Chapter 1
chapter one
lily
Lily had always loved the bustle of the last days of school.
And even though she’d never tell anyone, she almost loved the end of school exams more. Something about setting down her pencil after a test and taking a breath was deeply healing. It made all the stress she’d been experiencing for months worth it when the exams were finally over.
So on her second to last day of secondary school, Lily walked out of the exam room looking much calmer than her peers. She sighed, feeling the tension seep from her shoulders as students chattered to each other, laughing giddily and nervously comparing their answers. Lily wove through the crowds of girls, stepping up to her locker and twirling the dial to input the combination. Behind her, a gaggle of girls giggled to each other, saying, “I can’t believe the maths exam—but I suppose we can’t do shite about it now, eh?”
Someone else replied, “Speak for yourself, Macdonald, I aced that test.” As the girls moved away, Lily thought she heard the first girl laugh, “Shove off, Marls.”
Lily almost turned to get a better look at the laughing girls when her phone buzzed in her pocket.
2:53 PM
Remus:
Hurry up and come outside. I’m being bullied.
Lily smiled, tapping out a quick “okay”. Remus had been her best friend since they met at an awkward dance between their two schools—they were both standing by the snack table avoiding the hormonal teenagers dancing to obnoxious, too-loud music, and reached for the same bag of crisps.
She picked up her books and light green Polaroid camera (whose strap she slung over her shoulder) and closed her locker, stepping out the front door. Instantly, Lily spotted Remus standing with three other boys under a tree. They were situated in a green patch in the middle of the courtyard that connected their two schools—they were old-fashioned brick schools with spires and rusting, red roofs, girls and boys being split into separate buildings. Genderqueer students were allowed to take classes in whichever building they preferred, though most ended up taking classes with the girls as private school boys had a reputation for being… obnoxious.
Speaking of which, as Lily walked up to Remus and the others, she heard one say, “Hey, Moons—are you feeling sentimental, or is that just your normal brooding fa—ow, what the fuck!” Sirius Black, professional jackass. A loveable jackass, but a jackass nonetheless. He was currently rubbing his side (where Remus had presumably punched him) and looking offended.
Remus was comically taller than both Sirius and Lily. She found herself being annoyed every time she had to tilt her head back just to see his face. Remus was currently using the tall thing to his advantage, putting his elbow on Sirius’s head and leaning on him in a fashion that Lily thought looked more affectionate than annoyed.
“Hey, Rem,” she called, waving.
“Hey.” Remus nodded, shoving a sputtering Sirius away from him.
“Evans!” A black haired, bespectacled boy waved from next to Sirius. Oh, fantastic. Potter.
Lily ignored him. “What did you think of the lit exam?”
Remus shrugged, pitching his voice up in volume to overpower Sirius, who was already bragging. “I think I did okay. To be honest, I’m more worried about the summer packet they gave us for college prep.”
“Moony, it’s optional,” Sirius scoffed, James nodding next to him. “Chill.”
Lily understood, though. In the excitement of the final days of school, she’d almost managed to forget about college. It had been looming over her for the entire year, and now there was only a few months until it actually begun. She felt anxiety pool low in her stomach. The world spun. “Just because you’re lazy, Black, doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t want to actually succeed in life.” Lily mentally high-fived herself. She didn’t think any of the others noticed how close she came to a panic attack.
“Christ, Evans. What do you think I am, some sort of miscreant?” His tone was thick with playful sarcasm, but she didn’t have the chance to respond because Peter Pettigrew walked over, two girls she vaguely recognized trailing behind him.
“Hey, guys.” Peter said in his awkward, squeaky voice.
“’Lo, Pete. Mary. Marlene.” Remus waved.
Mary and Marlene. Lily recognized them as the girls she’d heard earlier. She knew they were Remus’s friends, but she’d never really talked to them much. Marlene was a little too sporty and a little too loud, and it was a bit intimidating. And Mary… to be honest, Lily didn’t really know anything about Mary. She vaguely remembered thinking she was pretty the first day she’d seen her in freshman year, with her warm golden eyes, soft puff of hair, and spots of pale skin and blonde streaks in her hair dappling her brown skin and curls. Lily had always thought vitiligo was gorgeous, but it was especially stunning on Mary.
Mary smiled at Lily, and her stomach swooped uncomfortably. “Hey, lads. And Lily.”
Lily’s stomach swooped again, but this time it was colored with sour guilt. Mary had remembered her name, and Lily forgot Mary’s. Great job, Lily, you’re a terrible person. Lily ignored this thought, mumbling a hello to Mary.
Remus bumped her shoulder, pulling her out of her spiral. “Wanna go get ice cream?”
“Sorry, Alice is picking me up.” Lily looked up at him apologetically—God, he really was too freaking tall. “Cissa’s home for the summer, so we’re saying hi.”
“S’alright. I guess I can go with this idiot.” Remus glanced at Sirius, who smirked at him. He was really trying to frame this like he was disappointed. Lily decided she would play along.
“Poor you,” she teased. Remus nodded, looking exaggeratedly put-upon. “You can go with James and Pete too, you’ll be fine.” Remus laughed.
“I suppose. Come on, then, lads.” The four boys waved and walked off, James and Sirius laughing and Pete trailing along next to James. Remus and Sirius kept bumping into each other, and Lily thought she saw Remus curl his pinky finger around Sirius’s. Honestly, they might be subtle enough to fool James and Peter, but they were kidding themselves if they thought Lily didn’t notice.
“Are they together, then?” Mary asked from behind her. Lily startled, turning around. “Remus changes the subject whenever I ask,” she clarified.
“You know, he hasn’t told me either. But I’m pretty sure, yeah.” Lily laughed a little. Mary grinned, and Lily thought off-handedly that her smile made her a little warmer. She dismissed this thought quickly.
“I don’t think I have your phone number,” Mary smiled. She said everything with a smile—like every syllable was softened around the edges. Lily wished she smiled more. She often thought she was too sharp to her friends, but she didn’t know how else to be.
“I don’t think you do,” Lily said. “Here. I’ll put it in for you.” She was shocked by herself. Where did this confidence come from?
She tapped in her number and handed Mary back her phone, noticing Mary’s red, almond-shaped nails. Her cuticles were picked at and peeling, like she’d been biting them.
Marlene tapped Mary on the shoulder and Lily jumped a little. She’d almost forgotten Marlene was there. “Mary, I’ve got football.” Mary shoved her phone in her pocket and smiled at Lily again.
“Looks like we’ve got to go,” Mary sighed a little. “Anyway, nice to talk to you. I’ll text you to make sure I’ve got the right number?”
“Absolutely!” Lily squeaked.
Mary looped an arm through Marlene’s and pulled her phone back out, typing out a quick message as the two girls walked away.
Lily stood there, frozen, for a few seconds until her phone dinged. She turned it on so fast it took a few tries to put in her password, and when she opened up the message, all the air inexplicably drained from her lungs.
3:04
Unknown Number
hello!
Lily read that text more times than she’d like to admit.
chapter one
mary
Of all the things about secondary school Mary would miss, she thought she would miss choir the most. She didn’t love everyone there, and she didn’t always love waking up at five in the morning to get to the zero period class, but the act of singing was enough to make up for the annoyance. Whenever Mary sang, she felt like an old Hollywood actress—she could see herself with a soft voice, bright red lips, and surrounded by a fuzzy haze. Of course, none of the old Hollywood actresses Mary had seen looked like her. Still, she was always chasing that larger-than-life feeling—and choir was the best way to capture it.
Also, the teacher was awesome.
Ms. Aguilar was in her early twenties (though she told everyone she was over a hundred) and was bubbly, energetic, and extremely passionate about music. One could tell by her appearance that she’d majored in liberal arts—her outfits were a hodgepodge of plaids, crocheted tops, and strange patterns. And she was quite possibly the best teacher Mary had ever had.
“Second to last day of school, dudes, how are we feeling?” Ms. Aguilar asked as students started filing in at six AM. Everyone collectively groaned in response.
“You’d think we’d get used to waking up this early, but it’s the same shit every morning.” One girl (Paige Parkinson—she terrified most of the students in their year, but she and Mary had a heart to heart in the girl’s bathroom once and Paige didn’t really intimidate her after that. It’s hard to be scared of someone after you share a joint and cry together about the inevitability of death).
“Well, we’re just gonna watch a movie and eat brownies today, so if you fall asleep once I turn off the lights, that’s none of my business.” Ms. Aguilar smirked. The class laughed.
“Can we watch How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days?” Mary rolled her eyes at this.
“Ugh, no—I’ve seen enough rom coms in this class to last a lifetime.” Mary silently agreed, though she schooled her face into a teasing smile, grinning and nudging the person beside her, who burst out in giggles. She never really liked rom coms to begin with. Maybe she was just unromantic, or maybe her parents’ marriage woke her up early, but the idea of having a romance with some boy she barely knew made her feel… sick. Somehow, though, perhaps out of necessity, Mary found herself going through a variety of boyfriends throughout secondary school, none of whom she actually liked. Her friends (well, they were more of acquaintances) constantly teased her about the new boy of the week. Even though it made her hate herself, dating guys was normal. That’s just what she had to do.
They ended up watching How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days anyway.
All in all, Mary’s second to last day of secondary school was sort of meh.
Still though, when she finally stepped out of her last class and saw Marlene McKinnon waiting for her, Mary’s mood lifted. “Yo, Mary!” Mary really loved Marlene. They weren’t very much alike—Marlene did football, Mary didn’t, Mary sung, Marlene didn’t—but they were still best friends.
“Hey, Marls,” Mary grinned. “I can’t believe the maths exam—but I suppose we can’t do shite about it now, eh?”
Marlene flipped her short, choppy blonde hair dramatically. “Speak for yourself, Macdonald, I aced that test.” Mary rolled her eyes affectionately. Marlene was actually really good at maths, and probably would have been the top of their class if she spoke up instead of napping every period.
“Shove off, Marls,” Mary giggled. “Anyway, I was thinking we could go to yours and watch a movie—I need to avoid Benjamin. He thinks we’re going to a MCR concert tonight, and I can’t be bothered.” Actually, Ben had been making sexist comments all week, and it was starting to feel dangerous. Hopefully she could just not show up and he’d forget about her once school was over.
Marlene groaned. “Just break up with him already!” Mary gave her a look, and she relented. “Okay, you can come over—wait, actually, I have football. Sorry, M.”
Mary waved her hand at Marlene, who was looking guilty. “It’s okay. I’ll figure something else out.”
“Only if you’re sure… I could skip, or you could watch practice?” Marlene wheedled.
“McKinnon, it’s fine. I don’t particularly enjoy watching you lot sweat and kick a ball around. Believe it or not, that’s not my idea of a good time.” That was a half-truth. There was something strangely mesmerizing about the way the football girls seemed to fly and the way their ponytails whooshed with the wind.
Marlene’s phone buzzed, and her attention was effectively redirected. She made a little “ooh” sound before putting her phone back in her pocket and saying, “Remus is bugging me to come outside. C’mon.”
Remus was a nice guy. He and Mary didn’t talk much, but they had a sort of understanding. He listened whenever she needed to complain, and she was content to sit with him and smoke a cigarette in silence whenever he was in one of his moods.
The girls stepped out into the sunshine, making a beeline for Remus, who was standing with James (a football lad, nice enough), Peter (he was a bit of a pushover, but he’d always been kind to Mary), Sirius (she had dated him for a month or two in year eleven, but he was a bit of a bastard) and a curvy, plus-size girl with straight red hair that hung past her hips. Lily. Mary didn’t think of herself as an anxious person, but Lily made her nervous. For whatever reason, she’d always been too intimidated to talk to her.
Lily had sharp eyes and held herself in such a way that made Mary feel like Lily was annoyed with her. Mary was certain she was overthinking it. As they walked up, though, Lily turned those sharp eyes on her, and suddenly Mary was doubting everything she knew about herself. She felt certain that if Lily told her that aliens built Big Ben or that the moon landing was faked she’d believe it. Mary was pretty sure she’d believe anything Lily told her.
Marlene waved to Remus and James, grinning. Lily murmured a hello. “Hey lads. And Lily.” Mary said cheerfully.
Marlene and James were already engaged in a conversation about the Chudley Cannons (who had just made it into some sort of football championship, if Mary was hearing right). Lily and Remus were whispering to each other, Lily smirking cheekily.
“The lads and I are going for ice cream,” Remus said, waving. She nodded to him, smiling. Lily was left awkwardly standing beside Mary, fidgeting with the sleeve of her sweater. Miraculously, Mary wasn’t staring at Lily for once—she was distracted by Remus and Sirius, who were walking a little too close together.
She turned to Lily and asked, “Are they together, then?” Lily jumped. “Remus changes the subject whenever I ask.”
Lily giggled a little, and her sharp eyes softened. “You know, he hasn’t told me either.”
Mary giggled back, and the rest of the conversation passed in a blur. Somehow, she walked away from it with Lily’s number saved in her phone and a bubbly feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t stop smiling, even when she had to take the bus in the sweltering heat, and when she holed up in a public library to avoid her boyfriend. Mary couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t stop smiling.
3:04
You
hello!
3:05
Lily
Hey :)