A Spare’s sacrifice
Godric, how did we end up here? It was like all things of magic and fate were laughing down at this odd pair. Remus Lupin and Regulus Black were on patrol together for their prefect duty. Remus remembered the dread and uncertainty, filling him once he heard that this would be how he would spend his Sunday night
Himself roaming around with a slithering serpent unsettled him deeply, but alas he tugged on through it.
As they roamed the hall of the magical building of Hogwarts, the awkward silence between them was almost palpable. Only the sound of footsteps and breathing filled the air.
The quiet marauder took turns between clearing rooms and secretly glancing at the cold but alluring Regulus Black.
‘What is he thinking about?’ Remus thought.
Almost as if the young Slytherin could feel the glaze of the brunette, his icy grey eyes darted up to meet hazel ones.
The glare given to Remus sent a shiver down his back and left goosebumps to litter his olive skin. It wasn’t the look itself that frightened the Gryffindor, but it was the numbness and empty look the rubbed him the wrong way.
There was no anger or even annoyance staring back at him, there was just nothing. Just a void that was so off putting. How could eyes the resembled the lively and beautiful Sirius be so dead?
Be so cold
“Is there a reason you are staring, Lupin?” A surprisingly husky but gentle voice echoed out the heir of The Noble House of Black. It was almost as if the younger boy hadn’t used his voice in days. Eyebrows raised and posture straightened, showing every bit of purebloodness Regulus was raised to be. Snobbiness and superiority dripped out of his ever syllable.
Snapping out of his analysis Remus managed to stumble out, “I just ah- I’m friends with your broth-“.
“I don’t have a brother. So I don’t know what you are speaking of .”
This was the Regulus that Sirius used to brag about in 1st year? This boy with an abrasive tone and disrespect disposition is supposed to be the same boy that could ‘never hurt a fly’and was 'the sweetest kid ever’?
Offended for his best friend the werewolf huffed in response, “ You know exactly who I’m talking about. Sirius? Your brother?”.
How could he possibly claim Sirius wasn’t his family, one of the only good ones in their rotten litter.
The young heir sighed, mumbling under his breath with what seemed to be colorful phrases in French. “I had a brother who disappeared almost 2 years ago. He may have not disappeared physically, but he did abandon and stop talking to me. “ His tones was one of anger and vitriol but the shakiness of his palms raised questions in the young wolf.
It was almost as if he was justifying his aloof behavior by turning his pain into anger. By extinguishing the hurt and igniting something new.
A hatred that seemed to fester and fester over the years.
So, Lupin just stood there quietly, listening, observing trying to see what went wrong in the seemingly dark child.
“I tried to stay in contact but he didn’t want that. I am simply respecting his wishes for me to no longer see him as family.” While his eyes seemed empty, his voice told another story . The anger and spitefulness, turned into small cracks and shallow breaths showing the deep hurt and pain of losing a brother. Of losing a friend.
“Sirius has a new family, a new brother. Hopefully this one treats him well. He surely deserves it enough. Now, let’s be done with this conversation and finish our patrol, please. ”
With that the boy turned to walk away.
Being so tall, Remus caught up to Regulus fairly quickly. ‘He deserves it enough?’ Being a smart person he is, he could read between the lines of Regulus’s speech. Unable to stop himself, the question seemed to flow out through loose lips.
“Are you saying you don’t deserve to have the same freedom as Sirius?”
Eyes widened and olive skin turned pink. Stammering out ‘I’m sorry’s’ and ‘ignore that’ to try and save face. But it was too late. The Slytherin stopped in his tracks as that question seemed to loop in his brain.
Still apologizing profusely and rambling Remus stopped in front of him.
“I am so so so so sor-“
“No. I don’t deserve that.“ Voiced the young soul. So meek and vulnerable, it almost brought tears to Remus eyes.
“The life I live now is the life I deserve. That’s why I was born in the first place. To be the spare in case it was needed.”
Drip.
Drip..
Splash!
It was like the floodgate to every emotion and thought he tried to push down for so many years came hurling out.
It felt like Regulus was drowning. Words continued to vomit out, almost like they were chasing some type of release. With tears and chocked whimpers, he continued hoping that saying it out loud would give him the closure he so desperately craves.
This so was not how he expected the night patrol to go.
“ Sirius has always been different. Even before I was born and after,Mother could tell something didn’t seem right to her. Sirius wasn’t ruthless. He wasn’t cold and calculated. He was everything they despised. He was curious and compassionate. Outspoken and unique. And oh the courage he had on him was uncontainable .
And so she had me, the back up plan, the spare parts. They molded me to be every bit of cruel and sinister and cunning as they could. But, he was still their favorite. They hated it because they loved him more, even though he contradicts everything they stand for.”
Remus stood there unable to think of the words to say or what do you do. The best he could do was to listen as the younger boy rambled, panicked and sobbed.
“ Sirius was such a good brother, often standing up for me. Taking the brunt of punishments, so I wouldn’t get hurt. I didn’t know how to pay him back for that.” Gray eyes seeming to drift off into a million different memories. In different moments of time.
Regulus sighed, hesitantly before grounding himself to complete his story. “And then one night he comes to my room. Bags in hand ready to go. He wanted me to leave with him".
I wanted to, but I couldn’t.
They would never let both of us go. They would always find a way to drag one of us back. And it would always be Sirius. So I argued with him, pushed him to leave me behind. Because he deserves to be free.
To be happy.
To be safe
I finally got to pay him back for all the times he saved me. So no, I don’t deserve to have him as a brother. I don’t deserve to have the life he has now. I’m fine with that. As long as he is okay, then I’ve done me part. I will grin and bare it because he is worth it.
I love him even though he may not see me as his brother anymore.“
Remus cried softly as the want to save Regulus from his own selflessness swelled within him. An over protectiveness that seemed to pop-up out of nowhere.
He could now see it.
The kid Sirius gushed about for their whole first year. The kid he had been so excited to meet.
“I-I suppose you're just in how you go about protecting him. Though, I must encourage you to proceed with caution. If the stories I've heard from him are legit I would inevitably be concerned for your well-being. Heavy is the head that wears the crown and all that."
Laughing slightly, Regulus seemed to be all the way settled after his breakdown. Shaking his head, the young boy grinded ever so light the wolf barely caught it. "Ahh Shakespeare. And here I thought all his friends were knuckle headed and incompetent when it comes to fine literature. There may be hope for his boar head brain after all with you around."
"Don't I know it, Black. I swear that lot will've given me gray hairs by the time I'm 20." I was nice for Remus to see this side of the infamous Regulus Black. By no means was the young Slytherin's guard completely down but there was a small chip in the seemly unbreakable wall. "I do kind of own you an apology after all tha-"
“It’s fine. I’m glad to know he has friends like you, it keeps my mind at ease. “ He wiped tears and straightened his green tie and dress robes. It was like immediately the cold persona that the Slytherin began with slide right back into place.
“Now shall we proceed with patrol ,Lupin?”
Sniffed and wiped his face Remus grunted out a ‘right away then, Black’.
Respect weaseling its way into his heart for the young brother of Sirius Potter