Chapter 9
It had been hours. 3 painstaking hours of Regulus frozen in place as he listens to James breathe in the bathroom, his foot tapping and his head in his hands. He can feel the fear coming from him.
He can feel his betrayal.
He can feel all of the bad.
Regulus was sat, bolt up right, knowing he shouldn’t have told him. Knowing of course no one could understand. That no matter how James might think he can understand, he can’t.
He’s a monster and he can’t change that.
No one can change that. Not even James.
He hates to wonder about what he must be thinking. All the folklore. The movie references. The falseness of it all. The truth isn’t better. The truth is just as twisted and evil.
He’s a killer. A cold blooded monster who thought he could protect James, and keep who he is a secret. An idiot. He’s an idiot.
”James I’ll go.” He eventually tells him through the door. “I’ll leave you money, but I’ll go, just stay here until-“
The door opens, James stands before him, his eyes red raw, his hairs a mess from where he’s been running his hands through it.
It was the worst pain of his life to see him like this.
”Who did this to you?” He chokes. “Who could possibly do this to you?”
Regulus takes a step back, furrowing his brows, he doesn’t dare reach for him, he keeps his hands in his pockets, letting James know he won’t try.
”My father.” He tells him quietly.
“Why?”
”He wanted his heirs to live forever, Mother… she knew a vampire called Lucius, a family member. She made him turn father first, then me and Sirius.”
James holds his hand over his mouth, his eyes closing. “How did it happen?”
It was painful to talk about. Agonising even. But he’ll tell him everything. Anything. He deserves it.
”Father spiked our nightly whiskey, he slit our throats whilst we slept.”
”His own son’s?” He cries, his brown eyes full of tears.
It breaks Regulus’ cold dead heart.
He hasn’t ever seen emotion over what happened to him. Mother nor Father wept for him. Sirius and him had to wake up and get on with it but James wept for him.
He loved him in that moment. In every moment that would come after. He knew then, devastatingly, he loved him.
”I’m so sorry… I’m sorry, I know why you wouldn’t tell me.” He’s rambling, incoherently and manically.
Regulus swallows heavily. “Do not be sorry. I am sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
James wipes his eyes, he hesitates, just before he pulls him into his warm chest, holding Regulus tightly.
He hadn’t felt relief like it.
”You’re not afraid?” He whispers, clutching to him.
”I’m afraid, but not of you.” James tells him quietly. “I want to know more.”
Tell him everything. Absolutely everything.
Regulus leads him to the fireplace, he sits him down, strokes his face, whispers softly about tea and prepares the fire as James sips on the nettle tea he brewed earlier.
He’s never been good with words. It would be easier if Sirius told it in his inappropriate brash causal way. Full of jokes and metaphors.
But he wants James to know everything, so he has a fair chance to judge him. To know about this was dangerous, but to know half? That was even worse.
It was the most personal experience he’s ever had to deal with. With his knees clutched to his chest, his head hung low, he tells James everything.
He was born in 1841, a cold winters day. His family were nobleman, rich and powerful, mother was born with her powers but didn’t hide them, she hated humans, she loved the idea of eternal life. Father wanted money, having eternal life promised that he’d never have to worry about not having enough ever again.
He was a lonely child, only ever with Sirius, he was gay, afraid and didn’t want to marry his cousin like mother so desperately wanted of him.
Once they had been turned, him and Sirius made the plan, with their lives over, their bodies strong and unbreakable, they killed father. They put a dagger in his heart, bound him in chain, dragged his screaming half alive body to the ocean and tossed him locked in a casket, forced to drown for eternity. It wasn’t justice. It was just what they needed to do to find peace and move on.
No one knows the location, him and Sirius have sworn not to tell a soul.
Mother went mad, she tore out her hair and wept incessantly, she began to drink and get into dark magic, it came to Sirius and Regulus in 1923 that she had blown herself up, they drank, smiled, and wished her good riddance in their small home in York that they had ran to.
The decades were long, longer still to humans, it was hard to describe to someone that although over a hundred years had passed, Regulus hadn’t done anything but exist.
”You… had no lovers?” James asks quietly, his eyes on the fire, still absorbing everything.
Lovers?
It was funny to think of them as such.
”I’ve had sexual partners. Never more than once with someone, just one night stands. I haven’t been in love, it’s pathetic I know. I’ve lived 3 lifetimes and I still haven’t.”
James meets his eye, shrugging slightly. “It must be harder.”
”It is.”
”Friends?”
Regulus smiles sadly. “I had 2, Pandora and Barty, they were my friends in the 70s, they knew what I was, we lived together for a short while, we laughed and we were close, I trusted them completely. I watched them fall in love.”
James smiles. “That’s nice… what happened?”
”It’s difficult to stay friends when you’re stuck in time. They aged, had children, they died a few years back, a few hours apart. I had gone to their funeral and met their children, I was younger than them. No one knew who I was. It just about put me off making a friend ever again. I shared so much of myself with them yet when they were gone… All I had were memories.”
”That must be really hard,” He touches his wrist, caressing it with his warm fingers. “I’m sorry.”
And he really was. You could see it in his eyes, he wasn’t just saying it to say it, as humans so often did. He meant it.
James wasn’t just nice, he was the most pure form of humanity there was. He was still here. Still listening.
”I think that’s everything.”
”Not quite,” James smiles, “I’d quite like to know what’s up with these killers after us.”
He laughs, snorting almost. “Sirius started a fight with a big group of vampires. We can smell exceptionally, so they tracked him to me, therefore to you too. Vampires can smell other vampires, it’s unusual to find one spending so much time with humans. Thus, kidnapping and well… here we are.” He sighs.
”You don’t eat-“
”Drink or go to the toilet, or feel cold, warm or anything… human related.”
James widens his eyes, blowing a huff. “Jesus.”
”I know, freaky… I can eat. It’s just unpleasant for me.”
”So you don’t eat humans?”
Ah. There it was.
“Not… quite.”
”Oh?” James whispers, he was trying not to judge him. Like the saint he is.
”I do, sometimes. I just don’t kill them. I feed on them, they forget, I’m… good at seduction.”
James laughs softly. “I’m well aware. Was that what you were going to do to me?”
”I was.” There’s no use lying. He never wants to lie to him again.
”What changed your mind?”
Regulus bites his lip, shrugging shyly.
“Come on, tell me… can’t be bad or I’d be what… drained by now?” He tries to joke but it seems a little soon.
The memory of his past thoughts about him makes him sick.
”I liked the way you weren’t hesitant with me. You were rough, confident and you didn’t need to pretend. I liked how brave you were. Even more when you fucked me, I hadn’t ever felt that way.”
James’ eyes lower, his lip between his teeth. “You were incredible that night.”
”As were you.”
”I’ve become quite intertwined with you, James. I’ve never… felt anything more than affection for humans. But with you… I feel human again. Like I can be anything with you.”
James smiles, his face lit by the fire, golden and warm, his lips pink and shining. He hadn’t ever looked so beautiful. “You make me feel alive.”
”I… I know that feeling now too.”
It’s all kind of a strange dream from there, he’s laid on the carpet, James is whispering in his ear whilst his hips are working into him, his wrists are pinned, he’s crying for him, his soul is dancing by the flames in ecstasy.
Nothing had changed. Yet everything felt different.
Each kiss was honest. Every whisper that came from James about how good he felt was euphoric. Not because of the sex. But because he knows him now. Not half of him. Not even a bit. He knows everything now.
James was gentle in the end, with Regulus on his lap, riding him with his nails in his hips, he could only moan, feeling him inside throbbing and aching.
He had carpet burn on his knees, clutching to James’ messy waves, his mouth wide open. Whilst the warm hands on his hips guided him up and down, his soft voice whispering up his throat.
”You’re mine.” He told him feverishly.
Regulus tipped his head back, scratching his nails down his spine, “I’m yours.” He promises him.
Eternally.