Kiss My Shades

"Go and take this the wrong way

You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you

Only blue or black days

Electin' strage perfections in any stranger I choose

Would things be easier if there was a right way?

Honey, there is no right way

And so I fall in love just a little, oh, a little bit

Every day with someone new"

-Someone New, Hozier

It’s Friday night, 3 days after first meeting Remus, James and Peter. Sirius is standing in front of the front door from the Potters for game night. He has been standing there for a good 5 minutes, debating whether to run away or to ring the bell. He knows this is incredibly stupid, but he genuinely is so scared to meet James’ parents. Parents are always so scary, they literally have you judged from head to toe before you can even introduce yourself. 

He has met Monty, but it wasn’t official. And everyone says Effie is very sweet which he totally believes, but that doesn’t take away his fear of them not liking him. He knows how to charm people, he does it all the time for his parents. But it’s different when you actually want the people to like you back. 

*Ping* 

His phone beeps in his back pocket. He clicks on the notification.

Instagram:

Petey :)

<*photo*

Sirius opens the photo and sees himself standing anxious in front of the door through the window. 

<You coming mate?

Sirius laughs and just rings the bell before thinking. Remus opens the door the moment the doorbell reacts. “This was almost more embarrassing for you than falling out the window.”

“You are never gonna let me live that down, will you?” Sirius says while stepping inside and stopping next to Remus.

Remus comes closer and whispers into his ear, “Never.”

They laugh and Peter and James run down the stairs. “You're here!” James says excitedly. He runs to Sirius and locks him into a hug. Sirius is a bit surprised by this, but still hugs back. When James pulls out the hug he takes Sirius’ arm and starts walking, “Come, I want you to meet my mom!” 

Sirius barely has time to agree before being dragged to the kitchen. When they arrive he sees a very sweet looking woman stirring something in a bowl. 

“Mom, Sirius is here,” James says very brightly.

The woman drops everything she was doing in seconds and turns all her attention to him, “Hi, Sirius! It’s so nice meeting you,” she says happily.

“Same goes to you, Miss Potter,” Sirius answers her politely.

“You can just call me Effie, estimado. Monty told me everything that happened yesterday with your parents, how are you?” She asks him, genuinely interested in his well-being.

“They uhm, well, they are a bit bad with words let’s just say that,” Sirius says laughing a bit nervously. 

The truth is they are indeed very bad with words, this doesn’t count for insults to throw at Sirius’ head of course. After the sleepover he returned to his house and his father slapped his cheek very hard. His mother has yelled, “Vous ne pouvez littéralement rien faire de bien, n’est-ce pas? Tu as tout foutu en l'air! Tu avais un boulot et tu l'as quand même merdé! Tu es vraiment décevant, Sirius. Je ne sais pas ce que j'ai fait pour te mériter.” So yeah, not good with words, but much better with their hands and insults.

Effie purses her lips together. “Sirius, if you ever need to talk to someone or just wanna be away from them you can always come here, alright?” she says in the sweetest and understanding tone Sirius has ever heard.

“Thank you, Effie,” Sirius smiles at her. 

“Now go have fun, estimado, you deserve it!” She softly puts her hand on her shoulder and squeezes a bit. 

James takes Sirius' arm again and they start to walk to James’ bedroom, he guesses. Out of nowhere James says, “If your parents hurt you, I always have an extra mattress you know.”

Sirius turns his head fast in panic and stops walking.

James continues talking, “You don’t have to tell me anything, just know you can tell me anything. I won’t ever tell anyone. You don’t know me very well, but you can trust me on this, Sirius.”

Sirius swallows and blinks fast. His heart is racing. Did he give it away somehow? Did he fuck up another thing? He really didn’t mean to this time. He knows his parents are bad, very bad actually, but the quote “Your parents are also just doing life for the first time.’, keeps lingering in his head. 

He knows his mother can slap the shit out of him and of course he hates her, but he will still think ‘What if she just doesn’t know how to express her anger, just like me?’. Sirius has trouble with anger too, but he never hits anyone. When he gets angry it’s like a curtain falls over him and he is another person. He says things he doesn’t mean, and doesn’t even remember saying them most of the time. He yells things at people that he knows will hurt them the most, and then later when the curtain comes up again, he hates himself for it. The problem is, Sirius can’t control the curtain. He doesn’t feel it coming, it’s just suddenly there. Someone or something makes him mad and before he knows it he is hurting them with words just like his mother. Maybe his mother has the same problem. Maybe she also has a curtain, but just a different one. 

He opens his mouth and speaks, but it comes out not as confident as he hoped. “How did you notice?”

James does the same thing with his lips as Effie did a few minutes ago. “You were a nervous wreck meeting my mom, and you were waiting at the door for a solid 5 minutes debating if you should even come in. No one just runs away from their parents and rather jumps out a second story window then being with them for longer. Everytime someone even mentions your parents you either tense up and pick at the skin around your nails or you act overly confident and flirt with every person in reach, it’s a defense mechanism. You try to shield your vulnerable emotions by only letting them see the overly confident ones.”

Sirius is shocked by all this information. Honestly, he is also a bit scared that James can read him that well. He really thought he was masking very well without all the drama he carries under his last name. 

“How did you know all of that?” Sirius asks, feeling very naked suddenly. 

“I’m studying psychology and my mother is a therapist.” 

“That explains a lot,” he laughs a bit at the irony of it all. Of course, Sirius Black the troubled kid would be friends with a person who his whole life is about helping and fixing people. 

“I’m not kidding though, you can always come to me, Sirius. And you have a brother, right?”

“Yeah. Regulus.” 

“Take him too. No one deserves to live in that situation. I can’t force you to leave, and I believe that it’s very complicated too, but you are more than welcome here.”

Sirius his feelings and emotions are going insane inside of him. He doesn’t know if he feels happy or if he feels scared of someone knowing him like that. No one knows him like that, not even Reggie. In some way he also wants to crumble to pieces and just disappear in the ground. He feels so vulnerable it’s suffocating him. Suddenly there are tears pricking in his eyes, and he is trying so hard to not let them fall. 

James just hugs him.

Most of the panicked emotion fall away. James whispers into his ear, “You don’t have to be scared of someone knowing you. It can be scary and new, but new isn’t always bad” 

Sirius hugs him very tightly. He’s scared of someone knowing him like that, but fears are made to be overcome. And he isn’t gonna fuck this up, not when everything around him is falling apart like always.

“Thanks,” he says. He hopes with all he has in him that James understands how much gratefulness is put into that word. 

“You’re welcome, Sirius.”

They stand there holding onto each other for another 5 minutes. Sirius is shaking, not because he is crying, but because he is trying that hard not to cry. James just holds him tighter, not letting him fall apart because his body language is telling him that he wants to be one piece at this moment, not a broken person with a million glass shards falling out of place. 

A few minutes pass when he hears footsteps from the hall. Sirius doesn’t lift his head, but he recognises the voice of Peter. 

“Are you guys coming? Marlene is already drunk and the game hasn’t even started yet.”

Sirius feels James head turn, “¿Podrías darnos un minuto?”

Peter eyes Sirius and immediately says, “Por supuesto, tómate todo el tiempo que necesites.”

Sirius has no idea what they said to each other but Peter leaves and James slowly pulls out of the hug. He puts his hands on Sirius’ shoulders, “Are you okay or do you want to be alone longer?”

“I’m alright. Thank you.”

James starts walking again and nudges him with his elbow. “It’s gonna be very fun, it’ll take your brain off everything.”

Sirius smiles, it isn’t exactly immediately the most happy one, but he is trying anyway. “I believe that, I already like the Marlene girl and I haven’t even met her yet.” 

James laughs and they walk into the room. They all sit in a big circle, Peter sits next to Remus, Remus next to a red haired girl, next to that girl sits an already drunk looking blond girl with big eyeliner and a few piercings, and next to her sits a pretty darker skinned girl with dark brown curly hair and bold makeup, chewing gum. Then that girl is sitting next to Peter again. Right between them they make room for them and James sits down next to Peter, so Sirius sits next to the curly haired girl. 

“I know I’m slightly drunk at the moment but I really don’t remember this one?” The blond haired girl says.

Sirius realizes everyone is staring at him, waiting for him to introduce himself. “Oh, I’m Sirius, hi,” he says awkwardly. 

The girl just keeps staring, so the curly girl next to him takes over. “Don’t mind her, Marlene will probably not remember your name anyway by the morning,” She jokes. Marlene is her name, noted, Sirius thinks. “I’m Mary, I’m the most amazing from the group, nice to meet you!” There are a few rounds of fake annoyance.

“Hey, Mary,” Sirius says back.

Mary points to the redhead, “That’s Lily, she is the one with the briancell here, though sometimes I do have to rethink that statement.” Lily pokes her tongue out at her and they both laugh. 

“Nice to meet you, Lily. I can assure you that you will keep being the one with the braincell,” Sirius says. 

She laughs and Remus opens his mouth, but before he can say anything Sirius says fast, “Don’t you even dare, Moony. It was one window. One.”  

James, Peter and Remus burst out laughing, and the girls look a bit lost. “What inside joke did we miss?” Marlene asks.

Peter can just say, “Sirius falling out the window,” before Sirius launches a pillow at his face. 

After everyone stops laughing James asks, “Wait, since when is Remus Moony?” 

Remus chuckles, “Mister romantic over here said some poetic shit about the moon relating to my eyes and freckles and then said I was like that, so suddenly I’m Moony.” 

Sirius grins, “You didn’t say you hated it though,”

“Alright, Remus I need to know more about this later but now, let’s play, chicas!” Lily says enthusiastically.

“What are we gonna play?” James asks.

“Basically it’s truth or dare mixed with spin the bottle, but every time you complete a task you get to drink instead of not wanting to do it and then having to drink,” She explains. 

“Because everyone wants to get drunk?” Mary asks. 

“You get it.”

“I wanna go first!” Peter says excitedly.

He spins the bottle and it lands on James. “Truth or dare, Jamie?”

“Dare.” And without missing everyone said it at the same time as James. Sirius looks confused, “Wait, how did you all know?” 

Marlene laughs, “Because he always picks dare. He says it's tough, but I think he’s a pussy for not wanting to reveal his secrets.” 

James huffs a laugh, “Marls, you eat pussy, I don’t think you have a say in this.” 

Lily and Mary laugh so hard that Sirius is genuinely concerned they are gonna piss their pants. 

Marlene just giggles and says, “Alright Pete, give this prick a dare before his ego gets too big.”

“Okay, James, dance on the song Alibi for at least 1 minute.”

“You say that as if I don’t do that everyday anyway,” James smiles at him.

James stands up and Marlene is putting on the music already. 

He sings along to the song and when the chorus starts, the show really begins. 

His hips sway on the exact beat, and his hands are above his head. James is turning in little circles too while doing all of that. Sirius isn’t attracted to James, but he has to admit that it’s really hot what James is doing with his body.

When James is done everyone cheers and claps for him. James makes a deep bow and says, “Si quieres ver más, ya sabes dónde vivo,” and winks. Lily gives him a shot and he downs it like he’s made for it. 

James sits down and spins the bottle. It lands on Mary. “Okay, truth or dare, Mary?” 

“Dare.”

“Uhmm, Oh! You have to kiss Marlene!”

Mary grin and says, “Hagamos esto, cariño. Ven aquí y bésame.”

Marlene chuckles and tucks her hair behind her ear. "Esta bien, mi amor.” 

They crawl to each other and really go for it. Mary's left hand is on Marlene’s cheek and her right hand is on her thigh. Marlene's hands are in Mary’s hair, grabbing onto it like she might fall apart if she lets go. They kiss with so much passion, Sirius thinks this is the sort of kiss people write poems about.

 Marlene bites on Mary’s lower lip and with that Mary her hand goes from Marlene’s cheek to the curve of her neck. Mary kisses Marlene’s neck and leaves small hickeys on it. Marlene her head falls back and her hands go from Mary’s hair to her waist, grabbing onto it very tightly. 

Sirius whispers to James, “I feel like I’m interrupting something.” 

“Believe me, you are,” James whispers back and he huffs a laugh. 

“Uhm, do we need to tell them to stop before they just fucking cum on James’ bedroom floor, or?” Peter says.

Lily claps her hands, “Alright gays, get a room or down your very deserved shot.” 

They break apart and Marlene her fingers pull out a pink gum from Mary out her mouth. “You lost something, darling.” Marlene just puts Mary her gum back into Mary’s mouth like it’s the most normal thing ever.

These people are fucking insane. 

Sirius loves it.

Mary spins the bottle and it lands on Sirius. “Sirius, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

After thinking for a bit Mary says, “You have to tell us your talent and then do something with it.”

Sirius immediately beams at this. He is gonna eat this shit up. “Okay so, it’s actually a bit embarrassing but I can act pretty well, I’m a theater kid at heart but like deep inside my heart because I don’t really tell anyone. But uhm yeah, I can act.” 

Lily is immediately excited, “Oeh! Act something, just improvise and take someone here with you for the dramatics!” 

A round of excited words are being said and Sirius is smiling from ear to ear. “My Moony, would you like to be the star in my show?”

“No.”

“Don’t care, you are just gonna do it anyways.”

Remus rolls his eyes but is smiling notaless, “You owe me so much cigarettes now.” 

They stand up and James dramatically counts down, “3…2…1 action!”

“Hello John, where were the kids today?” Sirius starts. 

Remus looks confused. “Who’s John?”

“You, dumbass,” Sirius laughs.

“Ah, okay.” He scrapes his throat and tries to go along with it. “The kids went to the lake, I was alone all day.”

Sirius his face changes from happy to something Remus can’t explain yet. 

“Oh yeah, were you? Were you alone?”

“...Yes?”

“Or was that slut from next door with you in our bed?!”

“What the fuck-?”

“I don’t wanna hear it, John. Anne-Louise told me everything. She told me about how long you have been sleeping with that whore, she told me about the affair you had with her. God, you even slept with her before our wedding day!” 

Poor Remus looks so traumatized that it’s hilarious.

“I- don’t know what you are talking about, uhm, Clara?” He does deserve the 10/10 for trying, Sirius admits. 

“You know damn well what I’m talking about! I found your letter,” Tears spring in Sirius's eyes and are quickly rolling over his cheeks, “The letter you wrote her on our 10 year anniversary. ‘Dear Babette, I promise you that I will come to you, and love you, if you wait. Just wait until this mess is over. I promise I’ll come back for you. Love, John.’ What even is that?! Who cheats with a woman called Babette?!” Sirius screams at Remus with distress in his voice.

“Me, apparently?” Remus tries. He looks worried, which okay, that’s fair.

Sirius is full on bawling now and looks Remus dead in the eye. “John, what do I do now? We have kids together for fucks sake. I loved you. I still love you.”

Remus scrapes his throat, “I… I’m gonna leave you and go to Babette.”

Sirius falls to the ground on his knees. His hands hold onto Remus’ shirt like it’s his life vest that saves him from drowning in his tears. “No- no, John what do we tell the kids?” Sirius sobs into the shirt, “I- I’m pregnant, do I raise this lovely child alone then? Am I gonna be a single mother who can’t give her child a father?” Sirius stands up and runs his hand through his hair, “No, fuck you! I’m leaving you! You don’t get to see your kid grow up, even if that means I’ll raise a reminder of the love I once had. I’m going, and you can get fucked by blondie from next door!” 

Sirius wipes the fake tears of his cheeks and takes a deep bow. When he looks at the group, they are sitting with their mouths open and shocked faces.

Mary is the first to speak, “When you said you could act, I didn’t think you could improvise like a broadway actor and fake tears like a psycho.”

“Yeah that is actually fucking scary that you can fake something that well,” Remus says still shocked.

“Don’t worry baby, I won’t ever fake my love for you,” Sirius answers and winks at him. He takes the shot James gives him and downs it.

 “Oh! Let’s play twister!” Marlene suggests. 

The girls cheer and James gets the box out of the closet. “Okay, who wants to turn the little pointer thingy?” 

“I’ll do it!” Peter says.

They all start on the small canvas, but before the game even starts it’s already hard to get a spot since they are with that many people. 

“Right hand on blue,” Peter yells out.

They all do it.

“Left foot on red.”

James ends up with his ass right in front of Marlene’s face, but other than that nothing has gone wrong yet.

“Right foot on yellow.”

And so the game continues until only James, (Of course that athletic beast would still be standing, Sirius thinks), Remus and Sirius are still on the canvas.

Mary is whispering something in Peter’s ear, mischief growing in his eyes. “James, sal del juego para que podamos hacer de casamenteros para estos tortolitos.”

Sirius only understood the word James, and since Remus has apparently also just moved here, he understood quite equally as much.  

“What did Pete say?” Sirius asks Remus.

“I have no idea. Like, not even close to it.” 

Peter says excitedly, “Left hand on green!”

They all do it, but James loses balance and is out. Now it’s only Sirius and Remus left.

“Left foot on red.” And so they do.

“Right hand on yellow.” 

Sirius his hand is almost laying on Remus’, their pinkies are touching.

“Left foot on blue!”

Remus’ leg is over Sirius’.

“Right hand on red!”

Now Remus is completely on top of Sirius, they are so close it is impossible to miss the way Remus’ cheeks turn soft pink at this. 

“Well, hello sweetheart.” Sirius says just to fuck with him. 

Remus turns his head at Peter. “Are you fucking serious?” Even though you can hear he isn’t that mad at all.

“No, but it seems like you are on the brink of doing that. I haven’t been turning the pointer thingy for like 5 minutes.”

Everyone bursts out laughing and Marlene passes Peter a shot just for that joke. 

When everyone settles again they talk while drinking. Mary is talking with Lily and Peter, and James is talking with Marlene, so Sirius is just talking to Remus then (not that he minds, of course). 

“So, you got a girlfriend?”

“Uhm, no.”

“Or a boyfriend. Or a partner. All okay!” Sirius adds fast.

Remus rolls his eyes, and Sirius can spot a tiny smile in the corner of his lips. “No. I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment.”

“At the moment?”

“Back in Wales I had a boyfriend. His name is Grant, it wasn’t anything very serious but yeah we had something.”

“I’m sorry if I’m going too far but, this Grant, how was he?”

“Sweet. Always there for me when I needed him.”

“So you loved him, no?”

“Why does that matter to you?” Remus asks, though it doesn’t sound accusing, just curious.

“It doesn’t,” Sirius responds, “just wanted to know I guess.”

“...He loved me.” 

Sirius cocks his head, “And you? Did you love him?”

“I loved him. But more as a friend.”

“Oh. sorry.” 

Remus clears his throat, “Nah it’s alright. We stayed friends and he’s still very nice to me so it’s fine, I’m over it.”

It is silent for a minute, Sirius can’t deal with silence. He is always impulsive, but when alcohol is in his system, the impulse control is just out the window. 

“It’s just- I wanna know more about you. You’re a nice person, and I didn’t mean to push, I just wanted to see what your life is like. Or was like, I don’t care, I just want to know things about you.”

Remus stays silent at that. It’s when Sirius wants to over explain again that Remus starts to talk. “I am gay. My father is shit. My aunt who I loved very much has been dead for 12 years. I love toast with 4 different jams. My favorite hobby is reading. I have chronic hip pain. I can’t do any sport to save my life. My father sent me to a survival camp when I was young and I almost died there due to one of the teachers, Greyback. I love fall. My parents are divorced. And James is my friend because I almost ran him over with my car and he was nicer about it than I was.” 

Sirius needs a second. 

Remus grins, “Is that enough information for mister Black?”

He quickly gets himself together again, “Okay, I have an undiagnosed attention disorder so just give me a sec to process that.”

Remus just looks down again and smiles. “You wanted to know more, I’m giving you more.”

“First of all, about you being gay, yeah that was never a secret, I picked up on that pretty fast. But about your father, I am so shit at making someone feel better but if it helps, my father is like the definition of fuck up father figure so I guess they would make good friends.”

Remus laughs at this, “From what I’ve heard from Monty, I really believe you.” 

“I’m really sorry about your aunt though, I’m sure she was a lovely woman.” 

The smile on Remus’ face softens a bit, “Thanks. I think she would have liked you. You seem like the person that she would find entertaining.”

“I think I would just embarrass myself in front of your aunt, just like I would with all the other adults.”

“Like I said, she would have found you entertaining.” 

They laugh at that, and Sirius finds that he really likes the way Remus laughs, like really laughs. When Remus laughs he laughs with his teeth showing, and his head thrown back slightly. 

“Also, I thought I had the weirdest way to become friends with James? I would have never thought that something would overwin the falling out the window. I’m so gonna bully you with that.”

“What can I say, when you think you did the most awkward and embarrassing thing, it’s actually Remus Lupin who did worse.”

“I think Reggie would really like you,” Sirius admits.

“Reggie?”

“My little brother. He is actually very much like you, just in like a different font? I don’t know how to explain.”

“When we meet up again you could bring him if you want,” Remus says.

“I’d love to-“

“OMG!” Marlene yells, “I have an idea! Let’s smoke weed and then shotgun each other!” 

“You have the best ideas while drunk Marls, I love you!” Peter says excitedly.

Mary grins and tells Remus, “Well you're the king at smoking so, show us how it’s done Lupin.” 

He turns to Sirius with determined eyes, “You up for this?” 

“Yeah, let’s do it.” 

Sirius has no clue what he just agreed to. 

He has smoked, but he never really went to parties, so he has no clue what the fuck shotgunning is. Though with Remus, he would have said yes to everything anyways.

Marlene passes Remus a joint and he lights it. The music from James’ phone changes, ‘R U Mine?’ from Arctic Monkeys can be heard through the whole room.

Remus inhales from the joint, but instead of blowing the smoke out, his hand cups Sirius’ chin and slightly tucks at it so that Sirius’ mouth falls open a bit. Sirius does as Remus wants. He looks into the boy’s eyes, they are dark and full of naughtiness. 

Remus comes closer, and the whole room falls away. It’s just them. It’s Remus with his hand on Sirius’ face, holding him in the most sexy way. 

Remus’ eyes fall shut, and Sirius follows his suit. 

Sirius feels their lips brushing over each other, and he forgets how to exist. He doesn’t know anything anymore, only how Remus breathes out in Sirius’ open mouth and fills it with smoke. Smoke Remus has breathed out. Smoke that Remus transported with his mouth. The mouth that is on Sirius’. 

Sirius' head goes fuzzy, he knows distantly that weed doesn’t work that fast, but he blames it on that anyway. 

When Remus pulls back the first thought Sirius has is, ‘Again. More. Please.’ 

Which means nothing, probably.

Anyways!

They all cheer, and Remus grins. “Liked that, Black?”

Sirius blinks fast and swallows past the lump in his throat, “Yeah, it was good.”

Who is he kidding? Good is the biggest understatement in this situation.

“Oeh! Remus do me now!” Lily yells happily.

Remus chuckles and moves over to her, “Whatever you want Lils.”

And so the night continues, for Sirius it’s a big blur very fast (maybe he smoked more than he normally would but like, what was he supposed to do after what happened with Remus to forget it otherwise?)

The night comes to an end, and he falls asleep on James’ chest feeling like he's on top of the world.