping at the Potters’ tonight. I have a mission first thing in the morning.”
“Send a message… if you need ‘elp…?” Remus whispered. His voice sounded a little higher than normal. Merlin, Sirius thought, he has to be really pissed to actually start crying.
“I’ll be fine. Go visit Pete or something.”
“I… I never know where to find him…” Sirius spun to face Remus again, about to yell that of course they wouldn’t tell him where Peter was; that information was too highly classified for someone so high on the suspect list, but decided against it considering he didn’t actually know where Peter was either. He just sighed instead.
“Well, find Mary then. Just stay away from the drinks.” And then he was picking up his bag and apparating away.
+++
Remus awoke to an owl pecking angrily on the window, a massive headache, and an empty flat. He got out of bed, stumbled over piles of clothes and opened the window. The owl dropped the Daily Prophet into Remus’ hand and let out an annoyed hoot before flying off.
It was difficult to remember what happened the night before, but Sirius was definitely mad at him. Remus didn’t recall actually fighting, though.
He flinched as the neighbors’ grandfather clock went off. Nine in the morning. He frowned slightly. Shouldn’t Sirius be back already? He was supposed to have started the mission really early. Had something gone wrong? Was he hurt?
Remus’ worries were answered shortly as the faint sound of apparition came from the hallway. The door opened and a very tired looking Sirius stepped in, dropping his overnight bag and slamming the door shut behind him.
“Sirius?” The other boy looked up through tangled black locks.
“I’m fine,” he sighed, looking away and taking off his shoes.
“You were gone a while. I was worried.”
“I told you not to worry. I was just spending time with the Potters,” he grumbled. Remus felt cold. Was Sirius really still mad?
“Well, sorry for caring. It’s just, we are at war, y’know. Forgive me for being a little concerned when I never know where you are and people are dying every day,” he protested, trying not to raise his voice too much.
“You think I’m going to die?” Sirius asked quietly, still not making eye contact.
“No! You’re putting words in my mouth!”
“Well, my location is irrelevant to you, and I’m fully capable of surviving a visit to a safehouse. Maybe this is why I stayed out so long. I can’t be home for five minutes without a fight.”
Remus stayed quiet, thinking over his next words.
“I think it’s relevant,” he whispered, just loud enough for Sirius to hear, but easy enough for him to ignore if he chose. Remus watched as the other boy turned to face him, body rigid.
“And why is your opinion on my whereabouts more important than everyone else’s in the Order?”
“Because I love you,” Remus breathed, looking into those icy blue eyes. Sirius was silent for a moment, just staring back at Remus in a way that made it feel like his heart was being ripped out.
“Maybe you should stop then,” he said quietly. “It seems to only make things worse.”