Walburga Black (and her horros)

7th of November 1942

Walburga is staring at the letter in her hand—her father wrote it.

She doesn't want to open it. She thinks it's about her marriage. She's in her 7th year at Hogwarts, after all, and she'll be leaving soon. She needs a husband so she can produce an heir, to carry on the Black family.

She needs to open the letter.

Walburga, as you know, you are leaving school soon. You need a husband and a son. The most appropriate man for you is Orion Black.

Walburga stares at the letter. She wants to cry, she needs to cry—but she doesn’t. She hasn’t cried for a long time. Not even now. Not even after finding out she’s marrying her second cousin.

December 26th, 1942

Walburga is sitting next to Orion. They are at a family gathering, and he keeps staring at her. It’s making her feel uneasy. She doesn’t like him. He’s 19, two years older than her.

She has always felt uneasy around older guys. She doesn’t know why—she just has.

Orion touches her thigh and whispers in her ear, “Meet me in your father’s office. Wait a minute before you follow.” Then he excuses himself and gets up.

Honestly, she doesn’t want to. But she’s too scared to find out what happens if she doesn’t.

So she counts to 60.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.14.15.16.17.18.19.20.21.22.23.24.25.26.27.28.29.30.31.32.33.34.35.36.37.38.39.40.41.42.43.44.45.46.47.48.49.50.51.52.53.54.55.56.57.58.59.60

She excuses herself to the bathroom, walks past it, and considers just going in there. She doesn’t, though.

She goes to the office.

"Walburga," Orion says as she walks in.

"Orion," she says sharply, holding her chin high.

"I presume you already know about our marriage," Orion says.

"I do."

"Great," he says flatly and smiles. "I hope you're happy with the decision."

"Yeah, I’m so happy that I’m getting married at 18 to a man I don’t know," she says and rolls her eyes.

"You’ll treat me with respect," Orion orders. "I’m your husband, after all."

The sentence almost makes her laugh.

"You're not my husband yet, Orion," she sneers. But that was definitely the wrong thing to say. Orion walks over, standing close.

"Maybe not yet, but I might as well be," he says, grabbing her chin, holding it firmly. "You will show me respect. You will do as I say. And you will never disobey me. Understood?"

She doesn’t answer. She doesn’t want to. When she stays silent, his grip tightens, and he leans in closer.

"Understood?" She nods. "Words," he sneers.

"I understand," she says. He leans in closer, whispering in her ear.

"You're pretty, Walburga. Don't ruin it."

6th of July, 1943

It’s her wedding day.

She’s standing in her dressing room with her mother. They aren’t close, but at least her mother loves her.

Her mother is cradling her cheeks. “You look so beautiful, my dear.” She smiles. “You’ll be an amazing wife.”

"Thank you, Mother," she smiles.

Her mother sighs, moves away, and takes a seat, out of Walburga’s sight.

She waits for her father. He finally comes and follows her up to the altar.

It’s like she’s blacked out. She doesn’t remember walking up the aisle, but suddenly, she’s there. She doesn’t hear the priest speaking. She almost doesn’t say yes. It’s all blurry. She doesn’t remember going home. She is just in her bed. Sitting and staring at her hands.

3rd of November, 1947

Walburga is pregnant.

Orion is thrilled. Her parents are thrilled. Everybody but her is thrilled.

She doesn’t want to bring a child into this family. Her baby doesn’t deserve that.

She needs this child to go away, make her pregnancy go away. So she’s in the bathroom, with a stick she has washed.

She fills up the bathtub.

She strips and gets in.

She knows she can die from this, but would that be so bad?

She sits down in the tub, letting the water float around her.

Her hands are shaking as she takes the stick.

Her eyes fill with tears, and then a pain she could never have imagined rushes over her.

The water turns crimson.

She has done it.

3rd of November 1947

"Orion," Walburga says.

"Walburga," Orion replies. "What do you want?"

"The child is lost," she says. She knows what is coming.

"What!?" he snaps.

"You heard me. It's lost." Walburga says it, and she feels nothing. She doesn’t even feel the slap. She hears it, but she doesn’t feel it.

"You are worthless!" he yells, then he gets his wand.

3rd of November 1959

She’s giving birth.

She had found out she was pregnant six months ago. She had wanted to do the same as last time, but Orion had threatened her.

She didn’t want to die.

She gets pulled out of her thoughts when she hears baby cries.

She’s now holding her baby boy.

Sirius.

Sirius is never going to feel the horrors of the Black family. Never. This child is hers.

June 25th 1961

It’s a boy. She has given birth to another boy.

She had hoped for a girl this time. She loves Sirius with all her heart, but she has always wanted a girl.

It’s a boy, though.

But she’s going to love Regulus too.

Regulus and Sirius. Her two baby boys.

May 10th 1965

He was talking to a Muggle. Is she raising an idiot?

She’s rushing outside. She can’t let Orion see. Not now, not ever.

"Sirius!" she hisses when she gets close enough. "Inside. Now."

"But Mama, I'm just findi—"

"No buts! Inside!" she says firmly, and Sirius hangs his head sadly but follows her inside.

Once inside, she starts scolding him. "Muggles are filthy," she scowls. "We don’t talk to them, we don’t interact with them, we don’t listen to them, we don’t even look at them. Understood?"

"Yes, Mama," Sirius says sadly.

"Good. Now go to your room, and I’ll start dinner, yeah?" She smiles.

"Okay, Mama," he says and walks away.

☆

Just before dinner, Sirius walks up to her. "Happy Mother’s Day!" he says and holds out a flower.

She crouches down and takes the flower. "Thank you, darling," she says and hugs him. "Now go sit at the table."

☆

After dinner, Orion takes her into his study. "You need to punish him," he says coldly.

"What do you mean?" She frowns.

"First, he talks to a Muggle. Then he does it again after you told him not to." Walburga knows what he wants her to do.

"I won’t do it," she says firmly.

"Oh, but you will."

"No. He’s five!"

"You will do it. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to Regulus, would we?" he says, and dread washes over her.

"You’re sick!" she yells, and he slaps her.

"Do it." "No. I'll leave, and I'll take the kids," Walburga says. This will not be Orion’s choice.

"I’ll find you. Then you won’t have kids, and then you won’t even exist."

"I hate you," she snarls.

"Are you going to do it?"

She doesn’t answer. She just leaves. She sees Sirius outside and forces a smile.

"Are you and Father arguing?" Sirius asks. He sounds so worried.

"No, no," she shakes her head. "I'm going to do something now, and it's going to hurt, but I love you with all my heart, okay? It’s for your own good, trust me."

"Okay, I trust you, Mama."

"Crucio." She bites her lip to stop herself from crying.

Her son is screaming in pain, and it's because of her. She stops and crouches down.

"I know that hurt. I know, I know. Don't talk to Muggles, and I won’t do it again." He nods and then leaves.

She knows that her baby boy will never see her the same.

September 2nd 1971

"GRYFFINDOR! YOU’RE IN GRYFFINDOR! MY SON IS IN GRYFFINDOR!" Orion yells. Sirius doesn’t flinch.

"THAT’S NOT MY FAULT! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!" he yells.

"IT’S UNACCEPTABLE! YOU’RE FILTHY!"

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND THE REST OF THIS FAMILY!"

"Walburga," Orion says. She knows what he wants.

"Orion, do you really think that’s ne—"

"Yes."

"Sirius, I'm sorry," she says before raising her wand. "Crucio."

His screams are horrifying.

She hates them.

She hates herself.

And god, she hates her husband.

July 28th 1976

"Hit me! Curse me! Hurt me! Please, Mother, please!" he cries.

She can’t believe her own ears. Her son is begging her to hurt him.

"Sirius, I won’t hurt you."

"Please, please, Mother, I want it, I can take it," he sobs and then gets on his knees in front of her.

This is horrifying. Sirius has never begged before, and now he’s begging to be hurt.

"No. I don’t know what has happened, but I won’t hurt you."

"Then I'm leaving," he says and gets up, going to his room.

Walburga doesn’t try to stop him. She’s frozen. What just happened? she thinks to herself.

Sirius comes back down with a bag and heads for the door.

"Sirius Orion Black!" she says. "You’re not leaving!"

"Yes, I am! You just want me here as your heir! Guess what! You have Regulus! Perfect little Regulus!"

"I want you here because I love you."

"You don’t love anyone but yourself! I hate you! You’re the worst mother ever! I hope you and the rest of this fucking family rot in hell!" he yells and storms out of the house.

She isn’t going to stop him.

She goes to the family tapestry and burns his face off.

She hates him.

She hates him for leaving.

She hates him for being able to leave.

She hates him for doing what she had wanted and failed to do.

She loves him so, so, so much.

July 28th 1977

Regulus is getting the Dark Mark.'

In their house.

Grimmauld Place, Number 12, has been used as a headquarters for Voldemort and his Death Eaters. And to be honest, Walburga hates it.

Now she hates it even more.

Her sixteen-year-old son is getting the Dark Mark. Out of free will. She loves him a little less for that.

June 25th 1979

Black heir confirmed dead

She isn’t going to read more than that.

Regulus is dead. Regulus is dead. Regulus isdead. Regulus isdead. Regulusisdead. Regulusisdead. regulusisdeadregulusisdeadregulusisdeadregulusisdeadregulusisdeadregulusisdeadregulusisdead.

Her son is dead. He died. How did he die? Was he scared? Was he alone? Was it dark? Regulus is scared of the dark. Was there water? Regulus was scared of water. Did he think of her? Did he think of Sirius? Was Sirius there?

1st of November 1982

Sirius Black arrested for mass murder

Azkaban? Her son is going to Azkaban? Mass murder? What had happened in the years they hadn't talked? What had made him do it? Surely not what the article had said. He would never betray James Potter. Would he? Is he scared? Is he going to survive? Is he thinking of her? Is he thinking of Regulus?

Walburga Black’s life has no meaning anymore.

She could die right now, and she would thank the universe.

But she isn’t going to die yet.

The universe isn’t kind enough for that.