"I mean, her imagery is gorgeous, I could only dream of writing something like this, but damn, it's depressing." Remus says from his spot on the couch, thumbing the corner of his copy of The Bell Jar. He and Regulus try to pick a monthly read to do together as part of their own little book club, which also happens to be a great excuse to gossip and drink cocktails, though they'd both vehemently deny that fact.
"You expected Sylvia Plath to be anything but depressing?" Regulus snorts, squeezing lime into their mojitos and chopping mint. "I agree, though, everything she writes about Esther's experience with depression feels so visceral, like the reader is experiencing everything for themselves."
"The entire passage about starving underneath a fig tree full of fruit that she can't reach because of her indecision is so—" Remus waves his hands around grasping for the right words before he lands on a groan, "Accurate. Depressing, but incredibly accurate."
Regulus is setting the glasses on a tray and rummaging in their cabinets for a sleeve of biscuits when James comes in the front door, glasses speckled with raindrops and arms full of grocery bags. He fumbles with one of the bags in the crook of his arm, full to the brim, cursing colorfully when it rips down the side and half a dozen apples come tumbling out.
"My apples," James says forlornly, "I was going to try to make my mum's apple crumble with those."
Remus gets up to grab one of the bags while James collects the apples from the floor, "They're probably just bruised, they'll still taste good. Thought you were supposed to be looking at motorbikes with Sirius?"
"We did, he dragged me around for a good two hours before finally settling on one. He was like a kid in a candy shop, it was sort of adorable," James responds, fighting the rip in the bag to keep the other food contained, and finally plopping everything on the kitchen counter. "Anyway, I stopped at Tesco on the way back."
"Does he even know how to ride one?" Regulus asks, placing the tray on their coffee table.
"He's taking classes," Remus says, "Told him he can't just buy one and take a crack at it, which was no doubt what he planned on doing before I made him sign up."
"Bet he loved that." Regulus comments sarcastically, stealing James' glasses to wipe them dry with his jumper before placing them back on his face gently. James gives him a sweet smile and Regulus stands on his tiptoes to kiss him quickly in greeting, "Hey, Jamie."
"Hi love. Good book club?" James asks, dragging him closer by the loop of his trousers and tucking his boyfriend under his arm.
"Yes, we were chatting about Sylvia Plath's prose and transcendent imagery."
"Aw, you're both so swotty, I don't even know what that means."
"That's because I wrote all of your and Sirius' essays in secondary," Remus adds, plucking a biscuit from the tray, "Not to mention that English was the class both of you chose to sleep through."
"I already know English, it was redundant." James says with a shrug, "See? I know big words too. Redundant."
Regulus rolls his eyes fondly, tucking his hand in the back pocket of James' trousers and leaning further into him.
Remus tilts his head in consideration, "Honestly, I am a little impressed you managed to use that properly."
"Ouch," James scoffs, "Have a little faith in me, I'm surrounded by swots, it was bound to rub off."
Regulus pinches his arm for the comment and smirks when James yelps. Serves him right.
"Oh," Regulus lifts his head as a thought occurs to him, "Meant to mention it earlier, but the hallway light is flickering again, can you change the bulb? I think the ladder is in the garage from last time."
James nods, "Sure love, keep going with your book club, I'll make the apple crumble after and we can all have dessert."
Regulus and Remus continue their discussion, debating their various theories and defending the actions of their favorite characters, sipping their mojitos and too absorbed in their conversation to pay much attention to James as he brings the ladder in and sets to work. It happens so quickly. James is humming under his breath, something that was playing in Tesco, while he unscrews the faulty bulb, balancing halfway up the ladder while Regulus and Remus' voices float in from the living room. He's not very far off the ground at all, and he's not afraid, but when he goes to step down and grab a new bulb, his socked foot slips off one of the rungs, and he accidentally loosens his grip in his surprise. His heart plummets as he falls, unable to steady himself quick enough to stop his descent, emitting a surprised cry before his back hits the floor so hard the breath is knocked from him, his head following with a resounding smack. Everything goes a bit funny after that, his vision swims and fades to grey before coming back into focus again, the ceiling moving like he's looking at the surface of a lake. He hears the pound of footsteps and voices growing in pitch as they come nearer, but he can't move his head to look, too busy trying to catch his breath around the exploding pain, like fireworks in his head and back.
Regulus and Remus share equal looks of panic when they hear a cry quickly followed by a loud crash in the hallway, scrambling to their feet at the same time. They find James' form sprawling on the floor, his chest moving up and down rapidly as he sucked in wheezing breaths, but otherwise, he was frighteningly still. Stunned and still clutching the faulty light bulb in his hand, somehow unbroken in his hand.
"Holy hell," Remus curses, both he and Regulus surging forward to drop on either side of him. Remus tugs the lightbulb out of his hand, setting it aside and unfurling his fingers to make sure James didn't slice his hand open on the glass.
Regulus' frantic hands slide from his boyfriend's chest to his neck, unsure where to begin, heartbeat thundering in his ears. "James?! Jamie?!"
James' breaths were unbearably loud, sounding too scraping and thin to be effective. His eyelids fluttering and hazel eyes rolling beneath them, not seeming to catch on anything. Regulus feels like he's going to be sick, slipping his hands behind his boyfriend's head to lift it carefully, trying to get his attention, "Look— Jamie, look at me. Focus on me, okay? What hurts?"
James mutters something incoherent, eyes still wandering the room lazily, unaware of the panic surrounding him on all sides. His breaths stutter, catch, and wheeze with every inhale, and Regulus is reeling, unable to think past the pain filled sounds. He shakes his head, finding it just as difficult to breathe around his terror, his heart in a vice grip of panic, his heart on the ground beneath his hands, gasping unevenly.
Remus runs his hands down James' arms and legs methodically, pressing down in some places and watching for James' reaction, somehow steadier and clinical through it, though his voice shakes a little when he says, "His arms and legs aren't broken, but from the sound of it, some of his ribs might be. I'll call 999, he might've hit his head, so we shouldn't move him anymore until we can get help." He stands, using the wall for support before rushing back to the living room for his cell.
"Okay, alright," Regulus says, the words sticking in his throat and fingers tangling in James' hair, about to try and question him again when he notices a warm wetness where his hand presses into the back of his head. Regulus pulls his hand away to find his fingers dripping with crimson and trembling. He exhales shakily, tears pricking at his eyes, "Oh, Jamie. You— You're okay, Rem's getting help, just hold on."
Suddenly, the painful, wheezing breaths stop, and Regulus can see his jaw muscles clenching and unclenching, jumping beneath the skin as strange grunting sounds come from his mouth. It's not until James' eyes roll up into his head, muscles locking up and fingers curling, that he realizes what's happening, and a renewed wave of panic crashes over him.
"No, no, no. Stop, please, oh God." Regulus begs helplessly as his boyfriend begins to seize, body jerking off the floor as it overtakes him, choking breaths worse than before escaping him, each one sounding forcefully punched out. He presses down on James' shoulders, unsure if it's the right thing to do, but afraid the movement will injure him further and calling out desperately, "Remus! Remus, help!"
Remus comes running back into the room, his cell still in his hand, a tinny voice faintly coming through it. He clocks James' jerking form, arms locked and curled in, only the whites of his eyes showing, mouth half open as he gasps a desperate breath every few seconds, and a spot of red staining the carpet beneath his head. It takes him only a second to process what he's seeing before he's leaping into action, moving the ladder as far away from them as he can, and taking the box of lightbulbs away too.
"Don't hold him down, it could hurt him worse, we just have to let it happen, there's nothing we can do until he stops." He explains, shooing Regulus' hands off of him and wracking his brain for what to do next. The tinny voice speaks, and Remus answers, "He's seizing now, I think he might've hit his head. Reg?"
Regulus nods, gaze fixating on James as he sits against the wall, knees tucked against his chest. His hands twitch, desperate to help, or at least hold his hand. "T-There was blood on the back of his head," He stutters and lifts his hand as proof, fat drops of blood sliding down his fingers.
"The ambulance is two minutes out still," Remus says, running a scarred hand through his hair and doing his best to keep his calm as he watches his friend's arms and legs kick on their own accord. The muscles in his neck contracting until it looks unbearably uncomfortable, his breaths getting more and more flimsy and weak. Regulus places his hand on the floor, inching it as close to his boyfriend's as he can without touching him, hoping beyond hope that James isn't terrified and conscious of what's happening to him, hoping that he knows that Regulus and Remus are there with him.
Remus doesn't pray, but finds himself muttering one under his breath anyway, the words threaded through with a fair amount of curses, but it's the best he can muster. His best friends tend to be reckless idiots, so he's seen them with a variety of injuries, has called 999 for a fractured arm and more than one concussion over the years, but he's never been witness to something this terrifying or serious. God, Sirius, he'll have to call him from the ambulance.
The next few minutes pass in a flurry of activity, people in dark uniforms streaming into the house with a backboard, and beelining right for them, Regulus curled up on the floor with tears streaking down his face and a hand pressed over his mouth. One of the EMT's inject James with some medicine that finally stops the seizure after a few more jerking motions, limbs unfurling as they release, James' breaths thready and weak. Regulus tries to crawl forward to get to him instinctively, desperate to feel his pulse, to feel him breathe because it barely looks like he's managing it anymore; but Remus wraps an arm tightly around his waist, holding him back so he doesn't get in the way of the people fluttering around James. Regulus fights him, sobbing as he watches the strangers strap an oxygen mask around his boyfriend's slack face, calling out numbers and words that he doesn't understand the meaning of, but seems to make each of them work quicker, which only makes Regulus fight against Remus harder. When they get James on the backboard, Remus pulls Regulus to his feet, keeping a firm hold on him when he shakes like a baby deer on unsteady legs, hardly able to see past the tears blurring his vision, though he never looks away from James.
"Reg," Remus says, but Regulus' attention is solely on James. Remus ducks his head to catch his eyes, "Hey. They've got him, and we have to let them do their job so he gets better. Why don't we get our shoes on so we can join them in the ambulance? Grab our phones, wallets and keys, too. We can call Sirius to meet us at the hospital, alright?"
Regulus nods mutely, clutching at Remus' forearms and gazing up at him like a scared child, desperate for stable ground. Remus isn't nearly as calm as he is pretending to be, but knowing that he needs to take care of his other friend too, helps him be calmer. When Regulus makes no move to leave James, Remus turns him in his arms and guides him out of the hall, weaving around the EMTs crowding the space.
The florescent lights of the hospital waiting room are giving him a migraine. Or maybe it's all the teeth grinding he's been doing. Images of James fill his mind, but none of them good, and he hears, on repeat in his mind, the cry James had let out before he fell, the strangled gasps of air, the grunts of pain when he seized. His blood is dried on Regulus' hands now, crusted under his fingernails, and there's iron on his tongue, but that's Regulus' own blood from gnawing on his lip. Remus went to grab some coffee a while ago, but Regulus couldn't say if it was minutes or hours, nothing feels quite real at the moment, his eyelashes sticky with dried tears and his fingers still trembling. James woke up in the ambulance briefly. He didn't say much— he couldn't, panicked and disoriented as he was, in immense pain he couldn't understand and calling blindly for Regulus. Regulus clutched his hand tightly, and he can't recall exactly what he'd said at the time, but he hopes it was at least soothing. James passed out again not long after, but Regulus refused to let go of his hand until he absolutely had to; when they arrived at the hospital and three EMTs leapt out of the ambulance to usher James through the hospital doors, leaving Regulus and Remus in the dust.
"Look who I found wandering the halls," Remus says lightly, two coffee cups in hand.
Pulled from his spiraling thoughts, Regulus glances up to see his brother, wrapped in a jumper he undoubtedly stole from Remus and sporting a strained smile, his reddened eyes and raw cuticles proving his stress. Regulus feels stupidly choked up at the sight of his brother, tears welling up in his eyes again, biting at the already raw flesh of his bottom lip to keep it in.
Sirius tsks, chucking Regulus beneath the chin, "Christ, the state of you," He mutters before crouching in front of his little brother's hunched form and pulling him into a tight hug, one hand wrapping around the back of his neck, another arm banding around his back.
"Sirius," He shudders in his arms, face buried in his shoulder, breathing in the comforting scent of old leather, smoke and peppermint. "It all happened so quickly— and I keep seeing— I didn't know what to do, I was so scared, Sirius, I'm so scared." The words come out in a rush, an embarrassing, jumbled string of words threaded with vulnerability and laced with fear.
"I know, I know." Sirius answers, and it's by the breathiness in his voice that Regulus can tell his big brother is scared too. They hold onto each other for a few more seconds before Sirius pulls back, "Has the doctor come back to talk to you yet? Any idea of what's going on?"
Regulus shakes his head, wiping under his nose, "The EMTs said they'll be doing a head CT to make sure there's not a fracture in his skull or internal bleeding, but I haven't heard anything since."
"Here," Remus says, handing him one of the coffee cups, "I opted for tea instead, figured none of us need to be more wound up than we already are."
"Thanks Rem," He accepts the cup, staring down at it for a moment before shyly glancing at his friend again, "Really, thank you, I wouldn't have known what to do without you there and I was completely useless, even though I'm sure you were scared too."
"I was," Remus admits with a wry smile, before correcting himself, "I am still. But it's a good thing your brother and your boyfriend are horribly accident prone, not to mention prone to bouts of idiocy; it's given me a lot of experience in emergencies over the years. Though I reckon this makes top of the list as most stressful."
"It's true, me and Jamsie would be dead three times over if it wasn't for our Moony, or at least, we'd have a few less fingers and working limbs." Sirius adds, stealing Remus' cup for a sip before grimacing, "Ugh, earl grey."
"Almost like I didn't get it for you," Remus teases, grabbing it back.
The familiar banter relaxes Regulus slightly, though it only serves to distract him for a few minutes before he's slipping back into the horrors of the last few hours again, knees bouncing and iron on his tongue, the stinging of his lip. He tries not to notice the dried blood on his hands, and tries not to let his mind wander too far into what ifs about James' condition. He tries not to think about what would've happened if Remus wasn't there to help, Regulus hadn't even thought to call 999 at first, absorbed in the panic and James before him.
Regulus jumps when Sirius claps a hand on his shoulder, startling out of his thoughts.
"Alright," Sirius says, "Why don't we get you cleaned up a bit since we're waiting anyway?"
Regulus shakes his head, "I want to be here if they come back with updates, and I'm fine, it's just—" He glances down at the red tint of his skin and exhales, shaking himself to dismiss the thoughts; a shriek of surprise and fear, the resounding crash of his body hitting the floor, the desperate gasps as he fought to get air in his lungs. "It's fine."
"I'll stay here in case they come back," Remus says kindly, fiddling with the plastic top of his cup, "And soon as they do, if you're not back, I'll come get you first, I swear."
"See?" Sirius says, "Come on, it'll be quick, and you'll feel better after."
He doesn't let Regulus protest, wrapping a hand around his wrist and dragging him to the bathroom with him. Sirius grabs a paper towel from the metal container and wets it while Regulus scrubs at the flakes of blood crusted into his skin, harder than necessary, his skin turning pink with the force of it. He scrubs at the remnants under his nails, watching it swirl down the drain, and even when his hands are clean of blood, he keeps scrubbing as if it will do anything to dispel the images flooding his brain, grasping at control. They were supposed to be home, drinking mojitos on the couch and chatting, the smell of baked apples and cinnamon warming the room, James humming contentedly as he bakes. Instead, they're at the hospital, James in pain and alone with only the doctors to keep him company. James, his lovely, lively boyfriend, whom Regulus doesn't know is okay or not. How bad does a head injury have to be to have a seizure? How dangerous is it to have one? Was there something he was meant to do differently? Would there be any other outcome? What if he has brain damage from the fall? What if he gets amnesia and forgets who he is? Who Regulus is?
He only manages to stop when Sirius reaches over and shuts off the stream of hot water for him.
"It's gone, Reg, you're clean. It's alright, you can stop now." He says gently, like Regulus is breakable, which may be true, because he certainly feels that way. Regulus doesn't even realize he's out of breath until Sirius squeezes his shoulder, taking a slow, deliberate breath to remind his brother to do the same.
Regulus closes his eyes as he tries to slow his breaths, "My head's so loud, I can't stop being afraid."
"I know, me too, and Moony, we just express it differently. But we're here together, so we don't have to be stuck in our heads alone." Sirius turns Regulus to face him, placing two fingers below his chin and tipping his face up as he dabs at the fresh blood welling up on Regulus' bottom lip and beginning to trail down his chin with a wet paper towel. "Been awhile since I've seen you do this," He comments, a wrinkle between his brows.
It's a habit Regulus has had since he was a little kid, once a strategy to silence his cries, biting his lip became a coping mechanism when he was overly anxious, creating bloody scabs that Sirius always chastised him for.
"James doesn't like it, gets worried when I do." Regulus mumbles, staring over Sirius' shoulder at the bright green poster with a smiley face and the words please wash your hands! on it. Sirius presses down on his lip a final time, making sure there's no more blood before he wads up the paper towel and throws it in the trash.
"He'll be alright, Reggie, he's too stubborn to be anything else," Sirius reassures, throwing an arm around his brother and ruffling his hair, "C'mon, let's go keep Moony company."
It's hours before they get to see him, hours of pacing and bouncing knees, knotted fingers and mussed hair. A doctor comes into the waiting room to update them, a clipboard in her hands and a weary but kind smile on her face. She explains to them that the fall broke two of James' ribs in his chest, the pressure of them making it difficult for him to get oxygen, which, when combined with the head injury from the fall, resulted in the seizure. The head CT they got confirmed that James' skull was fractured, though it was luckily a small one, and they expected it to heal on its own with little to no complications. They intend to keep him in the hospital for awhile to make sure he doesn't have any more seizures, and to keep him on oxygen while his ribs heal. The doctor informs them that he's on some pretty strong pain meds, so he might be out of it, but he's awake and asking for his friends.
When the three of them shuffle into his hospital room with matching expressions of anxiety, James perks up as he notices them. His eyes are droopy with exhaustion and his breathing still sounds a bit haggard, aided by the cannula in his nose, but he grins at them all the same.
"It'ss a party!" He slurs, struggling to lift his head to see them better, "All my fav'rite lads here to see me, 's my lucky day."
Sirius snorts, telling the nurse messing with James' IV, "I want what he's having, he sounds like he's having a lovely time."
The nurse shakes her head with a hidden smile, but doesn't say anything as she slips from the room.
"Now that would be a real party, all four of us high off our heads on pain meds," Remus chuckles.
"Jamie," Regulus chokes, half laughing and half sobbing in relief, overwhelmed with the sight of his boyfriend alive and mending, worlds better than he was before. He crosses the room quickly, stumbling a bit in his haste to get there, and James makes grabby hands at him, eager to touch him too. Regulus intends to be careful, but his boyfriend has other ideas, latching onto him tightly and emitting a painful wheeze when he jostles his broken ribs too much trying to hug him. Regulus nudges him to relax into the bed again, chiding as he adjusts his pillows, "Easy, baby, take it easy. I'm not going anywhere."
"Better not," James mumbles, pouting at his limited mobility.
"No, never," Regulus replies, kissing the fingers intertwined with his, "I'm staying forever."
Remus and Sirius come along the other side of the bed, Remus ruffling James' hair in greeting before sitting in the chair at his bedside, Sirius sitting directly on the bed by his legs, wrapping a hand around his ankle over the blanket.
"If I'd known it was a party, I would've brought booze," Sirius comments, feeling the tension in his shoulders finally unspool at the sight of his best friend. When he got the call from the ambulance, he could barely understand what Remus was saying over the wailing sirens, Regulus' sobs, and the EMTs orders. Sirius was so paralyzed with fear, he couldn't drive himself safely to the hospital, calling a cab and taking time on the drive to pull himself together, knowing his brother would be in pieces. Seeing his friend hurt and weak, but alive and joking under his fingertips eased his heart into a steady rhythm again.
"I'm sure the nurses would love that, they definitely wouldn't kick us out for sneaking alcohol into their patient's room." Remus says sarcastically.
"They can come to my party too," James says generously, though he doesn't look away from Regulus, seeming quite enamored with him, more so than usual, anyway. "'S my party, they can't get mad at me."
"Alright, Jamie?" Regulus asks, voice tinted with amusement. James' pupil's are so dilated, his eyes are swallowed up by black, probably from the pain medicine, and he's got a dopey grin on his face.
"Yeah, Jamsie, you're staring pretty hard, it's getting a little creepy," Remus adds.
"Mmhmm," James replies, reaching up to wrap a finger around one of Regulus' curls. "I have a secret to tell you."
Regulus gives Sirius and Remus a dubious look that they return with raised brows, before turning his attention back on James, "Yeah? What is it?"
James gestures for him to come closer, so Regulus bends down, only for James to proclaim in a voice too loud to be a whisper, "I want to jump your bones."
"Oh my God," Sirius says in disgust and dismay, while Remus laughs raucously, bent double with it, "Oh my God, you did not just say that in front of me!"
Regulus' cheeks flush but he can't help the grin that spreads across his face, peppering kisses all over James' face to make him giggle before he says through his own uncontrollable laughter, "In your dreams, Potter."