James Potter hadn’t been sleeping well. The thought had burrowed itself deep into his mind, refusing to let go, gnawing at him from the inside out. It followed him everywhere—through classes, Quidditch practice, meals in the Great Hall. It lingered in the quiet moments, curling around him like a shadow. He could ignore it during the day, laugh too loudly, push it aside. But at night, when the castle settled into silence and his dormitory was filled with the soft sounds of his friends breathing, it was all he could think about.
He was sixteen. Nearly of age, Merlin. He could do this.
He had to do this.
Enough of being a coward.
So after dinner, he pulled Sirius aside, lowering his voice just enough to sound conspiratorial. “Come to the Astronomy Tower with me?” Sirius had raised an eyebrow but agreed, making some joke about James finally professing his undying love for him. James rolled his eyes and muttered something about always ruining the mood, but his heart pounded all the same.
Now, they were sitting on the edge of the tower, legs dangling over the side, the vast stretch of the castle grounds bathed in silver moonlight below them. The Forbidden Forest loomed in the distance, dark and endless, its treetops shifting slightly in the breeze. The Black Lake reflected the sky like liquid glass, rippling under the weight of some unseen creature beneath the surface.
James took a slow drag from the joint they were passing between them, feeling the burn in his lungs before exhaling, the smoke curling into the cold night air. Maybe this would help settle his nerves. Maybe it wouldn’t.
He took another drag, deeper this time, and immediately choked on it, coughing hard.
Sirius barked out a laugh, slapping him on the back. “Merlin, Prongs, when are you going to learn to smoke properly?”
James grimaced, still coughing. His eyes watered as he forced out, “Oh, I’m sorry for not having your and Remus’ bloody capacity.”
Sirius smirked, leaning back on his hands. “Speaking of him—are you going to tell me what the hell this is about? Andy sent me the latest Bowie vinyl, and Remus is waiting for me to listen to it together.”
James rolled his eyes, a fond sort of exasperation settling in his chest. He didn’t quite understand Sirius’ obsession with Muggle music, but it was sort of endearing, the way his face lit up when he talked about it.
“Yeah, well…” He hesitated. His fingers twitched as he brought the joint back to his lips, inhaling deep. The buzz was starting to kick in now, his limbs going light, his mind slightly hazy. Maybe this had been a terrible idea.
Sirius nudged him with his knee. “Come on, Prongs, I don’t have all night.”
James exhaled, smoke trailing from his mouth. “Alright. Ripping off the bandage, then.”
He took a breath, heart pounding, and said, “I think I might be bisexual.”
The silence stretched between them. Sirius’ expression was unreadable, but his eyes flickered—like something inside his head was trying to catch up to what he’d just heard.
“What?” A beat. Then, confused—“No? You aren’t.”
James jerked back. “What the hell do you mean, I aren’t?”
Sirius squinted at him, like he was the one making no sense. “You only speak English?”
James blinked, caught completely off guard—he laughed. Hard. The kind of laugh that bubbled up before he could stop it, taking him by surprise. His stomach hurt from it.
“That’s bilingual, you absolute idiot.”
“Oh…” Sirius frowned, running a hand through his hair. Then he groaned. “Okay.”
The joint had definitely been a bad idea.
James shook his head, still grinning. “Bisexual,” he explained, trying to keep his voice even. “It’s a Muggle term. I talked to the girls about it. Lily said it means I like girls… and boys.”
Sirius’ face shifted. His brows furrowed, his mouth pressing into a line. Something flickered behind his eyes—thoughtful, almost distant. “Oh… okay.”
James hesitated. “I wanted you to know.”
Sirius was quiet for a moment, his gaze trailing over the castle grounds. The wind ruffled his hair, black strands catching the moonlight, but he didn’t seem to notice.
Finally, he nodded. “Fine.”
“…You alright?”
Sirius’ gaze was distant again, like his brain was running through a thousand thoughts at once.
“I—yeah. Just. Okay.” He exhaled, rubbing his fingers together. “It makes sense, I guess… that you can like both. Didn’t know there was a term for it...”
James studied him closely. There was something about his expression—something familiar. It was exactly the way James had looked when Lily had first explained it to him. Like something had clicked into place.
“…You sure you’re okay with it?” James asked carefully.
Sirius blinked at him, then sat up straighter, shaking himself out of whatever thoughts had taken over. “I mean, yeah. Of course.”
James exhaled, relief sinking into his bones. “Great. I mean, I knew you were cool with Remus when he told us he was gay, it’s just—” He hesitated. “I was worried this might be… different.”
Sirius frowned. “Why would it be?”
James bit his lip. “Well… there’s more I have to tell you.”
Sirius groaned, rubbing his hands down his face. “Merlin—oh, fuck, you don’t like me, do you?” His voice rose slightly, panic creeping in. “Because you’re like my brother and—”
“What? No! It’s not that!”
Sirius sagged in relief. “Thank Godric.”
James rolled his eyes. “Oi, I’m not that bad.”
Sirius smirked. “If you say so, Potter.”
“Whatever.” James shook his head. “It’s not you.”
Sirius eyed him warily. “So… you do like someone.”
James swallowed. “I mean… yeah.”
Sirius leaned in, eyes gleaming with intrigue. “Godric. Who?”
James hesitated, his fingers tightening against his knee. His heart was pounding again, almost louder than before, thudding in his ears like a drumbeat of anxiety.
Sirius was staring at him expectantly, head tilted slightly, dark hair falling into his eyes.
“…It’s Frank, isn’t it?”
James recoiled. “Frank?! Why the hell would it be Frank?”
Sirius shrugged, as if it were the most logical thing in the world. “I mean, he’s good at Quidditch. And fit.”
There was something off about the way Sirius said it, though—like the words tasted strange in his mouth. Then, after a pause, and a little more nervous this time. “Well… I guess? Not like I would know…”
James huffed out a laugh. “It’s not Frank, you idiot.”
“Fine, fine.” Sirius waved a hand, exhaling a long drag of smoke before flicking the joint away. His eyes, sharp and bright even in the dim light, found James again. “Then who?”
James swallowed. “It’s… complicated.”
Sirius groaned. “Why?”
James sighed, rubbing his hands together before taking another drag, letting the smoke sit in his lungs before exhaling.
“Because,” he said carefully, “he’s important to you.”
Sirius froze. His playful curiosity vanished in an instant, replaced with something heavier. He sat up straighter, his eyes narrowing slightly as he studied James.
“…Okay.”
James could feel Sirius’ gaze on him, piercing and expectant, like he was trying to read the answer off his face.
James licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. “I wasn’t expecting it, alright? It just… happened. We got closer. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, and he’s just… amazing.”
Sirius’ fingers twitched against the stone ledge. “…Prongs.” His voice was sharper now. “Who?”
James’ nerves spiked. He was actually sweating now. He looked away, willing the words to come out, but his mouth wouldn’t cooperate.
Merlin.
His brain was screaming at him to just say it, but the moment felt so impossibly heavy, so irreversible, that all he could do was blurt out—
“Ehh… it—um—it starts with Re and ends with us?”
His voice was too high, his laugh too nervous, and Sirius’ eyes widened so much James thought they might pop out of his skull.
“…What?!”
James flinched. “Pads—”
“No, no, no!” Sirius was already shaking his head, hands gripping the stone beneath them. “You can’t like him! It’s not—”
James raised his hands defensively. “Pads, don’t get angry. I’m sorry. It just happened—”
“But why him?!” Sirius’ voice cracked. There was something raw in his expression now, something that wasn’t just anger but something else—something more vulnerable, something James couldn’t quite put a name to.
James swallowed hard. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, I promise. We started spending time together in the library—you remember, when I was having trouble with Potions? And I don’t know how, but we just… started talking in a way we never had before, and—”
Sirius shot up suddenly, turning his back to James. “No, shut up! You just can’t, okay? It’s not—”
“Pads.” James’ voice was steadier now. “I really like him.”
Sirius spun back around, and James swore there were tears in his eyes now, though Sirius was blinking furiously, like he was trying to will them away.
“But why?” Sirius demanded, almost desperate. “Why him?”
James exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Because he’s handsome as hell, obviously. And smart. And incredible. And he might seem like a grumpy bastard, but he’s actually one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. And I could just—” James huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “I could sit there and watch him read for hours, Pads. Just listen to him talk, watch the way his eyebrows scrunch up when he’s concentrating. He’s just—brilliant.”
Sirius let out a frustrated noise, running his hands through his hair. “Well, I fucking know all that! I know it too well!”
James paused.
Sirius’ face was flushed, his breathing uneven, his whole body tense, like he was barely holding himself together.
James’ voice softened. “Pads… I’m not doing this to hurt you. But I can’t hide it anymore. I want to be with him.”
Sirius shook his head. “You’re crazy. He doesn’t—he doesn’t like you .”
James felt hurted. Why was it so difficult to believe? He was likeable, wasn’t he? “Oh yeah? Well, I actually think he does.”
Sirius let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “No… not you. It’s impossible—”
James raised an eyebrow. “Why not me?”
“Because it can’t be you !”
James tilted his head. “Well, too bad. He kissed me.”
Sirius froze.
His entire body went rigid. His breath hitched, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
Then—his eyes glazed over. And James realized, with a jolt, that Sirius was crying.
Not just tearing up, but actually crying. His chest rising and falling too quickly, his lips parted like he was struggling to breathe.
James’ stomach dropped.
“Pads—hey, hey—I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, I swear, it was just—”
But Sirius wasn’t listening. He was already backing away, shaking his head again and again, eyes darting around like he was trying to wake up from a nightmare.
“No,” Sirius muttered. “No, it doesn’t make sense. This can’t be. No. It can’t—”
James reached for his wrist. “Why, Pads? Why?”
Sirius’ breath hitched again. And then—
“Because I love him!”
The words were shouted so hard that they shattered between them, sharp and cutting. The air seemed to still, the world narrowing to just the two of them.
James felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. His mouth opened, but no words came out.
And then, finally—
“Yeah, I know that, but—”
Sirius cut him off with a choked noise, his eyes snapping back to James, wild and furious.
“You knew ?”
James blinked. “What? Yeah. It’s obvious.”
Sirius gaped at him.
And then—his face twisted.
“And you did this anyway?” His voice cracked, thick with emotion. “Knowing my feelings?”
James felt his stomach churn. “Sirius, it doesn’t change the fact that—”
“Well, it bloody well should have!” Sirius practically shouted, his voice breaking. His hands were trembling now, his whole body vibrating with barely contained emotion. “You’re my best friend, and you knew I was in love with him!”
James’ breath caught. He opened his mouth, but—
He froze.
Something clicked in his brain.
His eyes widened.
“…Wait.” James stared at Sirius. “What the hell did you just say?”
Sirius blinked rapidly, his own chest rising and falling too fast.
James’ voice was barely a whisper. “In love with him?”
Sirius let out a shuddering breath. “Yes.”
James’ jaw dropped.
Then—
“Oh, Merlin’s balls.”
Sirius scowled. “James—”
James clutched his stomach, grinning so hard he thought his face might split open. “Oh, Merlin’s bloody fucking balls—you’re in love with Remus?!”
Sirius glared. “Who the fuck else would I be talking about?!”
James cackled. He held up both hands, his grin faltering as he took in Sirius’ expression—his red-rimmed eyes, the wet shine on his cheeks, the absolute devastation carved into every line of his face.
“Oh Pads, calm down!” James said quickly. “I wasn’t talking about Remus! I swear!”
Sirius blinked, his whole body still trembling. His breath hitched, his face frozen in that same heartbroken expression.
“…No?” he rasped, voice barely above a whisper.
James exhaled, pressing his palms against his temples. “Oh Merlin,” he groaned before letting out a breathy, incredulous laugh. “You’re in love with Moony?!”
Sirius flinched, but James was already moving, grabbing him by the shoulders before pulling him into a fierce hug.
Sirius went rigid at first, his arms stiff at his sides, but after a moment, his body sagged against James, his forehead pressing against James’ shoulder. His breathing was still uneven, his hands gripping onto the back of James’ jumper as though the world might collapse beneath him if he let go.
James’ grin widened against Sirius’ hair. “That’s… that’s fucking amazing, actually,” he said, his voice filled with laughter and awe. “You and Moony. Merlin.”
Sirius made a strangled noise against his shoulder before shoving James away, his face burning red.
“S-So…” Sirius rubbed at his eyes aggressively, voice thick with lingering emotion. “You… you don’t like him?”
James shook his head, his smile softer now. “No, Pads. I don’t.”
Sirius exhaled sharply, shoulders sagging further as he covered his face with his hands. “Merlin…” he muttered. “I’m going to kill you, Prongs… curse you…”
James snorted, grinning again. “I am sorry. But I’m also so fucking glad you told me!” He clapped Sirius on the back, bouncing slightly. “Does Remus know?”
Sirius groaned into his hands. “No, of course not!”
James pulled back, looking scandalized. “Why not?!”
Sirius shot him a glare, but there was no real heat behind it. His face was still flushed, his hands trembling slightly as he wiped the last of his tears away.
“Because it’s… it’s…” He swallowed hard, his throat bobbing. “I can’t.”
James’ teasing expression melted into something softer as he noticed the way Sirius’ fingers twisted together in his lap, his knuckles white.
“Okay, okay,” James said gently, holding up his hands in surrender. “Keep calm. It’s okay. Just… since when?”
Sirius let out a long, unsteady breath. His voice, when he spoke, was quiet. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Always?” His lips twisted into something self-deprecating. “It’s stupid.”
James smacked him lightly on the arm. “It’s not,” he said firmly. “I think it’s great.”
Sirius groaned and flopped dramatically against the stone wall. “Whatever.”
James nudged him, and once again Sirius asked “So… you swear you don’t like him?”
James shrugged, grinning mischievously and Sirius shot him a wary look. “I mean…” James scratched the back of his neck, glancing away. “He may have been… a bit of my bisexual awakening.”
Sirius’ head snapped toward him so fast James thought he might get whiplash.
“Oi!”
Before James could react, Sirius shoved him, nearly knocking him off the ledge they were sitting on.
“Oi!” James yelped, laughing as he caught himself. “Bloody hell, Pads!”
James held up his hands, still grinning. “Sorry, sorry!” he said, laughing. “I just mean—come on—when he walks out of the shower with just a towel—”
Sirius lunged at him.
“I swear to Merlin, Potter, I will use an Unforgivable on you.”
James cackled, dodging him. “Oh, you’re a jealous shit!”
Sirius huffed, shoving James again for good measure before crossing his arms tightly over his chest. “Shut up.”
James was still laughing, still beaming so damn wide as he nudged Sirius playfully again.
“Don’t worry, mate,” he said, still grinning. “He’s all yours. Promise.”
Sirius swallowed, looking down at his hands.
James bumped their shoulders together, voice softer now.
“And I think you should tell him.”
Sirius’ jaw clenched, his fingers twitching against his knee.
James sighed, shaking his head fondly. “You’re so stupidly in love with him, Pads,” he murmured. “And… I am pretty sure he’s just as gone for you.”
Sirius didn’t reply.
But there was something in his expression—something vulnerable, something hopeful—that told James he was at least considering it.
Sirius had barely caught his breath, still reeling from his own confession, when his brain finally caught up with the actual problem at hand.
He straightened abruptly, shaking off the lingering warmth of James’ words.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Sirius held up both hands, his eyes narrowing. “Then… who the hell were you talking about?!”
James immediately tensed, looking suspiciously guilty.
“Oh…”
Sirius’ eyes narrowed further.
“Oh?” he repeated. “Oh?” Then, suddenly, horror dawned on his face. “Re—” He inhaled sharply. “REGULUS?!”
James winced. “Well… at least it’s not Remus! Isn’t that great? Hehe…”
Sirius stared at him, utterly gobsmacked.
“You… my little brother, Prongs?!”
James had already started backing up toward the stairs, hands raised in self-defense. “I think I’m going to bed now—”
“PRONGS.”
James bolted.
“YOU BROTHERFUCKER!” Sirius roared, lunging after him.
They sprinted through the castle, the corridors, then the common room, dodging furniture, nearly knocking over a group of second years playing wizard’s chess. James yelled an apology over his shoulder while Sirius cursed him all the way up the dormitory stairs.
They burst into their room, James throwing himself inside just as Sirius nearly tackled him.
Peter, who had been rummaging through his trunk, let out a startled yelp and fell backwards onto the floor. “Merlin’s bloody arse—BE CAREFUL, YOU TWO!”
Sirius barely heard him.
James, desperate, made a last-second decision and leapt onto the nearest bed.
Unfortunately for Remus, it was his.
“I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY!” James yelped as Sirius lunged after him.
Remus, who had been peacefully reading, barely had time to react before his bed dipped violently under James’ weight. His book flew out of his hands as he let out a startled, “What the fuck—?”
Sirius tried to chase after James, but in his rage, he miscalculated the jump over the bed and—
Tripped.
His foot caught in the sheets, and before he could stop himself, he fell forward—
—Straight into Remus.
Remus barely caught him, hands instinctively gripping Sirius’ waist to steady him.
“Oi! Careful there,” Remus chuckled, his face way too close, his hands way too warm.
For half a second, Sirius brain stopped braining.
Because—fuck—he was practically in Remus’ lap, their faces inches apart, Remus’ laughter a warm vibration against his chest.
Peter, who had just recovered from nearly being trampled, looked at them with sheer confusion. “What the hell is going on?”
Sirius blinked, snapping back to reality.
He whirled on James, regaining his fury. “That motherfucker is snogging my little brother!”
James, still half-shielded behind Remus, threw up his hands. “We just kissed once!”
Remus let out another laugh.
“Oh,” he mused, “so you finally confessed?”
Sirius and James whipped their heads toward him simultaneously.
“You knew?!”
Remus smirked. “Had my suspicions.”
Sirius gaped at him. “I’m going to—”
But before he could strangle James, Remus held him back, arms still firm around his waist.
Remus turned to James, amusement dancing in his golden eyes. “Better run, Prongs,” he said lightly. “Reggie’s still at the library.”
James did not hesitate. He was gone before Sirius could even open his mouth.
Sirius struggled against Remus’ grip. “Don’t help him!”
Remus just laughed again.
“It’s cute!” he said, eyes gleaming.
“It’s incest!” Sirius shot back.
Remus snorted. “No, it’s not.” Another chuckle. Then, with a wicked glint in his eyes, he added, “Although… that’s not usually an inconvenience in your family—”
Sirius gasped in outrage and shoved him lightly. “Oh, shut up!”
But now, finally, Sirius was laughing, too.
The tension drained from his shoulders as Remus pulled him closer, arms still wrapped around him.
And suddenly, Sirius wasn’t thinking about James or Regulus or anything else anymore.
Just this.
Just Remus.
His breath caught, heartbeat stuttering as Remus’ warmth pressed against him, steady and certain.
“Come on,” Remus murmured, voice softer now. “Let them be. Really. Let me know one guy who’d take better care of Regulus than James.”
Sirius didn’t answer. He couldn’t.
Because fuck.
Remus was looking at him like that again.
Like he knew.
Like he had always known.
Sirius swallowed hard.
Remus smiled.
“So…” he said, tilting his head. “Wanna listen to the new single?”
Sirius exhaled, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“Yeah...”
Peter raised an eyebrow, watching the two of them still tangled together on the bed. With an amused shake of his head, he started backing toward the door.
“Yeah… I think I’m gonna head to the common room for a bit,” he muttered.
Neither Sirius nor Remus seemed to register his exit.
Peter smirked to himself as he slipped out, muttering, “Honestly, just kiss already.”
Meanwhile, Sirius cleared his throat, forcing himself off Remus’ lap as quickly as possible. His skin burned where their bodies had been pressed together.
“Uh—yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll—uh—put on the record.”
He practically sprinted to the turntable.
Remus watched, still sprawled on the bed, amused at Sirius’ very obvious attempt to act casual.
Sirius busied himself with the vinyl, dropping the needle into place with too much concentration. The familiar opening chords filled the room, and for a moment, he thought he was safe.
Then—
Warm fingers wrapped around his wrist.
Sirius froze.
Remus tugged gently, voice quiet. “Come back.”
Sirius turned to face him.
Remus’ eyes were steady, his grip firm but patient, thumb pressing lightly against the inside of Sirius’ wrist. The exact spot where his pulse was currently out of control.
Sirius’ mouth went dry.
He let himself be pulled back onto the bed, his body falling naturally beside Remus’, close enough that their shoulders brushed.
The song played on.
Neither of them said anything.
They just lay there, side by side, listening.