The hook
Sirius Black didn’t know much, but he knew he was a terrible person.
He knew all of this was wrong—every thought, every moment, every agonizing second he spent wanting her. Maybe the bloody Black genes had finally kicked in, because falling for her was a sickness, a rot in his bones that he couldn’t carve out no matter how hard he tried. He knew he had a choice—people always had choices.
But this?
This didn’t feel like one.No matter how much he tried to kill it, whatever was happening in his wretched heart, it only came back stronger.
“Sirius?”
A groggy voice cut through the suffocating silence.
Remus.
Sirius clenched his jaw. Third time this week. Third time waking up in a cold sweat. But he couldn’t just go to sleep in his own bed. That would fuck things up. That would make Remus ask questions. And Remus never asked outright—no, he observed, he watched, and when the moment was right, he dismantled Sirius like a puzzle.
Sirius couldn’t afford that.
Not this close to the full moon.
Remus would think this was about him, that he was a burden. A liability. And Sirius Black couldn’t let that happen.
So, he did what he did best. He lied.
“Nothing, Moons. Just need some food in me. Bloody starving, I don’t know what they put—”
“It’s three in the morning, Sirius.”
For a split second, he faltered. He hadn’t expected Remus to challenge him.
He recovered quickly. “Good thing the house elves work nights,” he shot back, dry and sarcastic.
They both knew what Remus meant. They both knew he wasn’t hungry. This was Remus’s way of pleading for an answer.
But Sirius wouldn’t let him see this.He grabbed his shirt, barely sparing a glance at James’s bed—until he realized it was empty.
Oh.
The hollow realization twisted something ugly inside him. His grip on his wand tightened as his mind drifted.
Hot gasps and moans. Bodies moving. Her breathless “Yes, yes, yes.”
And it was James giving it to her. James making her fall apart. James touching her.
A sickness bloomed in Sirius’s stomach. He loathed the way his mind worked, the way he could barely breathe past the jealousy. How much he wanted it to be him.
How much he hated James at that moment.
If James ever found out, likely use the bloody Avada on Sirius without hesitation. And he’d deserve it.
He tore his gaze away, shoving his feet into his boots. Before Remus could say anything, Sirius was already moving—out of the dorm, down into the common room, where rage clawed at his ribs until he slammed his fist against the wall.
“Shit, shit, shit, fuck!”
The fire crackled in front of him, but all he could see was her face.
He used to beg for the life he had now. Remus, the Marauders, James’s parents who loved him like their own. He had everything.
And yet, his own mind wanted to ruin it.
Because that’s what Sirius Black did. He destroyed everything, just to see if it would come back.
“Sirius?”
Her voice was soft.
His heart stopped. Then restarted.
Slowly, deliberately, he turned. And there she was.
Lily.
Fuck.
She stood on the staircase, red hair tumbling over her shoulders, wearing an old, oversized jumper that wasn’t James’s.
He wished it were his.
Lily’s breath hitched.
There was something about the way he looked at her—like the weight of the world had just landed on his shoulders—and somehow, impossibly, it only made him look better.
She hated that about him. The way he carried himself like he belonged to no one. The way his sharp edges had grown even sharper over the years. She couldn’t even remember when she first noticed the way his jaw clenched when he thought no one was looking. Or the way he laughed these days—like it was more for show than joy.
It had stuck with her.
Just like everything else about him.
“Lily,” he breathed.
Sirius Black had always been magnetic. Even back in third year, when they barely spoke, people had wanted him—Slytherins, Gryffindors, boys, girls. Everyone.
But no one really had him.
Not even Remus.
And certainly not her.
Not when she had already chosen James.
And yet, here they were.
She saw it in his eyes—the hunger, the pain, the self-hatred. And she felt it, too.
“Go back upstairs, Evans.”
His voice was sharp now. A command. A plea.
Lily twitched. “What are you doing down here, Black?”
He exhaled sharply. “Evans. I’m not asking.”
“I’m a free witch, Black. You can’t tell me to—”
“Evans,” he snapped, stepping closer. “For both our sakes, GO.”
She swallowed. He didn’t need to say it—this can’t happen—because it already had. It was in the way they looked at each other. In the unbearable pull that neither of them wanted but neither could resist.
“I’m worried about you,” she whispered.
Something flickered across his face. For a moment, she thought she’d won. But then—
He laughed.
A bitter, hollow sound.
“Worried about me? Oh, fuck you, Evans,” he spat. “Don’t stand there and act like you care. Like you’re thinking about me.”
He stepped closer, voice quieter now, words sharper than a knife. “You’ve been on James’s cock all night. Don’t pretend this is anything but a game for you.”
The jinx hit before he could react.
Sirius crashed to the ground, pain exploding through his ribs.
“Shit,” Lily gasped, dropping to her knees.
Her hands were on him immediately, trembling as they ran through his hair. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Sirius groaned, forcing himself upright. He had to calm her down before James woke up, before Remus woke up, before this spiraled into something they couldn’t take back.
“If James wakes up and you’re not in the dorm,” he rasped, “he’ll come looking. And he’ll come here first.”
They both knew what that meant.
They were too close. Breathing too hard. He could see the rise and fall of her chest, the way her lips were parted.
And then—
She kissed him.
Desperate. Hungry. Wrong.
It takes him a second to process-the heat of her lips, the desperation in her touch but then he's kissing her back. Her hands are in his hair, pulling him closer as her tongue slides past his lips, and for a moment, he lets himself fall into it.
But Lily Evans is relentless. She's climbing into his lap now, pushing him back against the carpet, her body pressing into his like she's trying to melt into him. He feels her warmth, her need, and his dick reacts before his head.
Sirius Black is many things, but submissive? Never.
In one swift motion, he flips her over, pinning her to the hardwood floor with a force that knocks the breath from her lungs. She laughs—a soft, breathy sound that only makes him burn hotter-and he swears she expected this.
His mouth finds hers again, rough and eager, before he's trailing kisses along her jaw, down to her neck. She gasps as his lips linger, sucking lightly against her pulse, leaving marks he knows he shouldn't. But he can't stop. His hands slide to the thin straps of her nightdress, tugging them down as he kisses her collarbone, then lower, until he feels her body arch against him.
Her soft moans only spur him on, and his hands roam instinctively, finding every sensitive spot that makes her hips grind against him harder, desperate for friction, and Sirius really does want to take off her clothes right now and fuck her till she can’t walk.
But then reality crashed down."Lily," he gasps against her skin, his voice raw and strained. "We-" He pulls back just enough to meet her eyes, his chest heaving as he forces the words out. "We can't do this right here darling"
He regrets it as soon as he says it because Lily Evan’s is bloody beautiful, and she’s under him flushed and turned on, and God he wants it bad, but they have to be careful there's too much riding on this. Too many people that can’t know.
Her breath is ragged, and for a moment, she looks like she might argue. Her hands are still tangled in his hair, her body still pressed against his, and he hates how much he wants her to say something, anything, to justify this.
But she doesn't.
Instead, she stares up at him, her expression caught somewhere between defiance and heartbreak. “How’d you become the wise one between us?” she says not particularly with a lot of joy.
Siruis would laugh if he could, but right now his boner is causing him too much pain to be of any use.
“I wasn’t screwing James, he was just stressed about Quidditch tomorrow, and wanted to sleep in my dorm, its soothing.” is all she says before she pushes him off of her. He hates how relieved it makes him.
“It wasn’t my place to even ask” is all he mutters back looking at her fix herself up.
“No, but I want you to know that.” She wants me to fucking know that? Siruis feels overstimulated, and confused.
“Siruis, I really do care you know?”
“I know you do” he huffs out “I know you do” “it’s just been keeping me up at night, these secrets fuck I know Remus feels something up and I don’t want this to become a…”
He sees her stiffen at the mention of Remus. Siruis knows the feeling all too well, how much its eating her up to have to see him everyday knowing what they’ve done.
“Are we bad people, Sirius?”
He swallowed. He thought about James. About Remus. About what they had already done.
“Don’t make me answer that.”
She left before he could say anything else.
And Sirius Black sat there, staring into the fire, wondering how fucking long he'd be bloody haunted.