“Stop following me, James.” Regulus spoke, stopping in his tracks before turning around to face the boy. “It’s incredibly creepy to stalk a person.”
“I’m not stalking you. I simply happen to be on the same path as you.” He ran his fingers through his dark hair, making a mess of his already unruly hair.
“To the Slytherin dungeons? From Professor Slughorn’s classroom? A sixth year class, I might add, which you are not.” The boy felt his eyebrows furrow deeper than he thought possible. Although, James Potter has always had that effect. His fingers raised to the bridge of his nose, pinching it. He could feel a migraine coming on. “Tell me James, what is the definition of stalking?”
“I-“
“Stalking is the act of pursuing something or someone stealthily, as well as harassing someone with unwanted and obsessive attention. Now, I am no professional, but that sounds very similar to what you are doing. Does it not?”
“Please, Regulus. You haven’t responded to a single one of my owls.” James always used his hands excessively when he talked. This conversation was no different.
Regulus turned his face away, dismissing the other boy’s gaze. “What owls?”
“Regulus, I know you got them. Barty told Dorcas, who told Marlene that you did.”
His head snapped back towards James. “What?”
“Oh no, I didn’t mean that. Those words didn’t come out of my mouth.” He stepped towards the other.
Regulus turned swiftly, trying to remember where Barty would be right now. “I swear to God, I am going to k-“
A hand grabbed his wrist.
“Regulus. I’m trying to talk to you.”
He glared at James, his eyes snapping down to where his hand wrapped around his wrist. James immediately let go.
“Sorry.” Now, he was the one avoiding Regulus’ gaze.
“It’s fine.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “What is it you wanted to say?”
“Just- why won’t you talk to me anymore?”
“I’m talking to you right now.”
“You know what I mean.”
Regulus hesitated. Suddenly very aware of the lack of privacy the corridor provided. He grabbed the boy’s arm and moved them closer to the wall. Both practically leaning against it now.
“My mother. She- she saw one of the letters over the break. I managed to play it off, but I can’t keep risking things like that.” His voice was almost a whisper now.
“Okay…” James glanced to the side, clearing thinking. “We’ll just have to be more careful. We can make this work-“
“James. Stop. It won’t work. I won’t risk my life or yours for this. You’ve read the Daily Prophet. You know how people like us are treated, especially among pureblood wizards. You’re not dumb, so stop acting like it.”
“I love you, Regulus. I can’t just give this up.”
“We have to.” His gaze stuck on the ground, arms still crossed.
“Do you love me?”
“James-“
“No. Do you love me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Do you want to stay with me?”
Regulus hesitated. “Of course.”
“Then we’ll stay together.”
“If I could, I would. Trust me. But I can’t. And we can’t-“
James brought his hand up to the younger boy’s face, running his thumb over his cheek. Regulus followed suit, resting his hand atop James’ before turning his head to kiss the palm of the boy’s hand.
“James, you have so much left to do with your life. So much potential. If you stay with me, there’s a high chance that you’ll lose everything.”
“Not everything. I’d still have you.”
“James…” Regulus pitied the poor boy. “I will not let you give up your life for me. I will always be the heir to the House of Black. I can do very little to mess that up. But if it’s found out that you’re not normal? They’ll rip you apart and you’ll never be able to go pro like you want.”
James opened his mouth to speak again. Regulus cut him off:
“No. I have nothing ahead of me. You have so much. I will not let you give that up. We’re not Sirius and Remus. We can’t be free like they are, not if we’re with each other.”
“That’s the thing, Regulus. We can.”
“Stop it, James. I’m tired of this back and forth.” He was practically yelling now. “You’ve never lived with my family. I know you’ve heard about it from Sirius, but you’ve never lived it. It’s hell in that house and it drags its members down. I will not take you with me. I’m leaving now, James. Don’t follow me.”
Regulus turned to walk away, not before seeing James stand there, eyes watering like a lost puppy.
“And James,” He kept his eyesight away from the boy. “Don’t wait for me. I won’t-“ can’t “-come.”
———————
James was not the type to give up. Regulus, of course, knew this, but it was becoming steadily more apparent, if it wasn’t already.
James had spent the past week sending him flowers and chocolates in the mail. Not just any flowers and chocolates, of course, because James Potter could never do anything subpar.
The poor boy just had to be perfect and buy Regulus his favorite flower, Moly, even leaving a note behind to remind Regulus that he knew exactly why it was his favorite as well. (He had discovered the thing during a potion’s lesson, his favorite subject, and found it quite beautiful and useful, as it is a common enchantment counter.)
James, of course, also knew his favorite chocolates and had somehow managed to find the pure Italian chocolate Regulus had had once while on a trip with his family, at the ripe age of ten, and buy it for him.
Fucking perfect.
Unfortunately, these gifts raised his mood significantly. Until his mother's owl swooped in, dropping a perfectly wrapped black envelope with a green wax seal into his hands, because what is his mother other than fucking perfect.
Although this perfect is much different to James’. Regulus actually likes James. A complete antonym to his feelings for his mother.
He carefully ripped open the envelope, unfolding the letter inside:
Regulus,
Professor Slughorn has said that you are excelling in his class, even joining the “Slug Club.” You will need to continue to give each of your classes this same level of commitment, if you do not wish to fail us.
When you arrive back home this break, we will continue your lessons in Occlumency and Legilimency.
Be prepared.
-Mother
Well, at least they're not berating or disowning him.
Regulus looked up from the letter. Across the hall, James was already staring at him. Sirius sat next to him, leaning against Remus’ shoulder in a way that allowed anyone who looked to understand the depths of their relationship in just one glance.
How he longed for that.
He looked back over at James. His hair was still messy, like he just rolled out of bed. He almost never actually wore his robes, instead wearing the button-down shirt and trousers typically worn under said robes. His tie simply lay around his neck, not even close to being tied.
Regulus had never met Effie or Monty, but he had heard plenty about them from James. He had told him about their love for each other and James, and how one of his greatest hopes in the world was to have a love as strong as theirs. He had said he believed he’d found it with Regulus.
He said he told his parents about him.
He said his parents were happy for him. Not even caring that Regulus was a boy, or that he belonged to the family that almost killed Sirius.
Regulus looked down at the letter in his hands.
Euphemia and Fleamont Potter would not approve of how his mother raised him.
Regulus cannot understand this.
He approves. He thinks. They just want the best for him. Right?
Stupid James Potter and his perfect fucking life.
———————
Stepping off the train at platform 9 ¾, he immediately spots his mother waiting for him, Kreacher standing by her side. He straightened his face and posture, ensuring his perfect appearance.
“Hello, maman.”
“Hello, Regulus. Have you collected all your things?”
Regulus just nodded, dropping his bags in front of the house elf before offering his mother his arm. She took it and immediately apparated the two, landing in the drawing room at Grimmauld Place. The boy immediately separated from his mother, walking to the study, presuming that his father would be there.
“Hello, papa.”
“Hello, Regulus.” His father did not look up from his desk as he spoke. Regulus took this as a sign and swiftly left the room, retreating to his room upstairs.
The room looked as though it had not been touched in years when he entered. He supposed that was a good thing. Regulus had hidden many things in this room, including James’ letters, which is what he goes for first. The letters are hidden in a box under the floorboards, hidden under a rug, which is under his bed. The box is also locked with a wide array of enchantments, because he is a wizard after all.
He opens the box, counting every single letter, making sure they’re all there. Underneath the already written letters, lies a stack of papers and envelopes. Along with a muggle pen gifted to him by James, which he uses to write every letter.
Regulus hasn’t been able to stop thinking about James since he saw him in the corridor again. About two weeks after their initial fight. Normally, Regulus would refuse to call it a fight, preferring the term “disagreement,” but for the sake of his own sanity, this time he will use “fight.”
He hates James Potter. He grabs a piece of paper.
He needs to get James Potter out of his head. He starts to write.
He will get James Potter out of his head. He finished writing.
He looked down at the paper beneath his hands.
James,
I love you.
You’re the one.
I truly believe you’re all I’ve ever wanted.
I think I’ll regret this.
-Regulus
“Regulus!” The boy immediately jumped up at the sound of his mother’s voice from downstairs, throwing his things in the box and shoving it under his bed. He rushed down the stairs.
“Yes, maman?”
“Dinner is ready,” she stated, walking to an already set place at the table.
“Of course.” He walked to his seat. “Will papa be joining us?”
“No, he will not.” A plate of food appeared in front of her, then Regulus. She grabbed her fork before looking at the boy. “Posture, Regulus. It’s important that you make that a habit.”
“Yes, maman.” The two ate in silence, not speaking until all plates had been cleared from the table.
“Regulus, Come with me.”
He followed the woman to the drawing room once again. She gestured for him to stand in front of her. He stepped over carefully.
“We will continue your lessons now.”
That was all the warning he got before he felt her inside his mind. Poking and prodding. Searching. For what? He couldn’t be sure, until she found it.
He knew immediately when she had found what she was looking for. His mother rushed out of his head, before slapping him across the face. He brought a hand to his soon-to-be swollen cheek, and looked at his mother.
Her eyes filled with rage and disgust. She never showed much emotion. He knew this was bad.
The woman gracefully stepped up the stairs, slamming open the door to Regulus’ room. He watched as she did so, his stomach dropping all the hell. Now, the rest of him just needed to follow.
She walked back into the hall and down the steps. Holding the box. She ripped it open and picked up the top letter. The one he had just written.
“You will never see him again. Do you understand?” Her voice was sharp and collected.
Regulus stood there, face still stinging.
“Do you understand me, Regulus? I just want what’s best for you. This is going to ruin your life. He is going to ruin your life. You cannot let him disgrace the family name by letting him turn you.” God, her voice was now laced with more disgust than he had ever heard someone speak with. “Do not fuck this up, Regulus. You have a good life, but if you keep making that choice, nothing will ever be the same. I’m disappointed in you, honestly. I thought as my son and the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black that you would understand the implications of your actions by now. I guess not,” she spat.
Regulus just stood there, once again, having trouble fully comprehending the situation. His arms were back at his side now, his eyes focused on the ground in front of him.
“Go to your room. I’ll be keeping these and he will never send an owl to this house ever again.” She waved her wand once before stalking into the other room, box still in hand.
Regulus stepped quietly up the steps and into his room, shutting the door behind him. The boy stopped and remained in that spot. He felt tears prick his eyes and legs give out. Regulus landed on his hands and knees, tears now flowing steadily out of his eyes. The sobs made his throat raw and his body burn. With anger? Disgust? Shame?
Grief?
For himself or James?
Regulus made a promise while he sat there, a blubbering mess.
He would never let himself feel this pain again.
———————
Regulus avoided James like he was the black plague and Regulus was a sickly, old man. Like he was more contagious than ever.
That is, until James cornered him in the library.
“Regulus! Hey! I’ve missed you.”
Despite his best efforts to ice him out, James just kept coming back with a smile on his face. That perfect fucking smile.
“I haven’t,” he lied.
“Ouch.”
Regulus gave him a harsh side-eye. He never could take a hint.
“Is this still about your mother?”
“No, James. It’s about me. I don’t want you anymore. My mother was right, I’d be giving up my happiness to be with you.”
“What?”
“You heard me, James. Your mother may be blinded by delusion but mine is not. There is no place in this world for a relationship like ours and certainly not for us to exist together in any capacity. Your mother may not approve of my mother’s penchant for telling the truth, but I do. I finally fucking do.”
“What the fuck, Reg?”
“Don’t call me that. I do not want to speak with you ever again. Don’t look for me, don’t ask about me, and don’t send me any owls. Now if you’ll excuse me, I still have to study.” He grabbed his books and threw them into his bag with such force, he was shocked the thing stayed together. It was certainly stronger than he was. His heart felt empty and tears stabbed at his eyes. He blinked them back before turning around and storming off, not once looking back no matter how badly he wanted to.
Regulus didn't stop until he got to his dorm, sliding down the back of the door. His robes and face were now a complete mess as he thought of James.
James and his mesmerizing, brown eyes. His messy, dumb hair. His beautiful, dark skin. His stupid, fucking glasses that hid his eyes and highlighted them all at once. His idiotic passion for everything he does. His admirable instinct to protect and love all those close to him.
James Fleamont Potter and his love for Regulus.
Well, there goes his fucking promise.
The door behind him attempted to open, throwing him out of his thoughts.
“Hello? Regulus? Are you behind the door?” Barty sounded more irritating than normal. Can’t he tell Regulus is having the worst day of his life right now?
Despite his growing irritation, Regulus moved from behind the door. Now sitting next to it. Barty walked in and immediately dropped to the floor next to him.
“What’s going on? You’re really freaking me out, man.”
“James-“ he manages to choke out.
“What’d he do? I’ll fucking kill him.”
“No, no. Don’t kill him, please. He didn’t do anything.”
“Then why’re you crying?”
“My mom- she- she told me I can never speak to him again and that it would ruin any future I could ever have. The worst part is, I think- I think she was right. Me and James would have had to break up at some point. Better to do it now than later, I guess,” he sniffed, shrugging his shoulders.
“No. Fuck that. You and James love each other. You always will. Your mother hasn’t been right about shit so far. She’s not just gonna start now.”
“She raised me to be perfect. If I’m with James, I can’t be perfect. Normal. It just won’t happen. She wants what’s best for me, I think. So, I’ll follow my mother’s orders this time and I’ll understand why.”
I’ll understand.
I think.