Sirius woke up to thunder and lightning and an uneasy feeling. Something felt off. He turned around in bed, Remus’ arms wrapped around his middle, holding him close as he slept. Sirius caressed Remus’ cheek, brushing away a strand of hair. Sirius sighed in relief when Remus grumbled something and pulled him closer. Remus was okay and breathing. So what was wrong? Something must have been. You don’t just wake up feeling like something is very, very wrong.
He felt a knot in his throat. Like he couldn’t breathe properly. No matter how hard he tried to take a full breath, he just couldn’t. Sirius reaches for the nightstand and grabs the two-way mirror. He glanced at the clock, it was 9:47 AM.
“James… James, wake up for fucks sake…” Sirius whisper-yells, waiting for his reflection to disappear and James to appear, holding his breath. Thankfully, Remus sleeps like a rock and nothing can wake him (except Sirius) as long as Sirius is in his arms.
After some initial rustling, a mop of brown, messy hair appears in the mirror. Sirius sighs in relief.
“Sirius, this better be-” James murmurs with a raspy, sleepy voice, rubbing his eye.
“Are you and Lliy okay?” Sirius interrupts him, his voice worried and carrying a sense of urgency. James looks okay. Sure, he looked like he hadn’t seen a comb since graduation, and judging by the dried drool on his chin, he was sleeping nicely until Sirius woke him up.
“Huh- yes, yes, we’re okay…” James murmurs confused, glancing to his right, presumably at Lily, before nodding, “Yes, we’re okay. What’s wrong? Are you okay? Moony?” James was growing anxious.
“We’re okay…” Sirius mumbled, not needing to move the mirror to show that Remus was okay, given the fact that Sirius was covered more by Remus than the blanket from how he was being hugged. “Something feels wrong. I can’t shake this feeling of… of something being wrong…”
“Let me know if something happens, yeah? You don’t have any missions for a while, right?” James asks, putting on his glasses with one hand, askew but still, and finally looking at Sirius properly.
“Yeah, yeah… Albus said there’s nothing for me to do for a while… don’t know why…” Sirius says a little skeptical, and after saying bye to James, he puts the two-way mirror back on the nightstand.
Sirius looks at Remus and for a moment, everything goes quiet. Sirius traces the scar on Remus’ eyebrow and forehead with a gentle touch. Traces his features with his finger. His eyebrows. The slope of his nose. His cheekbones. His jaw. His lips. How is this man still asleep, Sirius doesn’t know. If anyone (anyone being Remus) tried to do that to Sirius, Sirius would wake up after a few seconds. Meanwhile, Remus just lays there, wrapped koala style around Sirius, unbothered.
“Moons…” Sirius whispered. The light filtering through the window made Remus’ brown curls look a fiery orange. “Moons…” Sirius whispered again, slightly louder, with a small sense of urgency in his voice. Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes, slowly leaning closer and starting to pepper kisses all over Remus’ face. That always woke him up without fail. A kiss on his forehead. A kiss on the tip of his nose. A kiss on his right cheek. A kiss on his left cheek. A kiss on his lips that lingers. Sirius feels Remus smile against his lips. Oh, that sweet, sweet smile that always made Sirius warm.
“Mmmh…” Remus opens his eyes slowly, looking up at Sirius who had pulled back slightly.
“Morning, Moonshine…” Sirius murmurs, cupping Remus’ cheeks and moving closer to him, or trying to since he’s basically on top of Remus. His thumbs caress Remus’ cheekbones, golden skin contrasting his pale tattooed skin.
“Woah-” Sirius yelps and laughs when Remus flips them over, hovering over him. Remus’ back makes an awful cracking noise and Remus winces slightly. They look at each other with wide eyes and immediately burst out laughing.
“Ouch-” Remus murmurs as they keep laughing, and oh it's such a beautiful sound, even if his voice is a little raspy from sleep. Sirius could listen to the sound of his laugh forever. But the bad feeling he woke up with remained. Still makes him feel uneasy. Sirius’ laugh falters and his smile fades as he glances towards the window, the sun hiding behind angry grey clouds.
“Love… what’s wrong?” Remus whispers, his voice concerned. He gently grabs Sirius’ chin and turns his head, searching his gaze. “Baby…”
“I…” Sirius hesitates. He doesn’t want to make Remus worry. He shouldn’t have woken up James and made him worry. But if he doesn’t tell them, who is he going to tell? “I woke up with a bad feeling… like… like something is wrong but I don’t know what or why,” Sirius explains quietly after taking a deep breath.
“Do you want to talk about it? or do you want to not think about it for now?” Remus asks, his voice soft in that way that he only uses with Sirius. That tone that Sirius at first thought was out of pity. That tone now makes Sirius feel safe.
“I… Maybe I’m just… tired.” Sirius murmurs and tries to not look away. He still is working on not bottling up his emotions and instead talking about it. “James and Lily are okay… are you okay?” Sirius’ voice is barely above a whisper. He grabs Remus’ wrist, bringing his hand to his lips and kissing his knuckles. “Please, my love, tell me you’re okay.”
“Yes, sweetheart, I’m okay. Are you okay?” Remus leans back slightly, cupping Sirius’ cheeks as he speaks, brushing Sirius’ long hair away from his face.
Sirius leans into Remus’ touch and closes his eyes for a moment, just enjoying the warmth and tender touch. “Distract me? Just for a bit?” Sirius murmurs after nodding, really not wanting to think right now. It’s probably nothing, right? He’s being overly cautious because of the war going on and his inclination to overthink. But what if something was wrong? What if he needed to fix it but was wasting time in bed? What if-
Remus frowns but still leans closer, kissing Sirius’ forehead. “Are you sure, baby?” And oh, oh it’s that tone again. Sirius melts. His hands grasp Remus’ shirt, trying to pull him closer.
“Please… Please, Remus…” Sirius pleads, and he’s not even sure what for. For the voice in his mind to shut up? For the feeling that something is wrong to stop? For Remus to tell him what was wrong so Sirius could fix it? He doesn’t know. He can feel his chest rising unevenly.
“Hey… Hey… Look at me, okay? You’re okay…” Remus says gently, pushing Sirius to lay back on the bed and sitting between his legs, hovering over him. Sirius nods, breathing still uneven. His hands grab at Remus. At his back, grasping the fabric of his shirt tightly.
Remus’ body pressed against his, providing pressure that made him feel grounded and a little calmer. Sirius sighs against Remus’ lips when he closes the distance, his tense body slowly relaxing. Sirius’ lips part and the kiss deepens when Remus’ hands go to his waist, holding gently but firmly. Somewhere along the way Remus figured out that distracting Sirius was better than forcing him to talk, lest he wanted Sirius to flee and not say a word.
There were many ways in which Remus could distract Sirius. They tried a lot of things. Cooking. Walking. Running. Screaming. Scrapbooking. Listening to music. Smoking. But Sirius was good at multitasking and overthinking was his speciality, so Remus needed to find something that would make Sirius’ mind go blank. That something, Remus discovered, was kissing Sirius until all he could do was pant and tremble underneath him. Also fucking. Also, rage rooms were pretty effective sometimes.
Sirius’ pale hands grasp tightly at Remus’ shirt, tugging and trying to pull him closer as they kiss. “Remus-” Sirius murmurs against his lips, panting and eyes glassy.
“I know, baby… I know. Just focus on me okay? No thoughts in that pretty head of yours now.” Remus whispers and that alone manages to get Sirius to melt. He nods and wraps his arms around Remus’ neck, closing the distance between them again, and sighing softly. Remus licked into Sirius’ mouth, his hand coming up to grasp his jaw while the other sneaked under his shirt.
Remus kisses Sirius' jaw and neck, leaving an open mouthed kiss on his pulse point and grinding his hips against Sirius’, gripping tightly his hips and holding him in place, making him feel the friction.
“Look at that pretty face. It feels so good, doesn’t it, baby?” Remus whispers in his ear, nibbling on his lobe and grinding harder against him.
Sirius’ mind was blank. All he could think was Remus.
Remus’ hands.
Remus’ lips.
Remus’ body against his.
Their bodies tangled together under the covers.
Their breaths mingle together.
Hands pulling at clothes.
Clothes ending on the floor somewhere.
Sirius inhales sharply and Remus groans when he wraps his hand around both their lengths. Sirius’ back arches and he breaks the kiss, breathing hard as he looks at Remus with glassy eyes. He tries to say something but all that comes out is incoherent babbling.
“Shh… shh… It’s okay, baby… I’m right here… You’re doing so good,” Remus says between heavy breaths, moving his hand fast on their lengths, watching the way Sirius is pliant underneath him. Completely at his mercy. That wrinkle of worry in his eyebrow was gone, now replaced by a look of pleasure and ecstasy.
Sirius should worry that such a simple thing as Remus kissing him and touching him can get him so pliant and docile. Reckless, loud, hotheaded, dramatic, mischievous Sirius Black is reduced to a whimpering mess by lanky, nerdy, quiet, reserved Remus Lupin using a soft tone and a kiss. But right now he couldn’t care less.
Sirius whines loudly when Remus suddenly stops, opening his eyes and looking at him tearfully. “No… Rem…” Sirius murmurs, lifting his hips and trying to get some friction, but Remus’ hand holds him down with a firm grip.
“Focus on me, baby… take a deep breath for me, can you do that, sweetheart? You’re being so good for me…” Remus whispers the praise in Sirius’ ear, biting gently at his lobe.
Sirius is torn between wanting more and being good. Torn between getting more pleasure and receiving more praise by being good.
Sirius takes a deep shaky breath and blinks away the tears in his eyes, slowly starting not to feel like he’s right on the edge of his orgasm. He gets rewarded for it. Open-mouthed kisses on his sensitive neck, the way Remus’ lips suck on his skin make him feel a shiver run down his spine.
Sirius tilts his head to the side, and his hands grasp Remus’ shirt. As Remus leaves more hickeys on Sirius’ collarbones and chest, his hips shift slightly, making their lengths rub together, sending sparks through Sirius’ body. Sirius' cock leaks precum on his stomach, the tip an angry red.
“There you go, baby…” Remus murmurs against his skin and pulls back slightly to look at Sirius, grabbing his chin and swiping his thumb over his bottom lip. “Open up that pretty mouth…”
Sirius opens his mouth obediently, whimpering softly when Remus’ fingers go past his lips and gently press on his tongue. Sirius’ lips wrap around his fingers, gently sucking on them while looking at him with teary eyes, pupils blown out.
“Good boy…” Remus murmurs, his free hand slowly caressing Sirius’ chest and stomach before wrapping around their cocks, stroking them slowly. Sirius whimpers around his fingers, his eyes falling closed at the return of pleasure.
“Such pretty sounds you make, baby…” Remus pants and slowly pushes his fingers slightly farther into Sirius’ mouth while stroking their cocks faster. Sirius whines and pants, his back arching as he looks at Remus, silently asking for permission to come while still sucking around Remus’ fingers.
“Just a little longer, baby… hold back a little longer…” Remus whispers sweetly, stroking their cocks slowly now, giving the tip of Sirius’ cock more attention.
Sirius whines and feels his legs shake, spit running down his chin as he kept sucking on Remus’ fingers while trying to not cum until he got permission.
“Just like that…” Remus nods and pulls his fingers out of Sirius’ mouth carefully, watching the string of saliva connecting his fingers to Sirius’ mouth and the way Sirius pants, trembling as he tries his best holding back.
Remus smirks and brings his spit slicked fingers down Sirius’ chest, circling his nipple before gently pinching it and watching the way Sirius’ back arched off the bed as he groaned. “Fuck’ you’re gorgeous like this…” Remus murmurs adoringly, pinching his nipple again.
Sirius sobs loudly, looking at Remus with tears streaming down his cheeks as he trembles. “Please… P-please, Remus… can’t…” His voice is shaky and vision blurry but oh, Remus looks at him like he’s ready to worship him for the rest of his life.
“Can’t what, baby?” Remus asks, pinching his nipple again and starting to stroke their cocks faster, enjoying the way Sirius whimpered and his eyes rolled back.
Sirius had to gather all his remaining brain cells to even register what Remus was asking him, let alone answer coherently. Sirius throws his head back when Remus tightens slightly his grip on their cocks.
“C-can’t hold back! Please, please, please i need to cum-” Sirius says all in one breath, panting and desperately trying to be good and not cum just yet.
“There you go, love. Cum for me, baby. You’ve been so good for me.” They crash their lips together and it's more tongue and teeth than anything, but oh, it’s so lovely. They hold onto each other tightly, Sirius cumming with a loud groan, tilting his head back, leaving Remus to nip at his jaw as he cums soon after, his hand covered in their cum.
Remus collapses next to Sirius, both of them panting and staring up at the ceiling. Remus brings his hand up to his lips, licking away their shared passion, while his other hand gently cups Sirius’ cheek, making him watch. Sirius blushes and bites his lip, scooting closer to Remus on the bed and wrapping his arms around his waist.
“Feel better now, love?” Remus asks quietly after wiping off his hand on his shirt, it has to be washed anyway.
“Mhh…” Sirius nods, hiding his face in the crook of Remus’ neck, still feeling a little loopy.
They cuddle for a while, Remus’ hand carding through Sirius’ hair slowly and gently scratching his scalp. Sirius feels… feels better, of course, but the feeling is still there. Still tugging at the back of his mind to do something now that he’s not busy trying to not cum and be good. To try and figure out what was wrong and fix it.
Sirius gets up and Remus follows after groaning and stretching a little. Sirius stretches as he goes down the stairs, his arms above his head as he walks into the kitchen.
“Mhh… do you want eggs or toast…?” Sirius murmurs, still lost in thought as his mind keeps going back to what could be wrong no matter how hard he tries to not think about it.
“Mmhh…” Before Remus could answer to Sirius a sudden loud noise resonated through the kitchen, making Sirius jump five feet in the air and crush the egg that was in his hand, his shirt covered in egg.
“Remus, love of my life, what in the fuck do you have to sneeze so loud,” Sirius says while Remus loses it, holding onto the counter while doubled over, wheezing.
“I’m- I’m sorry, love… I didn’t mean to scare you like that…” Remus murmurs between wheezes. “I’ll cook, you go change your shirt… or stay shirtless. You know I don’t mind…” Remus says mischievously after collecting himself, his hands grabbing Sirius’ hips, trying to sneak under his shirt.
“Just because of your loud fucking sneeze, you’re not seeing me shirtless.” Sirius teases and kisses Remus when he pouts before disappearing back into their bedroom.
After throwing the dirty shirt in the laundry hamper, Sirius rummages through the drawers with all the oversized t-shirts they wear at home or to bed. Finally, he pulls out one that satisfies him, one that went from James’ trunk to Remus’ to Sirius’ and now here. How did it happen? No one knows. Sirius pulls the shirt on and hears a shriek coming from the kitchen and something being dropped.
Sirius grabs his wand and hurries downstairs, seeing Remus pointing his wand at something on the ground.
“Master Sirius! Master Sirius!” Kreacher shrieks when he sees Sirius.
“What the fuck- Kreacher what are you doing here?” Sirius asks, looking incredulously at the house elf calling for him.
“It’s Master Regulus! Master Sirius you must help. Master Regulus said you would help!” The old elf said desperately. Sirius had never seen Kreacher so distraught.
“R-Regulus…? What happened to Regulus? Kreacher, what happened to Regulus-” Sirius kneeled, grabbing the elf by the shoulders. His voice was full of panic and worry. Maybe even terror. Something clicked in his mind. This is what he felt was wrong. Regulus. Of course, it was his brother. Sirius hadn’t seen him ever since he graduated from Hogwarts in 1978. Remus and Sirius had moved in together after graduation. It was February 1979 now. Regulus would have graduated in a few months. What’s happening? What’s wrong?
“Master Regulus went to the cave to destroy the locket, but Kreacher is afraid Master Regulus won't survive- Master Sirius, you must save Master Regulus! You promised!” Kreacher said in distress, tugging at Sirius.
“I promise I won’t let you get hurt, Reggie, ever! Not when I’m here! Not when Mama or Papa are angry. Not when we’re playing. Never!” Sirius said tearfully, wiping his tears away as he tried his best to bandage Regulus’ scraped knee.
“I’m okay, Siri…” Regulus murmured, sniffling and rubbing his eyes, trying to keep his leg from moving as Sirius fumbled with the bandage.
Sirius couldn’t have been older than 7 years old, and Regulus was probably 5 years old, hidden in the bathroom after Regulus scraped his knee while they were running in the hallway at Grimmauld Place.
“Kreacher, take me to Regulus. Now.” Sirius ordered, glancing at Remus before Kreacher disapparated them.
Suddenly, Sirius is in a dark cave, Kreacher tugging at his hand.
It’s so cold. Sirius is only wearing thin pajamas. Nothing on his feet.
He can hear the sound of the sea, the waves crashing against rocks outside of the cave. There seems to be a faint whisper resonating throughout the cave.
Barefooted, Sirius tries his best to walk on the small island. Were they in the middle of a lake? In a cave? What was Regulus doing here? There was some sort of podium in the middle of the small islet. Sirius suddenly saw a figure crawling towards the water, gasping and trembling.
Sirius was rummaging through the sock drawer in his room, looking for a toy he had put to sleep in there the night before. Suddenly he hears a small, unsure pitter patter of bare feet on the floor behind him and then the door to his room opening.
“Kreacher?” Sirius asks without turning around, still looking for the toy.
“ ‘Iri!” A cheerful baby voice called for Sirius.
“Weggie!” Sirius turned around and gasped, bringing his tiny hands up to his mouth when he saw one-year-old Regulus holding tightly on the door handle and smiling brightly at him. “Weggie! Weggie is walking!”
A little wobbly, Regulus made his way to Sirius who was waiting with open arms for him at the other side of the room. They hugged, both of them giggling and happy, untainted and pure.
Sirius felt panic rise. That was Regulus. Without a doubt. Sirius could recognize his baby anywhere, even in the dark.
Sirius didn’t know anything about the cave. But he had a strong feeling Regulus was definitely not supposed to get near the water. If the hands emerging from the water were anything to go by.
“Regulus!” Sirius bolts towards Regulus, grabbing him and pulling him away from the water right in time before one of the many hands emerging from the water could grab him.
Sirius had to hold back Regulus from reaching again for the water, despite his weakened state; Regulus still had enough energy to fight back.
Thankfully, Kreacher grabbed both brothers and apparated them back to Sirius’ place. Sirius wouldn’t have managed to send a Patronus to Remus while having Regulus flailing around in his arms in any case.
How they didn’t get splinched is something Sirius will never know. All he knows is that he landed on his back with Regulus right on top of him, elbowing him right in the stomach.
“Bunny, ouch-” Sirius slumped down on the bed, holding his tummy and laughing loudly.
Regulus, who had been jumping up and down on his bed with Sirius and accidentally elbowed him in the stomach, sat down and pressed a kiss followed by an exaggerated ‘mwah!’ to Sirius’ tummy.
“Sorry Siri!” Regulus murmured but kept giggling, looking at his brother and itching to use that hyperactive energy he had.
Regulus had always been a hyperactive kid. That’s why Sirius called him ‘Bunny’. Just when he and Sirius were home alone. Those few times they were alone and could play all they wanted. Sirius, on the contrary, became calmer when home alone. Like he could finally relax and not feel the weight of all the expectations on his small shoulders.
“Regulus. Regulus, regarde-moi s'il te plaît…” Sirius said firmly, cupping Regulus’ cheeks and looking at him dead in the eyes, wiping away the tears on Regulus’ cheeks with his thumbs. Regulus murmurs something, his voice scratchy and quiet, like it physically hurt him even to breathe.
“No no no no Sirius, ne me quitte plus…” Regulus sobs once he realizes Sirius is talking to him, looking at him with such a pained expression that makes Sirius tear up.
His skin was pale, with deep eyebags under his eyes, eyes glassy, chest heaving, brows furrowed, and lips chapped.
Sirius felt his heart break into a thousand pieces. Regulus was in his arms, crying and suffering, grasping tightly at his wrists as if he might leave him alone. His baby was suffering.
Regulus, whom he hadn’t seen or spoken to in so long. Regulus, whom he hadn’t hugged in even longer. Regulus, whom he didn’t manage to save.
Sirius felt stuck in place.
Everything was happening too fast and too slow for Sirius.
“I’m here, I’m right here, Reggie…” Sirius murmurs, gently carding his fingers through Regulus’ hair. There was some rustling and then quiet steps behind him, a gentle scarred hand on his shoulder.
“Here,” Remus murmurs quietly, handing a glass of water and oh, oh Sirius is so thankful in that moment that he didn’t have to get up and leave Regulus even if it was just for a few seconds. Sirius holds the glass up to Regulus’ lips, slowly letting him drink.
“Don’t rush, you’ll choke,” Sirius murmurs, voice broken and shaky, when he sees the way Regulus is trying to gulp down the water, fingers gripping the glass and Sirius’ hand tightly. One, two, three, four glasses go by like that. Complete silence, only Regulus breathing hard.
Regulus sighs once he catches his breath, not looking like he’s dying of thrist as before but still tense like he was in pain. He’s still clinging to Sirius, not letting go of him, as if he might disappear.
Sirius held him tight, on hand on the back of his head, playing with his curls and the other around his shoulders. They just sit on the carpet in the middle of the living room, embracing each other for the first time in years.
This was the first time Sirius saw Regulus since he graduated Hogwarts. Why was he not at school, in class? What the fuck was he doing in that cave wih Kreacher? He never skipped class. Never. This boy even went to class with a fever.
“Minnie! To what do i owe the pleasure-” Sirius greeted loudly as he stepped into Minerva’s office before coming to a sudden stop, looking at the scene in front of him. Being a second year and Minerva’s glare didn’t stop him but Regulus next to her did.
Regulus was sitting, or leaning to the side, on the small couch in Minvera’s office while holding a cup of tea in both hands.
Sirius kneels in front of Regulus, getting worried and cupping his cheeks when Regulus kept avoiding making eye contact. He felt hot to the touch, his cheeks flushed and trembling slightly. “Ce qui s'est passé?” Sirius whispered so quietly that only Regulus heard.
“Mr. Black…” Minerva says, glancing at Regulus worriedly. Sirius looked at her after a moment.
“Mr. Black, your brother, despite Professor Slughorn’s advice to go to the hospital wing, came to Transfiguration class… I thought you could convince him for me…” Minerva explained, but Sirius already knew what happened. Regulus was stubborn, always pushing himself to the limit before even thinking of admitting he needed a break or help. Sirius was ready to bet that Regulus still sat at the front of the class, still did the transfiguration spells perfectly, but it wasn’t going to fool Minerva McGonagall.
“Je ne suis pas malade…” Regulus murmurs, stubborn as always. How could a 11-year-old be so stubborn? Sirius sighed and nodded to Minerva, wordlessly pulling Regulus up and dragging him out of the office, ignoring Regulus’ protests. “Thank you, Minnie! I’ll make sure he gets to Poppy!” Sirius says cheerily and closes the door behind him.
“Ne m'oblige pas à aller à l'infirmerie…” Regulus murmurs, pulling Sirius’ arm and looking stubbornly at the floor, his bottom lip wobbling.
“Calme-toi s'il te plaît… I’m not taking you to Poppy right now…” Sirius murmurs and pulls Regulus into a hug. Even though Sirius was just a few centimeters taller than Regulus at this age, Sirius felt like he could protect his baby from anything.
“Do you want to go to see the elves in the kitchens?” Sirius whispered, and after some initial confusion, Regulus smiled so wide it made Sirius sigh in relief.
Sirius wasn’t particularly fond of house elves but knew that Regulus adored them, so he took Regulus to the kitchens. Seeing Regulus giggle and thank one of the house elves after receiving a cup of tea and a cookie was worth it.
“Kreacher,” Sirius whispered after a while. Remus was there too, sitting in silence and rubbing Sirius’ back. Kreacher was sitting quietly next to Regulus, clutching the hem of what could only be one of Sirius’ t-shirts he forgot at Grimmauld Place years ago when he ran away.
“What happened?” Sirius asked quietly. His voice shook slightly, like he was trying to hold back tears.
“Kreacher has promised Master Regulus not to tell to Master Sirius what happened…” Kreacker mumbled. Sirius should have expected it to be honest.
“Regulus? Reg…” Sirius leaned back slightly, caressing Regulus’ cheek to grab his attention. “I can’t let you stay here on the floor, okay? Let’s get you on the couch at least… I know you’re in pain…” Sirius says, trying to keep his voice steady.
Regulus nodded but looked pretty much out of it. It was like he wasn’t even aware of what was happening, only aware that Sirius was there but barely. Like all he could do is remain still in Sirius’ arms because anything else hurt too much.
Remus and Sirius carefully move Regulus to the couch while Kreacher dissaparates without a word, moments after apparating in the room holding a purple blanket.
Sirius froze. He hadn’t seen that blanket in years. Sirius didn’t even know he still had it. For a moment he didn’t even feel Regulus grabbing his hand, “Reste ici avec moi…” Regulus’ voice was feeble and quiet, barely there and Sirius felt his heart break again.
“Bunny…” Sirius murmured as he opened the door to Regulus’ bedroom, a faint sniffling coming from the lump under the purple blanket. Sirius climbed on the bed and hid under the blanket, sitting in front of Regulus who was hugging his knees and crying softly. “Ce qui s'est passé?” Sirius asks, gently tugging on Regulus’ sleeve.
Regulus only shook his head and remained quiet. Sirius looked at the 5-year-old and tried to figure out what could have possibly made him cry. Thunder rumbled loudly and Regulus yelped startled, quickly moving closer and forcing himself in Sirius’ space.
“Reste ici avec moi…” Regulus mumbled, clinging to Sirius and Sirius nodded, kissing the top of his head.
“Je suis là, Je suis là…” Sirius reassured as Kreacher carefully draped the purple blanket over Regulus’ trembling body. Sirius sits on the floor next to the couch, holding Regulus’ hand and not moving an inch. As soon as Sirius spoke french, Remus knew there was no way in hell that Sirius was gonna move from there until Regulus was okay.
“Master Sirius… Kreacher must go back to Mistress…” Kreacher said quietly, nervously rubbing his hands together and looking at Regulus worriedly.
“Of course, Kreacher… You can come back to check on him later…” Sirius offered, despite how much he and Kreacher hated each other when it came to Regulus they put it all aside.
“Kreacher is immensely grateful, Master Sirius… Kreacher will be back tonight and bring some potions…” Kreacher nodded and dissaparated just as Remus walked in and sat on the floor next to Sirius.
“Love…” Remus whispered, grabbing Sirius’ chin and turning his head.
“I’m fine… just worried…” Sirius answered but his voice was tight, his eyes glancing back to Regulus for a moment.
“Isn’t he supposed to be at Hogwarts?” Remus wondered, glancing at Regulus who looked asleep but was simply laying still with his eyes closed, trembling slightly.
“Yes… oh, for fucks sake, Regulus…” Sirius groaned, “It’s Saturday. There’s no class today. That’s how he got away.”
“...Smart.” Remus said after a moment and earned a shove by Sirius. “He’s fine now. He’s with you, isn’t he? You got him out of whatever situation that reduced him to this state. Hey, look at me…” Remus caressed Sirius cheek, “He told Kreacher to not tell you what he was doing so he considered the fact that he might need help. Meaning he told Kreacher to get you if whatever he planned didn’t work. Fucks sake he’s wearing one of your shirts too…”
Sirius looked at Remus confused before turning around and gently lifting the blanket off of Regulus’ shoulder, seeing that he was in fact wearing one of Sirius’ old t-shirts he forgot at Grimmauld place.
“I- Okay.. but what the fuck was he doing then? Remus, look at him. He was gonna get dragged by some creature into a lake in some fucking cave unless Kreacher came to get me. Remus he was gonna die- Regulus was…” Sirius rambled, getting more and more agitated, breathing unevenly.
“Shh… shh… He’s alive. Look at him. He’s alive. Fucked up but alive and breathing.” Remus said in a gentle but firm tone, trying to calm Sirius down.
Sirius looked at Regulus. His fingers were on Regulus’ wrist, checking his pulse as the boy floated in and out of consciousness.
“Why don’t you go in the bathroom to take a breather and wash your face? I’ll stay here to watch over him.” Remus suggested and Sirius’ first instinct was to say no and remain right there but Regulus looked a little better and finally asleep and Sirius trusted Remus and so did Regulus years ago when they were still all at hogwarts.
Sirius sighed and nodded, kissing Regulus’ forehead and then giving Remus a peck on the lips. “I’ll be back…” He murmurs to the both of them and scurries off to the bathroom.
Sirius leaves the door ajar and goes to stand in front of the sink, leaning on it and closing his eyes.
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Sirius felt his hands shake as he gripped tightly the edge of the sink, knuckles white.
Something wet was running down his cheeks.
Sirius touched his cheek with a shaky hand. Oh great. He’s crying.
“Sirius, get away from your brother.” Walburga’s voice was sharp and cold as she grabbed Sirius’ arm, trying to pull him away from Regulus’ bed. “You’ll get sick too.” She warned even though it sounded more like a threat.
“Siri…” Regulus murmured from under his purple blanket, holding a cup of tea that Kreacher handed him between his small hands.
“Bunny-” Sirius cried out, still trying to stay close to Regulus despite his mother’s warning. Regulus had woken up with a fever and went into Sirius’ room, too young to know what a fever was but knowing that whatever was happening his older brother would know how to help. Poor Sirius woke up to see Regulus opening the door, holding his blanket tightly and looking pale, and then fainting.
Even after Regulus came to and was back in bed and the Healer had said it was a simple fever, Sirius would not leave Regulus’ side for anything.
“Oh, what the fuck, Regulus…” Sirius mumbled with shaky voice, sitting down on the floor with his back to the cabinet under the sink. He ran a hand through his messy hair, harshly wiping away his tears.
His mind kept replaying the moment when he saw Regulus dragging himself towards the lake in the cave, the murky decaying hands reaching for him, ready to drag him underwater and drown him.
Sirius held his head in his hands, trying to continue taking deep breaths and not freak the fuck out.
As much as Sirius and Regulus disagreed and eventually went down different paths in life, they were still brothers. Brothers before anything else.
During Regulus’ first year Sirius was the one who would always find out where Regulus was hiding, too overwhelmed and not used to Hogwarts. Most of the time Regulus was hiding in the same spots where Sirius had hidden during his first year. Growing up all alone in a place like Grimmauld with only your brother and house elf and occasionally your parents really did not prepare you for how loud and chaotic Hogwarts was.
Regulus was always there in the hospital wing whenever Sirius got hurt during a quidditch match or because of a prank. At first he would just burst through and refuse to leave, not caring that the rest of the Marauders were there, but eventually started showing up only when there was no one else. Once he startled Sirius by creepily standing next to his bed in the middle of the night. It wasn’t because he was standing in the dark and not saying anything, well not entirely, but mainly because Sirius had run away not too long before that.
“Sirius…?” Regulus murmured as he walked into Sirius’ room. Sirius was angrily shoving a sweater and some letters in a backpack, tears streaming down his face.
“We’re leaving.” Sirius said without even turning around.
“Leaving? What do you mean by leaving?” Regulus asked, his voice feeble. Regulus knew this was happening sooner or later but dreaded it nonetheless.
“Reg, I cannot stay here.”
“If you just behaved-”
“Behave? Behave?! Regulus, the only reason I’m not dead is because they cannot ruin their image by letting word out that the most bigoted wizarding family in the world can’t control their heir. If i wasn’t the heir I would have gotten disowned ages ago. I tried behaving, okay? I fucking tried.”
“You… you got disowned?”
“Yes.”
“...”
“Don’t tell me to stay. Don’t ask me to stay because I actually might.”
“Go.”
“What? You’re coming with me.”
“You know I can’t, Sirius.”
“What-”
“Go- Sirius, go for fucks sake, before i change my mind-”
“Regulus, you cannot stay here-”
“One of us has to. And it’s not you. Just fucking go.”
“...I love you, Bunny.”
“...I love you too, Siri.”
“Sirius, breathe.” Sirius lifted his head, inhaling sharply and looking at Remus, suddenly feeling the hands cupping his cheeks. He covers Remus’ hands with his, looking at him with wide eyes.
“You’re okay. I’m right here. You’re breathing too fast.” Remus explains, placing a hand on Sirius chest, making him notice the way his chest heaved fast and unevenly.
“H-he almost died… Remus- He… They almost killed him- My baby… My Reggie… Remus, I fucking raised that kid… I- I did everything-” Sirius rambles, getting even more restless, tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Sirius-”
“No- fuck… Remus you don’t get it- He’s my brother- My little brother and I left him there- I left him in that house to rot. He’s just a kid- He’s- It’s my fault- I should’ve put up with them. I shouldn’t have left. Remus, I condemned him by leaving him there. Fuck, it’s my fault I could have endured more until i convinced him to leave-”
“Sirius-”
“He told me to go- If he told me to stay, I would’ve- If he asked me I would have stayed- It’s my fault he almost died. Oh fuck, what else did they do to him- what if they did to him what they did to me- Remus I can’t live in a world where he’s not alive. I don’t care if he doesn’t talk to me I just need him to be alive-”
“Sirius, stop it.”
Sirius looked at Remus and oh, oh. Remus was crying too.
“I-... I’m sorry-” Sirius murmured before being hugged suddenly, Remus’ arms tightly wrapped around him.
“Don’t. Don’t say you shouldn’t have left. Just- please don’t. I’m an only child so I will never entirely get it but I would have told you to go too if I was in Regulus’ place… It’s not your fault, Sirius…” Remus murmurs quietly, still crying.
“O-okay… okay…” Sirius murmured and hugged back Remus. Sirius still thought it was his fault after years of believing it and regretting leaving Regulus behind.
They hug and speak in hushed soft tones for a while until Sirius is breathing normally again and not shaking like a leaf. They sit there for what feels like forever but also less than a minute.
Sirius gets up, almost tripping over his own two feet from how wobbly his legs feel. After splashing some cold water on his face and taking a deep breath he walks into the living room, Remus following closely behind.
“Siri?” Regulus murmurs with raspy voice, looking up at his brother from where he was sitting on the couch, holding onto his blanket.
“Oh, Bunny,” Sirius sits next to Regulus, cupping his cheeks and looking at him, noticing he seems much more aware of his surroundings than before. “Are you okay? What the fuck were you thinking? What-”
“Oof-” Suddenly Sirius felt Regulus wrap his arms around him and hug him tight, like they did when they were little, faces squished together and tiny hands grasping clothes.
“Shut up. I hate that you left but I’m happy you did and this is the first and last time I’m saying it.” Regulus murmurs, hugging Sirius tighter.
“Okay, Reggie.” Sirius said, still processing whatever the fuck was happening. He glances at Remus who simply shrugs before going to the kitchen, making tea based on the sounds coming for it.
Cups in hand and blankets over shoulders in front of the fireplace Regulus broke the silence, “What do you know about horcruxes?”