Sirius Orion Black’s life had never been easy, but this time, things had gone beyond chaotic. How was he supposed to deal with this? His little brother, his sweet and dear Reggie, was lying unconscious in the Hogwarts infirmary thanks to the damned dark magic of a resentful brat named Severus Snape.
“What do you mean, a true love’s kiss?” he exploded the moment Madam Pomfrey, with all the patience her job allowed, explained the situation.
“Exactly what I said, Mr Black,” the nurse replied, using that tone of resignation she reserved for particularly dramatic students.
“This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening,” Sirius started pacing back and forth, furiously running his hands through his hair. James, Remus, and Peter watched him, their expressions ranging from confusion to barely contained laughter.
“Sirius, calm down,” Remus attempted, always trying to be the voice of reason.
“How the hell am I supposed to calm down, Moony?! Do you realise what this means?! That I have to allow some stranger to kiss my unconscious brother! My little brother! The child that I raised because my mother was too busy drowning her sorrows in expensive wine and grinding her teeth over my father’s endless adventures!”
James, ever the loyal friend, nodded with mock concern.
“What’s at stake here is consent, Pads.”
“Exactly! You get it! My sweet Reggie, victim of a spell cast by a greasy little bastard, and now he needs a kiss to wake up!”
“Well, we need to find someone who truly loves him…” Peter spoke up timidly.
“Oh, sure, Wormtail, why don’t I just march into the Great Hall and yell, ‘Who’s in love with my brother?’” Sirius scoffed, crossing his arms.
Remus sighed.
“Maybe Regulus does have someone special.”
Sirius snapped his fingers, suddenly struck by a terrible and brilliant idea.
“Bartemius Crouch Jr.!”
The three of them stared at him.
“Sorry, what?” James asked.
“Oh, come on, it’s obvious. They’re always together, whispering to each other, Barty looks at him like he’s the light of his life. He must love him.”
And so, off they went to find him. Barty was in the library with the Rosier twins—a rather unusual gang.
“Barty, come quick.”
“Is something wrong with Reg?” Barty asked, standing up instantly.
“More or less. He needs a true love’s kiss to wake up. And you love him!”
Barty looked at him as if he’d just said the stupidest thing in the world. Which, considering it was Sirius, wasn’t entirely impossible.
“Oh, no, no, no. I’m just the distraction, Black.”
“The what?”
“I’m not your little brother’s real boyfriend.”
Sirius felt his soul leave his body.
“Who is it?”
Barty shrugged with a mischievous smirk.
“I’d say Potter.”
Sirius blinked. Slowly, he turned towards James, who at least had the decency to look guilty.
“YOU?!”
“Uh… surprise.”
“YOU and my brother?! My best friend and my little brother?!”
“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds weird—”
“Because it IS weird!”
James placed a hand on Sirius’s shoulder.
“Pads, mate, relax. I’m going to wake him up, and then we can discuss my imminent murder.”
“Oh, that’s a given, you traitorous, antlered menace!”
But in the end, Sirius did let James lean down and kiss Regulus. And when his little brother blinked his eyes open, the first person he looked at was James.
“Don’t tell me that actually worked…” he murmured, dazed yet amused.
“You’re awake, little star,” James responded, grinning from ear to ear.
Regulus scowled and weakly pushed James’s chest.
“Don’t call me that in public, Potter.”
“But you like it.”
“I detest it.”
“You’re lying. Look at that happy little face.”
Regulus tried to deepen his scowl, but his ears turned red. Sirius felt his blood pressure spike.
“Oh, Merlin’s beard, they’re making goo-goo eyes at each other!”
Regulus blinked in confusion.
“Siri, what…?”
“No, don’t speak! I don’t want to know! I’m going to commit murder! I’m going to Azkaban and it’s going to be worth it!”
But while Sirius continued his fit, Regulus simply adjusted himself in bed and took James’s hand with a smile.
“Told you he’d find out in the worst way.”
James pressed a teasing kiss to his forehead.
“Totally worth it.”
And from across the room, Sirius swore revenge. Oh, Potter was not getting away with this!
End.