All of Severus hurt as he limped towards Grimmauld Place, a hood curled over his head to hide his face. Thankfully, London was as gloomy as ever, so he was not suspiciously out of place. From a distance, anyways. If anyone took a closer look at the wizard, they would notice that he was covered in blood. His entire body ached, especially his head as he fought desperately to keep Voldemort out.
This was no easy task. Voldemort was extremely accomplished with this kind of magic. But Severus was not trying to overpower him; he was delaying him.
He had barely survived when Voldemort had discovered that he was a double agent. He knew that as soon as he got within the confines of the Fidelius Charm Albus had placed on number twelve Grimmauld Place that he’d be safe; almost safer than if he fled to Hogwarts. He limped faster, desperate to get inside to safety. He felt cornered and watched, like a rabbit aware of a fox haunting its path.
He walked up the steps and tried to open the door. Of course, it was locked. He bit back panic and knocked loudly, desperation thrumming through his veins. There were almost certainly Death Eaters trailing him right now, perhaps even Voldemort himself.
Damn it, Albus, Severus thought when no one answered. If I die, I’m going to haunt you forever.
He knocked again, even louder than he had the first time. He nearly sighed in relief when he faintly heard footsteps come up to the door.
‘Who is there?’ Asked the familiar voice of Remus Lupin.
Severus was too tired and too relieved to particularly care that it was one of the damn Marauders behind the door. His headache worsened and he bit down a groan. Fuck off, Voldemort, he thought, and he hoped that Lupin opened the fucking door before the Dark Lord could get here and kill him.
‘It is Severus Snape, professor of Potions at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft,’ he responded.
His voice was strained from exhaustion and from pain.
‘You let your friends bully me when we were kids,’ Severus added, to help confirm his identity. ‘Also, you nearly bloody killed me once, so fucking let me in for the love of Merlin!’
Thank Salazar, Lupin seemed to realize the urgency, so he opened the door. He looked far healthier than Severus felt; his once pale and wan skin was back to a healthy shade and he seemed no longer on the cusp of being emaciated. Severus nearly fell over but quickly righted himself and strode in before pulling the hood of his jacket down. He sighed in relief when his headache vanished, Voldemort unable to locate him anymore thanks to the Fidelius Charm.
Lupin took one look at Severus and blanched.
‘Why are you covered in blood?’ He asked, voice slightly louder than usual.
Distantly, Severus heard voices in the kitchen. Conspicuously, they all stopped after Lupin’s exclamation.
He grimaced. ‘I hate to interrupt dinner, but is Albus here? There’s been…some updates that he needs to be aware of.
‘You look like you’re going to pass out,’ Lupin said, as blunt as ever. ‘And no, he’s not here.’
Severus groaned. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ he muttered.
He sighed. He had come all this way, had nearly died doing the damn job he had done under Albus’ direction, and the old wanker couldn’t even be bothered to be here? He pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned against the wall, ignoring the portrait of Sirius and Regulus’ mother, who started screaming obscenities. Lupin flicked his wand and the portrait thankfully shut.
Severus limped past Lupin and peered into a mirror hanging in the wall. He looked terrible. In other words, he almost resembled a corpse. He winced when that word shot up memories of Regulus and his fate and he quietly cursed Voldemort in his mind. Severus pointed his wand at his own face and muttered some spells, which healed the wounds but unfortunately left the blood.
He turned to Lupin, who looked confused and slightly concerned (which was impossible, given that the living Marauders hated Severus’ guts).
‘How do I look?’ He asked.
‘Better,’ Lupin replied honestly. ‘But Severus, what happened? Why are you here?’
‘Voldemort wanted me dead, but he was not quick enough,’ Severus told his ex-schoolmate.
Severus sighed. ‘I’ll tell you after I get some damn food.’
He strode down the hall and into the kitchen without looking behind him or looking at the kitchen’s occupants, but he felt their eyes upon him and he knew Lupin had followed him.
‘You see, Sirius,’ Severus said as he picked up an apple, ‘for the last fourteen years, I have had a secret job. It’s why I got off free when all the other Death Eaters captured were sent to Azkaban, with the exception of the Malfoys and a few others. And the Dark Lord recently learned what I was doing. Let’s just say that he wasn’t pleased.’
‘You were a spy,’ Granger said quietly. ‘Someone on the inside. A double agent.’
‘Indeed, Miss Granger,’ Severus confirmed.
Black scoffed. ‘Why would you do that?’
Severus stared the other man straight in his eyes. ‘My only two true friends died in the first war,’ he said softly, ‘and I’ll be damned if I let anyone lose any of their loved ones again.’
‘I doubt you’re this selfless,’ Black said.
Severus shrugged, too tired to care. ‘Honestly, Black, I don’t know what more I can say. But also, if I was really working with Voldemort, or if I was really the arsehole you seem to believe I am, why have I saved your godson multiple times? He’s James’ spitting image, and you of all people should know what he did to me.’
Severus bit into the apple and chewed as silence descended upon the kitchen. Once he was done, he Vanished the core.
‘I have nearly died dozens of times, I have put up and pretended to like conversing with psychopaths, I have done things I wish I hadn’t had to do, I’ve learned so much about Voldemort and the darkness of humanity that I barely trust anyone, and yet you still think I’m the cowering boy you beat so hard that he went running to the first person who offered him sweet words? I have seen things that would make a full grown man sob. I have had to do things that would shatter the iron heart of an Auror. I’ve given up everything for the Order and yet you still call me Snivellus.’
Severus apparated to a guest room, suddenly tired of dealing with them. He had sacrificed so much…and no one cared. He wondered if Regulus would’ve cared, and his chest ached for his dead friend.
*
Severus woke up to a bright light. Next to his bed sat a familiar face.
‘You’re awake,’ Sirius Black noticed.
Severus sat up with a groan. ‘What the bloody hell happened?’
Black’s face tightened. ‘You don’t remember? You showed up at the door of my mother’s old house, soaked with blood and half-dead.’
Remus Lupin appeared out of nowhere. ‘You had some crazy dreams, too. Dunno what that’s about.’
‘What happened, Severus?’ Sirius asked softly.
‘Why do you care?’ Severus replied. ‘I thought you would be glad to see me die.’
Black sighed. ‘I may have been cruel to you in school, Severus, but that doesn't mean I hate you.’
‘Tell that to my father,’ Severus said quietly.
His father had told him one day on his sixteenth birthday that he hated him. Severus had thought that his father had been cruel before then, of course, because of the abuse, but he always thought it had been from a place of twisted love. But it hadn’t.
Black’s eyes darkened.
‘He hit you?’ The other man asked.
Severus snorted. ‘Of course he did.’
There was a reason Severus didn’t touch alcohol despite seeing enough tragedies to push a better man into alcoholism, after all. And there was a reason he hated being touched.
Lupin looked sick. ‘Oh, God. Every time we pranked you, it reminded you of him?’
Severus didn’t see any point in lying. ‘Yes.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Black said softly. ‘My father hurt me too.’
Severus eyed Black with new understanding. ‘Ah. That’s why you were acting out.’
‘And it’s why you withdrew into a shell,’ Black responded.
He sighed. ‘Oh, Merlin, I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean anything now, but I’m sorry for what we did to you.’
But to Snape, this meant everything.
He extended his hand to Severus. ‘Let’s start over. Hello. I’m Sirius.’
Severus took it with the faintest smile on his face. ‘Hello. I’m Severus.’