Starting Over
Snake venom was an excruciating way to go. It hurt so much. The pain was blinding. His body still hurt but it felt different. Why did his body still hurt? He should be dead, the venom should have killed him by now. Severus tried to open his eyes one opened easily but the other, it opened but only partially. What was going on was why his eye like this the snake didn't hit him in the face he had just looked into Harry's eyes. Lily’s eyes looking back at him one more time. He had lived his whole life trying to protect that green eyed menace and he had to die for Voldemort to die. If the snake venom didn't kill him, Harry's death would. He failed his entire life's goal, his promise on Lily's memory. Dumbledore that manipulative old fool pulled his puppet strings for the boy's whole life and now Harry was gonna die for the greater good just like Lily did. What was the point of his life? What was the point! He sighed and tried to open his eyes again.
Why would his eyes not open? Was being dead like this full of pain and squinting? Trying to sit up he felt sore all over. But not the kind of sore you would get from poisoning. No, his body felt bruised! Where was he? This wasn't the Shrieking Shack? Why was that door so familiar? So familiar and yet slightly off. Then it hit him; this was his childhood bedroom. He was seeing it from lower than he usually did. Why was the door taller?
Carefully opening the door, carefully so as not to break it he really needed to do some maintenance on his safe house. Sverus stepped into the hall. Downstairs or into the bathroom. Bathroom he needed to assess himself, see the damage then he could go downstairs and get a healing potion. Stepping into the bathroom he stopped the mirror. It must be lying to him. He was an old man now 38 years old, almost in his 40s he didn't look like one of the dunderheads he taught. No, this can't be happening. Forget the bruising all over his body, why was he in this body he couldn't be more than 17. Arm check his arm. Blank! Thank Merlin he wasn't marked yet. That meant he was still in hogwarts. Dare he hope it was before 5th year could he still be friends with Lily? Quietly going down the stairs hoping Tobias wasn't home he entered the kitchen.
Tobias wasn't here that meant his sorry excuse of a father, not that Tobias ever deserved that title, was still employed that was promising. Picking up the paper he read the date. July 5th, 1976 the week before he made the 3rd biggest mistake of his life. The day after his mother's funeral. The day when his home life went from bad to horrendous.
Tobias would lose his job and come home at night having spent most of his money on liquor. He would suffer beating after beating with Lily's home no longer a safe space and his Mom no longer there to mitigate Tobias' temper he would become a punching bag until a week later when he couldn't take it and ran to his kind first year prefect, Lucius.
Fell right into the death eaters clutches and got protection with the condition of joining. He was not going to join. If he had a choice, he was not going to do this again! He needed to think. He had time Tobias wasn't coming home until late and the sun wasn't even near midday yet. He needed to plan but first a bite to eat.
Full Severus climbed upstairs and grabbed his school notebook sitting at the desk his mom made for him. He got out a quill. It was 1976 the summer that meant Lily and his friendship was over. She never forgave him for saying that word. Looking back he realized it was not the word that broke their friendship. It was what Mudblood implied. It was his friendship with his dormmates and fascination with the dark arts. It was Gryffindor light side propaganda. The stress of tests. But even if that was the case he spent the whole week sleeping outside Gryffindor trying to get her to forgive him. She never did not even after Hogwarts!
The question was did he still want her forgiveness. Getting her forgiveness meant he would probably have to interact with that arrogant tosspot, Potter. Did he want to be friends with her as she dated his bully who was still actively bullying him. He spent his entire first life trying to save her life and then repenting by trying to save her son's life. He did things he despised, like teaching dunderheads, and suffered, under the dark lord's cruciatus, just to protect her son. It might have all been for naught but he tried to do everything in his power to protect Lily's son. He lived his first life in pain for her. Wasn't that enough? Did he really need to protect her again? She was not an invalid. She chose to marry Potter and fight for the Order of the Phoenix.
As he saw it he had two options: join Dumbledore's side and use his knowledge of horcruxes to win or join the Dark lord's side. Joining Voldemort was off the table he might not be completely insane yet but the path he is on he will be. Dumbledore on the hand only ever used him. He never really trusted him. Even now he did not know where all the horcruxes are, how many there are, what all of them are, or how many have already been created or have yet to be created. Plus he doesn't truly agree with Dumbledore's message. If anything he agrees with the dark lord.
He wants the dark arts and blood magic to be legal again just not black magic like the horcruxs are. He wants there to be more separation from the muggle world. He believes werewolves and vampires should have equal rights. His problems with Lupin and greyback were not confined or caused by their werewolf status. He wants the resurgence of pureblood culture. He wants to be able to practice the old ways and respect Lady magic. Thank her for her gifts! Celebrate all the old holidays Samhain, Yule, Ostara, but he does not believe in pureblood ideology. Purebloods are not the most powerful. By the time the second war came around it was obvious that half bloods were the most powerful. Dumbledore, Voldemort, Grindlewald, Harry Potter all were half bloods. Even on his laziest day Harry had more power and control in his pinkie than his godson. If he were honest with himself he had more power than all the death eaters aside from the dark lord. No, he couldn't join the death eaters again. They had too much pureblood ideology, a leader going insane, and accepted too many followers who should be in prison regardless of who is in charge. Take his roomate Mulciber, the little rapist, he should never have had as many victims as pureblood ideology and voldemort let him have. Wait, this was his summer before 6th year Mulciber hadn't attacked Mary Mcdonald yet. Threatened but not attacked.
Dumbledore was a manipulator. He saw everyone as pawns and never told anyone his entire plan. He was super prejudiced against Slytherins, protective of Griffindors, and a hypocrite. While Skeeter may have often stretched the truth in her articles, any book she published was always well researched with several sources and veritaserum testimony to back it up. He knew her book was true because the dark lord tortured Bagshot while he was there. Dumbledore planned to take over the world and practiced dark magic as a teen too! He got a second chance, but when Severus wanted one to protect Lily he did not give it freely he had to spy for him.
When Severus was distraught at Lily's death and in pain he took advantage and made him swear that unbreakable vow. While he was under threat of Azkaban he gave him a teaching job that he hated to keep an eye on. When he tried to get Dumbledore to put Harry somewhere safe away from his relatives after legilimency lessons he threatened him with Azkaban if he didn't keep quiet. Even now before the war really started he was under threat of expulsion if he said anything about Lupin's condition. Dumbledore may believe that he owes Potter a life debt because Potter saved him from Lupin but because Potter was actually saving Lupin and Black not him. That debt never stuck, but what did for the rest of his school years was that secrecy contract. Yeah, Dumbledore was a manipulative child soldier producer. Who ingratiates his chosen students by letting them get away with too much but got their gold and wand in support in turn. Black should have been on probation for the werewolf stunt at minimum. For the stripping of his clothes Potter and the marauders should have been on suspension if not expelled. But not all Black got for the werewolf incident was a week's detention while he got two and a secrecy contract. He never told anyone what happened at that tree. He didn't have enough money to afford any other place for his magical education. The Princes had a legacy scholarship he used for Hogwarts but it only worked at Hogwarts and Inventus.
Wait, a second he may not have money but the Princes had money. His mother may have been disowned but he wasn't. Where was it? Severus put down the quill and went into his mother's room. Deep in the closet. There it was. His mother's old trunk. Several years in the future when he was cleaning out the house he remembered finding this trunk. At the time he was so angry that he destroyed the pin but he is not angry now. There it was a bronze potions pin. His mothers status in the potions guild which she attained before meeting Tobias and swearing off all magic. This pin was his ticket out. At the bottom of the trunk was the letter and his mom's wand. His mom's wand. It wouldn't have the trace on it! It was safe to use. Severus tucked the letter into his pocket and stood up. Now one little spell, the worst that could happen was his first warning from the ministry. Pointing his wand at the trunk "Reducio '' placing the small trunk in his pocket he walked back to his room. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. A half hour no letter. He had a functioning wand!
A plan was forming but first he had to leave Spinners End. After using Engorgio to make his mom's trunk bigger he spelled all his belongings into his mom's and then his own trunk shrinking both down and putting them in his pocket. The room was now empty of everything except a bed, table and chair. Severus looked around the room one last time paused to think if there was anything else he found while cleaning he should bring. There was one more thing he wanted in the basement; his mom had a small collection of twelve books on spell crafting and some saved galleons. He wanted those books and galleons. While not much they were enough to get some clothes that fit buy a month's worth of nights at the leaky Cauldron and 4 months at some of the less reputable places in Knockturn alley while still leaving enough to get ingredients to brew bruise paste that would erase Tobias' marks from his person.
Going under his parents bed he found a sizable sum of muggle money. Taking half he double checked he had both trunks and the letter.
Severus reached the street at high noon. Looking around he swore no matter if his plan worked or if it did not he would never come back here. This was the last time he was stepping into cokeworth. Ducking into an alley looking both ways and just to be careful casting Homenum Revelio. He was safe, no humans were anywhere that they could see him. Flicking his wand, Severus left Spinner's end behind.