Just "friends"

We are all sat down at break, and I can feel Ron and hermiones eyes on me, moreso hermione.

As if she knew.

She can't. Not yet.

For some reason its as if I can't be too close to draco overnight, so instead of walking to sit next to him I go to the opposite side of the table. Their talking about anything and everything anyway, they won't take notice. I mean I left them this morning and didn't seem to know. However it just dawns on me what I messaged hermione, the reminder that I have to tell her. I don't even understand what this feeling is myself.

Suddenly the bell rings pulling me out of my thoughts, saying goodbye to everyone I quickly walk out with hermione to our library for free period. We sit in the back corner where it I'd always isolated because I needed privacy to tell her something as secretive, I felt more vulnerable than ever because I don't know what any of this means. I just hope she forgot.

She didn't. The first thing she told me when we sat down was,

"Okay Mr potter, spill. Right now" very forward then.

"Okay, but promise not to say anything to anyone, even our friends..please?"

Her expression changes to one more serious.

"Yeah of course. What's going on?" Asking in her motherly tone once again.

I take a deep breath and explain it all, but in a whisper for extra measures.

"Okay, so remember on Saturday night? When neville said he thought me and draco were together, but we established that we were just good friends? Well yeah, that's true but after that I've not been able to sleep, I've constantly thought about it, about him, draco, and what it could mean. But now I feel like I'm hurting him and I don't want to because he's my best friend but I don't feel like I used to around him, it's very different this time."

Hermione pov:

Well, I knew it was bound to happen one day. I always gathered harry would fall in love with draco first, they both really are stupid boys. I can't help but feel pity for him though. But I still have to test the waters, see what it is exactly and if Harry understands himself.

"Oh harry..what are these feelings exactly?" I ask

I know this is hard for him to talk about so as his eyes water, I pull him into a side hug.

"I..I don't even know. It's like what I felt for him before, the platonic love, has intensified and I don't know ehy I keep thinking about it. I really wish I didn't. He makes me happy, more than anyone else and doesn't judge me at all. When I came out gay to him he never faltered, or saw me differently. I don't know what to do hermione, I just don't want to get too close and read it wrong and have him hate me or cute me out for good or have false hope."

By this point he turned his head to my shoulder, lightly crying into it.

I knew it.

He just had to realise. "Harry, I know what's going on and I think you do too. Your in love with him. Harry you like draco"

Harry pov:

Her words crashed over me like a brick. Shit, I guess I do. Only now do I think of the times he has smiled at me, when we've both laughed, been stupid together and done everything. The way he's always supported me and been by my side, the way I trust him the most and always seem to go to him first. But this only causes me to cry harder.

The only reason I feel so much about this is because he's probably the straightest man I've ever seen. Fuck.

"Why did it have to be him?" I ask her like she knew the answer.

"I don't know harry, you can't help who you love. We will figure something out, we always do." She says next to me. I'm so glad to have a friend like hermione.

I've cried so much I feel so ill. I want to go home. Scratch that, I need to go home.

"I feel sick. Can you come with me to reception? I need to go home, I can't be here any longer."

She just graces me with a smile and an "of course, harry. You really shouldn't miss your education but you haven't slept, you look pale and your eyes are very bloodshot. It's only 11:10 so we have 10 minutes, let's go."

In the matter of 2 minutes we make it to the reception building, it's quicker because we were just in the library around the corner. In 5 minutes, I get my slip and leave the gates just as everyone in class is coming out. From the other side, I noticed draco and Ron deep in conversation leaving the media doors, an unsettling feeling graces in my stomach. Tears pooling in my eyes once again, I walk home and lay in bed all day. With my headphones as my only company.

Draco pov:

I wonder what's going on with harry, I only care because he's my best friend and he has been since our young childhood. I don't dwell on it too much because I know he'll be okay, he always is.

It's probably just an off day for him.

Anyway, coming out of media studies, we meet with hermione in the cafeteria for dinner. Whilst waiting for harry, we leave our stuff on our signature table and go up to the line for our food. I go for my chicken wrap and cookie as usual, and make my way back to the table. Still empty. He'll be help up I'll just wait for my friends to come back from the line and talk.

They return and we restart our past conversation filling in hermione, it's been 15 minutes since dinner started and he's nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, where's harry? He was here an hour ago." I ask causing Ron and hermione to pause their conversation.

"Yeah, where'd he go? I thought harry would be here by now" Ron asks after.

Hermione's face turns into a slight frown but her expression goes to a serious one of pity, "Oh, he went home. Yeah , he wasn't feeling too great so I went with him to reception to take him home"

My mind reels turning my face in a frown matching hermione's. "Is he okay?" I find myself asking.

"He's fine, he just didn't sleep at all again and feels ill. I'll check on him later" replying with a final tone that tells me and Ron to drop it. At least I know I shouldn't worry about it. The only thing that's bothering me with all this Is how he was acting this morning, when he was tired he usually became clingy and held onto me but this time he was more distant.

I don't know what hurts me more, the fact his mind is struggling again or how he refused to hold me and hug me like always when I got to school. I quickly realise there is no reason to worry about this because everything will be back to normal tomorrow, I know it will. Won't it?

The next day...

Harry pov:

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache, probably due to the amount of crying from yesterday, even when I got home before I slept. My mother came back yesterday at around nine pm and checked on me, she noticed the tear stains on my cheeks and left me to sleep knowing it doesn't come naturally to me.

However, as soon as she saw me stir she came into my room and talked to me about the reason why i was crying. What was I supposed to tell her? That I just found out I'm falling in love with my best friend knowing very well he'd never reciprocate and now I'm crying like a baby over it? No. I only told her half of it, that I felt so sick it was toying with my emotions.

Thankfully, she left me stay home today and tomorrow because the protocol in my school was that you had to stay at home 48 hours if you felt this way. Which I'm low-key glad at, I shouldn't be because I don't want to distance myself from my friends but at the same time, I don't know if I'd be okay facing them after that. Ron and dravo don't even know, but hermione does and I know she won't tell them . She's just that kind of friend. So I go back to sleep, dreaming of everything and nothing.

Draco pov:

I walk into school this morning as usual and find hermione and Ron at our spot at the lockers, without harry present. Weird. He's always here at this time, he's almost never late.

"Hey guys, wheres harry? I thought he'd be here." Hermione finally meets my eye and said "he messaged me this morning saying his mum is letting him have the next 2 days off because he feels sick."

My heart hurts. Why does It hurt? " He almost never gets sick" I say in a whisper. He's either lying to me or he is genuinely really ill. But he wouldn't lie to me. I know him.

Fast forward a few hours...

It's currently break and it's not normal without harry, without our morning hugs. Even if yesterday's was different than normal it was still something, I just want to know what's going on with him. Coming out of maths yesterday, when I went to hold his hand because it was casual for us he rejected it and coughing as a disguise. My heart was hurting again, I could only think 'why is he not letting me. We always do this.'

I didn't even realise I was lost in my thoughts until the bell rang and hermione was dragging me out of my seat.

"Now, both of you. Focus in your classes and please do your work and homework, you need to get the best grades you can."

We both roll our eyes and say 'yes mom'

In English when the teacher reads out Harry's name, a frown plasters my face before turning into a look of boredom. Why can't he be here. I think it's weird because he's never had a day of school since I met him, I've never experienced what it's like to be without him for 5 hours .

He's my bestfriend at the end of the day.

Later in the day when I got home, I messaged him as soon as the house WiFi connected asking if he was okay, I didn't get a reply until 4 hours later and all it said was "yeah I'm okay, just sick" taking pity on him I replied with "I'm sorry, I hope you feel better and that didn't get read until the next morning. That night at dinner, my mum asks me how school has been today making conversation until she enlightens me with news I already knew:

"How's harry? He wasn't in school today"

I stopped eating for a second" yeah, hermione told me he felt sick and I don't know, it was strange without him."

A soft look adorns her face, as if realising something I didn't. But she made it out to be pity, I didn't know if it was fir me or him. After that I made it up to my room and played minecraft before I slept and went to school the next day, the final time without harry.

It's only been 2 days and I miss him already, I get the feeling it isn't just this sickness that's bothering him.