“Prongsie, you toad! That was cheating!”
James ducked just before a shoe flew over his head. He yelped as he clumsily hit the ground, pointing an accusing finger at Sirius once he regained his breath.
“No, you! What the fuck- was that your shoe?! Oh, Padsie mate, you better run.” The threat was followed by James springing up to his feet and immediately setting off to where Sirius was trying to fix his clothes just a few feet away.
Padfoot’s head shot up and then he was running too, in the opposite direction of James, screaming all the way. Good thing they were still rather deep into the forest, otherwise someone would’ve assumed a murder is taking place by now judging by the blood-curdling scream Sirius just let out when James inevitably started to close in on him.
Remus watched them from a safe distance away, feeling like a particularly sleep deprived and troubled kindergarten teacher.
“Prongs, don’t kill him please, thank you. Otherwise do what you must.” Remus raised his voice only a little, just to make sure he’s heard.
He waved his hand carelessly as he added that last part and watched with thinly concealed amusement as Sirius processed the words.
“You got it, chief!” James yelled at back with a bright and undoubtedly happy grin on his face, and sent a thumbs up his way before he made a motion to grab onto Sirius’ robes, missing only by a thread.
Sirius cursed and abruptly changed direction, gaining a slight advantage over the other boy which allowed him to get away from his grip for the time being.
He flailed his arms wildly around as he ran and screamed, his path unpredictable at all times. But Remus knew that it wouldn’t take James long to figure out whatever strategy Sirius has got going on, because there must be some. Sirius can always be described as a person of organised mess, and this was also true to his way of thinking.
It appeared to be random paths, strange side quests and downright stupid-looking decisions, but there was always a pattern to it. A surprisingly clever one at that, usually.
Dumb, but wise.
This also showed itself in the way he played with James, for example. The two of them getting into a quarry wasn’t rare, and while in their human form Sirius only ever really won if James was deliberately letting him, if we’re being honest, but in their animagus forms the odds were the exact opposite.
Remus always noticed just how gentle Padfoot really was with Prongs. Even if there was a little roughhousing here and there between the two, it was always Prongs who started it and Padfoot indulged him, mostly just defending himself, always cautious of not harming Prongsie.
It was adorable, really. Remus wondered at times if James noticed this particular habit of Sirius’ too, or if it slipped his attention. Knowing James, he probably caught onto it too. He was not an actual idiot, contrary to popular belief.
Remus thought that over as he watched James bark at Sirius, who glanced back at him with disbelief, halting in his steps for a quarter of a second. He seemed to decide against granting him with a reaction and instead addressed Remus.
“Moony, you bastard!” A pause to try and catch his breath, James once again getting closer. Bigger legs to carry him around, Padsie must know he’s playing a loosing game. Still, his courage was admirable as he wouldn’t just accept defeat that easily. “You lectured me for - oh, merde- like an eternity the other day not to dare harm precious dear boy Prongs, yes, pun intended, but this is what you tell him?!”
Remus hummed and made a motion as if he was thinking, before simply shrugging.
“Yeah.”
Sirius was speechless for almost ten seconds, which must be a new record or something, before he started screaming.
“Well, fuck you! GET THE HELL AWAY, ARGRHHH-“ A bunch of unintelligible and downright inhuman sounds and then they were both on the ground, tumbling down and rolling around like the fucking idiots they were.
Getting their robes all muddy and dirty. Undoubtedly acquiring like a dozen branches each in their hair. Good riddance, Remus thought to himself as he watched them.
Whatever, Prongsie’s head already looked like it had a bird’s nest atop, at this point this could only help him achieve the best results.
Sirius though is going to be in a screaming-crying-throwing up kinda mood when he looks in the mirror later today.
Remus sighed as he looked up to the sky, deep in thought as to what he did to end up here in this moment, with friends who never even reached the maturity of your average kindergartener.
Just what did he do so wrong to deserve this?
This time James screamed, shrieked more like, immediately followed by a loud fit of barking laughter. A yelp. More laughter. ‘Fuck you for being so strong, Prongsie!’. ‘Fuck you for being so pretty, then!’. And now they were flirting.
Wonderful.
This is a routine by now. Play-fight, playfully argue, get into a physical fight, throw insults at each other and in about ten minutes have them turn into compliments. Now it’s flirting and making up, though none of it was serious in the first place, these two don’t have a serious bone in their body, so it could never be.
But make up anyways, achieve peace once again and probably cuddle. Then start all over again, just to make sure Remus never reaches inner peace.
And they wonder why people think they’ve got something going on. If Remus didn’t know them he’d be none the wiser, he’d probably also think they were an item.
Thank fuck it’s not like that.
It’s not like Remus is jealous or anything, but if he’s being honest with himself it’s only because he actually does know them enough to know that this thing they’ve got going on is a hundred percent platonic. Even if it’s written in a misleadingly and bizarrely romantic font more often than not.
Remus tends to be possessive by nature and it’s only amplified by his unfortunate case of lycanthropy, so it still irks him just the tiniest bit sometimes, when James and Sirius get so caught up in each other that they forget the world exists still outside of their little bubble.
They don’t exclude him, of course, they never do. They pay attention to that purposefully and Remus is infinitely grateful for that. But sometimes, it can still feel like they are, and when he’s not on top of things, namely before a full moon, it sometimes hurts more than it ever should.
Nevertheless, all in all, Remus really isn’t jealous of them. Not even the dating rumours between Sirius and James can get to him, in fact it only cracks him up because he knows it’s bullshit anyways.
Let them be platonic soulmates. It’s cute.
And when it does annoy him, he’ll just call Jamie away and tell him some lame excuse as to why. (He doesn’t even feel that guilty about that, because James does the same damn thing when it comes to him sneaking out in the middle of the night to god knows where.)
Telling him to fuck off in a nicer package, basically. And James, that adorable bastard understands without Remus needing to explain the reason for his actions, no matter how stupid they appear to be.
It’s Jamie, and Jamie understands. He’s amazing like that.
However annoyed Remus is, he always turns to James with no malice, of course, because he’s James, Prongs, Jamie, and Remus loves him too. Truly.
Just not quite the same way that he loves Sirius.
That’s.. That’s different. Nothing like he’s felt before. It’s this intense feeling, this longing to be close to him at all times, to see him smile, to make him happy.. Remus is only just coming to terms with what this probably is. What this means for them.
Because he never meant to fall in love with one of his best friends, but oh well. Here they are.
He’s broken out of his thoughts by a loud bark, this time from an actual dog, not James’ dumb ass or Sirius’ barking laughter.
He sighs, getting tired just from watching them.
They’ve been at it for hours now, at this point. They would have to make their way back into the castle, soon.
Remus has no idea how they’ve still got any energy left in them to keep fooling around, but it seems to he a special ability of theirs, to always have time and energy for mischief, so Remus doesn’t question it.
The sun was still high up the sky and lazily shining down on them, the air crisp with the faint late October breeze that made Remus shudder slightly whenever it grazed his face and swept up his robes. Goosebumps appeared in the wake of the cool air on his skin and Remus wanted to kick himself for having such a weak immune system.
He was getting sick again. Once more an unpleasant and deeply ungrateful side effect of his unfortunate case of lycanthropy.
Being a werewolf fucking sucked, if he was to put it simply.
It really wasn’t worth any of the poetic ways books liked to describe it, for it was this miserable, unfortunate, unforgiving and cruel pain in the ass of an experience that he was forced to relive every month.
Time and time again. Never ceasing to hurt, always an itch underneath his skin, always visible in the scars littering his body. Never out of sight, following him everywhere he goes, no escape, absolutely none from it.
Remus will never be free from it.
He knows this, has known it for a long time, of course. But the realisation still always hits him like a train, still feels like a punch straight to the gut regardless.
He will never get to feel normal.
He will never get to be normal.
And maybe that’s what fucking hurt about it the most.
The way he doesn’t even have the chance to be like the others. He’s a freak and he will always be a freak for the rest of his life.
Remus must’ve been sporting a mean case of a frown, because without his knowledge the barks had came to a stop and now there was only a quiet, concerned whine coming from the large black pile of fur that at some point situated itself right in front of Remus, gazing up at him with big sad and worried eyes.
Remus hummed in question as he extended a hand to pet Padsie, scratching just a little behind his ears, just the way he liked it.
His hand was shaking, he noted, but he couldn’t do anything to help it. So like any wise person would do, he decided to just flat out ignore the problem. It’s not like it was his biggest concern anyways.
If he doesn’t think about it, it’s not even there, right? Yes, indeed. Remus decides to treat that as a fact whenever dealing with an issue that seems to require a little too much effort. Like now.
Getting sick, this perpetual sadness that he carries around like the weight of the world is on his shoulders or the feeling of absolute hopelessness that never leaves him? Nah.
To deal with that? No, thank you. See, now that, that gets a no from Remus.
He just needs to figure out how to not let his thoughts become a depressing whirlwind of self destruction and despair within half a minute of general thinking and he’ll be fine.
Padfoot nosed at his hands and licked anywhere he could reach, making Remus let out a disgusted yelp, but he kept petting him nonetheless.
If Sirius noticed the trembling of his hand, then thank god he was currently a dog and couldn’t do a thing about it, much less say anything. Bark, that he could, but then what? Is Remus supposed to give him a treat or something? Call him a good boy?
He noticed somewhat belatedly that James was standing next to them as well, a smile on his face present, as always. But he didn’t miss the concerned glint in his eyes as well.
Remus sighed.
“Okay. What did I do?”
James gave an equally straightforward answer to his straightforward question, knowing that Remus prefers not to beat around the bush anyways.
“Didn’t laugh, didn’t roll your eyes, didn’t even sigh or yell at us. Didn’t react when we called your name either. Not even when I said Loony-Moony. Looked vaguely like you wanted to die.” James listed his crimes, each of them more awful than the last, naturally.
When Remus glanced at him again, he was wearing his puppy dog expression as well, big brown eyes locked on his own, imploring and awfully disarming as always.
Remus rolled his eyes instinctively, because how does James’ expression match Sirius’ perfectly when the latter is quite literally a dog at this moment? This shouldn’t be physically possible.
James’ face brightened up at the sight and he exclaimed happily, “There you are!”
“Sweet Jesus,” Remus looked up at the sky. If there’s a god, he must be tired of listening to his constant exasperation.
It’s not like they’re listening, as Remus’ admittedly half-assed prayers have always gone unanswered. Good thing that he’s petty enough to keep doing it out of spite, so that if someone does hear him up there they will get probably annoyed and fed up with him. Serves them fucking right.
The fur disappeared from underneath his touch and Remus immediately felt the lack of warmth that it took with it.
Padfoot walked a few metres away from them, disappearing behind a large tree, and a moment later Sirius walked out and up to them.
“Moony, my dearest, where did you go up in that pretty head of yours? Are you feeling unwell?” The storm in those beautiful grey eyes seemed to rage more intensely than usual with the worry blending into the boy’s expression.
Remus sighed again, aware of the fact that even he himself thought he was starting to sound like an old man with his constant long suffering sighs and all, but what could he do?
There was just too much to sigh about in his life.
He shook his head dismissively, waving away their concern. To be fair, it was pointless to let them worry about him. He always gets sick, he’s always tired, he’s pretty much always unwell, so what? Is he supposed to let them worry about him all the time? Of course not.
“It’s fine. Just a headache. Are you two done being kids?” He diverted the conversation, at least tried to and prayed it will work. Just so the gods above can hear his complaining ass again and hopefully be fucking annoyed.
“Legally not for a few more years, no.” James quipped and Remus, unsurprisingly, felt compelled to roll his eyes again.
He gave into the urge as he turned to James with an unimpressed expression.
“Wonderful, you know how age works in Wizarding Britain, fascinating. Now, can we go back to the castle?” Remus was aware that he was sounding a little snappier than usual and he wished he could help it.
But.. the full moon was within less than a week.
He stood no chance.
Sirius stared at him calculatingly for several seconds that to Remus felt like two eternities combined before letting a small, understanding smile appear on his lips.
Remus tried not to fall in love.
He tried. He really did.
He failed. Miserably.
He had failed at that a long time ago.
“Sure, Mooncakes. Whatever you want. Chocolate?” Sirius held out his hand nonchalantly, in his palm a Mars bar enclosed.
“Fuck, I think I love you.” The words tumbled off his lips before he had any chance to think them through.
James’ loud laughter was instant, accompanied by Sirius’ snickering as Remus took the chocolate bar, feeling infinitely grateful.
Maybe his life isn’t all that fucked up, after all.