Chapter 2
Sirius let out a soft groan as something hit against his side, nudging him in short, repeated movements. He tried curling away from the offender, but it was futile, resulting in whatever had been hitting him to begin doing so even more aggressively. Sirius eventually gave up, the drowsiness which often came after mid-day naps slowly fading as he rubbed his eyes, pressing down hard enough to turn his vision into static-y stars.
The first thing he managed to focus on in his sleep-driven state was the crickets droning around him, along with the slightly chilly breeze burning his cheeks, and pinkening the tip of his nose. The next, and far more shocking thing he’d realized was that he was outside— outside, leaning against a tree, sitting beneath a tall, shadowy, mysterious figure. Sirius’s eyes widened as he gazed up at the shaded form in front of him, his pupils taking a moment to adjust to the dark, purple hues of the evening sky.
The figure (Remus, he soon realized) was staring down at him with an amused smirk, his hands shoved in his jean pockets, and his shoulders squared as he shivered against the cold. Hogsmeade had always been like this— boiling in the day, and freezing at night. It was a nuisance, more than anything, but a nuisance Sirius rarely faced, thanks to his usually long days spent indoors. His mom often complained about it, though— she was never much one for the heat. Her style often included numerous layers of skirts and shawls, resulting in sweaty days, and comfortable nights. The days, though— she made sure to make everyone else’s problem. Sirius could recall many a time spent listening to his mother curse the dreaded, beaming sunlight— shouting at their chauffeur to turn up the air conditioning, as if he’d been the one causing the hellish weather outside all on his own.
“Ah, shit.” Sirius heard Remus mumble lowly, looking up to see the boy running a hand through his sun-bleached curls, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked towards the parking lot. Sirius followed his gaze, his eyes narrowing at the crunches of tires against sand, combined with the yellow burst of dust blockading the lot from view.
“S’everything alright?” Sirius slurred, letting out a yawn as he stretched his aching limbs, his ass uncomfortably sore from prolonged periods spent on the rough ground. Remus just nodded his head vaguely, still staring ahead towards the dust. It was an unconvincing display, causing Sirius to raise a suspicious brow.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” Remus nodded again, though this time far more firm. “I think it’s Moody.”
Sirius’s brow remained raised, motioning for Remus to elaborate.
“Oh shit, yeah,” Remus scratched the back of his neck, his head swiveling between the parking lot and Sirius, as if he couldn’t decide which was more important in the moment. “He’s my boss. If you had to guess,” Remus added on distractedly, “how much shit’s been stolen since we’ve left?”
Sirius snorted, smirking up at Remus.
“I’m sure the place is cleaned out by now.”
Despite the clear jest in his tone, Remus let out a groan, throwing his head back as he dragged a hand over his face.
“Okay, okay— here’s what I’ll do. I’ll just go in there, tell Moody I’d been chasing away the raccoons or some shit, and pray to the fucking lord everything’s still there.”
Sirius shrugged, the smirk still on his face. “Fair plan.”
Remus raised a brow with a grin. “‘Ya think?”
Sirius shrugged again, causing Remus to playfully roll his eyes before holding out a hand for Sirius, hauling his stumbling form back to his feet in a nearly identical imitation of their first meeting. Remus spanned the height of the chain-link fence with ease, his feet quickly hitting the concrete beside the dumpsters on the other side as he dusted himself off. Remus hastily threw the decrepit chairs back behind the metal bins as Sirius made his way over as well, struggling greatly as the metal points of the fence dug into his stomach. Remus snickered when Sirius landed, wincing as his knees painfully cracked on impact.
“It was nice meeting you, man,” Remus said eventually once Sirius had collected himself, his hand leaving his nearly impaled stomach as he looked up to the tan boy. Sirius nearly panicked at the finality in Remus’s tone— the way he said the words, as if it was unlikely they’d ever meet again. Sirius had heard the tone before in himself, bidding his farewells to old, sleazy women with massive diamond earrings and rich husbands, who allowed Sirius to kiss their bejeweled hands as they blushed. He’d heard it from past tutors, frantically packing their papers into briefcases as they fled the room— having apparently endured one too many of Sirius’s nearly constant pranks. The bucket of water over the door was unoriginal as hell, but it did its job, evidently. Sorry, Mr. Jenkins, Sirius thought to himself belatedly.
He’d even heard it from relatives— children of families he’d been forced to memorize eight generations back, whose entire demeanors sighed in relief as they realized they could finally leave whatever dreaded gala they’d been forced to attend, and return back to their rooms. Yes, Sirius had heard the tone many times, and while usually it was an indication of well-deserved release, today, it felt entirely different.
Sirius realized quickly that he didn’t want this to be the last time. Remus had been Sirius’s first glimpse of freedom, and as he looked around at the quickly darkening sky— the headlights of Remus’s boss, Moody’s, car flickering brightly, illuminating their forms from within the shadows— Sirius began to panic. He panicked further as the run-down car let out a strangled honk, causing both Sirius and Remus to jump at the noise. Remus mumbled out a few curses as he squinted into the glare, pushing one of Sirius’s shoulders in a gentle nudge.
“You gotta get going, man,” Remus said as he retreated towards the door, walking backwards to continue talking to Sirius. “If Moody tries to talk to you, just deny everything. Deny, deny, deny. Pretend like you don’t know me— gaslight him if you have to. He’s a dumbass— he’d probably believe it. Maybe I’ll gaslight him into believing we haven’t been stolen from— d’ya think that’d work?”
Sirius stuttered at the flow of words coming out of Remus’s mouth, unable to form a coherent answer before Remus shot out another question.
“You’ll come back tomorrow, yeah? Maybe— just maybe— I’ll be awake this time. I’ll stay up, I swear— just for you.” Remus winked as he spoke the final line, a smirk plastered on his face as he suddenly waved Sirius goodbye, turning aggressively to shove open the metal door, and disappearing into the dinghy storage room. Sirius was left standing, spotlighted by the headlights, with his hand half extended in a wave, unable to get a word out before Remus had left.
Sirius took a moment to process everything that had been said, his eyebrows furrowing as he recalled the basically one-sided conversation. One thing, though, stuck out to Sirius:
Remus wanted him to come back. In fact, he’d seem to almost expect it— as if that was just something Sirius could easily do without question. As if he could just leave his house at will, and wander through the fucking woods as he pleased. Maybe for some people, that was normal. Maybe, for most teenage boys, going to a gas station from the afternoon to late evening everyday was an acceptable thing.
It sounded unlikely, but he really had no idea. Not a single clue.
Sirius was still lost in thought as he heard the sound of a metal door being slammed, followed by the telltale noise of footsteps crunching across the dirt. He heard keys jingling on a keychain as the footsteps neared, bringing an older man with a thick, leather coat and a fake eye into view. His hair was thinned and light, only illuminated by the still-on headlights which backlit the entire scene, making it appear to be almost nonexistent. His absolutely disheveled coat was patched and fraying from years of use, held together by buckled straps and absurdly flashy buttons.
“The hell are you doin’ back here?” The man boomed with a grumble— his voice husky and aged. Sirius reeled back, but was unsure what to say, stuck like a deer in headlights as the man approached his frozen form.
“Are’ya deaf?” He snapped a finger in Sirius’s face once they were just a few feet apart, causing Sirius to blink at the confrontation.
“N— No sir,” He managed to a stutter out without a semblance of grace or manners about him, “I was just leaving—“
“What the hell were you and Loopy doin’ out here? Where’d that little shit go?”
“Loopy?” Sirius parroted back, confused. “Who—?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, boy— I just saw his spindly ass. I’m not that easily fooled, I assure you. I may look old, but I’m sure as hell not senile.”
“Never said you were,” Sirius quickly added, shaking his head, “But really, I have no clue who you’re talking about. I just came back here because I saw a trash can, and— and I needed to throw something away. Then, a raccoon just popped out of nowhere! That boy you saw before heard all of my screaming from inside, and came out to shoo it away.”
Moody’s single eye narrowed at Sirius suspiciously, clearly not believing a word of his lies.
“Is that right?”
Sirius nodded, humming in affirmation.
“Well,” he grunted, “you’re certainly not deaf, but blind’s still not off the table.”
Sirius found himself scoffing despite himself, truly unable to believe this man’s audacity. He grimaced right in the old man’s face.
“Excuse you?”
“Kid, I’ve only got one eye, but even I can see the fucking trash can right outside the main doors.”
“Is this how you talk to all of your customers?!” Sirius raised his nose, imitating the face he’d seen his own mother use to show her superiority many times before. “I just saw this one first, that’s all.”
“I know you’re lying, but I’m not in the mood to deal with you right now—“
Sirius couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Jesus, he was an asshole. Who did this man think he was?!
“Just scram. Get off my property, and fuck off.”
Sirius’s mouth dropped open in shock, but he felt himself begin to move away nonetheless, carefully dodging around the bitchy man to leave the premises. Sirius couldn’t help but feel a bit bad for Remus. Working under a man like that must’ve been just awful. Maybe that was what his own servants thought about them. Maybe that was how the maids felt when his mother would yell about a speck of dust left on the baseboards, or the cooks when she’d complain about a slightly charred piece of steak. Sirius suddenly felt a bit bad for them. He’d be sure to thank them for their service next time he saw them— that being, if he’s even allowed back. Sirius milled about this as he trudged back through the forest, praying to God up above that his feet would somehow lead him back home as he shivered against the cold. It really was freezing, and Sirius had nothing but a button-up and some dress pants to fend off the chill. He tried distracting himself by taking deep breaths— staring out into the dark scenery, and trying to distinguish the shaking leaves from the trunks; the crunching sticks upon the floor from dangerous logs. With his eyesight being barely any help at all, he tried to use his other senses. He ran his hands over the surrounding objects, and listened for the coming and passing of a small stream he’d noticed on his journey over.
With nothing to really do but stew in his own thoughts, Sirius did a lot of thinking. A lot. He thought as he heard the chatter of squirrels and the buzz of fireflies. He thought as he rubbed his sleeved arms in an attempt to conserve warmth, huffing against the wind. He thought about Remus and Moody, the shop and the raccoon, his brother and his parents— yes, Sirius thought of it all. He tried to imagine what would happen once he got home. He tried to picture their reactions— his future punishments. He tried to come up with an escape plan— a way to get out tomorrow. Despite it all, there was only one thing Sirius had decided for certain. He would be coming back tomorrow. He didn’t care how it happened, or how bad of a beating he’d get for it later, he just knew he had to see Remus again. He had to see the trees standing tall above him, rather than through the perfectly polished panes of his library’s window. He had to hear the birds flutter around his head singing their lovely songs, rather than them being simply droning noise blurring the quiet sounds of chewing during breakfast. He wanted to kick his feet through the grass, run his hand through the cool water of the stream, and feel the sweat running down his back. He wanted to put his hair up above his head, like he’d always wanted to do, and lay inside of the narrow, air conditioned aisles with the scarred boy he’d met before— the sounds coming from his tiny headset just intelligible from its loud volume, and the buzz of the mosquitos lulling him into a blissful sleep.
It was crazy how sudden all of these dreams were. It was insane how much one could change after just a glimpse of freedom. How much he could change. It baffled him how the life he’d always lived suddenly felt impossible to return to— how his imagination began running wild, flipping through scenario after scenario of things which he’d once thought impossible, but now were almost feasible. So unbelievably close, he could almost taste them. Feel them within his grasp. He’d only known Remus for a couple hours at most, yet the boy was suddenly consuming his thoughts. He’d only had but a few conversations with him, and yet he felt himself yearning for more. He hardly knew him at all, and yet the second he offhandedly asked for him to return, he began plotting. He started mapping all of the points of escape he knew possible— thinking of all of the windows and their openings; which maids would snitch, and which would help.
As he followed the straight path he’d taken back to his manor, he was thinking more of how to leave, than what would happen upon his return. He essentially always knew what would happen when he got back. He’d either be thrown out onto the streets, or punished. Severely. He didn’t know which one he’d really prefer. He hardly knew why he was even trying to go back. Maybe it was the cold affecting his sense, or maybe it was just fear. Maybe he was scared to let it all go— to let everything he’s ever known disappear completely. Sirius wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t ready to leave. He hadn’t been ready when he walked out the front doors that morning. That wasn’t him really leaving, that was just him taking a break. It was him proving he could do it. That leaving was possible, if the need truly arises.
He couldn’t leave yet. He couldn’t leave his brother all alone in that house. He couldn’t leave his duties as heir, or his future as the head of house. He couldn’t leave it all to die.
He didn’t want to leave his education behind. He didn’t want to be starving in the middle of the woods, with nothing to eat but the potentially poisoned berries on bushes. He didn’t want to be homeless. Sirius didn’t want any of that. He still wanted comfort. He still wanted a life. He still wanted a home.
He still wanted all of it, but despite that, he also just wanted to be free.
Sirius needed to be free, and as he saw the glow of streetlights up ahead— the rocks slowly merging into one as they formed a long, winding road, he knew he’d do anything to get that.
Sirius would do absolutely anything.
~~~
It’s difficult to predict the future. In fact, it’s impossible. No one can. Time is a funny thing, and there’s no way to know exactly what the outcome of anything will be. Everything is a mystery. Everything is an unsolved challenge; a new adventure to be had.
Sirius knew all of this. He knew he had no real way to predict how his family would act, despite his many educated guesses. He knew as he carefully cracked the door of his manor open in the middle of the night— the scratching echoing throughout the halls, and the creak of his feet against the floors deafening to his ears— that he had no clue what would happen to him.
He’d made assumptions, sure. He assumed they’d be waiting in the front room in the dark like those movies he’d seen the laundry washers watching from time to time— flicking their old, antique lamp to life, and illuminating the large room with the dark glow, reflecting through the black lampshade surrounding the bulb. He assumed they’d be waiting at the door screaming at him, thrusting suitcases of his things into his chest, and shoving him right back where he came from. He assumed they’d be crowding around his bedroom door with a belt in hand, already prepared for his punishment.
It was because of all of the assumptions Sirius found himself quite shocked as he made his way back to his chambers without a peep of protest— the only thing lighting his way being the moon outside, and the vague forms of objects visible in the dark. He found his brows furrowing as he carefully opened his bedroom door, shutting it behind himself slowly to avoid the click of the lock, and sliding himself down against its wooden surface until he was sat on the floor— confused and a bit unsettled. He’d stretched his legs out in front of him and blinked a few times, running his sweaty palms over his thighs, and biting the insides of his cheeks anxiously as he waited. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, but he was definitely waiting.
Sirius waited quite awhile sat behind that door. He waited as he listened for every sound or disturbance; every creak of the house settling, and every buzz of his ceiling fan spinning slowly above him. He waited for something which never came— a presence which never made itself known. After what must’ve been at least an hour of silence, Sirius carefully peeled himself from the floor. He stumbled to his feet and undressed slowly— his nightclothes sliding over his shivering body as he stared blankly ahead, barely aware of the movement at all. He stared absently up at the ceiling as he lied in bed, unable to stop himself from thrashing restlessly.
He didn’t get it. Why did no one care? Why was no one here?
Perhaps they’d all been brutally murdered in his absence. Maybe they’d been waiting for him to leave this entire time, and promptly escaped to some far away country as soon as he was far enough away to be unaware. He came up with seemingly thousands of stupid scenarios of why they hadn’t done anything— imagined their potential deaths and sudden escapades as he slowly drifted off into sleep, the images still finding him in his dreams, and his body refusing to stop its anxious shifting.
He’d hardly realized he’d even been asleep until he suddenly wasn’t— the early morning sun peeking into his room, and the bright light shining brightly into his still-tired eyes.
Sirius had almost forgotten all that had happened the day prior. As he heard a knock at his door from the maids, and the message of his parents summoning him to breakfast, Sirius forgot it all. He was half asleep as he brushed through his knotted, black locks— hardly alive as he threw on a pair of pants, perfectly ironed, and properly creased exactly as his mother always insisted they be.
It wasn’t until he slowly made his way down the stairs that it all started coming back to him in rapid bursts. It wasn’t until he heard the tweet of the morning birds— the constant creaking of his footsteps, and the sizzle of the cooks making his breakfast just a few rooms over— that Sirius remembered it all. Suddenly, he felt his heart beginning to pound against his chest, his breath coming out in short puffs as he tried to calm himself down.
This was it. This was the punishment he’d been expecting. They probably just hadn’t bothered to wait all night for him, and decided to do it in the morning. That must’ve been it. That was the only possibility remaining.
He could hardly breathe as he hauled open the French doors of the dining room, being met with not even a glance in his direction. His mother was cooing at Regulus and messing with his hair as his dad read the paper— a cup of coffee in his hands, and the rustle of the sheet shaking against his fingertips. Sirius’s eyes narrowed as he took his seat, his brother looking over to give him an annoyed nod of acknowledgment, and his mother clearing her throat in preparation to speak.
“So kind of you to join us, Sirius.” She said coldly, her eyes looking through him. “Shall I inform the tutors of your absence again today? No use in having them stand around while you’re out doing God knows what, is there?”
He knew this was a trap. It was apparent in her tone; in the way Regulus audibly swallowed, averting his eyes. Sirius knew this was a trap, and yet, it was also an out. He took a chance.
“If I have your permission, then yes— do what you want.”
Walburga Black hummed, and he noticed the eyes of his father glancing up from over his paper in vague interest.
“When do you suppose you’ll be ready to resume your studies?”
“I’ll—“ Sirius thought for a moment, unsure, “I’ll let you know morning of.”
Walburga pursed her lips, but made no further comment— simply nodding in compliance, and resuming her quiet conversation with Regulus.
Sirius could hardly believe it. It was hard to even fathom. His parents didn’t speak another word to him as their food was served, nor as he asked to be excused from the table, being met with only a distracted hum, and a wave of dismissal. He was too shocked to even hear the sounds of his brother asking to be excused as well, along with the sounds of his footsteps running across the floor in his direction. He barely noticed his presence until Regulus was standing right before him, slightly out of breath, and wide-eyed in fear. Sirius felt himself break from his trance, his mind suddenly becoming alert once again at the sight of his little brother’s hand resting frantically against his shoulder.
“Reggie—?”
“They’re mad. It may not look it, but I swear, they’re mad.”
Sirius felt himself scoff despite himself as he turned his head, his chin held up proudly.
“No shock there—“
“Really, Sirius,” Regulus shook his head quickly, his eyes squinting shut as he blinked. “This isn’t a joke. I’m not trying to mess with you, or make your life miserable, or whatever you’re thinking right now—“
“I didn’t—!” Sirius tried, but was swiftly cut off, his mouth snapping shut with annoyance as his brother shushed him.
“Just listen to me. Please.” Sirius felt himself soften at that, shocked at the genuine fear in his brother’s tone. “I’m not sure why they’re letting you leave again. I don’t know what their plan is, but I know something is wrong. They were furious when they found out you’d left, and then for some reason, they just stopped caring. They acted like everything was fine, and when I asked about you, they just said you’ll return eventually, and that everything would be fine. It was so weird, and I don’t like it, Sirius. They were too calm about it. They’re up to something— gonna do something to you, I just know it.”
“Like what?” Sirius heard himself speak without thinking, the words spilling against his will.
“I don’t know. I have no clue. Just— please stay? For me. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Sirius scoffed again, rolling his eyes. “Oh, I’m sure. Because you care sooo much about my well-being—“
“Sirius! Stop it—!”
“I’ll be back later tonight, don’t you worry your perfect little head off.” Sirius pushed past Regulus, shouldering him as he made his way towards the door. “Don’t worry— you won’t get rid of me that easily.”
He heard Regulus yell after him in protest, but Sirius didn’t listen. He didn’t listen as he slammed the door on his way out, blinding his sensitive eyes with the sun as he stepped outside. He didn’t listen as he stormed off the property, stomping through the woods, and hardly noticing his surroundings as he made his way towards the gas station from before.
Regulus didn’t care about him anymore, and evidently, neither did his parents. They wanted him gone; that much was clear. But, there was someone who still wanted him around, despite all that. There was someone waiting for him in the clearing just up ahead, probably sleeping on the floor as he neglected his responsibilities.
He didn’t have much, but he had something, and he wouldn’t let that go so easily. He’d just gained something that was his and his alone, and he wouldn’t let it escape his grasp.
He’d had a home, he had tutors awaiting his return, and he had a random cashier in a random shop. That was all he needed.
That was all he had.