Consumption

Sirius and James took time off work to go to the Potter’s house, immediately being greeted by a teary-eyed Euphemia Potter. They spent the week relaxing around the house and catching up on everything Sirius had missed; the wedding of a cousin, the neighbors next door moving. The best part of the Potter’s house was the large backyard. In the morning, when the sun was still rising, and the birds chirping awake, James would shake Sirius out of bed and force him into a run. At first Sirius had grumbled, annoyed that his beauty sleep had been disturbed, but he knew that this was James’ way of keeping Sirius close; he was scared to lose him again. So, Sirius tied his shoes and followed James through the forest, the crisp morning air circling throughout his lungs.

After being stuck in a cell for so long with only his thoughts to entertain him, it was nice to have access to the outdoors, to a television, hell, even to a book. Sirius can’t remember the last time he got so excited to have a book in his hands. James had asked if he was feeling alright when he picked it off of the shelf and sat down in a cushy armchair.

After a couple of uneventful days, Sirius was aching for excitement, which surprisingly, came in another form of literature, The Crime Prophet. Sirius usually tried to ignore Rita Skeeter’s tabloid, finding her writing quite obnoxious, but today, the front cover is what caught his eye. Severus’ face was plastered across the paper, giant words reading: “The Artist’s reign of terror finally comes to an end.”

Sirius sat up a little straighter, flipping to the next page where Skeeter goes into more detail.

“Severus Snape, psychiatrist and head administrator of Dennoaks State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, was arrested for the crimes of the renowned serial killer and cannibal, The Artist. After the release of Sirius Black who was falsely accused of these crimes, FBI agents ransacked Dr. Snape’s house, uncovering the horrors that occurred in his kitchen.”

“It’s crazy that he was right there the whole time.” James said, falling into the seat next to Sirius. He glanced over Sirius’ shoulder, looking at the picture of the wrapped cuts of meat laid out in the doctor’s fridge. Remus ensured that Snape would be going away for a long time, or at least until he struck again.

“Are we leaving tomorrow?” Sirius asked, throwing the newspaper off to the side. They had planned to stay at the Potter’s for a week, and the relaxing environment did truly help Sirius. He had time to think about his feelings regarding not only Remus, but also this newfound darkness that sat like a brick in his stomach.

James nodded, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table as he grabbed the remote for the TV. “Yup, in the morning. Dumbledore will be pissed if I miss another day. Plus, it’s probably better that you get back into the swing of things.”

“Good, I’m starting to feel cooped up.”

James perked up at that, his head snapping to look at the shorter man. “We could go for a run!”

“No.” Sirius immediately stood from the couch, leaving James to sigh dramatically as he focused his attention back on the television. He slowly made his way up the stairs and into the study where Fleamont sat at his desk staring down at his computer. Euphemia sat off to the side, comfortably curled up on the brown leather couch with a book in hand.

“Hey son,” Fleamont said, looking up from the screen to send Sirius a small smile. The boy felt himself grin, never getting used to being called his son. It was a nice feeling, and he always left the Potter’s feeling wanted. Euphemia closed her book, swinging her feet back onto the floor to make room for Sirius on the couch.

“Heading home tomorrow, huh?” She asked as Sirius took his seat.

“Yeah, got to get back to the real world, I guess.”

She hummed sadly, pulling him closer with an arm around his shoulders. She gently pressed a kiss into Sirius’ hair before speaking. “You’re so strong.”

Sirius breathed out deeply, shaking his head as he slightly leaned into her touch.

“You are.” She refuted, turning his head so he looked her in the eyes. “You’ve gone through so much, and I know you struggle to deal with it sometimes…But I believe in you. You are a good person, Sirius.”

Despite his wet eyes, he almost laughed at the sentence. He was a killer. He’s killed before, and he will definitely kill again if Remus has anything to say about it. And the fact that he’s okay with that, that he is knowingly going back to the man, proves that he’s not as great as Effie believes him to be.

“I’m glad you were brave enough to reach out to someone.” Effie continued. “It takes a lot of effort to realize that you need help. I hope you continue to see this therapist.”

If she knew who this man was, she wouldn’t be saying this. “I am. I’m planning on paying him a visit once we get back.”

She smiled at those words, pressing one more kiss to his forehead before she stood up. “Good. I’m going to start on dinner.”

The drive back was excruciating. Due to a combination of James’ awful singing to the trash music on the radio, and his insistent questions directed towards Sirius, by the time that James had dropped him off at his very dusty house, his head was pounding.

The key slightly stuck in the lock as he opened the door, the familiar creaking of the hinges allowing a sense of relief to wash over him. The second he stepped into the house, a big ball of black fur came bounding at him. Earlier in the day, Lily had dropped Snuffles off at the house, allowing Sirius to go directly home rather than having to make a pitstop at the Potter-Evans household to pick the dog up.

Even though the dog was slobbering all over his clothes and his ears rang from the excited barking, the smile refused to leave his face as he embraced the squirming dog. He had missed his friend. He had gotten to see Snuffles for a second while James packed a bag to go visit his parents, but they weren’t able to take him with them due to Effie’s allergy to dogs.

As he sat back on the familiar couch, Snuffles resting his head in his lap, he felt the momentary presence of peace. He was back home, he had his dog, the shelves were a little dusty, but nothing a Sunday morning full of cleaning couldn’t fix. He had opened a door in his mind; one with neatly organized shelves and cabinets. He was finally able to sort through his thoughts, through all of his emotions and ideas. Everything was where it needed to be. Yet as he got to the end of the expansive room, the pulling towards an unknown door was difficult to avoid. It was yanking at his entire being, pulling him into the darkness it withheld.

By the time he actually processed what he was doing, he was standing in front of the building he once visited every week. He had taken a shower, his hair hanging neatly at the nape of his neck. He picked out a nice red button up and black slacks to go with it. His hand fiddled with the watch around his wrist as he took the steps up to the building, pulling open the door and taking a seat in his usual spot. The door loomed before him, and as the seconds ticked down, Sirius wondered if he had kept his slot open. Thoughts raced through his head, making him doubt his approach. And as he stood up to leave, planning on going back home and just making a phone call, the door opened.

Despite Remus usually being quite well composed, the look of shock on his face was unable to be hidden. His hand was tightly clutched around the doorknob as he was incapable of moving, like he was scared Sirius would disappear if he did.

“Hello Sirius.” Remus said politely, his eyes catching on the sharp features of the man's face.

“May I come in?” Sirius was focused, all nervousness and apprehension left his body the second that Remus opened that door.

Remus finally released his tight hold on the door, clasping his hands in front of him as he spoke, “Depends, do you intend to point a gun at me again?”

“Not tonight.” Sirius’ face was straight despite the amusement in his voice. Remus nodded slightly, stepping aside to allow Sirius into the office. As the door closed behind them, the air was all of a sudden suffocating. Sirius spun around to look at the doctor, “Expecting someone?”

Remus moved to the center of the room, where the plush chairs sat. “Only you.”

“You kept my standing appointment open.” Sirius sat down in his chair. It was strange to be back here, the remembrance of all their previous sessions crushed down on him, but this time, it was different. Sirius was the one with the cards in his hands, he had the power here.

“I did.” Remus nodded, sitting down. “And you’re right on time.”

“I have to deal with you.” Sirius was shockingly still. “And my feelings about you. I felt it best that I do that directly.”

“First you have to grieve for what is lost, and what has changed.”

“I’ve changed.” Sirius could almost laugh, “You’ve changed me.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Sirius watching as a stampede of emotions washed over Remus. In a sense, Remus wanted to feel guilty, but he was so immensely proud of what Sirius had become that he didn’t even linger on the guilt.

“I could never truly predict you, Sirius.” Remus spoke quietly as he leaned forward in his seat. “I can feed the caterpillar, and I can whisper through the chrysalis, but…What hatches, follows its own nature and is beyond me.”

Sirius couldn’t speak. His eyes were glued on the man before him. The moment felt intimate, like they were connected as one. Sirius wanted to understand Remus, and in turn, he wanted to be understood as well. They were fighting for the same things yet sat miles away from each other. Sirius wanted more.

“I’d like to resume my therapy.”

Remus couldn’t help the satisfied grin that crept across his usual stony face, only Sirius could pull this out of him. It had been cold, the days that Sirius was gone. But the second that he opened that door, a tsunami of warmth crashed over him, thawing his bones. It crept through him, embedding into his very being. He had been entirely consumed by Sirius Black.

“Where shall we begin?”