Consumption

The wolf howled, the intoxicating noise luring Sirius out of the house. The night air was a relief against his warm skin as his bare feet made contact with the wood of his porch. The wolf stood alone, barely twelve feet away as it stared at Sirius with unwavering eye contact. Sirius stepped forward, causing the animal to dart off. Sirius was immediately chasing after him.

His heart beat loudly in his ears, the sound of his blood rushing covering the noise of broken twigs under his feet. The wolf stayed in front of him, the distance between them constant as they navigated through the trees. They moved together like one; gracefully jumping over branches, dodging large rocks. It was beautiful, it was fun.

A low growl and a harsh grip on his arm stopped their peaceful dance. Sirius’ back was pressed up against someone’s chest, an arm holding him in place. The wolf stood to the side, haunches raised and teeth shining as it growled at the man.

Sirius took a deep breath, inhaling a familiar scent. Paper, ink, a light woodsy smell.

“Remus…” Sirius tried to turn his head; his breath felt tight in his chest. “Remus.”

The man flipped Sirius around, allowing their chests to press together and Sirius to look at him. A small smile rested on the doctor's lips, a pleased glint in his eyes. His arms were still tightly wrapped around Sirius, keeping him from backing up.

“Do you see me yet?” Remus said, one hand coming up to Sirius’ face and resting on his jaw. “I’ve been trying to make you understand.”

Sirius shook his head, slightly leaning into the touch as he stared up at the man. “No, not really.”

“Not really?” Remus seemed upset by the response, almost disappointed. “You’re avoiding reality. How come?”

“I’m not avoiding it.” Sirius refuted, “I’m just struggling to get a grasp on it.”

“Yet you don’t grasp onto the truth which is right in front of you.” Remus’ grip tightened, his fingers digging into Sirius’ skin. “You can see me; you just have to look.”

Sirius felt the blood before he realized what actually happened. The wolf let out a low whimper as he took in the sight. Remus had moved his hand from around Sirius’ waist, instead using it to dig the knife into Sirius’ stomach. His hand still held Sirius’ face, wrapping around to the back of his head and tangling into his hair. It was intimate.

The blood was warm as Sirius looked down at himself. It was his knife.

Sirius felt like he was going to be sick.

He quickly stumbled out of bed, making his way to the kitchen where he grabbed a bottle of Advil. His head pounded, making the knot of nausea in his stomach tighten. He pressed his forehead against the cool counter, pausing as he caught sight of his feet. Mud and dried blood coated his legs from the knee down. He quickly stood up, turning on the sink and taking a long drink of the water in an attempt to settle his stomach.

He heaved, bile rising in his throat as he leaned over the sink, coughing and gagging. He felt his stomach contents being spilled into the sink basin, cringing at the feeling and sound. He finally took a breath, trying not to throw up again.

For a second, he let himself relax, closing his eyes and regaining his breath. Then his eyes caught on the contents of the sink, causing him to stumble back until his back was pressed to the cool metal of the fridge.

When Remus arrived at Sirius’ house, the man was sitting on the porch stairs, feet covered in mud and shaking from the cold. He had called Remus in a hurry, unable to properly explain the problem at hand, but his voice had told how urgent this was.

Remus quietly approached the man, holding out a hand to help him up from the steps. Sirius hesitantly took his hand, slowly rising from the ground.

“Come on, let’s go inside.” It was strangely beautiful to see Sirius in this state. Incomprehensive and trapped in the recesses of his mind. Remus sat Sirius down on the sofa, grabbing the blanket pushed off to the side and wrapping it around the man's cold frame. “What happened Sirius?”

“Kitchen.” Sirius’ voice was hushed, almost resigned to his fate.

Remus made his way to the kitchen, the tell-tale scent of vomit in the air. Remus felt Sirius’ eyes on him, the only thing keeping him from smiling at the sink's contents. A human ear sat innocently in the basin, pale skin and cartilage staring up. He forced a grimace on his face, looking over at Sirius’ distressed state.

“I had a dream, in the forest,” Sirius’ speech was fast, jumbled words spilling out of his mouth. “I ran. The wolf and then-”

“Sirius-”

“I was in the forest. I woke up and-”

“Sirius!” Remus raised his voice, cutting off Sirius’ rambling. “We need to call Dumbledore.”

James slowly got out of bed, taking one last look at Lily’s sleeping form before leaving the room and answering the phone.

“James.” He greeted, walking downstairs and starting the coffee.

“Potter, I need you at a scene as soon as possible.” Dumbledore’s voice was fast. He very rarely sounded as distressed as he did at this moment. James watched the coffee pot fill with liquid, his anxiety increasing at the urgency.

“Okay, where?” James took off the pot, grabbing a mug from the cabinet. “Send me the address.”

There was a pause over the line, James stuck in the middle of the kitchen as he waited for a response.

“Sirius’ house.” The mug fell from his hand, shattering along the floor as he took in the words.

“What happened? Is he okay?” Hurried footsteps could be heard rushing down the stairs, Lily’s fiery red hair flying down the hallway.

“Sirius is fine. Be there quick.” The line went dead.

James' hands were shaking, he stared down at the shards on the floor, unable to move. He knew something was going on with Sirius, but through extensive conversations with Lily he had come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t able to help him. Throughout his entire life, James tried to help everyone, that’s just what he did. And he did help Sirius to an extent. He helped him escape his parents, he gave him a place to live, the list went on and on. But now, James couldn’t help him, and that was hard.

“What happened?” Lily’s voice was soft, looking at James with concern as she grabbed the broom and dustpan.

“Uh, crime scene.” James all of a sudden realized he was wasting time standing here like this. “At Sirius’ place.”

“James-” Lily started but he was already bounding up the stairs. It only took him five minutes to get ready and grab his keys.

“I’ll keep you updated. Thank you for cleaning up.” He said quietly, as he ran out of the house.