The Ball
Till Lily entered the drawing-room at Netherthorn, and looked in vain for Mr. Snape among the cluster of red coats there assembled, a doubt of his being present had never occurred to her. The certainty of meeting him had not been checked by any of those recollections that might not unreasonably have alarmed her. She had dressed with more than usual care, and prepared in the highest spirits for the conquest of all that remained unsubdued of his heart, trusting that it was not more than might be won in the course of the evening. But in an instant arose the dreadful suspicion of his being purposely omitted for Mr. Potter’s pleasure in the Blacks’ invitation to the officers; and though this was not exactly the case, the absolute fact of his absence was pronounced by his friend Mulciber, to whom Heather eagerly applied, and who told them that Snape had been obliged to go to town on business the day before, and was not yet returned; adding, with a significant smile, ‘I do not imagine his business would have called him away just now, if he had not wanted to avoid a certain gentleman here.’
This part of his intelligence, though unheard by Heather, was caught by Lily, and, as it assured her that Potter was not less answerable for Snape’s absence than if her first surmise had been just, every feeling of displeasure against the former was so sharpened by immediate disappointment, that she could hardly reply with tolerable civility to the polite inquiries which he directly afterwards approached to make. Attendance, forbearance, patience with Potter, was injury to Snape. She was resolved against any sort of conversation with him, and turned away with a degree of ill-humour which she could not wholly surmount even in speaking to Mr. Black, whose blind partiality provoked her.
But Lily was not formed for ill-humour; and though every prospect of her own was destroyed for the evening, it could not dwell long on her spirits; and having told all her griefs to Marlene McKinnon, whom she had not seen for a week, she was soon able to make a voluntary transition to the oddities of her cousin, and to point him out to her particular notice. The first two dances, however, brought a return of distress; they were dances of mortification. Mr. Dursley, awkward and solemn, apologising instead of attending, and often moving wrong without being aware of it, gave her all the shame and misery which a disagreeable partner for a couple of dances can give. The moment of her release from him was ecstasy.
She danced next with an officer, and had the refreshment of talking of Snape, and of hearing that he was universally liked. When those dances were over, she returned to Marlene McKinnon, and was in conversation with her, when she found herself suddenly addressed by Mr. Potter who took her so much by surprise in his application for her hand, that, without knowing what she did, she accepted him. He walked away again immediately, and she was left to fret over her own want of presence of mind; Marlene tried to console her:
‘I dare say you will find him very agreeable.’
‘Heaven forbid! That would be the greatest misfortune of all! To find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate! Do not wish me such an evil.’
When the dancing recommenced, however, and Potter approached to claim her hand, Marlene could not help cautioning her in a whisper, not to be a simpleton, and allow her fancy for Snape to make her appear unpleasant in the eyes of a man ten times his consequence. Lily made no answer, and took her place in the set, amazed at the dignity to which she was arrived in being allowed to stand opposite to Mr. Potter, and reading in her neighbours’ looks, their equal amazement in beholding it. They stood for some time without speaking a word; and she began to imagine that their silence was to last through the two dances, and at first was resolved not to break it; till suddenly fancying that it would be the greater punishment to her partner to oblige him to talk, she made some slight observation on the dance. He replied, and was again silent. After a pause of some minutes, she addressed him a second time with:–‘It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Potter. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some sort of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.’
He smiled, and assured her that whatever she wished him to say should be said.
‘Very well. That reply will do for the present. Perhaps by and by I may observe that private balls are much pleasanter than public ones. But now we may be silent.’
‘Do you talk by rule, then, while you are dancing?’
‘Sometimes. One must speak a little, you know. It would look odd to be entirely silent for half an hour together; and yet for the advantage of some, conversation ought to be so arranged, as that they may have the trouble of saying as little as possible.’
‘Are you consulting your own feelings in the present case, or do you imagine that you are gratifying mine?’
‘Both,’ replied Lily archly; ‘for I have always seen a great similarity in the turn of our minds. We are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the eclat of a proverb.’
‘This is no very striking resemblance of your own character, I am sure,’ said he. ‘How near it may be to mine, I cannot pretend to say. You think it a faithful portrait undoubtedly.’
‘I must not decide on my own performance.’
He made no answer, and they were again silent till they had gone down the dance, when he asked her if she and her sisters did not very often walk to Myrthvale. She answered in the affirmative, and, unable to resist the temptation, added, ‘When you met us there the other day, we had just been forming a new acquaintance.’
The effect was immediate. A deeper shade of hauteur overspread his features, but he said not a word, and Lily, though blaming herself for her own weakness, could not go on. At length Potter spoke, and in a constrained manner said, ‘Mr. Snape is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his making friends–whether he may be equally capable of retaining them, is less certain.’
‘He has been so unlucky as to lose your friendship,’ replied Lily with emphasis, ‘and in a manner which he is likely to suffer from all his life.’
Potter made no answer, and seemed desirous of changing the subject. At that moment, Sir William McKinnon appeared close to them, meaning to pass through the set to the other side of the room; but on perceiving Mr. Potter, he stopped with a bow of superior courtesy to compliment him on his dancing and his partner.
‘I have been most highly gratified indeed, my dear sir. Such very superior dancing is not often seen. It is evident that you belong to the first circles. Allow me to say, however, that your fair partner does not disgrace you, and that I must hope to have this pleasure often repeated, especially when a certain desirable event, my dear Lily (glancing at her sister and Black) shall take place. What congratulations will then flow in! I appeal to Mr. Potter:–but let me not interrupt you, sir. You will not thank me for detaining you from the bewitching converse of that young lady, whose bright eyes are also upbraiding me.’
The latter part of this address was scarcely heard by Potter; but Sir William’s allusion to his friend seemed to strike him forcibly, and his eyes were directed with a very serious expression towards Black and Daisy, who were dancing together. Recovering himself, however, shortly, he turned to his partner, and said, ‘Sir William’s interruption has made me forget what we were talking of.’
‘I do not think we were speaking at all. Sir William could not have interrupted two people in the room who had less to say for themselves. We have tried two or three subjects already without success, and what we are to talk of next I cannot imagine.’
‘What think you of books?’ said he, smiling.
‘Books–oh! no. I am sure we never read the same, or not with the same feelings.’
‘I am sorry you think so; but if that be the case, there can at least be no want of subject. We may compare our different opinions.’
‘No–I cannot talk of books in a ball-room; my head is always full of something else.’
‘The present always occupies you in such scenes–does it?’ said he, with a look of doubt.
‘Yes, always,’ she replied, without knowing what she said, for her thoughts had wandered far from the subject, as soon afterwards appeared by her suddenly exclaiming, ‘I remember hearing you once say, Mr. Potter, that you hardly ever forgave, that you resentment once created was unappeasable. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to its being created.’
‘I am,’ said he, with a firm voice.
‘And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?’
‘I hope not.’
‘It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first.’
‘May I ask to what these questions tend?’
‘Merely to the illustration of your character,’ said she, endeavouring to shake off her gravity. ‘I am trying to make it out.’
‘And what is your success?’
She shook her head. ‘I do not get on at all. I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly.’
‘I can readily believe,’ answered he gravely, ‘that reports may vary greatly with respect to me; and I could wish, Miss Evans, that you were not to sketch my character at the present moment, as there is reason to fear that the performance would reflect no credit on either.’
‘But if I do not take your likeness now, I may never have another opportunity.’
‘I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours,’ he coldly replied. She said no more, and they went down the other dance and parted in silence; and on each side dissatisfied, though not to an equal degree, for in Potter’s breast there was a tolerable powerful feeling towards her, which soon procured her pardon, and directed all his anger against another.
They had not long separated, when Miss Black came towards her, and with an expression of civil disdain accosted her:
‘So, Miss Lily, I hear you are quite delighted with Severus Snape! Your sister has been talking to me about him, and asking me a thousand questions; and I find that the young man quite forgot to tell you, among his other communication, that he was the son of old Snape, the late Mr. Potter’s steward. Let me recommend you, however, as a friend, not to give implicit confidence to all his assertions; for as to Mr. Potter’s using him ill, it is perfectly false; for, on the contrary, he has always been remarkably kind to him, though Severus Snape has treated Mr. Potter in a most infamous manner. I do not know the particulars, but I know very well that Mr. Potter is not in the least to blame, that he cannot bear to hear Severus Snape mentioned, and that though my brother thought that he could not well avoid including him in his invitation to the officers, he was excessively glad to find that he had taken himself out of the way. His coming into the country at all is a most insolent thing, indeed, and I wonder how he could presume to do it. I pity you, Miss Lily, for this discovery of your favourite’s guilt; but really, considering his descent, one could not expect much better.’
‘His guilt and his descent appear by your account to be the same,’ said Lily angrily; ‘for I have heard you accuse him of nothing worse than of being the son of Mr. Potter’s steward, and of that, I can assure you, he informed me himself.’
‘I beg your pardon,’ replied Miss Black, turning away with a sneer. ‘Excuse my interference–it was kindly meant.’
‘Insolent girl!’ said Lily to herself. ‘You are much mistaken if you expect to influence me by such a paltry attack as this. I see nothing in it but your own wilful ignorance and the malice of Mr. Potter.’ She then sought her eldest sister, who has undertaken to make inquiries on the same subject of Black. Daisy met her with a smile of such sweet complacency, a glow of such happy expression, as sufficiently marked how well she was satisfied with the occurrences of the evening. Lily instantly read her feelings, and at that moment solicitude for Snape, resentment against his enemies, and everything else, gave way before the hope of Daisy’s being in the fairest way for happiness.
‘I want to know,’ said she, with a countenance no less smiling than her sister’s, ‘what you have learnt about Mr. Snape. But perhaps you have been too pleasantly engaged to think of any third person; in which case you may be sure of my pardon.’
‘No,’ replied Daisy, ‘I have not forgotten him; but I have nothing satisfactory to tell you. Mr. Black does not know the whole of his history, and is quite ignorant of the circumstances which have principally offended Mr. Potter; but he will vouch for the good conduct, the probity, and honour of his friend, and is perfectly convinced that Mr. Snape has deserved much less attention from Mr. Potter than he has received; and I am sorry to say by his account as well as his sister’s, Mr. Snape is by no means a respectable young wizard. I am afraid he has been very imprudent, and has deserved to lose Mr. Potter’s regard.’
‘Mr. Black does not know Mr. Snape himself?’
‘No; he never saw him till the other morning at Myrthvale.’
‘This account then is what he has received from Mr. Potter. I am satisfied. But what does he say of the profession?’
‘He does not exactly recollect the circumstances, though he has heard them from Mr. Potter more than once, but he believes that it was left to him conditionally only.’
‘I have not a doubt of Mr. Black’s sincerity,’ said Lily warmly; ‘but you must excuse my not being convinced by assurances only. Mr. Black’s defense of his friend was a very able one, I dare say; but since he is unacquainted with several parts of the story, and has learnt the rest from that friend himself, I shall venture to still think of both gentlemen as I did before.’
She then changed the discourse to one more gratifying to each, and on which there could be no difference of sentiment. Lily listened with delight to the happy, though modest hopes which Daisy entertained of Mr. Black’s regard, and said all in her power to heighten her confidence in it. On their being joined by Mr. Black himself, Lily withdrew to Miss McKinnon; to whose inquiry after the pleasantness of her last partner she had scarcely replied, before Mr. Dursley came up to them, and told her with great exultation that he had just been so fortunate as to make a most important discovery.
‘I have found out,’ said he, ‘by a singular accident, that there is now in the room a near relation of my patroness. I happened to overhear the gentleman himself mentioning to the young lady who does the honours of the house the names of his cousin Miss of Gaunt, and of her mother Lady Astoria. How wonderfully these sort of things occur! Who would have thought of my meeting with, perhaps, a nephew of Lady Astoria of Gaunt in this assembly! I am most thankful that the discovery is made in time for me to pay my respects to him, which I am now going to do, and trust he will excuse my not having done it before. My total ignorance of the connection must plead my apology.’
‘You are not going to introduce yourself to Mr. Potter!’
‘Indeed I am. I shall entreat his pardon for not having done it earlier. I believe him to be Lady Astoria’s nephew. It will be in my power to assure him that her ladyship was quite well yesterday se’nnight.’
Lily tried hard to dissuade him from such a scheme, assuring him that Mr. Potter would consider his addressing him without introduction as an impertinent freedom, rather than a compliment to his aunt; that it was not in the least necessary there should be any notice on either side; and that if it were, it must belong to Mr. Potter, the superior in consequence, to begin the acquaintance. Mr. Dursley listened to her with the determined air of following his own inclination, and, when she ceased speaking, replied thus:
‘My dear Miss Lily, I have the highest opinion in the world in your excellent judgement in all matters within the scope of your understanding; but permit me to say, that there must be a wide difference between the established forms of ceremony amongst the laity, and those which regulate the clergy; for, give me leave to observe that I consider the clerical office as equal in point of dignity with the highest rank in the kingdom–provided that a proper humility of behaviour is at the same time maintained. You must therefore allow me to follow the dictates of my conscience on this occasion, which leads me to perform what I look on as a point of duty. Pardon me for neglecting to profit by your advice, which on every other subject shall be my constant guide, though in the case before us I consider myself more fitted by education and habitual study to decide on what is right than a young lady like yourself.’ And with a low bow he left her to attack Mr. Potter, whose reception of his advances she eagerly watched, and whose astonishment at being so addressed was very evident. Her cousin prefaced his speech with a solemn bow and though she could not hear a word of it, she felt as if hearing it all, and saw in the motion of his lips the words ‘apology,’ ‘Hallowford,’ and ‘Lady Astoria of Gaunt.’ It vexed her to see him expose himself to such a wizard. Mr. Potter was eyeing him with unrestrained wonder, and when at last Mr. Dursley allowed him time to speak, replied with an air of distant civility. Mr. Dursley, however, was not discouraged from speaking again, and Mr. Potter’s contempt seemed abundantly increasing with the length of his second speech, and at the end of it he only made him a slight bow, and moved another way. Mr. Dursley then returned to Lily.
‘I have no reason, I assure you,’ said he, ‘to be dissatisfied with my reception. Mr. Potter seemed much pleased with the attention. He answered me with the utmost civility, and even paid me the compliment of saying that he was so well convinced of Lady Astoria’s discernment as to be certain she could never bestow a favour unworthily. It was really a very handsome thought. Upon the whole, I am much pleased with him.’
As Lily had no longer any interest of her own to pursue, she turned her attention almost entirely on her sister and Mr. Black; and the train of agreeable reflections which her observations gave birth to, made her perhaps almost as happy as Daisy. She saw her in settled in that very house, in all the felicity which a marriage of true affection could bestow; and she felt capable, under such circumstances, of endeavouring even to like Black’s two sisters. Her mother’s thoughts she plainly saw were bent the same way, and she determined not to venture near her, lest she might hear too much. When they sat down to supper, therefore, she considered it a most unlucky perverseness which placed them within one of each other; and deeply was she vexed to find that her mother was talking to that one person (Lady McKinnon) freely, openly, and of nothing else but her expectation that Daisy would soon be married to Mr. Black. It was an animating subject, and Mrs. Evans seemed incapable of fatigue while enumerating the advantages of the match. His being such a charming young wizard, and so rich, and living but three miles from them, were the first points of self-gratulation; and then it was such a comfort to think how fond the two sisters were of Daisy, and to be certain that they must desire the connection as much as she could do. It was, moreover, such a promising thing for her younger daughters, as Daisy’s marrying so greatly must throw them in the way of other rich wizards; and lastly, it was so pleasant at her time of life to be able to consign her single daughters to the care of their sister, that she might not be obliged to go into company more than she liked. It was necessary to make this circumstance a matter of pleasure, because on such occasions it is the etiquette; but no one was less likely than Mrs. Evans to find comfort in staying home at any period of her life. She concluded with many good wishes that Lady McKinnon might soon be equally fortunate, though evidently and triumphantly believing there was no chance of it.
In vain did Lily endeavour to check the rapidity of her mother’s words, or persuade her to describe her felicity in a less audible whisper; for, to her inexpressible vexation, she could perceive that the chief of it was overheard by Mr. Potter, who sat opposite to them. Her mother only scolded her for being nonsensical.
‘What is Mr. Potter to me, pray, that I should be afraid of him? I am sure we owe him no such particular civility as to be obliged to say nothing he may not like to hear.’
‘For heaven’s sake, madam, speak lower. What advantage can it be for you to offend Mr. Potter? You will never recommend yourself to his friend by so doing!’
Nothing that she could say, however, had any influence. Her mother would talk of her views in the same intelligible tone. Lily blushed and blushed again with shame and vexation. She could not help frequently glancing her eye at Mr. Potter, though every glance convinced her of what she dreaded; for though he was not always looking at her mother, she was convinced that his attention was invariably fixed by her. The expression of his face changed gradually from indignant contempt to a composed and steady gravity.
At length, however, Mrs. Evans had no more to say; and Lady McKinnon, who had been long yawning at the repetition of delights which she saw no likelihood of sharing, was left to the comforts of cold ham and chicken. Lily now began to revive. But not long was the interval of tranquillity; for, when supper was over, singing was talked of, and she had the mortification of seeing Petunia, after very little entreaty, preparing to oblige the company. By many significant looks and silent entreaties, did she endeavour to prevent such a proof of complaisance, but in vain; Petunia would not understand them; such an opportunity of exhibiting was delightful to her, and she began her song. Lily’s eyes were fixed on her with most painful sensations, and she watched her progress through the several stanzas with an impatience which was very ill rewarded at their close; for Petunia, on receiving, amongst the thanks of the table, the hint of a hope that she might be prevailed on to favour them again, after the pause of half a minute began another. Petunia’s powers were by no means fitted for such a display; her voice was weak, and her manner affected. Lily was in agonies. She looked at Daisy, to see how she bore it; but Daisy was very composedly talking to Black. She looked at his two sisters, and saw them making signs of derision at each other, and at Potter, who continued, however, imperturbably grave. She looked at her father to entreat his interference, lest Petunia should be singing all night. He took the hint, and when Petunia had finished her second song, said aloud, ‘That will do extremely well, child. You have delighted us long enough. Let the other young ladies have time to exhibit.’
Petunia, though pretending not to hear, was somewhat disconcerted; and Lily, sorry for her, and sorry for her father’s speech, was afraid her anxiety had done no good. Others of the party were now applied to.
‘If I,’ said Mr. Dursley, ‘were so fortunate as to be able to sing, I should have great pleasure, I am sure, in obliging the company with an air; for I consider music as a very innocent diversion, and perfectly compatible with the profession of a clergyman. I do not mean, however, to assert that we can be justified in devoting too much of our time to music, for there are certainly other things to be attended to. The rector of a parish has much to do. In the first place, he must make such an agreement for tithes as a may be beneficial to himself and not offensive to his patron. He must write his own sermons; and the time that remains will not be too much for his parish duties, and the care and improvement of his dwelling, which he cannot be excused from making as a comfortable as possible. And I do not think it of light importance that he should have attentive and conciliatory manner towards everybody, especially towards those to whom he owes his preferment. I cannot acquit him of that duty; nor could I think well of the man who should omit an occasion of testifying his respect towards anybody connected with the family.’ And with a bow to Mr. Potter, he concluded his speech, which had been spoken so loud as a to be heard by half the room. Many stared–many smiled; but no one looked more amused than Mr. Evans himself, while his wife seriously commended Mr. Dursley for having spoken so sensibly, and observed in a half-whisper to Lady McKinnon, that he was a remarkably clever, good kind of young man.
To Lily it appeared that, had her family made an agreement to expose themselves as a much as a they could during the evening, it would have been impossible for them to play their parts with more spirit or finer success; and happy did she think it for Black and her sister that some of the exhibition had escaped his notice, and that his feelings were not of a sort to be much distressed by the folly which he must have witnessed. That his two sisters and Mr. Potter, however, should have such an opportunity of ridiculing her relations, was bad enough, and she could not determine whether the silent contempt of the gentleman, or the insolent smiles of the ladies, were more intolerable.
The rest of the evening brought her little amusement. She was teased by Mr. Dursley, who continued most perseveringly by her side, and though he could not prevail on her to dance with him again, put it out of her power to dance with others. In vain did she entreat him to stand up with somebody else, and offer to introduce him to any young lady in the room. He assured her, that as to dancing, he was perfectly indifferent to it; that his chief object was by delicate attentions to recommend himself to her and that he should therefore make a point of remaining close to her the whole evening. There was no arguing upon such a project. She owed her greatest relief to her friend Miss McKinnon, who often joined them, and good-naturedly engaged Mr. Dursley’s conversation to herself.
She was at least free from the offense of Mr. Potter’s further notice; though often standing within a very short distance of her, quite disengaged, he never came near enough to speak. She felt it to be the probable consequence of her allusions to Mr. Snape, and rejoiced in it.
The Sylvanbourn party were the last of all the company to depart, and, by a manoeuvre of Mrs. Evans, had to wait for their carriage a quarter of an hour after everybody else was gone, which gave them time to see how heartily they were wished away by some of the family. Mrs. Lestrange and her sister scarcely opened their mouths, except to complain of fatigue, and were evidently impatient to have the house to themselves. They repulsed every attempt of Mrs. Evans at conversation, and by so doing threw a languor over the whole party, which was very little relieved by the long speeches of Mr. Dursley, who was complimenting Mr. Black and his sisters on the elegance of their entertainment, and the hospitality and politeness which had marked their behaviour to their guests. Potter said nothing at all. Mr. Evans, in equal silence, was enjoying the scene. Mr. Black and Daisy were standing together, a little detached from the rest, and talked only to each other. Lily preserved as steady a silence as either Mrs. Lestrange or Miss Black; and even Heather was too much fatigued to utter more than the occasional exclamation of ‘Lord, how tired I am!’ accompanied by a violent yawn.
When at length they arose to take leave, Mrs. Evans was most pressingly civil in her hope of seeing the whole family soon at Sylvanbourn, and addressed herself especially to Mr. Black, to assure him how happy he would make them by eating a family dinner with them at any time, without the ceremony of a formal invitation. Black was all grateful pleasure, and he readily engaged for taking the earliest opportunity of waiting on her, after his return from London, whither he was obliged to go the next day for a short time.
Mrs. Evans was perfectly satisfied, and quitted the house under the delightful persuasion that, allowing for the necessary preparations of settlements, new carriages, and wedding clothes, she should undoubtedly see her daughter settled at Netherthorn in the course of three or four months. Of having another daughter married to Mr. Dursley, she thought with equal certainty, and with considerable, though not equal, pleasure. Lily was the least dear to her of all her children; and though the man and the match were quite good enough for her, the worth of each was eclipsed by Mr. Black and Netherthorn.