Red Red Wine
✧✩✧
Regulus
✧✩✧
Regulus had just finished his last lesson of the week - History - while listening to Fiona rant about some petty gossip between the friends she’s made to keep for appearances. Mulciber’s cheating on his girlfriend with her friends again and the girl knows about it but is too scared to say anything to him about it.
Lord knows how he convinced them to do that because Regulus wouldn’t even touch him with a ten foot pole. He has decided that it’s best he doesn’t know, thinking about everything he knows about Mulciber.
“So… with you and Evan avoiding each other you can hang out in my dorm.” Fiona suggests while they pack up as the lesson ends. “My dorm mate is always out and well… I’ve got nothing to do all day…”
“Sure.” Regulus shrugs, arranging his books back into his bag before turning to the taller girl next to him. “I was just planning on-”
“Getting drunk at the Astronomy Tower again?” Fiona asks with one of her dark eyebrows raised in challenge.
“Well… how do you know about that?” Regulus asks, his face going pale with the fear of his family finding out. He doesn’t want to imagine what would happen to him when he got home. If he’s even given that luxury.
Maybe she’d tear him open in front of the whole school. His last moments would be humiliating before he’s gone. She’d be able to pay off the police like their family always does to keep her out of prison. People would watch as he begs for mercy and isn’t granted it, people would laugh as she tells everyone about how he tries to drink away the loneliness she’s forced him into.
It’s not like he'll be remembered for anything but a pathetic drunk after that.
But he’s not an alcoholic. They’d think that though.
“I was tasked with getting the alcohol for the party for after we beat Hufflepuff tomorrow and well… I asked Xeno for some wine and he said you bought it all.” She shrugs, linking arms with him - she’s taken to doing that all the time no matter what Regulus says about it - and leading him down to the basement. “And you go to the Tower all the time so I guessed.” Fiona says simply. “And you just told me I was right.”
“Yes… I suppose.” He huffs, letting her drag him into her dorm.
“So…” Fiona starts awkwardly. “I want to do something stupid.” She announces.
“Do you have an idea for something like that or is this just a wish?” Regulus asks, lounging back onto her bed, holding his head up with the back of his hand on his cheek like a king would.
“I want to change something. I wanna piss off my parents!” She shouts, throwing her arms over her head with a wide smile.
“You’re talking to the wrong Black if you want help with that.” Regulus says simply. “Because I’m not doing that. I value my life enough to not anger my parents after Sirius’... incident.” He sighs, standing and trying to dust imaginary dirt off of his trousers.
“I’m not asking you to do anything.” Fiona says, grabbing Regulus’ wrist in a rush to keep him in the room. “I thought we were friends so I just wanted your company while I did it…” She practically begs, making her mismatched blue and green eyes all wide and puppy-like in an attempt to convince him to stay with her as she sticks her bottom lip out in a pout.
“Fine.” He sighs. “But only if you never do that with your face again.” Regulus sniffs. “Fucking horrifying.” He mutters under his breath as he pulls his arm out of her grip. “So what’s your plan?”
“I kinda bought some dye…” She says slowly, pulling out bright green - almost neon looking - hair dye, bleach and some scissors.
“If this looks messed up-”
“That’s kind of my plan.” Fiona explains. “My parents always put this… pressure on me and my sisters to stay beautiful for people like you but… I’m sick and tired of letting our society win!” She shouts, running her hand through her dark brown hair in frustration, causing her fringe to stick up in every which way.
“You remind me of Barty.” Regulus says sadly.
“Didn’t you tell me he’s your ex?” She asks, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “You’re cool, but I would never date you willingly, genuinely… too emo for me.” Fiona shrugs, walking over to her mirror, smoothing down her fringe before she starts to cut it short.
“Maybe don’t cut that much.” Regulus suggests.
“Regulus… this is the look I’m going for…” Fiona huffs, running her fingers through the now micro bangs before putting down the scissors to start with the bleach. “Anyway.” She says, rolling her eyes when they catch Regulus’ in the mirror. “It’s funny that you ignored what I said.”
“I mean… you’re alright but I’m not attracted to you either, so I don’t care.” He shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans against the wall while crossing his ankles over each other, watching as she starts to apply the bleach to her hair messily. “And I’m not emo I just don’t feel the need to display to the world that I’m happy all the time.” He huffs.
“And all the sad boy poetry?” She asks with a smirk.
“Can I not have a way to let out my emotions without hitting things?” Regulus asks, cocking his eyebrow in question.
“Actually, keep writing.” Fiona laughs, going back to apply more bleach. “Especially if we have to get married.”
“Don’t remind me.” He groans.
Regulus is sure this isn’t how you bleach your hair but what would he know? He’s only had his hair cut and by his Maman whenever she decides it looks too long and feminine.
Some of the only good memories he has of her is when she was cutting his hair. Like when he was four and she’d left it way too long. He remembers her sitting him on her lap, running her fingers through the too long hair to try and calm him down because he hated getting his hair cut. She’d usually sing to him to calm him down while she’d snip away, pausing whenever he’d get fussy and rock him back and forth on her lap until he calmed down before continuing to take his wild curls.
After then she’d ignore as he’d cry until after she’d finished cutting his hair and punish him for being so weak. It taught him how to hide his emotions as well as he now can.
“Brooding?” Fiona asks, stumbling over to the bathroom to… shower? Regulus has no clue. Sirius would be 10x better at this than Regulus but then again, what weren’t they better at over Regulus other than earning their mother’s love - but Regulus knows that’s impossible, her heart’s been blackened years ago with no solution in sight.
“No… I was just letting you think.” Regulus says calmly. He ignores the disbelieving look Fiona shoots him over her shoulder.
“Ok… you’ll be ok in here while I shower?” She asks, concern in her eyes, which quickly flit to a spot under her bed. Regulus follows it to see bottles of what he thinks is the cheaper red wine - his fault he’s sure - stacked under her bed.
“I’m fine.” Regulus shrugs. “I’m not an addict or anything… I can be around alcohol without needing to blackout.” He laughs awkwardly - reminding himself of Sirius whenever they’d feel like a cornered dog at one of the gala’s around one of the rich investors when they’d try to find something to tear the Black empire down with. It’s a waste of their time.
The Black’s will never die.
“Fine.” Fiona sighs. “But it’s not a problem if-”
“Just have a fucking shower.” He hisses bitterly. “I can go if worrying about my… tendencies worries you.”
“Regulus, I just want to help…” She starts sadly. “You lost your brother, your boyfriend and all your friends all at the same time. Now you just have some girl you barely know and that’s it. I get why you’d want to but I’m worried and I want to help you out.” She explains.
“I’ll go.” Regulus nods to the door. “Have fun with your… new hair.” He says, grabbing his things and rushing out of the door before Fiona can argue.
❀
Lily
❀
Lily has been trying to hype herself up to break up with James since that talk with Remus in the Hospital Wing. She’s tried countless times to find James and break up with him but he seems to be avoiding her. He’s either doing something with Sirius - who refuses to let James out of their sight apart from nights which they spend with Remus - or he’s got something else he has to do.
But finally, Lily’s managed to ambush him just after Sirius leaves to go be with Remus.
“James!” She shouts, practically running through the corridors to catch up with him. “I really need to talk to you and-”
“I know.” James blurts out. “I know you’re a lesbian, I woke up while you and Remus were talking but I felt like an asshole for listening and not telling you so…” He gasps. “I’m sorry, ful.”
She grabs his arm, dragging him into an empty classroom - most of them are this time of night unless two students want to… use them and luckily this one is empty. She definitely doesn’t want to have this conversation in the middle of a busy corridor.
That’s not her style.
“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me?” Lily asks, letting go of his arm and sitting on the teacher's desk with her arms crossed over her chest. She knows it is and he surely knows there’s no point in him arguing with her.
“Yeah…” He sighs, bowing his head in shame. “I just… I wanted it to be easier to let this go and… fuck, it sucks.” James groans.
“I’m sorry.” She starts, grabbing his hands, trying to get him to just look at her. “I just needed-”
“No.” James shakes his head violently. “It’s ok… it was nice while it lasted, and we’ll still be friends, right?” He asks, his chocolate eyes staring into hers pleadingly.
“Of course, James.” Lily smiles. “And can you still call me ful? No one’s ever-”
“Always, ful.” James says with a bittersweet smile. “You’ll always be ful to me, no matter what you say.” He pulls her into a hug, his shoulders shaking with tears.
“I’ll always be here for you, I’ll just be your friend rather than your girl friend.” She explains, rubbing his back, fighting off the tears in her eyes. “And I think that’s what you need right now, a friend.” Lily whispers, letting him bury his head in her shoulder.
“I hope you find whatever girl you’ve been looking for.” He mumbles into her shoulder, laughing sadly.
★✫★
Sirius
★✫★
Sirius and Remus were laying together in Sirius and James’ dorm. It was always a relief whenever James left to do his own thing because - though Sirius loves him like a brother - it’s exhausting to be that worried over someone all day every day.
They’re sure James finds their hovering annoying but they don’t care. All they care about is him getting better and that won’t happen if they just leave him like nothing’s wrong.
The whole bloody school knows that isn’t true.
“You’re tense.” Remus mumbles softly, lightly massaging Sirius’ scalp in an attempt to help them calm down - it works just a bit.
“Yeah… sorry.” Sirius sighs, moving closer to Remus, who gladly squishes them into him. “It’s just a lot.” They mumble into his chest, the scratchy material of his jumper rubs against their face but they don’t care.
It’s part of the charm of having the pleasure of being near Remus Lupin.
“You’re doing a wonderful job…” Remus whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of their head. “But you don’t need to be the only one helping… Frank, me, Nichole, Mary, Pete, hell any of his friends want to help.” He sighs, his breath blowing Sirius’ hair around their forehead.
“I know…” They whisper. “I just… I’m scared to be away from him because I don’t know what he’s doing, you know?”
“I know… but the rest of us aren’t as incompetent as you say we are.” Remus says, tilting Sirius’ head up and their eyes meet, his honey eyes gleaming in the orange light of the room. “We’ll look after him and you’ll have a break that lasts longer than the few hours that you spend with me every night.”
“I mean… I like spending time with you…” Sirius mumbles.
“So do I but I’d like to spend more time with you…” He whispers, kissing them softly.
“Shit…” Remus hisses moving back quickly. “I almost forgot… I’m gonna be out for a bit next month on trial against my dad…” He says, nervously worrying his lip.
“Oh fuck…” They gasp. “How are you feeling about that?”
“Terrified to see him again…” Remus says, as if he’s ashamed of that fact. “I just-” He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath. “He’s my dad! I grew up hating him but I was never- he never touched me and then…” He gasps for air like he was just dragged out of water. “Then he tried to kill me and… and I have nightmares and-”
“You didn’t tell me about those.” Sirius says, rocketing up, they’re concerned for him. They’ve been focusing on everyone else’s problems, did he think he couldn’t tell them? “I’m so sorry… do you want to stay with me tonight so I can help with all of the nightmares?” They ask, trying to be as comforting as they can. “I used to help Reggie with them when he was younger. He’d always crawl into my bed and I’d sing to him until he fell asleep in my arms.”
“I’m not five Sirius, I should be able to-”
“I’m not asking what you should do, but what you want to do.” They say, grabbing Remus’ face, trying to make puppy-dog eyes at him. “If you’d feel better with me then I’d be happy to let you stay.” Sirius mumbles, pressing a kiss to the tip of their boyfriend’s large nose.
“Ok… I do.” He sighs, relaxing into Sirius’ touch. “But you don’t always have to look after everyone, star.”
“I would gladly spend all my life looking after you.” Sirius whispers, pressing a kiss to his cheek, smiling when they feel Remus chuckle under their lips at the feeling.
“Are you going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?” Remus asks after a short pause of silence which is filled by Sirius pressing their lips to every freckle they can find on Remus’ face. They can tell he’s loving it by the dopey expression on his face.
“If you’re asking me on a date I would say yes.” They grin, pressing more kisses to Remus’ freckles.
“Great, I don’t have much planned but… maybe I should… I-” Sirius cuts off his nervous rambling with a kiss, thankfully getting the boy to relax his tense shoulders while he kisses back like he’s been starved.
“I would love to just go shopping with you if that’s what you have planned. I’m not fussy.” Sirius soothes, resting their forehead against his after they break apart. “Trust me, I'd rather that than some stuffy restaurant date.”
“Oh, thank the lord.” He gasps, rolling his head back on the fluffy pillows behind him with relief. “I’m so glad, because I don’t have the money for that.”
“Well, I do, so if you ever want to go, I’ll pay.” They smile, kissing his cheek and smiling softly when Remus fully relaxes at it once again.
☼𐂂☼
James
☼𐂂☼
After James manages to calm down, he makes his way to the Astronomy Tower.
He can feel the tear tracks on his cheeks which he chooses to ignore as he steps onto the tower to find Regulus Black sitting near the edge of the far drop with his legs dangling over it. He looks radiant in the moonlight, his porcelain skin almost glowing as he tilts his head up to the moon.
James marvells at him, his straight nose then tipping up to a point at the end, his lips are wide and currently red and wet from the alcohol he has in his hand. His eyes are shut and he looks peaceful and younger than he ever has to James. His curly hair falls behind him, hitting the length of his chin. His cheeks are rosy, like they’ve been splotched with blush but James knows it’s natural.
“Regulus.” He finally says, announcing his presence like last night - part of him didn’t want to but he didn’t want to be a creep and stare at the boy for much longer.
The boy’s grey eyes flutter open and he looks startled before they find James and he forces himself to relax. “Potter.” He hisses, looking him up and down like he’s judging whether he’s worthy of being in his presence.
“Hi… how are you?” James asks, sitting next to him, dangling his legs over the side like Regulus - who he sees is kicking them in the air in a way that seems almost alien to how James would have imagined him, too free and childlike for such an uptight boy. James likes to see the small glimpses of the boy he tries to hide for his mother.
“Fine.” He shrugs, passing the bottle into James’ hand. “You’ve been crying.” He says simply after James shoots him a confused look. “I won’t ask why because I don’t want to listen to grizzling right now. Drinking makes it feel a bit better though, so drink or go somewhere else to cry.”
“Thanks, but-” James starts before Regulus cuts him off.
“It’s a Friday night.” Regulus says, rolling his beautiful eyes which have a hint of green surrounding the pupil that James hasn’t noticed before. “I’m sure Sirius wouldn’t be angry at you for getting drunk on a weekend. You don’t have a game tomorrow to worry about either.”
“I suppose…” James mumbles, taking a sip of the wine. “Fuck, that’s gross.” He grimaces at the earthy taste of the wine, handing it back to Regulus, who hides his amused smile behind the bottle and James wonders why he finds this boy so charming all of a sudden.
“More for me.” He shrugs, tipping back some of the red liquid into his waiting mouth.
“How are they?” Regulus eventually asks, his eyes glued to the bottle rather than James, who tips his head back in contemplation.
“When they first got back they were quiet and everything but I think they seemed happier than I’ve seen them after they understood that they were safe with us.” He finally lands on. “But, I think everything with me is… putting the burden back on.” He sighs, turning to see Regulus who looks like he understands. He looks so open and his lips are slightly parted like he wants to say something before he quickly becomes emotionless again, hiding that boy that James just wants to crack open and know everything about.
“They care.” Regulus shrugs. “They wouldn’t help if they didn’t want to.” He says, moving his eyes away from him, trying to seem unbothered.
“I know but…” He takes a deep breath. “They’re barely using their freedom because they’re spending most of their time fussing over me.” James huffs.
“They have their whole life to do that.” Regulus says simply, his eyes roaming over James in a way that doesn’t seem disgusted like it usually does. “But I think they’d rather do that and have their friend alive to see it.”
“I think they’d want their brother by their side too.” James says, knocking his shoulder into Regulus’.
“Unfortunately we can’t all get everything we want, can we, Potter?” He asks. “You know I’d be there if I could but I can’t. I have to watch as they live their life and I’ve come to terms with that.” He shrugs. “They’ll move on with their life, they’ll get over it and I’ll have to rot in those halls for however long I’m chained to this…” He takes a deep, agonising breath cutting himself off from going on.
“This isn’t right…” James whispers.
“My family don’t care about what is right, they care about what makes them the most money and what they deem as pure. Nothing else.” Regulus spits, taking a large glug of his wine before setting it down on the stone floor between them slightly too hard.
“Don’t tell Sirius about-” He starts, stopping when James holds his hand out to spare him the bother.
“I won’t, that’s not my job. But I’ll be here every night to make sure you haven’t pitched yourself off the tower.” James says simply.
“Ok…” Regulus nods jerkily. “I guess that’s not too terrible.”
“I guess not.” James laughs.