Mary Macdonald woke up dizzy on November 2nd, 1981. She doesn't remember anything but her name.
She looks to the floor, and finds a letter. She recognizes her own handwriting. It has her bank accounts, her address, her full name, and a flower. It's a pretty flower. A lily.
~~~
After six months living on her own with her new life, saving up working on a café plus all the money she had from ‘before’, Mary finally is able to open her flower shop. She has all kinds of flowers, and does deliveries on her bike. She has many books with the meaning of flowers, to make specialized bouquets for her clients. She's not sure why she feels empty inside at night, but it doesn't matter.
From 6 to 7 am, she waters and cleans up everything in the shop. Then she has breakfast, and around 8 she opens the shop, taking customers in all the way 'till 4pm. She has lunch in the middle, and after she closes, grabs her bike to do the deliveries. She has free time until 7, when she makes herself dinner, and gets to bed. She sleeps three hours, wakes up with a nightmare, makes a small painting, then goes back to bed. She keeps all her paintings in a separate room, and doesn't understand them, nor tries to.
For some reason, she keeps dreaming of green eyes, dark red hair, and a freckled nose.
She keeps having nightmares of a green light, and a scream.
She keeps waking up crying.
She doesn't bother trying to figure out why.
~~~
She has a couple usuals after three years running her business. She's not rich, but she's comfortable. She has food on her table, and a big house for herself and her paintings. It’s October 31st. The bell rings, and she looks up to her newest customer.
“Hi. What can I do for you?”, she asks the man. His face is full of scars, and he looks tired. Exhausted, actually. Recognition goes through his eyes for a moment.
“Mary?”, he asks, hopeful, hurt- she doesn't know why.
“The one and only. Glad to know the name's finally going around. I've been called ‘flower girl’ very often over the last couple years”, she jokes a bit. The man inhales shakily, and offers her a small smile with a nod.
“A pleasure. I- I'm Remus”, he presents himself. “I, um. Do you have anything-? I wanted a bouquet for a couple friends?”, he asks, hesitant.
“Sure! What's the occasion? Anniversary? Birthday? A post-Halloween prank”, she asks, smiling at the man. He clears his throat.
“It’s, uh… the anniversary of their death”, he says, after a moment. Mary feels like she stops breathing for a bit. “I've been dreaming about them lately, and… I’d like to leave them something there”.
Mary takes a moment to compose herself. Of course, not all her customers buy her flowers for gifts, romantic gestures, or simple decoration for their homes. But for some reason, she feels like she can relate.
“Well. If you'd like, you can look over the meanings of flowers in that little corner. There are a couple books”, she offers. “You look like the reading type”, she adds, and the man smiles sadly.
“I was. I am”, he answers, and nods before going to the corner and reading different flowers.
Mary looks at the man. For some reason, she feels like she knows him from somewhere. But from where? She doesn't remember anything from ‘before’. She hesitates, before walking to the man.
“Sorry. Could I show you something upstairs?”, she asks, after debating for a bit. The man- Remus, seems taken aback, but he smiles and nods.
He follows her upstairs, and once in the room full of canvases and paintings, he inhales sharply. He looks around, and his eyes get teary.
“Do you know them?”, Mary asks, and caresses the image of the red-haired lady. Remus hesitates.
“Yes”, he answers. He walks towards the picture of the red-haired woman, the tanned man with round glasses, and the tiny baby on their arms, and points at each. “James. Harry. And Lily”, he says. Mary looks at him when he says Lily's name. Lily. Lily, Lily, Lily-
“Lily”, she whispers, and suddenly she feels a deep pain on her chest. She feels like throwing up. She can't breathe. What is wrong? Who is she? Why-?
“Mary. Mary, breathe”, Remus says, grabbing both her shoulders and sitting beside her. When did she fall to the ground? “Mary. Listen to me, yeah?”, he asks, softly. “It's okay-”
“She's dead”, Mary whispers, and sobs. Why does she know that? Why does it hurt so much? “They're both dead. Harry-”, she sobs again.
“Harry is living with his aunt, her husband, and her son”, he says, and cups her cheek. Mary shakes her head.
“He killed them”, she says, and sobs. She meets his eyes, and Remus is crying.
“Yeah”, he answers, and his voice breaks. “He did. They're dead, Mary”, he says. Mary looks at the rest of her paintings, and finds the one where Remus is. With a couple other boys, two girls sitting on top of each other, and some others. Mary is there, too.
“You're there”, she says, walking to the painting. She grabs it, and sits back on the ground, next to Remus. Remus nods.
“And James and Lily are here again”, she says. Lily, a blonde girl, a black-haired guy and James look the most clear- the rest of them look a little off. Like they're not as strong on her mind, or their memories got more dizzy.
“This is Marlene”, Remus says, pointing at the bonde. “And her girlfriend, Dorcas”, he says, pointing at the black girl wearing long braids. “Both dead”, he chokes out. “Marlene died with her parents, and Dorcas died on her own”. He takes a shaky breath, and points to a blonde, short guy. “Peter. Also dead. He died on the same night as James and Lily”, he says, and hesitates. He looks at the dark-haired guy, and takes a moment. Mary wonders what's going on inside his head. “Sirius”, he says, softly. But hurt. So much pain. “He- he betrayed them”, he whispers, and sobs. “It was his fault, and I didn't even realize”, he says, and begins to cry. Mary looks at him, and rubs his back. She's never seen such a tall guy cry like this.
“Why don't I remember them?”, she asks, and Remus just sobs again. He wipes his tears, and looks at Mary.
“Because it hurts”, he says softly. “You loved her”, he whispers, and Mary knows he talks about Lily. “You always did. And she's gone”, he whispers. Mary gently caresses Lily's portrait.
“But she's a woman”, she says, and meets Remus' eyes. Remus chuckles, and smiles.
“And she was kind. Beautiful. Your best friend”, he says softly, and looks at her picture. “You're Harry's godmother, you know?”, he says softly. Mary feels tears in her eyes again.
“How could I abandon him like that?”, she asks, and feels her own tears.
“He has her eyes”, he whispers. Mary sighs, and looks at the painting of Lily, James and Harry.
“I know”, she says softly. “But it's not his fault”.
“Neither is yours”, Remus says, and hugs her middle. They stay there for a bit, and Mary sighs.
“White lilies and red tulips”, she says, finally. “And forget-me-nots. That would fit them”, she says, and meets his eyes. “Did you love her, too?”
“Not the way you did”, he answers. “I loved the one who betrayed them”, he says after a moment, and looks back at the paintings. “Maybe that's why you can allow yourself to forget, but I can't”.
“I think I'd like to remember this time”, she says hesitantly. “They deserve being remembered”
“But you don't deserve the sadness”, he says.
Mary takes a moment. She thinks of the last three years. Of not moving on, but not knowing from what.
“I'm still sad. I just didn't know why”, she says, softly. They meet each other's eyes, and stand up. They go downstairs, and Mary makes the bouquet in comfortable silence, while Remus reads the meaning of each flower Mary chose.
“Thanks. How much is it?”, Remus asks, taking out his wallet. Mary shakes her head.
“Just take them there. Apologize to Lily for me, would you?”, she asks, meeting his eyes. “Tell her I still love her”.
Remus smiles sadly, and nods.
“I'm sure she already knows. But I will”, he says softly. And leaves.
Mary closes the shop early, and cancels the deliveries for the day. She hides in her room, and looks at the dried lily she saved since she woke up.
~~~
Mary must have a type. The year is 1987, and she has a husband. He has green eyes, and a freckled nose- though his hair is more of a strawberry blonde. She smiles at him and holds his hand. She still loves Lily, but she also loves Noah. He makes her feel special.
They got married a year ago, and they've been living together at Mary's. Today, she got amazing news, and is tending to her flowers waiting for him to get home from work to share them.
The bell rings and the door opens, and she lights up when she sees Remus.
“My, my, hello, Mr Lupin”, she says, and rushes to greet him with a hug.
“Hi, Mary. Hope you weren't busy?”, he asks, offering her one of those tired smiles of his.
“Not at all. Good to see you, actually. I have amazing news”, she says, smiling widely. Remus smiles. He loves hearing her good news.
“What is it? Did Noah get that promotion?”, he asks. Mary shakes her head.
“Not as far as I know. But he is getting a baby”, she says in a whisper, so her other clients won't hear. Remus lights up.
“You're…?”, he asks, looking her up and down. Mary grins, and nods. Remus hugs her again. “Oh, I'm so happy for you, Mary! It's so good to hear”, he says softly, smiling widely. He meets her eyes. “Does he know yet?”, he asks, and Mary shakes her head, but smiles still.
“I'm telling him tonight. We'll have a nice, romantic dinner, and I'll tell him then”, she says, smiling. Remus smiles back, and nods.
“I’ll be busy for a couple months, but do sent me a letter about what he says, yeah?”, he asks, and she nods.
“You know I will”, she says with a smile. Remus nods, and smiles back. “The usual?”, she asks.
“You know it”, he says. Mary prepares his bouquet, and he insists on paying her.
“Oh, Remus, come on. We can't discuss it every day”, she says, and Remus snorts and shakes his head. “Buy yourself something for dinner instead, eh? You need some more muscle”, she tells him. He looks at her, and smiles.
“You used to say that before, too”, he says. Mary smiles, and nods.
“Must be because I'm right”, she says, and Remus chuckles.
“Alright, alright. Bye, Mary. See you around”, he tells her.
“See you!”
~~~
She is beautiful. Her little Lily. She has her father's green eyes and freckled nose, and her curly dark hair. Her skin is tan, but not as dark as hers. She's… well, perfect.
“I love her so much”, she says, crying into her husband's shoulder. He chuckles.
“This is the third time you've cried because you love her, Mary”, Noah says, cupping her cheek.
“You cried five times”, Mary argues. Noah blushes a bit, and smiles with a sigh.
“Yeah”, he says, and kisses her cheek. “But you're supposed to cover up for me”, he says, smiling. She chuckles.
That same afternoon, they are allowed to go home. She's exhausted, but Noah got a couple days off to take over the flower shop for her while she rests. As soon as she's home, there's a knock on the door. She sighs.
“Uh, it's open!”, she says. She lights up when she sees Remus when he opens the door. “Remus! You made it”, she says, smiling.
“I wouldn't miss it for anything”, he says, and he freezes when he notices the little bundle in Mary's arms. He walks slowly, and kneels beside them both. He looks at the baby in awe. “So… this is little Lily?”, he asks, softly, unable to remove his eyes from her.
“Yeah”, Mary says softly. “Lily Elba Smith. Noah insisted on his grandma's name, and I insisted on my dead beloved's name. Seemed fair”, she says with a shrug. Remus chuckles.
“She's beautiful”, Remus says. Mary hums.
“She is. And she'll be the happiest as your goddaughter”, she says, meeting his eyes. “If you'll take her, that is”.
Remus cries for about twenty minutes before accepting.
~~~
It was Lily's 6th birthday, and none of her classmates had shown up. Mary knocks on her door, and Lily sniffles.
“What?”, she asks, sadly.
“Don't you want some cake, baby?”, she offers.
“I'm not hungry”, she mutters. Noah exchanges a look with Mary, and he smiles.
“You have a friend here, waiting for you”, Noah says, and Mary eyes him curiously.
“Don't lie”, Lily mutters from the other side of the room. “None of my friends came here”.
“What am I, chopped liver?”, Remus asks, appearing suddenly behind Mary. The door opens on its own, and Lily looks up from her bed.
“Uncle Rem?”, she asks, litten up.
“The one and on- oof”, he says, as Lily hugs him tightly. Remus smiles and picks her up. “Happy birthday, Lils”, he says softly, and gives her a little box. She eyes it curiously, and opens it. Inside, there's a bunch of chocolate, and…
“You got her the Polly Pocket? Remus, I told you-”, Mary was about to reprimand him.
“And I told you this is my goddaughter’s birthday and I'll buy her whatever I wanted”, he reminds her, and Lily giggles.
They have a small party in the backyard, and when Remus is about to go, Lily pouts.
“No”, she says, simply. Remus sighs as he opens the door.
“Lily, I have to go home already, it's-”
The door closes on it's own.
“I don't wanna”, she says. Remus looks at her, and meets Mary's eyes. Mary doesn't know what he's trying to say, but Remus looks at Lily again. He sighs, and tries to open the door once more.
“Lily. Please. I promise I'll be back before you start the school year”, he says. She pouts even more and he sighs, leaving the door, which closes on it's own again. He kneels beside her. “Lils?”
“You didn't return at all last year”, she argues, still. Right. Last year, everything with Harry and Sirius happened. He cried for hours to Mary at the beginning of the summer break.
“I came for Christmas, remember?”, he asks. “And I don't work there anymore, so I won't be far”, he promises. Lily meets his eyes- her green eyes just like the original owner of her name.
“You promise you'll be back before school?”, she asks, hesitantly. Remus smiles softly and nods.
“Promise”, he says softly.
Afterwards, he fills Mary in about magic. It takes a while.
~~
Lily is ten, and her uncle isn't here. Her mom hasn't left her room for hours, and is cradling a baby with cool hair besides an older woman.
Lily noticed she's not the only one who can do stuff. Her momma can, too, but she denies it every time. Uncle Remus told her that's because Mama has bad memories of it, and it's not her fault. And he's very smart, so it must be true.
However, her uncle didn't show up, even when he said he would come before her eleventh birthday. He would miss it, and never come visit again.
The year is 1998, and Lily has lost her godfather. Her mom lost her oldest friend, and now she's crying with an unknown lady.
“Dad? Why is mom crying?”, she asks Noah, who has been more quiet than usual. He picks her up, and hugs her.
“Baby, it's… It's your uncle Remus”, he says, softly. “There was a fight, and-”, Lily's world blurries a bit. “He and his wife…”, what is her dad saying? She doesn't understand. “The funeral… Baby… Teddy… Madame Andromeda…”
Lily starts hyperventilating. She doesn't understand. Uncle Remus was coming for her birthday. What fight? Remus' son is here, but Remus isn't, and the wife she never met either.
“Dad?”, she asks, and she can't see right. She can't breathe. “Papa, I- I can't-”, something blows up, and Noah covers Lily with his back, hugging her and sitting on the floor, behind a counter. “What- why isn't Uncle Remus here? He knows- he-”, she can't breathe. Noah hugs her tight, and she starts crying. A couple more things break, probably- she's not sure. Mary, Madame Andromeda and baby Teddy go downstairs when they hear the sound. Andromeda kneels beside her, and she looks up at her.
“Hi, Lily”, she says softly, as she cups her cheek. Lily sniffles, and she starts crying. “It's okay. Breathe, yeah?”, she says, and Mary kneels beside her. They all sit on the ground, and help her breathe. Andromeda grabs her wand, and cleans up the things that broke on their own. “Mary, your kid is powerful”, she says, once she's cleaned up. Lily stands up, and looks at her amazed.
“Don't- don't say that”, Mary says, and looks down.
“But she is”, Andromeda says. “Remus said so, as well. She'll receive her letter in no time”, she adds, looking at Mary. Mary nods, and Noah sighs, meeting his daughter's eyes.
“We should go to bed, yeah?”, he tells her softly. She nods, and lets Noah carry her to bed.
~~~
Lily got her letter. She's sad. She misses uncle Remus. He'd know what to tell her, she's sure.
There's a knock on the door, and Mary opens it. Mary meets the young man's eyes, and she seems to recognize him immediately. She hugs him.
“Oh, Harry”, she says softly. She hugs him tight.
“Hi, Mrs Smith”, he says, and pats her back awkwardly. “Mrs McGonagall said I should drop it to speak with you and Lily”
“You have your mother's eyes”, Mary says, and Harry sighs, like he hears that a thousand times.
“Yep. Just like hers”, he says, and just- let's Mary hug him for a bit.
After tea and a chat, Lily finally knows who this guy is. Apparently, he's his mother's godson- something she should've known, actually. Apparently, they haven't been in touch. Harry is also Teddy's godfather, so Uncle Remus must've trusted him. And he was always smart, so he must be right.
~~~
“Mom, will you forget about me?”, Lily asks, standing on King's Cross, with a bunch of stuff to take to her new school. Hogwarts. That's a weird name for a school, but whatever. Mary smiles softly, and cups her cheek.
“Of course not, Lily. I love you more than anything”, she says softly, and kisses her forehead.
“We’ll miss you a lot, and cry a bunch. So write us letters every day, yeah?”, Noah tells her, hugging her. “I even bought you a fff- flippin owl. So you better use it”, he adds. Lily chuckles, and Mary sighs.
“Promise”, she whispers, and hugs then both. “I'll see you at Christmas?”, she asks. Both her parents nod.
“Have fun, and learn lots”, Mary says softly. The train starts, and Lily jumps.
“Oop! Come on, run, before you miss it!”, Noah says, and helps her get on the train. Lily chuckles. “Have fun, kiddo, yeah?”
“Yeah!”, Lily says, and hurries to a compartment.
She waves them goodbye as the train leaves. Once she's out of sight, Mary looks at her wand worriedly. She hasn't had one since the Potters died. Her oak, phoenix tail feather wand feels strange- but right, somehow. She has a lot to relearn.
She sighs.
“You think she'll be okay?”, Mary asks. Noah kisses the top of her head, and nods.
“She'll be alright. She's a smart girl”, he promises. Mary smiles.
“Yeah”, she says softly. “She really is”.