He was so tired and ready to crash in bed. Sirius was on his way back to the dorm after a particularly intense practice with James and Marlene, who had decided to stop off at the kitchens for a post-practice lunch before meeting the others outside. It was a nice day, well, as nice as the unpredictable English weather could give.
He slowly entered the common room, his body aching incessantly from the drills James had demanded they run, even though they had been doing the same thing for weeks. The common room was relatively quiet, except for a few seventh-year students agonizing over tiny facts that he knew, despite only being in fifth year, were never going to show up on OWLS, ever. God, if only Moony knew that as well. Sirius often worried about how hard his friend seemed to push himself with revision, he had tried to tell him to take a break several times, But Remus was stubborn. He would never listen to anything Sirius or the lads told him.
Sirius’s mind was still racing as he approached the dorm, as far as he knew everyone was out. He stilled as he came closer, the door was ever so slightly open and he could see movement on the other side. Curiously, he peeked around the door, only to see Remus, stood in front of the mirror. He was shirtless ‘Fuck, he looks so good, if only I cou-’ no… now is not the time for that, he thought. He could see Remus’ expression, he looked… sad? Worried? Upset? He couldn't really pinpoint it exactly, but he knew Remus was in his head about something, and Sirius didn't need many guesses to know what it was about. He knew Remus was self-conscious, he didn’t think he was all that good looking, Sirius had known this, he knew Remus’ anxieties.
He slowly, as not to startle Remus, pushed the door open and slid in. He silently closed the door behind him and rested on it. Remus still hadn’t noticed him, he was still stood in front of the mirror, eyes roaming over his slender, scarred torso.
“Hey Moons, y’allright there?” Sirius asked hesitantly. He waited for a few seconds, Remus hadn’t heard him.
“Moony, mate what's going on?” he asked, a bit more firmly this time. This seemed to get his attention, Remus turned around so fast Sirius had feared he may have given himself whiplash. He looked startled like he had just been walked in on whilst committing a crime.
“Oh, yeah, yeah, all good….” he said hurriedly. Silence fell over the dorm for a few seconds before Remus snapped out of whatever trance he was in. “How was practice?” He asked, trying to distract Sirius from what he saw.
“It was… good.” Remus's gaze flitted around the room, searching for a shirt or jumper to cover up with. Sirius watched, slightly worrying his lower lip, he wasn't satisfied with Remus’ answer, so he pushed. “Moony, what were you doing?” he asked, cautious not to seem judgemental.
Remus stared at him, face flushed, his jumper hanging limply from his hands. His gaze was gone almost as soon as it was there, Remus turned around and put his jumper on, grabbed a book, and moved over to sit on his bed. “Nothing, honestly Sirius, I'm fine, don't worry about it.” He said this in a manner that almost scared Sirius, he was acting overly ‘fine’.
Sirius followed him, sitting on the opposite end of Remus’ bed and taking the book out of his hands. He stared at his friend dead in the eyes “Remus, don't lie to me, I know you are. Whats wrong?” His voice was as soft and as comforting as he could make it. He placed Remus book to the side and, without any forethough, took Remus’ scared hand in his, rubbing soothing circles over it.
Remus, stared up at him, his eyes glistening with unshead tears. Sirius thought he looked Beautifull like this, to be fair though, Sirius always thought Remus looked Beautiful. He came to this realization in third year, though he had always subconsciously known this since they first met on the train in First year. They were sat in the library, Remus had told Sirius they were aught to revise for the pop quiz Professor McGonagall had set them. Sirius, as usual, had become distracted quickly by a conversation coming from the table over about who Chasity Bell was with and how quickly she moved on from her last Boyfriend, and Remus had given up helping Sirius, deciding that if Sirius failed, it was his own fault. They went on like this for maybe five minutes when Sirius, finally getting bored of the Chasity talk, turned back around to see Remus, Backlit from the late afternoon setting sun, completely focused on his book, His tongue caught between his teeth, poking out from the corner of his mouth. The sun had turned his normally honey-brown curls a light amber. He was resting his head in his hand, looking more tranquil and calm than Sirius had ever seen him. He looked beautiful and Sirius hadn’t thought he had seen someone as gorgeous as Remus ever before in his life. It was this sight that made him realize that he fancied boys, more specifically; that he fancied Remus John Lupin, his best mate.
Sirius was brought back from his daydream by a slight sniffle, Remus looked up from his and Sirius’ attached hands through his lashes. “You wouldn’t get it Pads, and besides, it doesn’t matter.” he all but whispered the last part.
“Remus.”
“Sirius?”
“It matters. If you’re upset, which I can tell you are, then it matters. If not to anyone else then it does to me.” he paused, squeezing Remus’ hand “Tell me, whats up, I promise I will try and understand.”
Remus took a hesitant breath, then straightened up and looked Sirius in the eye briefly before his gaze fell back down to their hands, He had decided that it was easier to confess when he wasn't looking him in the eyes. “I just. I don’t know how anybody could love me when I look the way I do. I'm covered in ugly scars and bites and I'm too skinny and lanky and I hate the way I look. And I can't feel better about it when I live with you and James because you're both like the ideal male. Skinny, but muscular. Tall, but not freakishly tall. And you're not covered, head to toe in unerasable scars that came from your freakish monster side that you can't control. And when people look at you they don’t think they know everything about you just from the scars all over you, I'm sick of it Sirius. I just want to look normal. I want to be normal.” It all came out fast and slightly mumbled since Remus was still holding back tears, which were starting to slowly but silently run down his flushed cheeks.
Oh, how Sirius wished he knew how he felt about him. To this day, Sirius still doesn't know how his life would have turned out if he bit his tongue and said nothing., but he couldn't help it. He couldn't let his best mate/ the guy he has fancied for years not know that he is loved.
Sirius sighed softly and let go of Remus’ hand, only to bring both of his hands up to cradle his face and gently wipe away the falling tears. “Remus, you don't understand how perfect you are. You are perfect the way you are, just as you are now. You're not too skinny, or too lanky. And don't you ever say your scars are ugly, Remus John Lupin. They tell a story, they show how brave you are.” His one had slid down from Remus’ cheek to trace the scars covering his right arm, lightly brushing over and tracing each one. “Personally, I think you are Beautiful, inside and out Moons. And I..” He hesitated, not knowing whether he should say what he truly wanted to, but with Remus crying silently, looking at him with those gorgeous, glassy eyes, he could not say it. He paused the tracing with his Right hand and brought both of his hands down to connect with both of Remus’ “I love you, I always have, and I can't bear to sit here listening to you talk about yourself like this when I know that you are the most beautiful, most handsome person I have ever met. Remus, if you could see the way that I see you, I swear to Merlin himself, you would never feel this way, and you'd be offended to hear what you’re saying about yourself” He chuckled lightly, slightly choked up from the accidental, on purpose?, confession of his feelings.
Remus looked at him, properly this time, not just a fleeting glance, his eyes red and swollen, he sniffled then a slight smile pulled its way onto Remus’ face “You love me?” His sentence turned into a small, happy laugh at the end.
Sirius chuckled “Yeah, I do Moons, I love you” He lifted one of their connected hands to his lips, pressing a light kiss to it, all the while keeping eye contact with Remus.
Remus's smile grew larger as he all but threw himself into Sirius’ arms, both of them collapsing back onto the bed, laughing. He looked up from his place on Sirius’ chest and sat back up, slowly taking Sirius with Him. “I… I love you too, Pads. I didn’t think you would ever feel the same way about me though.” He confessed quietly.
“Moony, I will love you till the day I die, honest.” He pulled Remus in, hesitantly. Sirius kissed him, trying to convey all his love for him in that one action. It was slow and sweet and all that Remus needed to be convinced that Sirius wasn’t lying. He melted into the kiss, wrapping one arm around the back of Sirius’ neck, before breaking away after a couple of moments of what Sirius could only describe as heaven.
Sirius smiled down at him, pulling him into a soft hug, kissing the top of his head. “Better?” he asked, drawing soothing circles over his back.
“Better.” Remus replied, a smile evident in his voice.
“Good” Sirius pulled back slightly “Alright, I'm gonna change and shower real quick, because i stink from James’ stupid Quiditch drills. But, as soon as im out, ill be right back, okay? And we can continue that kiss, yeah?” He stood up from his seat next to Remus on his bed, hedding towards the dorm bathroom.
“Alright.” Remus copied. Sirius turned to disappear into the bathroom before Remus called after him; “Pads?” Sirius turned, confusion evident on his face.
“I love you” Remus smiled.
Sirius almost melted on the spot “I love you too, Ma Lune.”