The Banquet

Kaeya had woken a while ago to stare blankly at the ceiling. His hair was sure to tangle if he didn’t brush it out, but he couldn’t muster the strength to care. Water dripped slowly down his neck to dampen the dusty bed he laid on. He didn’t move a muscle as the door opened, or as Aitana’s ghostlike steps drew near. It was only when she reached out that he summoned Jayu, its blade still dripping with blood.

“Now that you’ve drawn your sword, what exactly is your plan?” Her tone was at least consistent. He couldn’t count the times he’d heard it, but it was always in that same scornful register.

Kaeya let go of Jayu and ordered, “Make her to leave.”

Kaeya pulled the blanket over his head. He knew Jayu could take care of her, so he might as well rest his eyes.

There were various thumps and the sounds of Aitana jumping around. She said breathlessly, “You have no shame at all, sending something like that after me.”

Kaeya thought that Jayu was being especially useless. “If you don’t hurry up, I will replace you with a kitchen knife.”

Jayu hummed in distress and fell to the ground. Kaeya lifted the corner of the blanket and saw its runes flash frantically before fading away.

What was this? The one time Kaeya needed its help, it decided to throw a tantrum? Kaeya gave Jayu a cold look, but it only hummed faintly before going silent.

He could do the work himself, but he felt that he didn’t want to. His body was too heavy. He had no capacity for anything, and would rather lie in bed and pretend to sleep until Aitana went away.

“This hostility isn’t in either of our interests. You should at least play along with the part you’ve written for yourself.”

Aitana was carrying her box of tools, so she must want to prepare him for the banquet. Kaeya knew he shouldn’t agree. Something changed within him every time he was around her. But when he asked himself why it mattered, he couldn’t find an answer anymore.

The vanity was covered in a thin layer of dust, with the only place disturbed beneath a corked bottle of alcohol.

“I brought your usual. Don’t drink all of it, or you’ll be passing out at the banquet.”

Seeing her at the trial was bad enough. Her gaze left a greasy stain on his flesh, stinging with each glance she sent his way. Even if he played up his emotions, it was one thing to do so in front of a single lion. Not the person who’d sent him time and time again into their den.

Kaeya’s immediate thought was to rebel. To scream, to protest, to throw her out of the room. But that thought was small and distant, disconnected from the rest of his mind. The larger part wished to survive. To weather this storm, even as his rational mind told him to flee.

He swallowed a mouthful of liquor, and stared numbly at his coin as he smoothed a thumb over its surface. It was not the regular design of mora. Instead of a triquetra, it had been smoothed and retooled until intricate designs covered each face. On one side was an oasis ringed with lilies. And on the other, breezes swept gently through Mondstadt’s windmills.

There was a thud of clothes hitting the bed. She was behind him, perhaps an arm’s reach away. Kaeya dismissed the coin before she could see it.

“You could switch any of these clothes and no one would notice. Too feminine, too masculine. You two are truly a pair made in hell.”

It seemed he’d only just sat down, but she’d already begun to run a comb through his hair. It caught on a tangle, and was yanked hard enough to make tears spring to his eyes.

“I suppose it was an intelligent move at the trial. Whether by your hand or his, it would have come out eventually.”

Many cruel people were in reality, pathetic and cowardly. Samael was harsh, but he was also one of the most insecure people Kaeya knew. It would only take a few sparks for his façade to burn away.

It didn’t matter if Kaeya was embarrassed in the process. He would be as dramatic as possible, and dig a himself a hole so deep he couldn’t climb out. Because when Samael was forgiven, Kaeya would be lifted up alongside him.

Aitana set down the comb and uncorked a vial of oil. The girl in white had always smelled faintly with lavender. But hers was fragrant, just sweet enough to avoid heaviness. The oil always felt thick and cloying. As if by smelling it, you were subjecting yourself to harm.

She went to pour it in his hair, but he caught her wrist.

“If Albedo drugged me, it would have worn off already. Do you think I'm stupid, or do you want this farce revealed to the public?"

Aitana said coldly, “Linalool is derived from lavender, not the other way around. You’re being paranoid.”

Kaeya tightened his grip around her wrist.

"You can put it away, or see your name in the news."

"How sensitive are you, that the smell of oil offends your taste?"

Despite her sharp words, Aitana chose a different product to run through his hair.

Kaeya’s hands were often too shaky before appointments, whether from nerves or drinking. Aitana would brush and style his hair, as well as provide ornaments and clothing for him to wear. But despite the years they’d spent together, her skills were as mediocre as the day she’d began. Her hands pulled at his hair as if trying to yank it all out. By the time she was done brushing it, he was sure his scalp was bleeding. She spread it against his back to dry.

“You’ve lost some of that cute doe-eyed look. But I think you’ll look good anyways.” She smiled at him through the mirror. “I don’t know what kind of idiots would believe your story. You’ve always been so compliant. So weak. There are so many other places you could have gone. The Church, the Knights of Favonius, that precious Gunnhildr. You even stayed at her house. There were so many points where you could’ve found another option, but you came to us instead.”

She popped open a ceramic jar, dipping her brush in the pigment. “Of course, there was a noble sentiment. A foreign nobody, taken in by the gracious Dawn Winery. But all it would take is one look at your side to expose him.”

Kaeya said tersely, “I don’t have all night to listen to your rambling.”

“The Tsaritsa has taken an interest in you. She’d like to collect that cute face of yours and add it to the collection.”

She reached to grab his jaw, but he slapped it away. “You agreed to play along. You have to stay still if you want to look handsome.”

The brush moved precisely as it streaked kohl over his eyeline.

“Your debt has been forgiven. That little incident three years ago can also be left in the past.” She blew on the pigment, watching intently as his lashes fluttered. “All the Tsaritsa asks is that you consider her generous offer. You could be Master Childe’s righthand man. Or maybe you’d prefer to mop up blood with the Doctor. With everyone after you, you’re in a good position to bargain.”

She put away the brush and summoned three ornaments. She laid them on the vanity and said, “You should look your best tonight. Pick a hairpiece.”

Two were simple pieces, dull and colourless compared to the other. It was a gold pin, studded with jewels like pomegranate seeds. Kaeya forced a laugh. “I don’t need to flaunt anything tonight. Something simple is fine.”

He had a variety of ribbons in his qi storage, so any one of them would do. He chose one randomly and put it on the table without so much as looking at its colour. He would be redoing his hair once she left anyways.

“You’re still using this?” She had put away her scorn, if only to engage in a façade of a polite conversation. It was now back and worse than ever.

Kaeya never did things carelessly, so it made sense the one time he slipped up it would be to this magnitude. It could have been any of the others, so why this one? He should have thrown it away, or better yet, burned it to a crisp.

“You could buy a thousand new ribbons, but you waste qi on this ratty old thing.”

Kaeya reached for it, but Aitana had already snatched it away.

“You’re taking initiative for once. I would be a real monster to ignore your choice now.”

Kaeya thought of calling Jayu to chase her out, but she would surely spin it as an insult towards the Fatui. Rather than causing a whole nation to come after him, it would be better to endure a few moments of her presence.

“I can’t count the number of times you insisted on wearing this. It was covered in filth over and over again, yet you would only clean it for the next assignment.”

“It’s my least favourite. It would be wasteful to use anything else.”

Aitana’s voice became cheerful. “What a relief! I can’t stand touching something so dirty. Since you’re so popular now, I’m sure you can afford something better. I’m sure you won’t mind if I burn it.”

Kaeya was sure she was bluffing. In any case, why would he care?

“Once you’re done with that, kindly leave me alone. You’ve done far more talking than working.”

Aitana said agreeably, “Of course.”

The smell of burning fabric came from behind him. Kaeya turned around and saw the ribbon was actually on fire.

Before he could control himself, he had already snatched it away. He searched for some excuse, but his nerves were raw beyond belief. He ended up snapping his words as if he was irritated. “Vision holders need to control themselves. I can’t count the number of places that burned down because of people like you.”

“My apologies, Master Kaeya. I’ll make sure to dispose of the ribbon in a safer way.”

She held out her hand, but Kaeya was unwilling to give it to her. She laughed out loud.

“For someone so vain, you certainly find ways to impress. Don’t keep wearing things that don’t fit. That ribbon will be filthy no matter how many times you wash it.”

It didn’t matter what Kaeya did, because he knew he wouldn't mean it. His mind, his body, his dignity; they were just tools to use and discard as needed. But where did the performance stop and the lying begin? Maybe Aitana was right, and he was just deluding himself. Something so dirty could never be clean again.

“Find a wife, and get married before the end of the month. You’re no good at hiding what you are.”

Kaeya didn't wait for the door to shut before grabbing the bottle and chugging as much as he could. Some of it went the wrong way and he coughed, hitting himself on the chest to clear his airway. It was hot and sharp, the taste as disgusting as ever.

He didn’t know why he drank the stuff. There was no richness or history behind its flavour, and it would be better off starting a fire than being drunk.

He set the bottle down and pulled open the vanity’s drawer. The dust had got in there as well, coating pots of makeup and perfume in a layer of gray fluff. In the corner was a pearly white comb, accompanied by a small pot of coconut oil. Kaeya shut the drawer and began to pull his fingers through his hair.

It had dried enough that he could pull it into a hairstyle. This was one he’d worn often with the Knights, simple and neat. He looked at his reflection with little expectation, but it fell short anyways. The circles under his eyes were more pronounced. He looked tired, and he looked younger than he wanted to.

A flash of blue registered in his vision. How often had he worn the ribbon, that using it was such an easy habit? He pulled it free, and his hair fell limply to his shoulders. It was unruly, too curly to be anything but foreign. He thought of straightening it, but he’d run out of time before it was halfway done. A part of him rebelled at the thought. It was not his hair, but theirs, and he was putting away everything else.

Eula hated him, Klee blamed him, and the Knights wanted him dead. He would go with them anyways, and drink at the Angel’s Share so Charles could stare at him with hatred. He was not allowed to die, never mind be himself.

He hadn’t needed to lie with his mother and father. He stared at the mirror in silence. Had his mother given him these brows, or were hers thinner than his father’s? Did his father share his smile, or was it his mother who had a dimple in her cheek? What was hers, what was his, and what was only Kaeya’s?

He was sure of their hair, but that was little comfort. His hair was curlier than his father’s, and straighter than his mother’s. It fell short either way, taking too much of each side to truly belong in either.

Kaeya looked at the image meant to reflect him. It was not his mother. It was not his father. He looked at a face, but he did not know whose it was.

‘Weary, lonely child. Trying to be something… someone you are not… you will lose more and more of yourself, until there is nothing left to give away.’

“I thought of anyone, you might understand.”

‘Of course we do.’

Kaeya hadn’t known they could sound like that. So kind. So warm.

‘Come save us, and we will never leave your side. We will love you so dearly, for you are our prince. You belong with us sinners. Save us. Help us. Let us adore you.’

“Jayu, come over here.”

Jayu whined but didn’t move. It had never been so careless when the curse was involved. Was Jayu being disobedient, or was something wrong with it?

Kaeya got up and took Jayu, pressing a palm to one of its runes. “Help me, please.”

Jayu’s runes flickered before strengthening into an unsteady glow.

The voices rang out in dismay, creating a cacophony in his head.

‘Our prince – ’

‘No –’

‘Please – ’

“Be silent.”

Jayu’s runes shone in a brilliant flash, and the voices went quiet. Jayu whined again before the lights went out completely. Even when dimmed, the runes were the same as ‘him’. His blood, his clothes, his honey-coloured hair.

Kaeya was such a fool. He’d thought he and Albedo were the same. But it turned out he was worse than anyone else. They didn’t mean to leave, or at least felt sorry for hurting him. Albedo was nothing like that. Who cared if he’d committed any crimes? He was a monster either way. No heart, no soul, not a flicker of humanity in that miserable body.

If that wretched woman wanted him to go unnoticed, she should have started with his face. His eyes clashed with his skin, his hair was unnatural, and his features might as well be picked off of people in the street. It was like a demon had seen humans for the first time, then drawn a picture from memory.

He was just eerie to look at, and she had made it worse by putting a star on his throat. Was she taunting the gods? Mocking them, telling them, ‘I’ve done this, so strike me down if you dare?’

It was so clear he was Khaenri’ahn. Kaeya could see some of his own features in him, and maybe his poor, dead father had had even more.

But while Kaeya could be ‘beautiful’, ‘exotic’, ‘unearthly’; surely, Albedo could only be ‘inhuman’. He would always be lesser. Different. It was just how he was.

Even hating him was a waste of time. He could have been something back then, with his mind intact and a smile to soften his features. But he had grown so weak and pitiful in that last month. Even his hair suffered, dull and neglected like the rest of his body. One long and shining, it was shorn short; turned brittle and ugly. They would write about it in those little newspapers. They already had, but his name was never low enough.

‘We knew he was strange, we should have left it at that.’

‘He deceived us, killed us, and cut his hair, too?’

‘Even in death, he’ll bring us shame.’

‘We should have known. That boy is too different to belong.’

It was human nature to be strong, and to use those weaker than you. Those people were complicit in their own suffering. It was human nature to be strong, so they had failed as humans. It was their own faults. If they didn’t want it, they should have said something. They should have said ‘no’, should have left, should have chosen anything else than ending up in that situation.

Kaeya had no pity for anyone like that. Being hurt, being used, it was all a natural part of the world. He wouldn’t shed any tears for ‘victims’, because they didn’t exist. They must deserve that treatment, desire it somewhere deep down. It wouldn’t be fair if that was a lie.

Albedo’s mother was heartless, but she was the reason he and Tas existed. Albedo had betrayed his home and brought shame to his mother by cutting off his hair. Kaeya would never disown himself so callously. Kaeya was better than him, and Albedo had surely deserved to suffer.

‘You see the truth now. Our beloved prince, please do not silence us. We only wish to guide you, to show you love and happiness. That mutt would only lead you astray. Set down the sword, and begin a new life. The right life.’

Kaeya dismissed his sword. He wouldn’t forgive Albedo, but he wouldn’t listen to the voices either. If Jayu was too weak to make them quiet, he had to find some other solution.

Since Aitana came in, he’d sensed someone in the hallway. A cleaner wouldn’t linger for so long, and the fact that Aitana hadn’t noticed must mean they were an experienced eavesdropper. Such a person could take him where he needed to go.

Rule Number One of Blackmail: Catch them in the act. Kaeya flung open the door, fixing an intense look on the eavesdropper before she could escape.

“Ahaha… Master Kaeya…” An Nabi smiled, her mind becoming blanker than a baby’s forehead. Most of the disciples were too dull to find her out, but she still knew to keep to a distance. That made Kaeya’s state all the more concerning, as she could sense it from far away. Strange voices, the scent of corruption. It was only out of selfless concern that she came closer! She deserved a reward, not death by that creepy blue eye!!!

“Ahaha…” she said again. Despite her best efforts at finding an excuse, that cold glare made her forget she could even think.

Kaeya averted his gaze, and she fell gasping to the ground.

He knew his eye was disturbing, but he’d barely looked at her. Wasn’t falling to the ground like that overreacting?

An Nabi started to babble things at top speed. Her voice was pleasant, but only remained so in small amounts. Kaeya’s head began to ache.

An Nabi went silent. A moment ago she had been talking like she would never stop, so the change was abrupt and jarring. Her eyes were brown, but there were hints of colour where there hadn’t been before. Her gaze was almost intense as Kaeya’s, and it was fixed squarely on his eyepatch.

When people looked at Kaeya like that, they were always curious. Pirates and soldiers wore eyepatches, but former Ragnvindrs did not. When questions led nowhere, they would try to find out by force. That was part of the reason Kaeya had run away in the first place.

An Nabi said gently, “I apologize. I’ve overstepped.”

Kaeya had unconsciously let his feelings show. He relaxed his shoulders and smiled, waving it off. “You’ll have to pay extra to see.”

In his efforts to seem unphased, he had slipped and said the worst thing possible. His mind went blank. He couldn’t think of anything to do or say until An Nabi covered for his mistake.

“It was a long week, and an even longer trial.”

Her voice was tinged with pity, and Kaeya remembered that his past was hardly a secret anymore.

“I am not a healer, but I have sharper senses than most. I can smell corruption coming from your eye. If it is not seen by a healer, it will wear away your mind and body.”

“It’s only an imbalance in my yin. It will be sorted out easily with a qi extract.”

The old excuse fell easily from Kaeya’s lips. He was rattled from earlier, and the alcohol made it difficult to discern lies from reality. It wouldn’t work in this case, when An Nabi knew it was corruption.

However, she only nodded, springing gracefully to her feet. “My nose is sharp, but it gets confused easily. Whether it’s corruption and deviation, yang works great either way!”

An Nabi pointed to either end of the hallway. “There are extracts that focus on healing and recovery at the healing wing. However, that loudmouth Tobias will spread rumours in an instant. Master Sucrose is more discreet, and her laboratory is filled with all sorts of potions. But…”

She chose her next words carefully. “Since Master Sucrose is in charge of the laboratory, the body has been taken into her care. She seems timid, but she’s known to ‘study’ captured demons. Her methods can be a bit… extreme, so please be careful of what you see.”

It wasn’t the test subjects that An Nabi was worried about, since they were released earlier with a big sack of mora for the demon lords. Kaeya was fragile enough, and she didn’t want him to completely fall apart. He had been upset just talking at the Trial. Who knew what it would do to him, seeing the body all chopped up again? She hoped that Sucrose hadn’t gone that far in her research. It was best that An Nabi got Kaeya the qi extract, and ran him outside before he became too curious.

Kaeya let An Nabi lead the way, falling behind to collect his thoughts.

Nan Seok had focused on Albedo’s blood during the trial. A cure for corruption, even in ghosts, was something anyone would want, and Sucrose would investigate accordingly. Albedo had been literally torn apart, so Kaeya thought he could handle losing some blood. As for the ‘unpleasantness’, it hardly mattered. Kaeya knew what he needed, and he would leave the moment he got it.

Something was wrong with Jayu, and the voices hadn’t stopped nagging at him. He needed respite, if only for a moment. And the only things that drove them away had that awful colour in common.

If Jayu didn’t work, that was fine. Kaeya would go straight to the source.