Pretty Daggers and Apple Tarts

Regulus throws his swimming trunks in the suitcase. Looking around the room for anything else he might be forgetting.

James is playing with Harry, without a care in the world. Like they’re not supposed to board the plane to go visit Effie and Monty in less than six hours.

Effie had invited them to her beach house in Alexandria. Harry was supposed to go with them except the toddler had insisted he wanted to stay behind. With Barty.

James had been appalled but Harry had stomped his tiny legs claiming: “I don't wanna go to gwanma Effie. I wanna play with Batty!”

Whenever either James or Regulus were busy they’d let their friends take care of Harry, Regulus has tried to keep the toddler away from Evan and Barty. They might be great friends but Evan and Barty don’t belong around children, atall.

Sure, Pandora might trust them with Luna but the fact that Luna is Pandora's daughter is enough to tell you that the little princess is already off her rocker. Don’t get him wrong, he loves the little rascal like his own daughter, but maybe since she’s Evan's niece, she’s not exactly the most sane. Which makes the little girl get along perfectly well with both Evan and Barty. 

Harry and Luna are also, unsurprisingly, best friends. Their friendship is so precious, sort of like his and Pandora's.

Less than a month ago, Regulus had a long shoot, James was stuck at the office and the rest of their friends had things to do.

All, except Evan and Barty. Both of them just so happen to be free that night, so Regulus had hesitantly handed them Harry. The toddler had hid behind Regulus’ leg at first, not willing to interact with these people he’s never seen much before. He had given Barty strict instructions on what to do, the brunet had only dismissed his concerns with a toothy grin.

But when Regulus came the next morning to pick Harry up, Harry looked more content than ever. In a dino onesie, holding a prop knife that the toddler had refused to let go, much to James’ concern.

Since then, Harry would get excited whenever Barty or Evan would visit, much to James’ dismay.

The unspoken competition between Barty and James is something their entire friend group, including Regulus himself, enjoy watching.

Regulus loves it actually, whenever Barty would stare at Regulus too long or wink, James would wrap a possessive arm around Regulus’ waist and pull him close. Regulus feels giddy every single time it happens.

It took days and days of Harry whining and begging them to let him stay with Barty instead of going to Egypt with His Baba and Papa. James had finally agreed after he’d had enough of the little three-year-olds whining and repeated pleas.

And here they are, preparing to go on a vacation without the little bundle of messy curls running energetically around the house. 

James is treating Harry like he’ll never see him again, playing with and doting on the younger Potter like they’re not going to be away for only two weeks.

“James!” he yells, standing in a light Black sleeveless shirt and Black shorts. From across the hall he can hear little Harry giggle happily.

He angry-walks his way to Harry's playroom. Where James and Harry have been playing the kid version of football for the past two hours. He crosses his arms as he stands in the doorway and patiently waits for the two Potters to notice him glaring daggers at them.

James notices pretty quickly. “Oh, love? Everything alright?”.

Regulus doesn’t reply but instead he moves forward and grabs James by the ear like Effie does whenever her son is in trouble and drags him out the room.

Harry giggles at his baba’s misery as the boy slowly starts following Regulus who is dragging his boyfriend by the ear all the way back to their bedroom.

“Ow. ow! Reg, what’s wrong?” James has the gal to ask once Regulus lets him go. 

“Pack,” he orders. Their room is a mess, Regulus himself has just finished his packing that he started two days ago, compared to James who hasn’t even started.

The older Potter sighs, “but, baby. Can’t you do it for me?” he asks sweetly, but by now, Regulus is immune. 

“No” he says with finality as he turns around, picking Harry off the ground and marching towards the confused toddler’s room.

Lily —god bless her— had packed Harry’s ‘I'm about to be babysat by the craziest idiots in this friend group’ bag last night when she was around before her and Mary left for paris.

“Alright, little man”, he sets Harry on the ground, walking over to the surprisingly big duffle bag with a million tiny baseballs on it and checking if everything is there. Once he deems everything satisfactory he closes the bag. 

“Wanna cawy it!” little Harry flails his arms around gesturing for the bag. 

“No, little man. It’s too heavy for you” Regulus bargained but the toddler continued whining. No, not whining. Screaming.

“How about I carry it instead?” but Harry continues his anguished screams as if someone is torturing him. 

He sighs deeply before dropping the bag next to Harry. The screaming is replaced with delighted giggles. The toddler grabs the handle to try and pull the bag behind him but instead, he succeeds in moving it exactly two centimeters.

Harry makes a disappointed noise before frowning. He tries again. Only to fall over. Then promptly burst out into tears. 

“Hey, hey” Regulus soothes, he runs a hand through the mess of curls he has come to adore “Hey, It’s Ok. I’ll help carry it for you”.

Harry sniffles and nods wetly before turning his attention to Regulus as he easily carries the bag all the way out the room and sets it next to the front door.

Not long after, James is also setting his bag next to Harry's and proudly high-fiving his son and picking Harry off the floor as he tosses him in the air and catches him again, making Harry yelp in surprise. 

“What?” he asks when Regulus fixes him with an unimpressed look.

“I highly doubt you actually packed”.

“Whatever do you mean, Reggie? Are you saying I'm a liar! Oh, my broken heart!” His boyfriend dramatically clutches his chest, which makes Harry laugh heartily.

Regulus looks at the clock hanging above their front door. 

“How exactly did you manage to finish packing in thirty minutes?”

“Super powers!” his asshole of a boyfriend loudly whispers as he leans in closer to their toddler. Harry giggles adorably and Regulus almost punches James.

Regulus loves James, he really does. But sometimes, he really, really hates his traitorous heart for falling in love with this… man-child.

James finally sets a giggling Harry Potter down before kissing the corner of Regulus’ mouth. Regulus who is fuming. Like they’re not James’ parents they're going to be visiting but his own. He mentally shudders at the thought of ever seeing walburga and Orion again.

“Relax, love” he says “It’s fine. And I really did manage to pack”.

Regulus sighs exhaustively, rubbing the space between his brows to ease the crease that formed there. 

 ★★★★★

Regulus parks the car in front of Barty’s apartment complex thirty minutes later than when he were supposed to. Barty observes from the window as the happy little family get out of the car and Regulus grabs Harry’s bag.

Barty wasn’t a fan of children. Luna was the first exception but now, as he sees little Harry disappear inside the building he can’t help but wonder that maybe the dramatic little shit is an exception too.

His rivalry with James is no secret to anyone, he enjoys riling Potter up as his buttons are easily pushed. So one night when Pandora called, telling him about “oh, poor Harry! He’s all alone because his parents are busy! You two are free tonight, right?”.

Barty immediately got the message. She wanted him to babysit Potter's kid. He only did it for Reggie and Pandora who he can never say no to.

It went surprisingly well, all he had to do was present the kid with dino nuggets and ice-cream for dinner and the toddler was half-way in love with him, already.

Barty also surprised himself by enjoying it. Harry is more like Regulus than anyone realises. He’s a whiny brat and a sassy little shit. It’s like watching a baby Reggie grow up except he looks like James Potter with lily Evans’ eyes.

Less than five minutes later, the doorbell rings. 

“Can you get that, baby?” Evan says, the blond is in the kitchen making… Barty has no idea, actually.

“Hey!” he cheers when he opens the door, he is met with an unimpressed looking Regulus Black, a grinning James Potter and an over enthusiastic toddler.

“Batty!!”

“Well, well, well, if it isn't my favourite Potter!” Barty picks Harry up from James’ arms, the older man’s expression immediately sours when he sees his son in Barty's arms. Barty can’t help but grin in triumph.

“Yes, well. Here’s his bag. We have to get going.” Regulus hands him the remarkably heavy bag and he sets it on the floor. He tickles Harry’s side, making the boy giggle as Regulus drones on and on about instructions.

Like Barty will ever follow them!

“Reggie, Reggie, darling” he assures. “It’s going to be fine. Me and Harry here are gonna have so much fine, aren’t we, haz?” the toddler chants a continuous stream of “yes!”.

Barty is proud when Harry thrashes until Barty drops him to the floor and they all watch as the toddler runs to a specific room, Barty grins smugly. Harry leaves his knife display room with a Scottish dirk, sheathed, of course.  

“Absolutely the fuck not!” James looks concerningly between Barty, Harry and Regulus. Regulus shrugs. 

“James, it’s not that bad. Maybe he’ll learn self defence”.

“Like hell he will!”.

“Hey! No cursing in front of little haz” Evan walks into the room and picks Harry up kissing his cheek. Regulus gives him a small smile which Evan returns.

“He’ll be fine, Potter” Evan says in that authoritative and very hot tone of his “I’ll make sure everything is fine”.

Evan isn’t really better off himself. Barty stops himself from telling James about the various times Evan has used a knife to make him come embarrassingly quick. and that’s not even on the ‘top 10 things Evan Rosier has done that are considered insane’ list.

Barty refrains from mentioning that the dagger his son is currently holding has probably been used in bed before. But it’s fine. Barty makes sure to thoroughly clean and shine all his knives at least once or twice a week, of course. He’s not a heathen.

But then yet again, if Barty's memory serves right, he remembers Regulus mentioning that James has a knife kink himself, so really, the older Potter must understand the feeling.

James gives in but he still looks like he’s fighting an eternal battle.

“Bye haz, papa loves you” Regulus smiles as he kisses Harry’s cheek, the toddler hasn’t left Evan’s arms, James follows with assurances of his own too. Barty wonders how the fuck Regulus ‘I am colder than fucking antartica’ Black can be this soft, but he supposes it’s the Harry effect. It’s gotten Barty himself. 

Barty has to endure James cooing at Harry for far too long before Regulus has to drag them away and Barty makes Harry wave goodbye.

“So, two weeks, huh?” he turns to Harry who yells “yep!” as he fiddles with the sheathed dagger he’s holding.

“Here” —Evan sets Harry down on his feet— “I have to check on the apple tart” 

After the Black brothers reunion, he met a lot of new people, one of those was Peter Pettigrew. He never really interacted with the dude much but he has to admit, the guy can cook. Incredibly well, might he add. But while Peter cooks, Evan bakes.

It’s one of those things that make the ‘cool, rebel, punk’ Evan Rosier slightly less punk but not any less cool, of course.

Barty walks over to the couch and sits down, patting the seat next to him for Harry to follow. Evan walks out of the kitchen with a delicious looking tart in his mitten-covered hands and he sets it down on the coffee table. They start eating as Harry tells them a re-telling of a story Regulus had told him earlier. 

Evan listens dutifully, asking and commenting which spurs Harry on as the toddler tries to imitate the characters' voices.

Barty catalogues every single one of Evan's facial expressions like a starving man. He would never admit this, but he loves seeing his boyfriend like this. all sharp edges softened. It's the moments like these that make Barty think that maybe, maybe someday he might want to adopt a baby girl.

He hasn't really talked to Evan about it, too scared of Evan's reaction but he thinks that someday, he might want that. 

Barty knows what his friends say, it's not like they hide it from him. He’s “far too irresponsible” to have a kid and Barty agrees, he’s fucked in the head, he knows and that insecure part of him is probably what's stopping him from talking to Evan.

Barty can’t help himself as he leans over and kisses Evan's cheek.

“Oh! I wanted to ask” Harry sits up straighter and Barty can’t help but think that that’s exactly how Mary sits whenever she’s about to ask something important. 

“Are you- are you like, together?” he asks hesitantly “like my papa and baba?” and Barty thinks back, he has never really explicitly told Harry that he and Evan are, in fact, together.

It took them a painfully long time to figure it out but in the end they did. 

“Yes, we are”.

Harry makes a humming noise, the noise Lily makes whenever she’s either pleased or displeased and it’s up for you to figure out which one. But accompanied by the happy glint in Harry's eyes he doesn’t really think the toddler is displeased.

“Well, anyways– the giant let the kids play in the garden!” Harry moves on with ease and Barty sighs, he really wasn’t looking forward to explaining his relationship history to his friends’ kid.

They move on from that, by the time Regulus texts Barty ‘we r about to board, u alr?’ They had finished the tart.

He shoots Regulus a quick ‘yes we’re fine’. Harry has decided he’s now sleepy and too tired to continue his story. 

“Alright, to bed you go”, Evan says, carrying Harry as the toddler nuzzles in his neck and his eyes start to droop on Evan's shoulder. 

Barty’s mind wanders to uncharted territories. He imagines Evan carrying a boy, or maybe a girl in his arms. Maybe a little younger than Harry. Would Evan dote on that child like how James and Regulus do?

When he snaps back from his thoughts, he finds himself standing in the little guest bedroom they have prepared for Harry or Luna whenever they come over. Evan is tucking Harry in, the toddler curls up on the bed and slowly, his breaths even out.

“Come on” Evan whispers, stalking out of the room and leaving a crack open for Harry to easily leave the room if he ever wakes up.

“Should we watch something?” Barty says as he walks through the hallways all the way back to the living room. The couch is inviting and Barty plops down, dragging Evan by the bicep down with him. The blond chuckles and arranges them so Barty is laying his head on Evan's chest. Laid back and relaxed, Evan grabs the remote and turns the TV on. 

“Should we watch Red, White and Royal Blue? we haven’t seen it in a while.”

Evan hums in agreement as he turns on the movie. Barty lets his body sink into Evan's, almost like he can mold them both together until they become one monster. He wants to crawl into Evan's chest and settle there and make a home for himself between the sharp ribs and Evan’s beating heart. His eyes go half-lidded as he and Evan watch the movie they’ve seen far too many times to count.

Not even an hour into the movie, they hear Harry swing open the door of the guest room. Evan and Barty scramble to close the TV. Harry just so happens to enter during that scene in paris. 

“Uhm. Why are those two guys on top of each other?” the toddler asks, looking between a mortified Evan and Barty with innocent curiosity. “Why don’t they have any clothes on?”.

“Uhh” Barty scrambles for an answer  “oh, they’re just… very close friends who like to share… a bed”.

Barty curses himself. He really isn’t planning on explaining to James’ kid what sex is, he’s far too young for that and James would kill him for ‘ruining his child’s innocence’.

Harry hums and then enthusiastically says “when I grow up, me and Draco will share a bed, ‘cause we’re close!” 

Evan winces, Barty resists the urge to smack himself.

“Sure, buddy. How about you help me make dinner?”

“Will you show me your cool knives after dinner?”

“Absolutely!”

Dinner is a chaotic affair, Harry tries to help but instead gets tomato sauce all over himself. Barty takes him to wash-up and change. By the time he returns, Evan has finished cooking something that smells mouth-watering.

“So, we have two weeks” Evan starts as soon as they gather around the dinner table. “What do you think we should do tomorrow?”

“The amwsment park!” Harry shouts and Barty agrees, nodding along to all of Harry's amusement park plans.

“How about Batty shows you his knives while we leave uncle Evan to clean the kitchen?” Barty says and Evan rolls his eyes, scoffing. He’s trying to get out of after-dinner-clean-up and Evan knows it but the blond doesn’t argue. Instead, he kicks Barty’s ass lightly as the brunet leaves the kitchen which makes Barty giggle.

“When did you buy all this stuwf?” Harry says as soon as they walk into Barty's favourite room in this entire place. 

“Oh, dear boy, these were acquired over the years of my youth”, Barty grins, all sharp teeth on display but Harry only grins back and reaches for one of the push daggers. Bart lifts Harry up and the toddler grabs the knife off the wall, examining it with awe. 

Barty must be raising him right if the look of pure fascination as the toddler roams around the entire room is anything to go by. Evan joins them later, leaning on the doorframe as he watches his boyfriend explain to Harry the history and the story behind every single one of these knives. Harry takes the information with a gleam of wonder in his striking green eyes.

“When I grow up– I'm gonna… I'm gonna have my own cowetion!” Harry exclaims as he jumps up and down. Evan chuckles, which directs Harry's attention to the blond. 

“darling, it's co-l-l-e-c-tion”, Evan corrects and Harry adorably frowns as he tries repeating the word several times. He gives up with a sigh when his attention sangs to a particularly eye-catching dagger on the wall behind Barty.

“Wait, you've never t-told me what this one is!” Harry shoots forward towards the wall and Barty barely catches him before he hurts himself.

“Oh, that one just so happens to be my favourite!” Barty says “Your papa bought it for me two years ago as a birthday gift”.

Harry eyes light with new-found excitement “papa bouwt this!! That's so cool!” Harry squeals “Batty! Batty!! I wanna howd it!! Pwease!!”.

“Your wish is my command,” Barty makes a big sweeping gesture as he grabs the dagger and kneels down to offer it to Harry like a knight bowing down before his king and offering him his blood-covered sword. 

Harry laughs before slowly taking the un-sheathed dagger from Barty’s hand. Harry is right, this dagger is probably one of the prettiest in Barty’s collection. The hilt has a pattern of swirling roses and vines hand-painted on, a small red rose sits at the pommel. The blade itself is a campus of intricate silver details and smoky black at the edge. It's custom made with its own sheath because Regulus is a snob like that. Barty loves it dearly.

It seems that Harry thinks the same as he inspects the dagger with great intensity. The boy is so absorbed in it, pouring over the dagger with so much intrigue he doesn't even notice Evan snap a quick picture that's definitely going to Regulus.

“Batty… can I bowow it?” Harry looks up at Barty with those puppy eyes no one can resist. He's clutching the grip tightly in his little hands as he looks from Barty to Evan expectantly.

“How about we wait for your papa to come back home, then he can decide?” Evan says and Harry nods slowly. Barty sighs in relief.

It takes another 20 minutes of Harry asking questions and Barty answering them to the best of his ability until Harry deems this enough for the day. 

“bed time?” Barty asks

“No! Not tiwed!” 

“Harry…”

Harry's eyes lighten with promises of a very long night “can we play UNO?”.

Barty sighs in exhaustion while Evan snickers, this is going to be a very long two weeks. He thinks.