Mamma Mia here I go again my my how can I resist ya, Anne Lister, Ann sung in her head. She had been constantly singing it in her head for days now since Anne had been sent a message by her ex, Mrs Lawton and had left Ann alone. Ann’s anger raged inside her until it was boiling over.
When Anne returned home from visiting Mrs Lawton she was met with a wall of silence. She tried to get Ann to tell her what was wrong only Ann stayed silent. Anne should have know what was wrong, only for someone so bright there were occasions when she was a bit dense.
Anne slept in the guest bedroom because she couldn’t sleep in their bedroom as Ann wouldn’t snuggle up with her. She might as well be alone because sleeping with Ann made her feel like she was alone even though Ann was in bed with her. The gulf between them was so wide she didn’t think they would ever be together again.
She had bags under her eyes and she could see that Ann had bags under her eyes, neither of them was getting much sleep. Anne hung her head but didn’t want to say anything to Ann in case it all blew up in her face and they would be getting a divorce. She didn’t want that, ever.
It had taken her far too long to realise that Ann Walker was the right one for her but it only took a one word message from Mariana to have her leave Ann and go running to her. While they were still living together and seemed to need one another they weren’t on the same path anymore. Anne’s visit to see Mariana made sure of that.
Anne was thankful that her job kept her busy during the day and she watched mindless reality shows at night or played endless games on her laptop.
This had been going on for a few weeks. There were times when she had wanted to visit her aunt but she knew that her aunt would ask her about Ann and she wasn’t ready to tell her that she had fucked up and that she and Ann were just living together. She want to talk to Ann but she didn’t know how to do that. She tried to find the courage but it just wasn’t there. Yet, she knew if neither of them did anything their marriage would disintegrate fast and they would be alone.
They were sitting in the lounge room both on their phones a few days later Anne looked over at her wife. She wondered if there was a chance for peace in their tumultuous marriage. Anne smiled at Ann. Ann didn’t return her smile. She frowned at her then walked away.
Anne screamed inside her head so loudly she thought Ann would hear her.
'Ann, please turnaround and looked at me. I need you to do that, Adney.' Anne finally blurted out.
'How can I look at you? When I do all I want to do is strangle you. I want to tell you it's over. Only I can't do that because when I look at you all I want to do is take you in my arms and hold you until.we both realize that we're still good for each other. Will that ever happen?'
Anne looked at Ann.
'We will never know unless we give it a go. Do you want to try?' Ann shook her head.
'Not until I am convinced that she can't lure you away from me just with a text message that said come. You left me wondering what I need to do to keep you in my life, Anne Lister. I wish this wasn't my life. Only leaving you isn't an option.'
Anne let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. It had been a rough few weeks and sleeping in the guest room wasn't how she envisioned her nights to be. She was far enough away to miss Ann and close enough to hear her crying herself to sleep.
Anne had wanted to go to her but didn't because she was the cause of Ann's angst. Anne still didn't know why Ann let her go to Mrs Lawton. It only took one word and she had left Ann just telling her she needed to go.
That wasn't the truth. Anne didn't need to go. Anne should have stayed with Ann. Only she didn’t. Now, she had to do her best to mend what she broke. She felt that that wasn't going to happening. Was it?
She had hung her head and when she looked up she was alone.where did Ann go? She needed to know. Anne looked around. Ann had taken her phone but she doubted Ann would answer it. She sent her wife a message.
'Please reply that you're okay, Adney.' Ann did. Only she didn't say where she was. Then she added. 'I'll be back later. I need to think, Anne.'
Think about what? Anne thought. Only she didn't dare ask her wife. She did want to ask a question in case she got a stupid answer or was told that for someone as smart as she was, sometimes, she was a bit dense.
Anne busied herself doing what she could to forget She dusted their home and that reminded her of Ann. She cleaned the dishes. It was too much. She did a load of laundry. She shouldn’t have because every piece of clothing that belonged to Ann reminded her of what she had done to Ann and why Ann wasn't speaking to her. It was worse when her aunt called to chat with her.They talked about the weather. Anne asked her how her sister and father were. She tried to avoid any mention of Ann. That worked for a few minutes until her aunt asked her how Ann was. She was on the verge of crying but she held it together Yet, she had to end the call as she realised she couldn't control her emotions for too long.
She made up an excuse. She told her aunt she would call her again later. She hoped that Ann would be back home by then. Yet, she didn’t know if Ann was returning. She imagined Ann had gone to her cousin’s and told Catherine what she had done.
She could picture Catherine telling Ann that she wasn’t worth all the love that Ann had given her. This was the worse thing she had done. She had left Ann and gone to Mariana. She really did feel like a failure.
She sat with her head in her hands and wept. Her foolishness may have destroyed their marriage and there was nothing she thought she could do to save it. She had tried everything to talk to Ann about their predicament and nothing seemed to be working. Ann wasn’t interested in talking. She didn't know what to do.
She lay down and closed her eyes to sleep. She thought it would help her forget what was going on in her life. Only she was finding it almost impossible to fall asleep. Ann’s words were going round and round in her head. Why did she go? Why didn’t Ann stop her from going? She didn’t know.
Yet, she must have slept because she was stirred from her slumber when she felt soft lips on her cheek. Anne thought she was dreaming until she opened her eyes and looked into Ann’s eyes that were normally crystal blue but were now red and puffy. Ann had been crying and she was the reason for that. Why did she go to Mariana when she did?
In that moment she really did feel like a heel. She tried to convey with her eyes what her mouth wouldn't let her say.
Ann sat down on their bed. 'We need to talk about what happened that day, Anne.' Anne nodded. She stayed silent for a beat. She wanted Ann to start the conversation only Ann stayed silent too. She guessed she would need to begin the conversation.
'I know that was the worse thing I have ever done to you, Adney. I don't know if you will ever trust me again. Every time I think about what I did I feel like a heel. I shouldn't have gone to her.’
Ann frowned. 'Yet you did. Didn't you? Now look where we are. Trying to salvage what she has been trying to destroy since we said I will. Why did you go, Anne?'
Anne couldn’t say she begged her to go since it was a single worded message. So that wouldn’t work. 'I honestly don't know. Ann. She messaged. I left you and went to her.’
Ann frowned.
'I didn't think I would see you again. Anne Lister, you are the love of my life. You always have been. I need you as much as she seems to think she needs you.' Then she waved her wedding ring in Anne's face.
'She doesn't have this. Does she?'
Anne shook her head.
'So, why did you go to her, Lister?'
Ouch! That dug deep into Anne's heart. Ann never called her by her last name. She had told her once that it was so uncouth and rude.
Anne accepted that Ann was so.pissed and didn't really want to have this conversation but the fact that they were having this conversation made Anne realized that Ann wanted to solve this problem that she had created. Could they do that? She hoped so.
Ann looked at Anne.
'I need to know whether I am important enough in your life that you will ignore the next message she sends you.'
Anne nodded. Yet, as if reading their minds Anne's phone buzzed in her pocket. She retrieved it. It was her. Ann snatched her phone from her hand before Anne had a chance to disconnect the call.
'Anne is my wife. Not yours. So quit sending her text messages asking her to come to you. I need her more than you do.'
Then she hung up and blocked her number. She handed Anne her phone back.
'There, she can only visit you. She won't do that unless I'm not here. Now where were we, dearest?'
Anne smiled. Ann hadn't called her dearest since she received the text message. Then she left. She still asks herself why? Was it an automatic response? She didn’t know.
Yet, it seemed it always had been with Mrs Lawton. She looked at Ann and did her best to smile. How was Ann still here? She would have packed her bags and left if Ann had done to her what she had done to Ann. Only Ann stayed.
She must love her or like being hurt. No matter what it was Anne felt as though she had been given a life line and if she didn't use it carefully she'd lose the only woman who loved her for who she was. The only woman she had truly loved. ‘I am a fool.’ she muttered under her breath.’How did I do this to the one person who has never done anything to hurt me?’
She looked at Ann with pleading eyes.
'Can we start from that day? If I remember it correctly we were planning to go away for our anniversary, darling. Am I right?' Ann nodded.
'Did we decide where we were going to go?'
Ann shook her head.
'We were about to decide when she messaged you.'
Anne hung her head. She did feel so bad for what she had done.
'What were our options, darling?' Anne asked Ann.
'We were deciding on whether to go to York or Manchester. You said something about visiting Tib for an afternoon while we're there.'
Anne nodded she hadn't seen Tib since the got married almost two years ago.
Ann wanted to talk to Tib but didn't have her phone number. So a trip to Langton Hall while they were in York was her only options to chat with Tib.
They were on their way to York a week later. Ann didn't know if this trip was a good idea or not. She knew Mrs Lawton had family close by in York. Yet, she was prepared to do this with Anne to help heal the wounds that had been created when Anne went to Mrs Lawton. She wasn’t sure if that would happen.
Yet, she still loved Anne and she hoped that Anne still.loved her. She needed to.know only she didn't know how to ask her without being blunt. Well,without sounding blunt.
Ann looked over at her wife who seemed to be hold the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles were turning white.She was so focused on her driving that Ann found it hard to say what she was thinking.
So, she decided to play some music. She opened the glove box and found what she was looking for, ABBA gold. She put the CD into the player and it played.
Anne looked at Ann and tried to smile. She was hoping this holiday would help them. Only she didn’t know what to say when the song Mamma Mia played.
Anne pulled up on the side of the road and turned off the engine. She unbuckled her seat belt to allow her to move closer to Ann without leaving her seat.
‘I think you want to ask me something, Adney. Please, ask me. No, I don’t know what you want to ask me but I want you to ask me otherwise I am going to go mad if you don’t.’ Anne pleaded.
‘Do you still love me, Anne?’
There, it was out now. Anne only needed to give Ann an answer in the affirmative. Ann waited and waited and waited. She was about to open her door and step out when Anne answered. It was so quiet that Ann wasn’t sure that what she heard was what Anne had said.
‘Anne, can you repeat yourself. You spoke so quietly I didn’t hear you.’
Anne frowned. She thought she had spoken loud enough. Only she repeated what she had said.
‘I love you, Ann Walker. You are the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I only hope you realise that, Adney.’
Ann did because she wrapped her arms around Anne’s shoulders and crashed their lips. Anne kissed and kissed her. Then she pulled away.
‘Are we good again?’ Ann shook her head.
‘No, but we are slowly getting there’ She said. Then she added. ‘As long as you avoid her if we should see her.’
Anne nodded furiously. She wanted Ann to understand that there was no one for her only Ann. Yet, she still had to prove that to Ann. Didn’t she? She wasn’t sure she was able to do that. Only she would do her best to show Ann that she would never leave her again.Yet, she knew that if her Mariana appeared that might happen. Anne sighed.
‘What will happen if she sees me first, Ann?’ Ann looked at Anne and considered her next words.
‘If she sees you. She will probably walk over to where you are standing and try to wrap you in her arms. I won’t allow that, Anne Lister. You might not like what I could do to her. But if you accept her embrace you will never see me again because I don’t think I could cope with her being so close to you, dearest.’
Anne nodded. What more could she do? It was impossible to disagree with her wife. There was more at stake than their marriage. It was the loss of someone who means so much to Anne and the possibility of what Ann might do if she left Anne.
She remembered that Ann said that she couldn’t live without her. She didn’t want Ann to die at her own hands. She would never live with that on her conscience. How could she?
They continued their trip to York. They were staying at The Churchill Hotel. It was only a short walk from where they took the sacrament a week after they got married. It had been what Anne had wanted to do. She wanted them to affirm their commitment to each other.
Ann was more than happy to do that. It had been one of the best days they had had. Anne smiled when she remembered that day. She looked over at Ann who must have been thinking of that day.
‘Can we go to Holy Trinity today or tomorrow, dearest? I would love to just walk down the aisle again with you.’ Anne nodded.
‘I would love to do that.’ She said even though she was wondering what Ann was thinking. Maybe she just wanted to try and relive that day to convince herself that her marriage to Anne was worth saving.
‘We can go for a walk there now, Adney after we have checked in at the hotel and taken our bags up to our room. If, that is what you would like to do.’ Ann nodded.
‘Yes, I would love to do that, dearest. I am hoping that we can share a great memory of the day we took the sacrament there.’
Anne smiled. ‘I hope we can, darling.’
They checked in at their hotel and took their bags up to their room. Anne checked out their room.. She wanted to make sure that everything in their hotel room was to her and Ann’s liking.
Ann looked inside.There was a small fridge, a microwave and a coffee machine. It seemed that Anne had considered everything. She had the hotel put Ann’s favourite drinks and chocolates in the fridge. Anne was trying to get on Ann’s good side. She was hoping that would work. She knew Ann loved lemonade and Kitkats.
Ann was happy that Anne had included her favourite drinks too. Ann had a bottle of lemonade and a Kitkat while Anne unpacked their bags.
Then they went for a walk to Holy Trinity. Ann looked over at Anne while they walked to the church.
‘How long are we staying in York, dearest?’
Anne looked at her wife and hung her head. They hadn’t spoken about how long they were staying in York.
‘Anne!’ Anne lifted her head. ‘I was just wondering, dearest. I want to stay for as long as you have booked our hotel room for.’ Anne smiled.
‘Ten days.’ Ann smiled. She thought that would be long enough for her and Anne to spend together to reconnect and reinforce their commitment to one another.
They were standing outside Holy Trinity fifteen minutes later. They hadn’t seen Mariana watching them from across the street as they walked passed her on their way to the Holy Trinity Church. They didn’t know that she had followed them to the church and was standing outside waiting to pounce on Anne.
Anne & Ann spent quite some time in the church. Anne wanted to remind Ann that what they did that day was just as important to her now as it was then.
She thought she was getting through to Ann until she looked where Ann’s eyes had wandered.
‘Adney, hold me please. I want you to hold me tight and don’t let me go no matter what she tries to do.’ Ann did as Anne asked her.
They stood like that for some time before they felt Mrs Lawton trying to pull Anne away from Ann. Both Anne and Ann held each other.
‘You have no right to be in here.’ Came a voice from behind them.
‘Tib, How did you know we were here?’ Tib smiled.
‘I saw you walking along the street in the direction of the church. Then I saw her following you. I waited until she tried to come between you and Ann.’
Tib had grabbed Marina and pulled her away from Anne and Ann. They were still holding each other.
Anne looked at Mariana.
‘You do realise that we could have you up for assault.’ Anne said.
Mariana looked at Anne.
‘It would be your word against mine.’ Tib roared laughing.
‘Me and my family. You do realise that you would never win against a Norcliffe, woman.’
Mariana walked out of the church. As she was leaving she said.
‘You haven’t heard the last from me. You are mine, Lister.’
Ann shook her head.
‘No, you meddling fucking bitch. Anne and I are married. She doesn’t belong or anyone.’ Anne leaned in and kissed her wife. Tib cheered. Mariana smirked then walked away.
‘Now, what were you doing before she rudely interrupt, ladies?’ Ann smiled.
‘We were remembering the day we took the sacrament here.’Tib smiled. Then she looked at Anne and Ann.
‘I’m not interrupting anything.’ Ann shook her head.
‘She did that, Tib.’ Tib smiled.
‘So, what had you planned to do after you left the church.’ Anne shrugged her shoulders. ‘I don’t know we hadn’t planned to do anything, Tib!’ Tib grinned.
‘Well, would you like to join me. I was planning on going to sea a movie. I don’t know if you want to do that with Mariana here in York.’ Anne looked at Ann.
‘We could get a pizza or fish and chips, take them back to our hotel room and watch a movie there. What do you think, Tib?’ Tib nodded.
‘Yes, I would like to do that, ladies.’
They decided to get fish and chips. Tib paid for them. It was an anniversary present from her to Anne and Ann. They were seated on the sofa twenty minutes later. They had placed the fish and chips on the coffee tableto share..
Anne was searching for a movie to watch on tv. She found Emma. She knew Ann loved any movie based on Jane Austen novels. They watched the movie and ate their fish and chips. Then Anne had to pee. Ann was hoping she would take her time so she could talk to Tib.
She told Tib what had happened and asked Tib whether Anne was worth trusting enough to keep their marriage together. Tib was shocked at Ann’s revelation. She didn’t know what to say but she did know that Mariana was determined to keep trying to get Anne away from Ann.
Mariana didn’t want Anne in her life but she didn’t want Anne to be with anyone else.
‘What should I do, Tib?’
It was then Tib put her finger to her nose pretending to scratch it. Anne had stepped out of the bathroom into the sitting area.
The movie had ended. The credits were rolling. Ann reached for the remote and turned the tv off. Tib looked at Anne.
‘When was the last time you saw Mariana besides today, Anne Lister?’ Anne looked at her wife. ‘Don’t look at Ann just answer the question.’ Anne frowned. She knew Ann and Tib were talking about her and now she had proof.
‘Ann has been talking to you, Hasn’t she?’ Anne said angrily.
Ann stood up and left. She needed some space between her and Anne because if she stayed there she would say something that would mean the death of their marriage.
Anne watched Ann leave.
‘She will be back, Anne. I think she just wants to get away from here before she says something she will regret.’ Tib said. ‘I don’t know why you keep going back to that woman when she calls or in this case sends you a text message.’
Anne hung her head.
‘So, she told you everything.’ Tib nodded.
‘I think she just wanted to vent to someone. Does your aunt know?’ Anne shook her head.
‘Well, I would make sure she never found out. She adores Annie. You need to fix this, Lister. Ann loves you. We both know that she wouldn’t be able to live without you. Go find your wife. I will still be here when you return.’
Anne was just about to open the door and step into the hall when the door opened and Ann walked back in followed by Mariana.
‘There you go. She is all yours, lady.’ Anne looked at Ann and raced into the bathroom. She closed and locked the door. She didn’t want to be with Mariana and she felt as though she had lost Ann.
‘What is she doing here, Ann?’ Ann looked at Tib.
‘She followed me and told me Anne didn’t want to be with me. She only married me for my money. I wasn’t going to let her follow me here but I had no choice. I needed to get back here.’
Then Ann walked over to the bathroom door. She knocked lightly. ‘Dearest, can I come in?’ Anne unlocked the door and let Ann in. She closed the door and locked it..
Tib looked at Mariana.
‘Why are you doing this to Anne and Ann? You don’t want Anne. You just don’t like that Anne has found someone who loves her. She is happy with Ann but you had to send Anne a text message. Didn’t you?’ Mariana smiled.
‘I knew she would come to me when I sent her that message. It didn’t matter what she and Ann were doing. It never will. She will always come to me.’
The bathroom door opened and Anne appeared with Ann. They had their arms wrapped around one another.
‘Not anymore, bitch.’ Anne said. ‘You can’t contact me because Ann blocked your number. Ann is my wife and we are together for life. So, leave before I call the manager to get you thrown out.’
Mariana grumbled then left. As she left she said ‘I will find a way to get you back, Anne Lister.’
‘No you won’t, Mrs Lawton.’ Ann said. ‘She is my wife.’ Anne cheered.
Tib smiled at Anne and Ann.
Omce Mariana had left. Tid told them she was going to stay at Petergate and wondered if they would like to stay there with her rather than stay at the hotel.
Ann looked at Anne.
‘Can we cancel our hotel room and get our money back?’
Tib frowned. ‘I don’t know if you can do that. Would you like me to try for you, ladies?’
Ann nodded. Tib was out the door before Anne had a chance to answer her. Ann looked at her wife.
‘I only hope Mrs Lawton stays away for good now. I don’t know what I will do if she returns. I want her to realise that you and I are together but no matter what we say to her, she persists. Doesn’t she?’ Anne frowned.
‘She certainly does.’
Tib returned half an hour later. ‘How did you go, Tib?’ Tib grinned.
‘They are going to cancel your room and reimburse you for the rest of your stay except for today but you need to leave now.’
Anne nodded. Ann was pulling all their clothes from the drawers and throwing them haphazardly into their suitcases.
They returned to keys to the front desk and were told their refund would be in their bank account tomorrow. They followed Tib to Petergate. She lead them to the guest room and left them alone. Anne looked at Ann.
‘Are we good now, darling?’ Ann half nodded and half shook her head.
‘What do you want me to do to convince you that you are the only one for me, Ann?
Ann shrugged her shoulders. She changed into her pyjamas and climbed into bed.
‘Can I sleep with you, darling?’ Ann frowned.
‘Where else would you sleep. Dearest?’ Anne smiled. She changed into her pyjamas and climbed into bed next to Ann.
Darling, I will do whatever I need to do to prove to you that I only want to be with you, Ann.’ Ann nodded.
‘Well, you can start by kissing me, dearest.’
Anne didn’t need to be asked a second time. She crashed her lips against Ann’s and kissed her passionately. She could feel Ann’s small hands on her body. She felt that Ann was trying to figure out how honest Anne was when she told Ann she loved her.
Ann watched her reactions when she gently massaged Anne’s back.
She could feel Anne relax in her arms. Then she trailed kisses down Anne’s body to her clit. This would be the move that would seal the deal. Ann was aware of the way Anne’s body reacted to her touch as she put her head between Anne’s thighs. She hoped that Anne’s hips would lifted off the bed when she came hard against her mouth.
She wrapped her lips around Anne’s clit and listened for the sounds coming from above her. Anne moaned so loud she was sure Tib would hear her but it didn’t see to bother either Anne or Ann.
Ann sucked and licked Anne’s clit. Anne moaned again. Ann smiled into Anne’s clit. That was when she realised that Anne did love her and want to be with her because the sounds that came out of her wife’s mouth in that moment were feral and she loved it.
Anne pushed Ann’s head closer to her clit.
She could feel her desire coursing through her body. She wanted Ann to keep sucking and licking her clit. Yet, all she felt was the cool, night air. Ann had pulled away.
‘Ann!’ Anne cried out in desperation until Ann locked their lips.
‘I love you & I want to see the look in your eyes when you come, dearest.’
Ann locked eyes with Anne as she traced circles down to Anne’s clit. When she began strumming Anne’s clit Anne closed her eyes. She moaned loudly.
‘Faster, please darling.’ Anne pleaded.
Ann crashed her lips against Anne’s. They kissed passionately. They both smiled into the kiss.
Ann strummed faster and faster as they kissed with more passion. Then she felt Anne’s hips lift off the bed and she came hard on Ann’s hand.
Ann rolled onto the bed and looked over at Anne who was panting furiously.
Ann waited until Anne’s breath evened out and she opened her eyes. She could see Anne wanted to ask her something and she did.
‘Are we good now, darling?’ Ann nodded.
‘I know you love me because you didn’t stiffen up when I held you in my arms, Anne. I love you, Anne. I want to be with you for always. Happy Anniversary, dearest.’
Anne smiled. ‘Happy anniversary, darling.’ Ann smiled.
‘It is so good being married to you. Only don’t let her take you away from me again.’ Anne shook her head. ‘She will never take me away from you ever, darling.’