The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us!
James is cold.
He could turn the heater on. He could grab the blanket draped over the chair, pull on another sweater, do anything to stop the ache settling in his fingers, but he doesn’t. He welcomes the cold. Lets it seep into his bones, a quiet kind of punishment he can’t quite name.
Outside his window, snow drifts under the streetlights, soft and indifferent. The world is silent. The apartment is silent. He is silent. It's the kind of silence that makes one's throat tight.
The glow of his computer screen is the only light in the room. The email is still open.
"Reggie,"
That’s all he has written.
He stares at the name. Reads it over and over until the letters don’t look real anymore. His fingers hover over the keyboard, but he doesn’t type. He doesn’t know what to say. Not after all that happened.
He exhales, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes.
There was a time when words came easy. When he could reach for Regulus and find him there, solid and warm.
James closed his eyes, and memories washed over him; the warmth of the sun on his skin, the softness of the grass beneath him, the scent of damp earth heavy in the air. He remembered the summer.
That summer.
James can still feel it, if he lets himself. The sting of mosquito bites, the taste of lake water on his lips. It’s all there, buried inside him. He squeezes his eyes. He should have told him. Should have said something before the summer ended, before they packed their bags and left that world behind. Now, the words were lost to him.
The cursor blinks at him, waiting.
He types. Erases. Starts again. Stops.
The words sit heavy in his chest, but he can’t pull them free.
Not tonight.
He leaves the computer aside.
The cold is still there, biting at his skin, but it doesn’t hurt as much as everything else.
James collapsed back onto his bed, the weight of the day pressing down on him. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to shake off the memories flooding his brain. It didn’t work. Instead, the next memory found him.
...
James turned the radio dial, the sounds of This Love by Maroon 5 fading into silence. The song had been on repeat everywhere for the last three months, and now, just the thought of it made him feel a little nauseous. It was the summer of 2002, and James was finally heading back home after his first year at university. He hadn’t even left the city before the song started to lose its charm. As he turned the dial, the static took over the speakers, and a strange sense of relief washed over him.
As he turned the corner, he saw the long driveway, and at the end of it stood the house. It was a soft yellow color, bathed in warm sunlight that made the whole place glow. Completely different from their London home. This was bigger, brighter, with sprawling gardens and wide open spaces. The house seemed to stretch out in every direction, and in the distance, James caught sight of a grove of trees at the edge of the property, thick and green. It was exactly the sort of place that seemed to belong to a family ready to start anew.
James pulled the car into the driveway. It was odd, in a way. His parents had always been so firmly planted in London, he wasn't sure how he felt about the new house yet, but there was a pull in the air, a feeling that something had changed, and maybe it wasn’t all bad.
As James got out of the car, he noticed his mother standing by the front door, wearing a wide-brimmed hat that made her look even more like some sort of creepy Stepford housewife. Standing beside her was Sirius. His best mate.
"James!" Euphemia called, waving at him enthusiastically, her arms outstretched for a hug.
James smiled, a rush of warmth flowing through him as he walked towards his mother. She smelled faintly of lavender, just like she always did. It was comforting.
"Mum," he said, pulling her into a tight hug. "Good to be home."
"You're looking well, Jamie," she said, pulling back to take a good look at him, her hands still resting on his shoulders. "I missed you."
Sirius, standing off to the side, offered a lazy smile. "Hey, Prongs," he said, his voice sounding lighter than it had the last time they spoke. He gave James a nod, then stepped forward for a quick hug.
James took in his friend as they pulled apart. Sirius looked different. He looked... healthier. It was obvious. The sharpness in his face was gone, replaced by something softer, fuller. He had put on weight since the last time James had seen him, and there were no longer dark circles under his eyes. He looked... well. And that was a huge relief to James.
Sirius had been through hell for most of his life, untill he got kicked out by his parents and forced to move in with the Potters. The last two summers had been a journey for him, one that had left him quieter, more introspective, but also stronger. The fact that Sirius was standing here now, looking happy, looking alive, it made James feel like things finally got better.
"You’re looking good, Padfoot."
Sirius grinned, a little sheepish. "Yeah, guess that’s what happens when you are forced to eat three times a day." he said with a chuckle. "I’m better. Thanks for noticing."
Euphemia smiled at the exchange, then turned to James. "I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been dying to show you around," she said, her eyes glinting with excitement.
"Thanks, Mum," James said with a grin. "I’m looking forward to it."
Sirius motioned towards the house. "Your new bedroom’s got an amazing view, by the way. You’re going to love it."
James grinned at that, a surge of excitement building in his chest. He had all kinds of plans for the summer, spend time with Sirius, exploring the countryside, no stress from school or anything else. Just days to relax and figure things out. Maybe even spend a little time down at the village. He smirked to himself, thinking about chasing after girls. It felt good to be nineteen.
Sirius gave him a wink and then headed inside, pushing the door open and walking through with a casual ease.
James offered his arm to his mother, and they walked side by side, tangled together. As they entered the house, he noticed his mom's gaze uneasy.
She was opening her mouth to say something, but before she could, James heard footsteps. Fleamont came into view, looking every bit the cheerful, boisterous father James had grown up with.
"Ah, there he is!" Fleamont said, his arms opening wide for a hug. "Champ’s back in the house! Welcome home, lad."
James laughed, letting himself be pulled into a warm hug. "Thanks, Dad," he said, feeling the familiar embrace of family, something he’d missed more than he realized. But as he stepped back, his eyes drifted toward the figure standing just behind his father.
The boy was pale, with dark hair that fell messily over his forehead, and piercing ice-blue eyes. His gaze flicked to James for a brief moment, but then he quickly looked away, licking his bottom lip before biting it nervously. James felt something stir inside him. He had never seen anyone like this, anyone so stunning that made James swallow hard, almost uncomfortable.
Euphemia noticed where James's gaze lingered and smiled gently, though there was a hint of caution in her tone. "James, dear, do you remember Regulus?"
The name hit him like a distant echo, stirring up memories of teasing the younger boy when he and Sirius used to joke around, back in the days when Regulus had awkwardly shuffled around with heavy acne on his face and a scowl that never seemed to leave him. But this... this wasn't the same Regulus.
James blinked, his mind racing as he took in the boy standing in front of him. Regulus had grown into someone undeniably attractive, someone who was more striking than James himself. The realization hit him in a way he didn’t quite know how to process, and he found himself momentarily at a loss for words.
Euphemia, sensing the silence, continued, her voice gentle but firm. "Regulus has been living with us since he got kicked out a couple of months ago," Euphemia explained softly. "He'll be staying until he starts university next semester." She glanced at Regulus, who shifted uncomfortably, his eyes still avoiding James's.
James nodded, trying to keep his expression neutral, but a knot formed in his chest. He hadn’t expected Regulus to be so... different. There was something about the way he stood there, quiet and withdrawn, that made James want to know more, but the words felt stuck in his throat.
That was the last time James saw Regulus that day. The boy had kept to himself. Regulus was a quiet, almost invisible presence in the house, retreating to the library with Fleamont, as if he were trying to escape the world around him. James noticed how easily Regulus disappeared, how little he interacted with anyone, but he didn’t dwell on it for long. Instead, he and Sirius spent the rest of the day down by the river, exploring the property, laughing, and enjoying the lazy afternoon. It wasn’t until later, when they passed the riverbed, that James noticed the wasp. It was strange, moving in a jerky pattern above the water, its wings stretched wide. James found it very odd, but shrugged it off, distracted by Sirius’s voice and the summer heat.
That night, everything changed.
James had a dream. In his dream, he was close to someone, his body pressed against another's, his lips meeting someone else’s. It wasn’t a woman, though, and that made everything twist in a way James wasn’t prepared for, because the person in the dream was a man.
The dream was vivid, real, and when James woke up with a sharp gasp, his body soaked in sweat and tangled in sheets, he didn’t know what to think. His heart was pounding, his mind spinning as he realized, with confusion twisting in his gut, that his body had responded. His member was hard, painfully so, and he felt a rush of heat flood his face.
He’d always liked girls. He had always known exactly who he was, and girls had always been enough. The soft curves, the laughter, the way they kissed and touched him. Girls were easy, girls made sense. But now? Now he felt completely lost, unsure of what was happening. Where had these thoughts come from? Why had he dreamed with the soft skin of a man?
As the realization settled over him, James’s eyes wandered to the corner of the room. There, restig on the windowsill, was a wasp. Its wings were outstretched, still and purposeful, as though it had been waiting, just like him, for something he couldn’t explain. It was strange, almost eerie, and for a moment, he wondered if he was still dreaming. But no, the wasp was real, and so were the feelings coursing through him. James didn’t know what to make of any of it, and the confusion left him feeling raw. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to erase the image of the wasp and the dream from his mind, but it lingered in the air far longer than James would like to admit.
...
After the dream the days passed slowly, and James found himself, momentarily, escaping his confusing thoughts as he settled into the easy rhythm of life at the Potters’ new house. He swam with Sirius nearly every day. They would race each other across the river, the water splashing around them as they laughed like they were still kids. Afterward, they’d climb the trees that dotted the property, trying to sit as close to the top as they could without falling.
It felt natural, easy, like the old times when they didn’t have to think too much about what the future held. When they were just two best friends, untroubled by things they couldn’t control.
James would tell Sirius about the uni, about his classes, his roommates, the friends he was slowly starting to make. Sirius would listen intently, then launch into stories about the boy he’d been obsessing over: Remus. Remus, a quiet, introverted guy he’d met in the village while wandering around one afternoon.
“Remus is different,” Sirius would say, a faraway look in his eyes, “He doesn’t talk much, but when he does, it’s like... he gets it, you know? I don’t know why, but I can’t stop thinking about him.”
James had never seen Sirius so taken with someone, and it made him feel both happy for his friend and a little envious. He wasn’t sure why. He was glad Sirius was finding someone who made him feel this way, but there was a small part of him, something deep inside, that felt left behind.
One afternoon, while they were lounging beneath a tree, Sirius brought it up.
“So, there’s this party in the village this weekend. Remus is throwing it,” Sirius said, his eyes glinting with excitement. “You should come with me. It’s going to be fun.”
James hesitated. He knew that he should probably go, hang out, meet new people, have some fun, but there was something nagging at him.
He took a breath before asking, “Is Regulus going?”
Sirius’s face fell just slightly. “I don’t know. I don’t think he’s into parties like that. He’s been... well, he’s been distant lately. He’s always got his nose in a book, or he’s holed up in his room, he won't let me in.”
James tried to keep his curiosity in check, not wanting Sirius to know the real reason behind his questions. It felt silly, really, he'd been fixated on Regulus ever since that moment in the hallway. The way Regulus had looked at him, the tension in the silence between them... James couldn’t quite place it, but something about that brief interaction had lodged itself in his mind, and now he couldn’t stop thinking about the boy.
He pushed those thoughts aside and focused on his friend. “You should invite him, mate,” James said, his tone encouraging. “Maybe he just needs a little nudge. A chance to get out of his shell.”
Sirius looked at him, brow furrowed, unsure. “You think so?”
“Yeah, I do,” James said, his words coming easier than he expected. “Maybe it’ll be good for him. It’s not like he has to talk to anyone if he doesn’t want to. But it’d be nice for him to get out, you know?”
Sirius nodded slowly, a thoughtful look crossing his face. “You’re right. I’ll invite him.” He grinned, the old Sirius returning. “Maybe it’ll be just what he needs.”
James smiled back, but his heart wasn’t quite in it. The thought of Regulus going to the party stirred something in him, something he wasn’t ready to unpack just yet. He didn’t want to analyze it. All he knew was that it had become more than just about getting Regulus to join them. He wasn’t sure when Regulus had started to take up so much space in his thoughts, but there he was, lingering in the back of his mind, no matter how hard James tried to focus on Sirius, on the summer, on anything else.
“Well, I’m in,” James said, changing the subject. “I’m not missing a party with the great Remus there. I’ll have to see what this guy’s all about.”
Sirius grinned, clearly relieved to have his encouragement. “Yeah, you’ll like him. I’m sure of it.”
It's a whole entire day before Sirius finally got Regulus to agree to go to the party, but James overheard that it had taken a lot of convincing from Fleamont before Regulus said yes. James couldn't help the tight knot that formed in his chest at the realization. It bothered him more than it should, that Regulus seemed to care so much about his father's thoughts. James tried to shove the odd feeling away, but it lingered, gnawing at him.
Soon James found himself paying closer attention to Regulus, though he didn’t know why. It started small with little things he never noticed before. Regulus always reached for apples before anything else, as if they were the only fruit that mattered. James couldn't help but think it was strange, and strangely endearing.
One afternoon, as James passed through the living room on his way to the kitchen, he spotted Regulus upside down on the couch, his legs thrown over the backrest, almost losing his grip on Meditations on First Philosophy. Regulus was completely absorbed, eyes fixed on the pages, unaware of James's presence. Something about the scene made James pause. There was a strange pull in the way Regulus seemed lost in thought, as if the world around him didn’t exist.
Then, when Regulus noticed him, his posture snapped upright, almost instinctively, like he’d been caught doing something wrong. A flicker of something flashed in his eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. Regulus said nothing, and James, unsure of what to make of it, didn’t know how to respond.
After that James found himself doing it more and more, watching Regulus when he thought no one was paying attention. He couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to know what made Regulus tick. The little things. The way he read, the way he held himself, even the way he avoided looking at James when they crossed paths. It made him want to understand him more, even if it made him feel uncomfortable in ways he didn't have words for.
It was weird. He was obsessed, but he didn’t know why. The feeling lingered with him, like a quiet hum in the back of his mind, making it hard to focus on anything else. And the more he tried to ignore it, the stronger it seemed to get. Regulus had become this puzzle he couldn’t quite solve. And James? He always loved puzzles.
...
The weekend rolled around, and James, Sirius, and Regulus were only allowed to leave the house for the party after a rather awkward "talk" from Fleamont about using protection. James’s face burned with embarrassment as his dad gave them a stern but lighthearted reminder about being responsible. He didn’t know where to look, but he was grateful when the conversation finally ended, and they could head out.
Sirius, in his cargo shorts, looked a bit ridiculous, but James kept the thought to himself. It didn’t matter; the evening was just beginning, and the atmosphere was light and easy. The party was lively, with loud music filling the walls, people laughing, and the undeniable scent of alcohol wafting through the air. It felt freeing, like the kind of party James had been craving.
Upon arrival James quickly met Remus, who turned out to be a pleasant and easygoing guy, nothing like the what James had expected. They hit it off immediately, chatting for a while before James found himself swept up by a girl with bright red hair. She pulled him onto the makeshift dance floor, and they moved with the beat, laughing and spinning through the crowd.
But as the song went on, James’s attention flickered to the side. His gaze locked with Regulus, who was standing in the corner, watching them with an unreadable expression. The moment their eyes met, James felt a strange pull in his stomach. Without thinking, he instinctively stepped a little further away from the girl, as if trying to distance himself from the moment. The odd feeling wouldn’t leave him for the remainder of the song.
The song ended, and as the crowd erupted in cheers, James’s feet led him straight toward Regulus. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off, something about the way Regulus was looking at him.
James casually walked over to Regulus and rested his back against the wall beside him, glancing at the drink in the younger boy’s hand. Regulus took a slow sip, his eyes meeting James’s for a brief moment before returning to the chaos of the party around them.
"So, what are you drinking?" James asked, his tone light, though his curiosity was growing.
Regulus glanced at the cup, then shrugged. "Cheap beer, I guess." His voice was flat, but there was something about his nonchalant tone that made James smile.
James raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Without a second thought, he reached out and snatched the cup from Regulus’s hand.
"What are you doing?" Regulus asked, looking both surprised and irritated.
"You're underage," James teased, holding the cup just out of reach. "You shouldn’t be drinking this."
Regulus frowned and tried to snatch it back, but James raised it higher, out of his reach.
"That’s ridiculous," Regulus muttered, his tone a bit defensive. "I’ll be eighteen in a month."
James laughed, a quick, breathy sound. The way Regulus had said it, all matter-of-fact, was almost too adorable. "Fine," he said, handing the cup back to Regulus. "But I still think you're too young for this."
Regulus took the drink, clearly trying to maintain his cool, but James saw the way his fingers tightened around the cup, as if wanting to hold on to something familiar. "Shouldn’t you be dancing with someone?" Regulus asked, his voice suddenly quieter.
James raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Jealous?" he asked, teasing.
Regulus took a sip from his cup, avoiding James’s gaze. "Don’t be ridiculous," he muttered.
James chuckled as he leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms. He let his head rest against the cool surface. "I don’t really feel like dancing anymore. I’d rather talk," he said, looking sideways at Regulus, who seemed oddly nervous.
Regulus took another sip, his fingers trembling slightly as he did. "Not sure we have much to talk about," he said, his tone tight.
James felt a small twinge of frustration. "Well, you should try. I can be decent for all you know. And might I remind you, this is, in fact, the first time we’ve actually talked this summer." He pointed out, his voice gentler than he meant. "We could be friends if you just talked to me a bit more."
The words hit James harder than he expected. He’d never really thought of how much their teasing, no, their bullying, might have hurt Regulus. He could see it in Regulus’s eyes now, the flicker of something dark and guarded. His chest tightened with guilt
"You’re right," James said, his voice quieter now, sincere. "I’ve been a jerk to you, Reggie. That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry." He met Regulus’s gaze, hoping the words would make some difference.
Regulus looked away, he was quiet for a while, before shrugging slightly. "It’s fine," he muttered, though the words didn’t sound entirely convincing.
James smiled softly, his tone warm. "Well then," he said, extending his hand toward Regulus, "Let’s start over. I’m James. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name again, underage drinker?"
Regulus hesitated, but then he gave a small smile, just enough for James to notice. "Regulus Black," he said, shaking James’s hand.
James raised an eyebrow, a playful grin spreading across his face. "Oh, Black, like in Sirius Black?"
Regulus chuckled softly, nodding. "Yeah, that’s my brother’s name."
James smirked, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Oh, I know who Sirius is. He was right there before he disappeared with that 'gentleman' Remus. Though, after all the time they've been gone, I’m starting to think they're not exactly doing anything particularly 'gentlemany.'"
Regulus rolled his eyes, an exasperated sigh escaping him. "Sirius has been all over Remus since they met. It’s ridiculous."
James grinned. "Oh, is that jealousy I hear in your voice?"
Regulus flushed, his expression a mix of annoyance and something else, embarrassment, maybe? "No way," he replied quickly. "I’m not jealous. Just... I was the one who actually met Remus first."
James raised an eyebrow, leaning in slightly. "Oh, so you are jealous."
Regulus flushed even more, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. "No, I’m not," he snapped, though there was a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.
James poked him lightly in the side, making Regulus jump. "You’re too easy." he teased, poking him again.
Regulus glared but couldn’t hide the small laugh that escaped him. "Stop it." he muttered, shoving James back lightly.
The two of them went back and forth, poking each other, laughing and teasing. Then, in the midst of it, Regulus’s drink slipped from his hand, splashing onto the floor. They both burst into laughter, the sound echoing in the air.
James’s eyes flicked to the corner of the room, where he spotted the wasp again, hovering in the air. For a second, a familiar and inexplicable discomfort curled in his stomach, but it was quickly forgotten as he looked back at Regulus, his laughter fading into something else entirely. Something lighter. Something new.
...
As the days passed, James begin to notice how Regulus seemed to open up to him. It was a slow, gradual thing. Regulus didn’t talk much about his life, but every now and then, he shared small snippets of it. James quickly learned to cherish those moments. They begin spending more time together, especially as Sirius became increasingly wrapped up in Remus, disappearing for hours at a time. It almost felt like a natural shift, a subtle change in their dynamic, and James found himself looking forward to their moments together.
James learned more about Regulus than he ever expected to. He found out that Regulus had been accepted into the Sorbonne, a university in Paris. Regulus was smart, in a way James had never really expected from the quiet, distant boy. But he was also funny, sharp-witted, and knew how to make James laugh like no one. They spent long afternoons sitting outside, talking about anything and everything: philosophy, books, life, you name it.
Regulus had a love for old movies, his favorite being The Sound of Music, which James found endearing, though Regulus brushed it off as “not a big deal.” He also liked old songs, songs that most people didn’t give a second thought to, and he could play the guitar, though he always refused to.
There was something about Regulus that was entirely different from anyone James had ever known. He couldn’t explain it, but it was almost like Regulus was addicting. James wanted to be around him constantly. Every moment spent apart felt like it dragged on forever. It was a feeling he hadn’t quite felt before, something very intense, almost like a thirst he couldn’t satisfy. James simply couldn't get enough of him.
James knew so much about Regulus now. He knew Regulus couldn’t cook to save his life. He knew Regulus had a deep love for philosophy, and that he was seriously considering chemistry as a major. Regulus was gifted in science, James loved learning all of that.
One afternoon while they were sitting outside, Regulus telling James a childhood memory, one of those sweet, unguarded moments where he spoke with that rare smile that James found himself drawn to.
"I remember my mum used to tell me stories about how I’d refuse to eat anything unless it was a perfect circle," Regulus chuckled softly, the memory making him look almost bashful. "She said I was the most difficult toddler and..."
James laughed, he was enjoying how natural Regulus was with him the past fw days. But as he listened, his gaze drifted down to Regulus's lips. He hadn’t meant to, but there they were. Regulus' top lip was shaped like an arrow, slightly upturned, and the bottom one full. The lips had a soft pale color James found strangely appealing. A thought, unbidden and unexpected, flashed through his mind: What would they taste like?
His breath caught. He couldn’t help but feel drawn in. It was as if everything around him faded, and all he could think about was the feeling of Regulus’s lips under his own. His heart beat faster, the pull too strong to ignore. He was just about to lean in, his lips almost touching Regulus’s, when a sudden sound broke through his thoughts, a soft buzzing.
James froze, his body jerking back as he looked up, startled, to see the wasp hovering near them again. He cursed under his breath, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. Fuck. He straightened his back, putting a few inches of distance between himself and Regulus, trying to collect himself. Regulus seemed completely oblivious, his attention still lost in the memory he was recounting. James couldn’t stop the rush of confusion and heat that coursed through him, though, or the lingering thought that stayed in the back of his mind.
He didn’t know what to make of it, but it didn’t matter right now. He didn’t want to screw things up between them. Regulus was so close, so perfectly there, and James wasn’t sure he could handle crossing that line.
So he stayed silent, letting the buzz of the wasp fill the space between them, hoping his heart would stop racing soon enough.
But James’s heart never stopped racing around Regulus. After that afternoon, it became harder for James to ignore the way Regulus kept occupying his thoughts. The wet dreams now involved Regulus, and every time James woke up, he had a hardness between his legs that made it nearly impossible to look at Regulus without feeling flushed.
He tried, desperately, to push the thoughts of him aside. But it was difficult when Regulus was always so close. James would catch him reading on the couch, his legs casually resting on the backrest, the hem of his shirt slipping just enough to reveal the pale, soft skin of his belly. There was something intoxicating about how natural it all seemed, how unaware Regulus was of the effect it had on him. Every time he saw Regulus like that, the desire to be closer surged within James, and the more he tried to suppress it, the more undeniable it became.
James had convinced himself that everything he was feeling for Regulus was one-sided, that he was the only one experiencing it. The idea that Regulus could feel the same way seemed impossible, so he tried to ignore it. That was, until the afternoon they went to the lake.
Regulus hadn’t been to the lake all summer, so when James casually invited him for a picnic, he hadn’t expected Regulus to say yes. But he did.
Regulus then showed up in his ridiculous outfit, shorts, a tank top, and Sirius’s bright red hat. James couldn’t help but laugh. He looked funny, but there was something about it that made Regulus look even more adorable. James grinned.
"Nice hat," James teased, unable to hold back the smirk.
Regulus rolled his eyes, a little smile tugging at his lips. "It’s not funny," he muttered, though his voice had a lightness to it that made it clear he wasn’t offended.
They walked to the lake, laughing and joking along the way, the banter coming easily. James enjoyed the air fresh in his face and the sounds of nature. He liked the yellow countryside house more than he ever did the old London house.
When they finally reached the lake, James spread out an old blanket he'd brought and started unpacking the food. He made sure to pack a bunch of apples and he enjoyed the approving look he saw in Regulus face.
“Did you pack all this just for me?” Regulus asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Wouldn’t want you to starve,” James replied, smiling back at him. He passed an apple to Regulus, and they sat together, eating in the sun. The warmth of the day, the sound of the water, and Regulus's soft voice reading aloud from the book he'd brought made everything feel perfect. James felt... comfortable, more than he had in a long time.
But then, without warning, Regulus slapped at his shoulder, and James noticed the first mosquito of the afternoon buzzing around him.
"Ugh, I swear..." Regulus muttered under his breath, swatting at the mosquitoes with growing frustration. It only seemed to make them worse.
James sat up, watching the scene unfold. There was something oddly endearing about how flustered Regulus was getting. He was always so composed, so careful, but now he was just... like everyone else, struggling with the little annoyances of summer. It made James smile, a small, fond smile that crept up on him before he could stop it.
Regulus slapped his arm again and jumped to his feet. “I’m getting out of here before they eat me alive!” he exclaimed, though there was no real anger in his voice, just exasperation.
“Where are you going?” James asked, raising an eyebrow, half-laughing.
“I’m just going to wash this off,” Regulus called over his shoulder as he walked toward the lake.
James watched Regulus, standing at the edge of the lake, splashing water on his arms and face, trying to wash off the last of the mosquitoes. His eyes followed the way Regulus’s shirt clung to his back, the way the water trickled down his skin, and James felt his heart race again.
He knew he shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, but an impulsive thought flashed through his mind, it was just a little teasing. He meant no harm. He knew Regulus could swim just fine; he just wanted to see him laugh, maybe get a rise out of him. A mischievous grin tugged at his lips, and before he could think about it too much, James bolted toward the water.
Regulus didn’t even notice until it was too late. In one quick motion, James grabbed him from behind, lifting him off his feet. Regulus yelped, a startled "What the hell?" escaping his mouth just as James ran forward and tossed them both into the lake.
The cold water hit them both, and for a split second, Regulus froze, the shock of the cold making his breath catch. "James!" he yelled, flailing in the water. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
James held him close, still laughing at the absurdity of it. "You looked like you could use a dip."
Regulus scowled, swatting at the water, though his arms were still securely around James. "I swear to God, I’m going to kill you."
James only laughed harder, shaking the water from his hair. Regulus, still fuming, took a step back and splashed water back at him, sending a wave straight into James’s face.
"Oi, no fair!" James protested, wiping the water from his eyes.
But before he could get his bearings, Regulus splashed him again, this time with a lot more force. Water surged into James's mouth, and he immediately started coughing, sputtering to clear his throat.
Regulus crossed his arms, looking entirely too pleased with himself. "Maybe next time, you’ll think before throwing someone into a lake."
James, still coughing, raised his hands in mock surrender. "Fine, you win."
But Regulus, smirked. "Oh, I’m not done yet." He splashed more water at James, who tried to dodge, but failed miserably, getting drenched all over again.
"Agh!" James groaned in pain, quickly pulling his hand back. "Shit," he muttered under his breath.
Regulus watched, eyes narrowing in concern. "What happened?"
"The wasp, it stung me," James grunted, rubbing his neck. "Oh, fuck, it hurts."
Regulus moved closer to James, and as he did, Sirius’s red hat slipped from his head, caught by the water and slowly drifting away. Regulus didn’t seem to care, though, his attention focused entirely on James.
"Let me see the finger," Regulus said.
James held out his hand, showing the spot where the wasp had stung him. Regulus studied it for a moment, then looked up at James.
"The sting isn’t there anymore," Regulus said, his voice softer now. Without another word, he gently took James's finger, his touch surprisingly careful. He brought it to his mouth and wrapped his lips around it, sucking lightly to get the venom out.
Regulus removed James' finger from his mouth after a moment, then licked the tip, very sensually, before spitting the venom out into the water. His eyes met James's, and for a heartbeat, neither of them said anything. James knew his face was as flushed as Regulus's.
James wanted to say thank you to Regulus, he really did. He opened his mouth, ready to speak, but before the words could come out, his hand moved of its own accord, wrapping around Regulus’s back, pulling him closer. There was no hesitation now. He leaned in, and suddenly they were kissing, urgent, desperate, like they had been starving for each other for years, and maybe, they had.
It felt like everything was happening at once, the rush of their bodies pressing together, the heat of the kiss, the rawness of it. James had never felt so alive. His heart was hammering in his chest, his breath caught in his throat, and yet, somehow, all he wanted was more. He knew Regulus was a man. He knew it wasn’t supposed to be like this, that he shouldn’t feel this way, but when Regulus kissed him back, when his arms moved around James’s neck and pulled him closer, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He didn’t want to stop. And judging by how Regulus was responding, how his lips parted, how his hand slid to James’s chest, how he moaned against James mouth, it was clear he didn’t want to stop either.
They pulled away from each other, breathless. James’ heart was still pounding in his chest, his mind racing as he looked at Regulus, unsure of what to expect next. Regulus seemed to be trying to catch his own breath, his eyes wide, searching James' face for something, perhaps the same thing James was searching his for.
James opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He was scared, scared of what Regulus might say, what he might think. The kiss had been everything, but it was also terrifying in its intensity.
Regulus broke the silence first, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Please."
James didn’t need to ask what he meant.
With a nod, James took Regulus’ hand, and together they stepped out of the lake, the cool water dripping from their skin.
That afternoon by the riverside, James and Regulus slept together for the first time during that summer. It was Regulus’s first time, and James would never forget how everything felt so right, how perfectly Regulus fit in his arms, how intoxicating it all felt.
...
After that afternoon on the lake, James couldn’t seem to let Regulus out of his sight. No matter where they were, his eyes sought him out first. It was instinct now, the way his gaze always landed on Regulus in a crowded room, the way his fingers brushed against his whenever they stood close. He found excuses to touch him, fleeting moments stolen in the quiet corners of the world they shared. A hand at the small of his back, fingers ghosting over his wrist, shoulders pressing together when they sat side by side.
They were careful, of course. No one could know. But that didn’t stop James from feeling like he was living in a dream, like every second with Regulus was some kind of paradise he didn’t deserve but couldn’t give up.
And then July 31st arrived. Regulus' birthday.
Regulus’ birthday had the whole house bustling with excitement. Euphemia had spent the day baking, decorating a cake with careful precision, and setting up the dining table for the small celebration. It was just them, Regulus, James, his parents, and Sirius, but somehow, it still felt grand. James had seen birthdays come and go his whole life, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this one was… different. Like it meant something.
When dinner was finished, they all gathered around to sing Happy Birthday, and James kept sneaking glances at Regulus. He stood there, his back straight, his hands clasped together like he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. The candlelight flickered against his face, and for a brief second, James thought he looked soft. Happy. It was a look James wished he could see more often.
Sirius was the first to step forward with a gift, handing Regulus a small, wrapped package. Regulus unwrapped it, and the second he saw what was inside, he let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head.
A pair of socks. It was a pair of socks.
James frowned, glancing between the two brothers. Regulus was staring at the socks like they were worth more than gold, and Sirius was smirking knowingly.
“What am I missing?” James asked.
Regulus’ fingers ran over the fabric before he looked up. “It’s just… a thing we have.”
James raised a brow. That didn’t explain anything. But then Regulus hesitated, and something in his expression shifted, like he was about to tell a story he never told before.
“When we were kids,” he started slowly, “our mother used to control everything, including Christmas. One year, she told us we weren’t getting one because we hadn’t ‘behaved accordingly.’”
Euphemia sucked in a sharp breath, and Fleamont’s expression darkened. James’ hands curled into fists under the table. James knew he wasn’t looking for sympathy. He just told the story as it was.
Regulus kept going. “I was five. I had spent the whole year trying to be good. I thought if I was good, I’d get this toy train I wanted. I even wrote to Father Christmas.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “But on Christmas day, I realized there wasn’t going to be anything under the tree, and I… well. I cried.”
James' chest ached at the thought of five-year-old Regulus, trying so hard just to be disappointed.
“And then Sirius ran to his room and came back with a wrapped sock.”
James raised a brow, glancing at Sirius.
Sirius shrugged. “I panicked.”
Regulus chuckled. “There was a letter inside, I told Sirius I couldn’t read yet, so he pretended to read the letter for me. It was from ‘Santa Claus.’”
James turned to Sirius, who shrugged. “Santa said his sleigh broke because the gifts were too heavy, so he left a letter promising to give him an extra gift next year.”
“And that everyone in the North Pole loved me,” Regulus added softly, his fingers tightening around the socks. “It was the best gift I ever got.”
James felt something tighten in his throat. He looked at Sirius, who just grinned and nudged Regulus with his elbow. “This is just to remind you that you’re still everyone’s favorite in the North Pole.”
Regulus let out a breathy laugh and shook his head. “Idiot.” But the way he clutched the socks like they were something sacred told James everything he needed to know.
Sirius cleared his throat and pulled out another package, smaller this time. Regulus opened it carefully, his breath hitching when he saw what was inside.
A pocket watch.
James saw the way Regulus’ jaw clenched before Sirius said, “It belonged to Uncle Alphard.”
Regulus didn’t say anything right away, just ran his fingers over the smooth silver surface.
“He’d be proud of you for leaving,” Sirius added. “So am I.”
Regulus looked up then, and for the first time, James saw something raw in his expression. “Thank you, Sirius.”
Before Sirius could respond, Regulus pulled him into a tight hug. Sirius hesitated for only a second before wrapping his arms around his brother, squeezing just as tightly.
Fleamont stepped forward next, handing Regulus an envelope. “I’m afraid my gift isn’t as thoughtful as Sirius’,” he said with a small chuckle.
Regulus opened it, and James saw his eyes widen slightly as he pulled out two tickets.
“They’re for next summer,” Fleamont explained. “So you can visit Sirius during the holidays.”
Regulus stared at them for a long moment, like he couldn’t quite believe it. “I love it,” he said, his voice quieter. “Thank you.”
Euphemia was next, handing Regulus a neatly wrapped package. “I noticed you didn’t bring a proper scarf,” she said with a warm smile.
Regulus opened it and found a hand-knitted scarf in deep green and silver. He ran his fingers over the fabric, his expression unreadable.
“It’s beautiful,” he said, and James could tell he meant it.
Then it was James’ turn.
He suddenly felt nervous. Like whatever he got wouldn’t be good enough. But Regulus was looking at him now, expectant, so James stepped forward and handed him a poorly wrapped package.
Regulus took it, his fingers brushing against James’ as he did.
“You got me something?”
James rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”
Regulus hesitated before carefully unwrapping it. When he pulled out the book, Sophie’s World, his entire face changed.
James had never seen him light up like that before.
Regulus ran his fingers over the cover, flipping through the pages with an almost reverent touch. Then, before James could say anything, he stepped forward and hugged him.
James froze.
Regulus wasn’t one for hugs, except when it came to Sirius.
But he was hugging him.
James barely had time to react before instinct kicked in, and he melted into it, wrapping his arms around Regulus and pulling him closer. He didn’t even care that everyone else was watching. He just wanted to stay there, his nose buried in Regulus’ hair, his hands gripping the back of his shirt like he never wanted to let go.
Regulus pulled back slightly, just enough to look at him. “Thank you, James.”
James swallowed, his heart pounding so loud he was sure Regulus could hear it.
“Anytime.”
Later that night James was just finishing buttoning up his shirt, ready to slip out and find Regulus, when his bedroom door creaked open. He barely had time to turn before Sirius was standing there, arms crossed, expression thunderous.
James frowned. “What’s with the face?”
Sirius didn’t answer right away. He just stared at James, something dark brewing behind his eyes. Then he said, voice low and sharp, “How long?”
James blinked. “How long what?”
Sirius took a step inside, shutting the door behind him. “Don’t play dumb, James,” he snapped. “How long have you been fucking my brother?”
James felt like he’d been slapped. “What?” He let out a startled laugh. “Sirius, I’m not...”
“Don’t lie to me.” Sirius’s hands curled into fists at his sides. “I saw you earlier. I saw the way you looked at him, the way he hugged you.” Sirius jaw was clenched so tight it looked painful.
James swallowed. He wanted to say Sirius was being ridiculous, that this was all in his head. But he didn’t. Because Sirius wasn’t wrong, not really.
“We’re not...” James exhaled sharply. “We’re not fucking, Sirius.”
Sirius scoffed. “Oh, well, that makes it better.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “Then what is it, huh? You just sneak into his bed at night for a bit of innocent cuddling?”
James hesitated. “We’re… sleeping together,” he admitted.
Sirius let out a humorless laugh. Sirius let out a sharp, bitter laugh. “Oh, so that’s different?” He ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. “Fuck, James. I trusted you.”
James furrowed his brows. “Sirius...”
“How could you do this to him?” Sirius interrupted, taking another step forward, fury rolling off him in waves. “Regulus isn’t like us. He’s not the kind of guy you can shag and walk away from.”
James’s stomach twisted. “I know that.”
“Do you?” Sirius challenged. “Because Regulus... He gets attached. He catches feelings. And when this is over, when you’re done, he won’t just move on.” His voice was shaking now, raw with emotion. “You’re going to wreck him, James. He’s had a crush on you since he was a kid, since before he even knew what it meant. And now he finally has you, and you think this is just some summer fling? You think you can walk away and he’ll be fine?”
James opened his mouth, but Sirius cut him off.
“And don’t fucking tell me you have feelings for him,” Sirius snapped. “Let’s be real here, James. You don’t even like boys.”
James flinched. “That’s not...”
“This is just because you’re needy, isn’t it?” Sirius pressed. “It’s summer, it’s easy, it’s exciting, but what happens when summer’s over? When life goes back to normal?”
James wanted to argue. Wanted to say Sirius was wrong. But then Sirius said, “You don’t even stick around for girls, James. You chase them, you win them over, then you get bored and move on.” His voice was quieter now, but no less brutal. “That’s just who you are.”
James’s breath caught in his throat.
Because Sirius was right.
He’d never thought about it before, never needed to. But looking back, had he ever been with someone for longer than three months? It had always been the thrill of the chase, the excitement of something new. And when that excitement faded…
He left.
His stomach twisted into knots.
Regulus wasn’t like the others. James knew that. He felt it in his bones. But what if Sirius was right? What if this was just another fleeting obsession? What if he couldn’t hold onto this feeling forever? What if one day, he woke up, and it was gone?
What would happen to Regulus then?
Sirius must have seen the panic in his face because his expression softened, just a little. He sighed, running a hand down his face. “How long?”
James’s voice was hoarse. “A few weeks.”
Sirius exhaled slowly, like he was bracing himself. Then he said, “You have three weeks.”
James’s head snapped up. “What?”
“Three weeks,” Sirius repeated, looking James dead in the eye. “That’s it. You break up with him, or I break you in two.”
James reeled. “Sirius, I—”
“Not tonight,” Sirius said, his voice final. “It’s his birthday.”
James felt sick.
Three weeks? That wasn’t nearly enough time.
James opened his mouth to argue, but Sirius was already turning to leave. “Three weeks, James,” he said over his shoulder. Then the door clicked shut behind him.
And James stood there, staring at the empty space where Sirius had been, heart hammering, mind spinning, completely and utterly lost.
...
The next two weeks were torture for James. Every moment with Regulus felt stolen, slipping through his fingers faster than he could hold on. He memorized every smile, every glance, every time Regulus touched him in that quiet, instinctive way, like James was something precious. And he knew he was going to miss all of it.
It was nearing the end of the second week when they found themselves lying in bed together. Regulus was stretched out on his stomach, flipping through a brochure for the Sorbonne, his voice light with excitement as he talked about the classes he wanted to take. James was lying opposite him, close enough that their heads nearly touched, close enough to feel the warmth of Regulus’s presence.
Regulus glanced at him, eyes bright. “Do you think you can visit me in Paris?”
James swallowed, his heart twisting. He had to tell him. He had to do it now.
“Reg, we need to talk.” His voice sounded wrong, too heavy in the quiet of the room.
Regulus hesitated, then closed the brochure and sat up, his expression cautious. “Okay,” he said slowly. “What about?”
James sat up too, his fingers knotting in the sheets. The words felt impossible, but he forced them out.
“I think... I think we should stop this.”
Regulus froze.
James rushed to explain, panic tightening his throat. “It’s not that I don’t.. Reg, I...” He exhaled sharply, dragging a hand through his hair. “I didn’t plan this, you have to believe me. I didn’t expect you. And now... now I don’t know how to..."
Regulus’s face had gone completely blank, eerily unreadable. He stood up, stepping away from the bed. “Get out.”
James felt something in his chest shatter. “Reggie...”
“Get out.”
“Please, just let me explain.”
“Get out, James.”
James was desperate now, reaching for him. “Love, please, just listen to me.”
“Right. Fucking. Now.”
James stared at him, at the way his hands clenched into fists, at the fire in his eyes that wasn’t anger so much as devastation. And James had done that.
He didn’t say another word. He just left.
...
As soon as James left Regulus room he bolted into Sirius’s, nearly knocking the door off its hinges. His heart was pounding, his hands were trembling, his breaths shallow and uneven. His world felt like it was crumbling, and the one person who might understand was sitting there, calm, collected, the exact opposite of how James felt.
“Are you happy now?” James asked, his voice strained, breaking on the words. He couldn’t hold the anger and hurt back. It spilled out, bitter and raw.
Sirius, who had been sitting on his bed reading, looked up slowly, eyes narrowing as he set the book aside. “What happened?”
James couldn’t hold back the words any longer. “I broke up with him. I did exactly what you wanted. I told Regulus we were done. I hope you’re happy, Sirius. You got what you wanted.” His voice cracked at the end, the words tasting like ashes in his mouth.
Sirius’s expression shifted, but before he could say anything, James turned on his heel and stalked toward the door. He couldn’t stand to hear anything more. He couldn’t stand to be in that room, that space, with Sirius’s judgment and his own heartbreak swirling around him.
He didn’t even wait for Sirius to respond. He just left.
It had been hard to do, harder than anything he’d ever done before, but he’d done it for Regulus’s sake, because Sirius was right. Regulus was different. He got attached, he felt things deeply, and James couldn’t be the one to tear him apart. He wasn’t built for that kind of love.
But God, it hurt.
James slammed the door to his room shut. He closed his eyes and let the tears come. He didn’t care. He’d never felt so broken, so empty. The ache in his chest wouldn’t go away, no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he’d done the right thing.
He had done it for Regulus. He had. But it felt like his own heart was being ripped from his chest with every passing second.
...
James then spent the remainder of week walking around in a haze, his heart still heavy with the weight of the decision he made. Every step felt like dragging a thousand pounds behind him. He tried to focus on anything, on nothing, but every time he caught a glimpse of Regulus, even from a distance, the pain in his chest tightened. Regulus had avoided him, and the silence between them was deafening.
One night, as everyone was heading to their rooms, James’s eyes locked onto Regulus in the hallway. His heart skipped a beat, a familiar ache settling deep in his chest. Without thinking, he moved toward him, his feet carrying him forward as if guided by instinct.
"Regulus," James called, his voice quiet but desperate. He reached out, grabbing Regulus’s wrist gently, just enough to stop him.
Regulus stiffened under his touch, his expression shutting down. James felt it like a punch to the gut. Regulus was standing in front of him, but it was like he wasn’t even there.
"Can we talk?" James asked, voice thick. He didn’t even know what he wanted to say. All he knew was that he needed to hear Regulus’s voice again. He needed to feel the connection they had, even if it was just for a moment.
Regulus looked at him, his eyes empty, distant. “I don’t have time for this, James.” His voice was flat, cold.
James’s heart pounded in his chest, the words feeling like they were suffocating him. He tugged at Regulus’s wrist, stepping closer, not wanting to lose him again, not like this. “Love, please…” His voice cracked, desperation slipping in, making his heart race faster.
Regulus yanked his wrist out of James’s grip, pulling away. "Cut the crap, James. I don’t have time for this." His voice was distant, cold. "I have to pack. I’m leaving tomorrow."
The words hit James like a slap. For a moment, he didn’t understand. “What?”
Regulus looked up at him. "I’m going to France. Tomorrow.”
James’s pulse raced, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck. “But you weren’t supposed to leave yet," he said, his voice strained. "I still have a couple of weeks with you.”
“I changed plans,” Regulus cut him off sharply, not even blinking.
James’s chest tightened, his breath coming in quick bursts. “You didn’t tell me anything, Regulus. You're just, you're just gonna leave?”
Regulus shook his head slightly, as if James’s words were falling on deaf ears. “I don’t see how what I do with my life concerns you anymore, James.” His words were final, clipped.
James’s heart splintered at the coldness in his voice, but he pushed forward, his chest aching with every word. “Regulus, please don’t do this to me. Don’t just walk away like this.” His voice was raw, torn, pleading.
Regulus’s face softened for a moment, just a flicker of something real beneath the shield of indifference. But then, just as quickly, it vanished. “Goodnight,” he said, his tone flat, final.
And with that, he turned and walked away.
James stood there, frozen in the hallway, his heart shattering in slow motion. He stared after Regulus, his throat tight, his body aching with an emptiness he couldn’t put into words.
He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Regulus. He just wanted to hold on to the time they had, to feel what they had was real. But it seemed like everything had slipped through his fingers, like sand in the wind, and now Regulus was gone.
James didn’t see Regulus anymore after that. The night had ended in a painful silence, and when James woke the next morning, his mother had left to to drop Regulus off at the airport. The world felt unreal, like everything had gone out of focus. He couldn’t even put into words the state he found himself in. He was empty. Numb. Like he was watching everything unfold from a distance, unable to reach out and change anything.
What could he have said or done?
Sirius was his best friend. He couldn’t hurt his best friend little brother, and he also couldn’t hurt Sirius. James tried to convince himselft that Regulus deserved more than what James could ever give him.
When James left to go back to school a couple of weeks later, the numbness still hadn’t lifted. He hadn’t seen any wasps on the way out of the house, and it almost felt like he had missed them completely, as though that tiny, ever-present reminder of Regulus’s it had never been there at all.
It took months for James to make sense of what had happened that summer. Months of waking up in the middle of the night, reaching for someone who wasn’t there. Months of hearing a laugh that wasn’t real, catching the scent of something familiar only to realize it was a trick of his mind. Months of thinking he was fine, only to be blindsided by a memory so sharp it made his breath catch. It took even longer before he could admit the truth to himself, before he could accept that he was actually into men.
The worst part was that nothing had changed. The world continued to move forward, as it should, but James was stuck. Suspended in the space between before and after, unable to step out of it.
He told himself it was just regret. That what he really missed was the rush of it, the secrecy, that it had nothing to do with the way Regulus smiled at him like he was something worth having. He almost had himself convinced.
It wasn’t until Marlene said, “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” that he finally understood.
James had laughed, shaking his head. But the words lodged in his chest, and suddenly, it was like something clicked into place.
The way he ached when he thought of Regulus.
The way he still imagined running his fingers through his hair.
The way he wanted to hear his voice, even if it was just to tell him off.
James had been in love with Regulus.
Still was.
Even after months apart, even after no exchanged words, no letters, no calls, nothing. He still felt the same way. The same ache, the same longing, the same helpless pull toward him.
James contemplated reaching out to Regulus. More than once, he caught himself starting a letter, only to abandon it halfway through. Maybe Regulus wouldn’t want to talk. Maybe he was still furious. Maybe it was foolish to hope for anything at all.
But still, James just wanted to see him.
So, the next summer, he packed his bags and went home hoping that, maybe, he would see Regulus again. Maybe they could talk, maybe there was still something left between them.
When he arrived, his mother mentioned it casually, as if it were nothing, “Oh, Regulus changed his ticket so Sirius could visit him instead. He’s spending the summer in Paris.”
James tried not to let it get to him. He tried to pretend it didn’t matter, that it was fine, that he understood. But the truth was, it felt like a door had been shut on his face. And the following year, when Regulus did the exact same thing, James finally understood what it meant.
Regulus wasn’t coming back. Not for him.
And now, here he was, on a cold winter night, lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling as regret clawed at his chest. He wished he had known back then, known what he felt, known what it meant. He wished he had said something, anything, before it was too late.
Because now, all he had were the words left unsaid, the feelings he never voiced, and the awful, gnawing knowledge that no matter how much time passed, he still loved Regulus.
And Regulus would never know.
James stirred in bed, the darkness of the room pressing down on him. He couldn’t sleep, not anymore. The ache in his chest refused to fade, and his mind wouldn’t quiet. He knew had to do something, or he would never stop wondering.
With a sigh, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself upright. He dragged himself toward his desk, his hands still shaking slightly as he sat down in front of the computer one more time tonight. He stared at the blank email screen, feeling lost in the empty space. His heart thudded as he tried to figure out what to say.
What could he say? What could possibly make a difference now?
He was tired. Tired of the silence. Tired of pretending everything was fine. Tired of pretending that the two years that had passed didn’t feel like a lifetime.
He needed to say something, anything.
So taking a deep breath, he begin typing.
Subject: Two Years
Regulus,
I wish I could be as articulate as I ought to. I wish I could use the right words to explain how I feel, but I’ve never been good at that. I’ve spent so much time thinking about this, and yet, I still don’t know how to make sense of it.
It’s been almost two years since I last saw you. Time, I’ve come to realize, is just a social construct. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long at all. It still feels like yesterday when you were in front of me, and it’s like I’ve been waiting for that moment to come back around.
The truth is, nothing’s changed. I still feel the same way about you as I did then. I can’t explain it any better than that, except to say that I do.
One word from you, and I’ll be silent forever. But I can’t keep myself from saying this now. It’s been far too long, and I’ve never been able to let go.
I’m attaching a song. I’m not sure if it makes sense, but I know you like old songs, and this one feels so straightforward that there’s no way it can be misinterpreted.
I hope you’ll understand.
Attached File: Unchained Melody
-James
Before he could second-guess himself, James pressed send. The moment his finger lifted from the button, panic hit him like a wave. What had he just done? He pulled his hands back, eyes glued to the screen, as if willing the email to vanish would somehow make it disappear, as if he could undo everything with just a thought.
James felt his face flush, the heat creeping up his neck as the reality of what he’d just done sank in. He started to pull away from the computer, almost as if distancing himself from the screen could somehow erase the email. With shaky hands, he turned and walked back to his bed, trying to shake the feeling of panic that still gripped him. It was past one in the morning, and Regulus wouldn't be awake, wouldn't be seeing the message just yet. James collapsed into bed, trying to ignore the tightness in his chest, and within minutes, exhaustion took over. He fell asleep quickly.
When James woke up, the snow had stopped falling, and the room felt colder than it had the night before. The chill crept under his blankets, making him shiver as he sat up. He glanced around, his eyes landing on his computer, which was still on. He’d left it running all night, the screen glowing softly in the dim morning light.
James sighed, rubbing his eyes as he sat down at the desk to shut it off. But before he could reach for the power button, something caught his eye. A new notification. It was a reply. His heart jumped into his throat. Regulus had responded.
The fear hit him first, a sharp twist in his stomach. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but whatever it was, it was still terrifying. He hesitated, staring at the message for a moment, before clicking it open. His breath caught when he saw the brief reply:
"I’m still in love with you too."
James let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. A rush of warmth spread through him, his heart racing. A smile tugged at his lips, an unfamiliar but welcome relief washing over him.
Without wasting another moment, he opened a new tab in his browser and began searching for flights to Paris.