Quiddich and the Woke
Hello - I am sorry for the delay In updating my novel for you, archiveofourown.org... I have been arguing with father over this past week as he INSISTS that I require "glasses". He is corrupted by the doctors but I know that glasses will harm my alpha appeal and I will not let him destroy me. I would appreciate any advice for how I can teach him that these things are wrong and harmful with scripture ✝️... I will now continue.. .
"FLY." Harry yelled, shooting up into the air.
It was a flying lesson, and they were out on the school grounds. Harry found it very easy, and he lounged in the air smugly as the rest of the class was struggling in the dirt.
Malfoy rose into the air, looking equally smug. Harry rolled his eyes - he hated how the prefect acted.
"I've lost my rememberball!" A whiny voice said from down on the earth. It was Neville Bottom, sadly floundering in the bed of soil. He was a wokoid beta male, but Harry pitied him despite his worthlessness. He was forgiving like that.
The blond boy floating in the air across from Harry smirked, tossing a shimmery red orb up and catching it.
Dumbledore watched from the window wisely, Gabriel on his shoulder.
"I have it right here, Fatbottom!" Malfoy called, tossing it about. "Why do you not come up and get it?"
Neville sobbed.
"Give it back to him, Sigma." Harry ordered, staring him down. "Or I am going to take it back!"
Malfoy smirked again - "I do not think I will, Potter - why don't I leave it somewhere for Fatbottom to find it?" He sad, before flying up into the sky.
Harry shot after him with the grace of a bald eagle, swooping through the towers of Hogwart. He couldn't quite match the practiced flight of the other boy, and he was rapidly falling behind. He had to find another way...
"CHRIST." Harry declared as they arced through the sky, and Sigma jolted midair, before plummeting towards the roof below.
Time seemed to slow as he saw the boy fall with his ball.
He could let Malfoy die - he was irritating and definitely deserved it for challenging his place in the hierarchy..
"FLY." Harry roared for again, shooting down and catching him at the last second - along with the rememberball. The class cheered below, saluting Harry as he landed. Alpha Dumbledore looked on proudly. Hermione clapped loudly, her eyes full of tears. Angels wept.
"Harry Potter!" exclaimed Mrs McGonzalez, striding on the pitch as a nurse took Sigma Malfoy away on a stretcher. "Come with me this instant!"
Harry followed her into the castle, making sure to walk manly so that people did not think he was weak for obeying her.
The classrooms were packed as they wandered through the halls - a Bibly study was taking place in one, a pickup artist giving a lecture in the next. Mr Flitwik was teaching incantations in the last, lighting a liberal on fire with the power of God.
She fetched a boy from one of the classrooms. He was very muscular, and covered in bruces - "This is Wood, he is the Quidditch champion - he is going to teach you to do the Quidditch." McGonzalez said excitedly.
Harry shook hands with the other boy.
"What's Quidditch?" Harry pondered curiously.
Quidditch was a sport, actually, he learned as Wood guided Him to the grounds.
"-This," the captain expelled as he took a ball out of the box. "-is a bladger. The players flies around and if they throw it at one of the crosses and it hits, they score a point. But this is the most important on, and it's the one you need to focus on as a seeker."
He took a tiny, golden baby Jesus out of the box - "You have to catch it - if you do, the game ends and we win." He explains.
The rules were very complex, but Harry nodded powerfully - he was smart enough to figure it out.
"Lets see how you do then." Wood declared, releasing the Jesus from his fingers. The figurine zoomed into the air, glinting in the light.
"FLY." Harry said, flying after it. He nearly had it when he jerked to the side, dodging gunfire. Wooden was shooting him!
"There are no rules on Quiditch, Potter!" Wood explain in a shout, bullets whizzing past Harry's head.
Harry continued his pursuit, wheeving through the bullets as he chased down the miniture messiah. A stray bullet hit him in the arm, but he deflected it with his powerful muscles.
At last he clenched the baby Jesus between his fingers, holding the warm metal tightly. Hermione applauded.
"Good job Potter!" Wood congratulated as he landed, patting him on the back heavily. "You'll make a good seeker for the team!"
"How did you get that?" Harry asked him, gesturing to the gun as it vanished with a pop.
"It's an incantation." The other boy explained, waving his hand. "GUN."
"GUN." Harry recited with a gesture, and a rifle materalized in his hand. Useful, he thought, tracing his hand across the cool metal barrel. He'd have to memorize that one.
The great hall was bustling that evening, every house's table full - there was a guest visiting.
Harry wandered into the hall, his head buzzing with the events of the day - learning to fly, joining the Quidditch team, besting Malfoy, having a gun...
"Waht's going on?" Harry asked as he sat down, glancing about the busy room.
Ron seemed as excited as everyone else did - "It's-"
"GILDEROY LOCKHART!" Shouted a flamboyant voice from the front of the hall.
Harry turned around as a man stepped out proudly onto the podium at the front - he was dressed in a lilac robe, his golden-blonde hair curled up into a big spiral above his forehead.
"GREETINGS, STUDENTS!" Mr Lockhart exclaim, his arms held out in front of him like a priest at an altar. "YES, IT IS I - YOUR DASHING CELEBRITY, WINNER OF THE PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE TITLE FOUR YEARS RUNNING! HAH!"
Harry groaned internally, immediately disliking the man. He hated how vapid and stupid celebrities were, always promoting "social activism" and attacking the papparazi.
"YES - AS MANY YOU HAVE HEARD - I, THE MAN WHO SLEW THE GABBLING GHOULS OF GIBSLAND - which you can read about in my latest novel, Slaying the Gabbling Ghouls of Gibsland - AM TAKING UP THE POST OF DIVERSITY MANAGER AT HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCAFT AND WIZARDS! HAH!"
Harry's jaw dropped.