It's Amazing To Be Young

☽☾

Remus

☽☾

He missed his first day. What a joy. Remus, Lily and Severus were all on the train from North West Wales and on their way to the middle of Scotland. It took longer than it meant to because of the train driver strikes, meaning the Welsh kids got to Hogwarts at 9pm. Missing dinner and moving in time.

Goodness his roommate was gonna hate him.

Once they finally got there, Remus felt a horrible hatred towards his father - the coach for the team he was sorted into - who could have driven him over but the man tries to spend as little time with Remus as possible. It might be the guilt of what he caused or maybe he’s just embarrassed to be around him because the consequences his actions had on his only son.  Either way Remus hates him. He hates how he hides his fear of being seen around Remus behind his wife.He doesn’t even take her with him to Scotland when he is actually allowed to and able to. It made sense before but now that she doesn’t have to stay behind to look after Remus so there’s no reason as to why she isn’t coming along with them. Though, of course she’d never complain to him about it. Whatever Lyall Lupin says goes.

Remus and Lily walk along up the hill to Hogwarts - chatting as usual - while Severus trails behind them, head hanging while he drags his suitcase behind him. Remus liked Severus before they started Secondary school, the two bonded over their hatred for their fathers - though they both had different reasons for their hatred - it felt nice to know someone else felt that way towards someone who they were meant to love and be loved by. Though that all changed after he found out Remus was gay. 

The boy hated him after that, joining the group of boys who eventually jumped him for it, laughing as they scarred him for life. 

Severus told the whole - small but conservative - population of their little village who shunned the Lupins so harshly that even Hope - who’s usually too scared to talk back to her husband - started begging Lyall to let them move to Scotland with him. Not because everyone but the Evans’ stopped talking to them but to escape the fear they had to live in whenever they’d leave the house. 

Remus subconsciously rubs his hand over the huge scar they gave him, stretching from the left corner of his lips to the edge of his right eyebrow. The scar that just missed his right eye, the scar that they would have left him to bleed out from if Lily hadn’t found them and managed to get him out of there to a doctor. She got a few minor scars for saving him that you could barely notice unless you really looked for them but she never let Remus apologise because ‘It was Severus’ fault for coming up with the idea.’ Though she still has to talk to him because the boy approaches her at every turn. Remus is sure he’s in love with her but he’d never say anything, he’s already created enough of a rift between them as it is, he never wanted to be the reason to break up a friendship that strong.

Ever since that day Remus became more religious than before. Praying to God every night  so that he could be “normal” again, praying that he could have an unmarred face and praying that what happened when he turned five could be erased. Praying that he could live like a normal 15 year old boy.

Once they’d made their way up the hill they were met by a woman with greying, brown hair. She was wearing nurses clothes and she seemed sweet. She reminded Remus a lot of his mother, and she’s one of his favourite people so he hopes he’s right, it would be nice to have someone to make him miss her just a bit less.

“Ah! There you are!” She gasps excitedly with a wealthy sounding Southern English accent. “Mr Snape, Coach Slughorn is waiting in the basement to show you into the Slytherin common room, Mr Lupin, Ms Evans please follow me.” She smiles, walking off without checking to see if they were following her.

The two walk a few steps behind the nurse, marvelling at the huge size of the castle. It’s much bigger than the two had ever seen in their little village before. This was the first time either of them had left the village and they were walking through a centuries old castle in another country for a school that will set him up in a career his dad wants for him. 

What he really wants is to be a History teacher that the kids would hopefully feel safe around. Unlike the teachers who let Remus be bullied for being gay daily. They probably agreed with it because if they didn't, why didn’t they do anything after he’d be assaulted as a result of their silence? Did they feel no guilt, no sympathy?

“We have already had the cooks put a plate out for you as I’m sure you’re hungry, having missed dinner and all.” The lady smiles, turning back to the two children, pulling Remus out of his spiralling thoughts. “I’m Madam Pomfrey, I will be the nurse here and I’ll help you with any injuries you will get - and you will get one at some point. Everyone does.” 

“How did you become a nurse?” Lily asks with a big smile on her pale, freckled face. She had always wanted to get into nursing, only really going to Hogwarts because of the nursing programme they have for players around the world that would look good on her CV - though she’s also a bloody good player.

Pomfrey and Lily start to ramble about medical jargon and Remus decides to tune it out. He knows him and Pomfrey will have to become well acquainted over Remus’ duration at Hogwarts with his condition. Pomfrey must know already but probably thinks Lily doesn’t know or doesn’t want to embarrass Remus and he’s glad for it - though she does, Remus would rather eat one of his father’s sweaty socks than actually talk about the thing that haunts his every waking moment. He hates thinking about going to the doctors because it makes him think about himself and he feels shame and embarrassment fill his mind even though it was never his fault.

He was five.

Once they’d finally gotten to the door to the Gryffindor common room Remus notices a keypad with numbers on it - probably to limit the pranks or whatever else would cause someone to want to get into another team’s common room. “The code is 2763, the codes will change every half term and you’ll get an email or it’ll be hung up in the common room with the new code. The girl’s dorms are on the right staircases and the boy’s dorms are on the left. Each dorm room has a plaque with you and your roommate’s names on it so you will find where you’re meant to go. Goodnight.” Pomfrey smiles, before turning on her heel and leaving the two outside their new home for most of the next three years of their lives. 

Lily is the one to punch in the numbers, mumbling them under her breath in what Remus suspects is an attempt to start memorising them. Once they get into the common room they’re met by something more homely than Remus would have expected. 

The rest of the castle is cold with stone walls and worn stone floors whereas the common room is the opposite of that. The walls are a maroon colour with painted flowers and vines curling up them. The floors are a worn dark hardwood with red carpets that wouldn’t look out of place in a grandma’s house - like the rest of the room. There are many red sofas all facing the fireplace in the centre of the room which is setting a warm, cozy orange light on the surrounding area. There are a few wooden desks that are deserted and covered in dust from disuse - Remus suspects most people who want to study would benefit more from going to the library while it’s open during the day.

“Well… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then Rem.” Lily smiles, pulling one of her bags further up her arm with a shrug of her shoulder. “I hope your roommate isn’t a knob.” She says with  a cheeky smile.

“I hope yours isn’t either.” Remus laughs. “Night Lils.” He smiles, watching her walk up the stairs to the girls' dorms. The two wave to each other before she finally leaves Remus’ view up the stairs.

“Wait? Are you Remus Lupin?” A posh voice calls out from the sofas, shocking Remus, who thought he was now alone in the room. 

Remus turns to see three boys all sitting around the fire - the only people in the common room other than Remus. One looks taller than the rest - though he’s sitting and the three are all twisting around in their seats to get a look at the scarred boy. He has dark, warm toned skin and he's startlingly skinny - not that Remus would tell anyone that because he knows he’s not much better but his is a medical issue he is very aware of.

Unfortunately aware of.

Shame prickles down Remus’ skin again just thinking about it so he sends it to the back of his mind again.

The boy has messy dark brown curls and aviator golden framed glasses covering chocolate coloured doe eyes. He’s wearing a white vest with a red flannel hanging around his shoulders. 

Next to him is a pale boy who has shoulder length black curly hair, a blemishless rosy pale complexion and piercing silver eyes. He’s wearing a plain black button up which - though he’s undoubtedly beautiful - doesn’t suit him as much as something more daring like that spark he has in his eyes rather than the soulless button up he has on.

The boy on the armchair furthest away from the fire - and the boy Remus can guess is his future roommate - is the most visible to Remus. He’s visibly shorter than the other two - though the pretty one looks quite small too. He’s chubby with pink rosy cherub cheeks with a smattering of light freckles all over them. He has short - messy - blonde hair and he’s wearing a quarter zip jumper with a knitted pattern that only grandpas would usually wear. 

Though Remus isn’t judging, he practically lives in his slightly oversized old man jumpers. He loves finding them in the charity shops in his home village that is mostly populated by old people so he’s lucky he likes the style because he doesn’t care enough to do online shopping because he is admittedly too lazy to care about his appearance.

“Yep, that’s me.” Remus nods.

“I’m Peter.” The blonde chubby boy smiles. “Nice to meet you. I hope you don’t mind rats too much.” The boy says almost nervously.

“I mean… why would that matter?” Remus asks in confusion.

“Wormy here has a pet rat called Scabbers. He’s practically his son.” The tallest looking one says with a warm smile. “I’m James by the way and they’re Sirius.” James says, pointing to the pretty looking person next to him who shoots a charming - and very handsome - smile at Remus.

“Wormy?” Remus asks in confusion.

“See! The nickname’s weird!” Sirius gasps exasperatedly. “Nicknames are cool but Wormy? Where could that possibly have come from?” They ask.

“Our friend Nichole hates rats and had a whole rant about how disgusting their ‘Wormtails’ were so I guess we started calling him that for some reason when we were like… 12 and it kinda stuck since then.” James shrugs. “We just shortened Wormtail to Wormy because having a nickname longer than your name misses the point I think and it’s kinda endearing.” He smiles brightly.

“Anyway.” Sirius grins. “Who was the girl you came in here with? Has Remus got a little girlfriend?” They ask with a teasing glint to their stormy coloured eyes which are now trained on Remus.

“Oh, Lily?” Remus laughs, the thought of him being attracted to women is laughable but he’d rather not cause a repeat situation of home. Though Remus feels like it would definitely be worse because they could do anything to him while he’s defenseless and asleep. Yet another thing that’s gonna keep Remus up at night regardless of if they know or not. Assholes will be assholes whether they have a reason to be or not. “No, she’s a friend… more of a sister actually.” Remus corrects himself with a fond smile.

“So she’s single then?” James asks and before he can think about why the boy would ask, Remus nods. “Great, I didn’t want to be crushing on your girl or anything.” He smiles. “Ow! Pete what was that for?” He gasps when Peter throws one of the pillows from his armchair at James. “It’s not a crime to find people hot is it? Because if it is, why don’t we talk about your diabolical taste in women? I mean I don’t know how you always pick the very obvious lesbians every time but you do.” He laughs.

“No James, that’s… he literally said she’s like a sister, what if he said Marlene or Nichole were hot? You’d freak out would you not?” Peter asks.

“It’s fine Peter, she’s her own woman, she can dodge people’s advances when they’re just based on looks, seeing as you know nothing about her.” Remus says shooting a look at James that makes Sirius laugh. 

Remus loves the barking sound of it already.

“Yeah… sorry Remus.” James says with a big smile on his face that tells Remus that he does not feel sorry and honestly, Remus can’t blame him.

☽☾

“You weren’t killed by the evil men on the sofa… good job.” Lily grins, falling into step with Remus to The Great Hall for breakfast. “Oh, they grow up too fast.” She gasps, wiping a fake tear.

“How did you know they were there?” Remus asks, baffled that she noticed and he didn’t, ignoring the last comment.

“Because I have eyes, Remus.” She laughs, knocking her shoulder into her taller friend’s.

“You know one of them - James - thought you were hot.” He laughs, prodding the ginger girl in the side. 

“You mean the tall one?” She asks, chuckling softly, grinning widely when Remus nods. “Well… he’s not too hard on the eyes.”

“Ew, you people are so shallow.” Remus grimaces. 

“It’s not shallow to be attracted to someone, Remus. It’s not like I’m gonna marry him just because he looks nice or anything, I’m just appreciating he’s hot and he happens to think the same about me.” She shrugs. “You know me. I wouldn’t do anything unless he was a good guy. Though, him being attractive does help his case.” She grins, wiggling her eyebrows and laughing at Remus’ instant disgust.

“Lord give me strength.” Remus groans, causing Lily to laugh harder.

“Being a Christian and saying that just seems weird to me.” Lily grins.

“I mean where do you think it came fro-”

“Remus!” Sirius shouts, rugby tackling the boy forwards.

“You must be one of the sofa boys. I’m Lily.” Lily smiles as Sirius turns to look at her, stepping away from Remus to stand in front of her, ignoring the fact that Remus has to lean on one of the many stone walls to steady himself after the surprise attack from the boy he barely knows.

“I’m Sirius.” They say with that charming smile, shaking Lily’s hand.

Out of nowhere the other two appear around the corner.

“I’m Peter.” The nervous looking boy smiles, shaking her hand so fast Remus is shocked he didn’t pull it off. “Nice to meet you.” He adds hurriedly before stepping away for James to stand closer to Lily that Remus would allow if it was him.

“You must be Lily.” James smiles. “I’m James Potter.” He says with a cocky smirk and a flirty smile. “You’re more beautiful than I thought.” He drawls, looking her up and down.

“Well you’r-”

“Ok, I know I said it was ok to you guys before but you thinking Lily’s hot is only acceptable if you flirt away from me.” Remus groans, interrupting his friend very quickly, earning a laugh from the people surrounding him. Sirius throws their arm over Remus’ shoulders as he makes a fake gagging sound.

“He’s cute, you’re one of us now.” Sirius grins, tilting their face towards Remus’, nearly making them bump noses. Remus’ stomach does an embarrassing little flip. They boop his nose teasingly. 

“I’m not cute!” Remus grumbles, trying to push Sirius’ arms away from his shoulders.

“That was cute, wasn’t it, James?” They ask with that handsome smirk adorning their handsome - no pretty - face. 

“Sickeningly so.” James grins.

“Sorry Rem but…” Lily trails off teasingly.

“Peter, you are the only bearable person in this room, please don’t change that.” Remus groans, giving up on trying to fight Sirius’ arm around his shoulders.

“Uh… no comment?” The blonde boy says as if he’s searching for the thing that would make everyone happy so he doesn’t have to pick a side - fair enough.

“Boring!” James shouts, cupping his hands around his mouth, pretending to be what Remus can only guess is a crowd or spectator - that boy truly is strange and exactly the type of guy he could see Lily date and he barely knows him.

“Boo!” Sirius shouts, moving their arms away from Remus to cup their hands around their mouth too, both boys starting to boo the small blonde boy.

“You literally met them yesterday and I’m already hating this.” Peter grumbles in a way that Remus isn’t entirely sure the boy is joking while covering his ears with his hands.

“You’re joking!” Lily laughs, moving away from James over to Remus, leaning against the wall with him. “That means they’re only gonna get worse I hope you know.” She says to Remus, with a big smile on her face.

“Worse?! I’ll have you know we’re very well behaved, right James?” Sirius asks, their face so perfectly held together in scandalised shock that Remus would believe them if he didn’t know them - even if they’d only spoken for an hour or so.

“Perfect angels.” He smiles, batting his eyes at Lily and Remus in what he suspects is a - failed - attempt at looking innocent.

☼𐂂☼

James

☼𐂂☼

The five eventually make their way to The Great Hall and it’s more beautiful than it was last night at dinner. The glass ceiling lets the light of the sun shine down on the many circular tables situated in the hall.

They take one of the tables in the Gryffindor quarter of the room - each team has a quarter of the room that has a tablecloth with the colour of the team on it to signify who’s table you’re at. Though you can sit anywhere there’s no point for the group full of Gryffindor’s to sit anywhere but their table - and James already feels a sense of loyalty to the team so he’d feel like a traitor sitting anywhere else.

“Does anyone know which one of those is our coach? I didn’t get the manual as my mother thought the school would automatically put me in Slytherin so I know everything about them.” Sirius says bitterly, pointing at the teacher’s table at the front of the room with their fork.

“Oh yeah, it’s that one.” Remus says, pointing to a man who looks just like an old, bitter Remus with dark brown greying hair rather than Remus’ light - ginger in some lights - hair.

“Woah… is he your dad or something?” Peter asks, too busy looking at the teacher’s table to notice as his cereal drips all over the table from his spoon.

James looks down at his porridge. He knows it should be fine but they don’t give ingredients or anything to the students. Not even a menu for him to be able to look up. Which made dinner last night a disaster, James lied to Sirius and Peter who sat with him, that he was already full from his lunch so he just sat and watched as they all ate the roast dinner as he tried to quiet the rumbling of his stomach. 

“James.” Sirius says like it wasn’t their first time trying to get his attention. “You ok mate?” They ask, concern written all over their face.

Shit.

James barely knows them already - though they spent most of the night talking, giving them both only two hours of sleep for their first full day - and he’s already making people worry. 

God, what’s wrong with him?

“Oh yeah I’m fine, just… tired.” He says, plastering on a fake smile and shoving some of the lumpy porridge into his mouth. He has to fight not to vomit as he can taste the huge amount of sugar the cooks must have put on his tongue. He swallows like it pains him to do before he quickly smiles again. “See, fine.” He says breezily.

“Yeah, sorry for keeping you up last night.” Sirius smiles before taking a huge bite out of their sausage sandwich, the loud chewing they're doing in his ear is doing nothing good for his nausea.

James hates this place. He just wants to leave because being here any longer might make him throw up. Though he’d rather die than do that around new friends and the girl - Lily - he’d just started flirting with.

James shovels more and more porridge into his mouth while the rest of the table talks amongst each other, taking his constant shovelling as a hint that he doesn’t want to talk.

Once the bowl is finally empty James stands. He can’t bear how gross he feels - quickly muttering that he needs the bathroom - before he practically runs out of the hall. When he finally finds a bathroom he practically throws himself into a stall, shoving his fingers down his throat and vomiting all of the sugary porridge up into the bowl. 

Once he’s done, he rests his back against the wall of the rickety, teal painted, wooden stall, hugging his knees to his chest. He didn’t realize he was crying before then when he let out an embarrassingly loud sob. He quickly buries his face into his legs to muffle the noises that just won’t stop coming.

Fuck, he’s pathetic.

He can’t even eat a bloody porridge without running off to vomit and cry in a public bathroom.

James hears the door open with a creak.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“Non maman je suis désolé.” A timid sounding French voice says. They sound very similar to Sirius but their voice is slightly higher so it mustn’t be but maybe they sound different while speaking French, James sounds different when speaking Hindi - or so Frank’s told him, he never noticed it himself. “Sirius est un Gryffindor, je sais que tu n'es pas contente maman mais- Non, je ne pense pas qu'ils aient fait quoi que ce soit pour changer le résultat maman - hein, désolé - nous n'avons pas d'argent pour cette raison exactement. Je sais maman mais je ne pense pas que tu puisses changer ça maintenant... Bien sûr maman, au revoir.”

No maman, I’m sorry. Sirius is a Gryffindor, I know you're not happy, maman but- No I don't think they did anything to change the outcome, maman - he, sorry - we don't have any money for that reason exactly. I know, maman but I don't think you can change that now... Of course maman, goodbye.

Definitely not Sirius then. Well, unless they talk about themself in the third person on their phone to their mum, but James doubts that. He doesn’t know what was being said but he knows it can’t be good because when James asked about Sirius’ mum last night, they got eerily silent.

The person leaves quickly and James gets up after he’s sure they won’t come back, cleaning his hand and wiping his face clean from the sick that stained it, trying to wash the tear tracks from his face. Once he steps out of the door he looks like nothing happened at all, though he can feel it weighing on his mind nonetheless.