Even though Regulus was constantly surrounded with negativity in his life, change was always unexpected.
He knew the basics of life: obey his parents and just shut down around them, don't try and argue to Sirius about taking falls for him and just try and stay quiet.
It was what his life had been since he was a child, and he hadn't expected anything to change.
Up until recently.
The summer was one big crack down the middle of the Black family household, every single day was a screaming match and tension was always surrounding Regulus' family. He tried to talk to Sirius about it, but he didn't have anything to say, just a shrug about how their parents were terrible.
Regulus counted down every single day until he could go back to school and see his friends, every day till he could start breaking down the walls he put up around himself around his family and try to go back to who he was without them. It was what he did every year, but a little bit more every birthday that passed. He knew Sirius was eager to get out, go back to his friends too.
Regulus could've never guessed just how eager.
It was nothing that was the final straw, no definitive moment that made Sirius leave. It was really just any other day in their house.
An argument at dinner and a couple of slaps to the face from their mother, which was almost unusual if it didn't happen. They both were excused from the table and went into their rooms as normal. At around midnight Regulus heard a knock on his door, just a light tap.
“Sirius? What are you-”
The bag slung over his shoulder. The red puffy face.
“Reggie, come with me. James’ mom has enough room and will take both of us, all we have to do is go. James is outside right now, Regulus this is our chance.”
They dreamed of leaving when they were little, of course. Parents who cared about them and talked to them and knew who their children really were. Nights sitting on the roof wondering what life would be like if they had been born in a different family.
“Regulus come on, what do you have here? What do I have here? What do we have here? A never ending life of expectations that won't be met and disappointment? James’ family could care for us, we would be safe.”
“I care for you.”
It came out in a broken tone, it was all Regulus could say. He thought it would've been enough. They went through everything together, they never had their parents but they always had each other.
“I know you do Reggie but we can never even talk here, it's torture and you know it. Just come with me and it'll-”
“I can't.”
He didn't want to say it, he wanted to say “yes Sirius, let's go and never come back. He couldn't and he knew it. Their parents needed one, someone to keep them satiated so they wouldn't go after the other
“Regulus.”
“I can't Sirius, but you can, I know you can.”
He knew it wasn't fair, a cruel circumstance that would leave both of them hurt if they chose themselves.
“Reggie-”
“Go Sirius, you have people out there, you, you'll be something there.”
He wanted Sirius to ask him again, wanted him to drag him out with him. He wanted Sirius to make the choice for him, so he wouldn't have to say that he left by himself, that it just happened and it wasn't something Regulus foolishly dreamed of.
Sirius glances down the hall to the stairs, to his escape into the warm embrace of a family he deserves.
“I'll see you at school, we'll, we'll figure it out.”
And he left, he really did it. Regulus just stood there, outside his door, wondering if what just happened was real. Minutes passed and he heard the patter of rain outside, the small tears running down his face. He locked the door to his room and got under the covers, waiting for sleep, so maybe it wouldn't be real. He barely slept, staring at the ceiling for the whole night.
The life Sirius was destined for was never for Regulus.
____________
School was different than it was, the walls didn't come down. If anything more went up. Regulus ignored his brother, didn't answer his letters. Eventually Sirius stopped sending them. And he was happy, he had Lupin and Potter and Pettigrew and Effie and Monty. He had a family and Regulus was glad for that.
Evan and Barty couldn't get anything out of him at all, he didn't want to tell them what happend.
And Regulus knew of pureblood tragedies, people ending their lives over being born in the families they were. He knew he wasn't the only one who something bad had happened to, but sometimes it felt like that. Like no one would ever understand what the minutes standing in the hallway felt like, what it felt like after waking up from dreaming about being in front of the fireplace at the Potter's.
He didn't want Sirius to be mad at him, it was almost a year since Sirius left but Regulus never really moved on from then. He was happy Sirius did though, he was brave enough to get himself the life he wanted and he got it. He got it. He would do it all over again to make sure his brother got it.
Just as fast it's summer again, and he just nods to whatever his parents say. It's not important to worry about what they say anymore. He wakes up and it's the same day every day, he's just stuck in the cycle of emptiness after he let it happen to himself.
He wakes up and it's summer, which used to be his favorite season because he got to see Sirius after a year of distance at school. The sun is still out and the world keeps moving. It doesn't wait for Regulus