You’re not alone ~ Olivia and Elliot
You’d been on your own for years now. You moved out from your childhood home at the age of eighteen and had been living in a small apartment ever since then.
You honestly didn’t mind though.
You liked being on your own and besides it wasn’t far from work which was a nice bonus.
Since you moved out at only eighteen years old you quickly got a part time job while you worked your ass off in collage and somehow you’d managed to pay your way all the through collage and even the police academy.
Since you knew the police commissioner he got you a position with the special victims unit, and became one of their youngest detectives.
Everyone there was really nice to you and quickly made you feel apart of something you’d been missing your whole life, a family.
You got especially close to Olivia and Elliot, both of them looking after you in anyway that they could especially because of your age.
Everyone would be extra protective of you but Elliot and Olivia was overprotective of you at times. Anyone on the police force knew not to mess with you or Elliot and Olivia would deal with them.
This was of course something that became a running joke with the squad members. They would often joke that Elliot and Olivia was your work parents, and that you were their work child.
You didn’t mind that though. Actually you quite enjoyed having someone there to actually take care of you and somewhat be there for you in ways that you wasn’t used to people being before.
You often would spend time at Olivia and Elliot’s apartment when you didn’t feel like being by yourself, or they just invited you over for dinner. You started spending so much time at their apartment that you got your own bedroom.
It was actually the guest bedroom but you slept over so much that they gave you permission to do whatever you wanted to do with the room so you would feel more comfortable there.
And if you weren’t spending the night at their apartment, Elliot or Olivia would make sure to pick you up in the morning and drive you to work with them.
When you were with Olivia and Elliot you always felt the safest. Just by being around them you knew that nothing bad would happen to you.
After joining the squad and finding your place amount the new people, you were honestly the happiest you’d been in years.
But like in the past it always seemed that the world came crashing down around you when you were at your happiest and this time was no different.
You were all working a case together. A serial rapist that targeted young women from age 19-25.
You still only being 21 fitted the perps target perfectly. So the whole week Elliot and Olivia both or at least one of them never let you out of their sight and if they couldn’t be with you someone else was.
One night Elliot once again got ready to head home and waited for you to finish up so he could drive you to your place or to his place but this night you weren’t going home.
Somehow your older sister had convinced you to meet up with her, your other sister and your mother for dinner before she left to go back to Australia for her studies.
You didn’t really want to spend time with either of them but you knew that it would only get worse for you if you didn’t say yes so this night you would have to get where you were going on your own.
Elliot of course offered to drive you even Fin and John offered to drive you too but you didn’t want to be a burden to either of them and politely turned down their offer.
Knowing how stubborn you could be they dropped it and let you go on your own. Of course they didn’t like it but there wasn’t really much either of them could do, you were an adult after all.
But on the way to the restaurant the worst thing that could happen, happened. The perp came up behind you when you least expected it and kidnapped you.
The next morning Elliot and Olivia once again showed up at your place to drive you to work but you didn’t answer the door. Normally this wouldn’t worry them since you sometimes liked walking but with the case that was going on Olivia used the spare key you gave her to use in emergencies and found the apartment empty.
By the looks of it both of them could tell that you didn’t even made it home last night.
Of course that immediately sat off a few alarms and they started calling around to see where you last was seen.
For days Elliot, Olivia and the rest of the squad looked for you. Neither of them giving up until they found you three weeks later, beaten, raped and abandoned in a warehouse by the docks.
After that everything changed.
For the first few days Elliot and Olivia didn’t let you out if their sight and you allowed it. You were so clingy with them that if either one of them left your sight even for a second you would have a huge melt down.
So they spent their time with you, either in bed, on the couch watching tv or doing something. Wherever Olivia and Elliot was seen you were right behind.
This behaviour worried them of course especially since this wasn’t like you at all. But what worried them even more was how you just a few days after being found started shutting the whole world out.
You refused to be spending time at their apartment, you didn’t allow anyone to see you outside of work am so on.
But what worried them the most was the way that not even a week after your attack you went back to work pretending like nothing had happened.
And if anyone tried to bring it up or even remotely ask how you were doing you would just shut them out or you would bite their head off, getting angry and annoyed that they kept bringing it up.
So they let you be.
But the longer this went on, the more quiet and reserved you became. You didn’t talk to anyone unless you were being talked to or it was worked related, you stopped being social with them, you would flinch anytime anyone tried touching you, you started wearing clothes to cover up your body but the thing that got noticed the most was how much weight you were losing.
They knew that you’d always been on the skinnier side of the aspect but this was starting to get dangerous.
Everyone was worried about you but especially Olivia and Elliot. The squad had seen you shut them out before especially if they asked you about your childhood but neither Olivia nor Elliot had gone through that. You would in some ways always be honest with them before this.
But how could they really talk to someone that didn’t want to be talked to or even have help?
****
You walk into the bullpen. Your whole face was red and you were covered in sweat. It was the hottest day of the year and you were wearing a sweater, blazer and pants.
And not just that but you’d run all the way from your apartment to work. It wasn’t that far but still it was far enough especially with how hot it was and how you were dressed.
You walk over to your desk and you could feel Amanda, Carisi, Fin, John and Nick all staring at you.
“What?!” You snap, turning around to look at all of them.
Fin, John, Nick and Carisi went back to pretending to work just so you wouldn’t snap at them once again but Amanda on the other hand didn’t want to give up that fast.
After all you were her best friend, and she knew that you would’ve done the same thing for her if she was acting this way. Actually if either one of them was remotely acting out of the normal.
She got up from her desk and started walking closer to you. She could feel the four other’s in the room eyeing her from the corner of their eyes just silently waiting for what was about to happen.
“What do you want Rollins?” You snap at her.
Amanda sighs.
From the moment you started her you’d never called her by her last name and if she were honest that burned more than anything else you could possibly say just to hurt her.
“What’s wrong? I know something is wrong. You haven’t been acting like yourself ever since we saved you from that man” Amanda simply stated.
You felt your chest tighten just at the mention of the man that kidnapped you. No matter how hard either one of them tried, you refused to tell them what had happened to you.
You hadn’t told anyone what that man did to you for three weeks straight before they finally was able to find you.
Of course some of it they just understood by just simply looking at your injuries when they found you but no one truly knew the hell that you’d been through for those three weeks.
“Drop. It” you say, your voice cold and the words rolled of your tongue like venom.
Amanda stares at you in disbelief. It wasn’t the words that annoyed her but the way you talked to her. Like she meant nothing to you.
“Y/n you need to talk! You were raped for heavens sake! And here you are acting like nothing happened!” Amanda snapped at you.
It wasn’t before the words left her mouth that she knew that she had fucked up, and she had fucked up really good.
Olivia and Elliot who was standing in her office talking about ways to help you heard the yelling and decided to go check out what was going on before it escalated.
Walking into the bullpen from Olivia’s office they could both see everyone staring at you, and the hurt expression on your face.
It was silent in the room. Everyone there was waiting for a reaction from you while Olivia and Elliot were just stood there confused.
“Y/n-“ Amanda tries.
“You had no right!” You yell at her cutting her off from whatever she was going to say.
Everyone could hear the pain in your voice as you spoke. It was no way off hiding it no matter how hard you tried to mask your emotions.
You go to walk off but needs to grab onto the desk to stop yourself from losing your balance.
With a worried look on his face Elliot quickly make his way over to you. He places a hand on your back and he needs to but the inside of his cheek to hold back a gaps.
He could feel how big your clothes was on you. Clothes that should have fitted you but what concerned him most was the way he could feel your bones.
Still holding a hand on your back to keep you from swaying back and forth, he moves and stand in front of you looking at you worriedly.
For the first time in the last weeks, he could actually see how skinny and fragile you were looking.
Of course they’d noticed before but then you’d just pretend like it was nothing and go on with your day continuing to ignore them but right now you were actually stood still long enough for them to really notice. To really see you.
“Y/n c’mon sweetheart let’s get you somewhere else so we can talk” he speaks softly,
You just stare at him though. You made no move to try and walk or even verbally explain what you needed in this moment.
You just stayed silent looking ahead, while the feeling of blood from your thighs soaking through your pants made you panic.
You had no idea what to do right now.
You look over at Olivia, who’s looking just as worried if not even more worried then Elliot.
You knew if you even tried to make it to the bathroom right now to fix your “mistake”, you would only end up making this worse for you.
Elliot frowns seeing the look on your face. He looks down to see blood stains slowly soaking through your pants by your thighs, and his stomach drop.
He gently scoop you into his arms and carries you into Olivia’s office, with Olivia fallowing right behind having also noticed blood soaking through your clothes but she noticed the sleeve of your arm.
Nonetheless both knew that they needed to speak with you, and they needed to speak with you now before they lost you forever.
****
Bouncing your leg weakly up and down you were placed down on Olivia’s couch in her office. Elliot and Olivia were both seated beside you hoping that you would talk to them now that you were alone.
They made sure to pull down the blinds so you would know that no one from the bullpen could look into the office.
Silence still filled the room and what they thought would only be a couple of minutes turned into half an hour.
Neither of them liked how pale you were sitting beside them. Your body was shaking and they both could tell you were struggling to keep the tears from rolling down your cheeks.
They hadn’t seen you like this since the day that they found you, all on your own in the warehouse.
“Y/n you’re bleeding please let us take a look at it. You almost passed out just now” Elliot spoke up first his voice laced with concern.
“I’m fine” you whisper afraid that if you spoke any louder they could hear the pain in your voice but it didn’t matter, they still could hear it clear as a day.
They knew you better than anyone else. They always paid attention to the smallest details when it came to you. From your favourite colour to how you liked your coffee. What your favourite food was to knowing the signs to when you were struggling.
At times they knew you better than you knew yourself.
Olivia get’s up and crouches down in front of you. She takes your trembling hands into her own and looks at you softly.
“You’re not okay sweetheart. You haven’t been okay for weeks and that’s okay. You went through something traumatic, and that’s going to take time to get over but that’s when you lean on us. Lean on anyone to help you through the rough patch” she speaks softly tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.
That was the breaking point for you. Despite how hard you were trying to keep it together for everyone else, you couldn’t do it anymore.
Tears started streaming down your face and small sobs escaped your lips.
Olivia immediately pulled you into a hug and held you as you broke down. Feeling how fragile and small you were, she shoots Elliot a worried look.
Neither of them liked how long they’d let this been going on. They knew from the moment that you started shutting people out that they should step in and talked to you and that was something they were going to regret for a long time that they didn’t.
Slowly your cries ease and you pull away from Olivia. You quickly dry off your face, hating more than anything else that you just broke down in front of them.
“I’m sorry” you whisper.
Elliot gently places a hand under your chin making you look over at him. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about kiddo. Now please let us take a look at how bad it is” he gently press.
He needed to be stern but at the same time he needed to be gentle or you would just shut them out and close down like you’ve been doing for weeks.
You look down at your lap.
Deep down you knew that they wouldn’t let you leave until they had taken a good look at it. So with a sigh you stand up holding onto Elliot with one hand and pulling down your jeans with your other.
Slowly but surely deep cuts that some looked infected, and some were still bleeding was exposed.
You sit back down onto the couch and roll up your sleeves exposing the still bleeding cuts on your arms too.
A silence filled the room.
Both Olivia and Elliot need to fight against themselves to keep the tears from falling. It broke their hearts knowing that you’d done this to yourself.
They couldn’t help but notice how fragile and skinny you looked. When they come to think about it they couldn’t even remember the last time that you ate anything in front of them or even the squad.
“I’ll go get the med-kit” Elliot softly says and leaves the room.
With only you and Olivia in the room, a few tears roll down your cheeks again feeling like everything was starting to become too much for you.
“I’m sorry” you whisper quietly wiping away a few of your own tears.
Olivia gently cups your cheeks looking at you with a soft smile despite that you could see the worry and pain in her eyes.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about sweetheart. Me and El will help you through this okay? We just need you to be honest with us. When was the last time you ate something?” She gently pressed.
You look down leaning into Olivia’s touch as you considered your choices. If you were honest with yourself you couldn’t even remember the last time that you ate something.
You’d been going for so long only surviving on water and coffee that you couldn’t even scatter your brain to remember the last time you ate a full normal meal.
“I can’t remember” you whisper quietly.
Olivia sighs.
She was glad that you were honest with her but she hated the fact that you were doing this to yourself.
She pulls up her phone and text Elliot asking him to bring something small from the break room.
A few minutes later Elliot comes back with both the med-kit and a plate of three sandwiches with just ham and cheese on it, something that the both of them knew you liked.
Just looking at the food Olivia and Elliot could see the panic flashing through your eyes.
Elliot slowly approached you putting the food on Olivia’s desk. Right now they needed to clean and get those cut wrapped up before thinking about getting you to eat something.
Olivia moved and sat down beside you holding your hand tightly while Elliot as careful as he could started cleaning and wrapping the cuts for you.
You winched a couple of times but anytime that Elliot suggested to stop or even just take a break you would insist that it was okay and to continue.
You felt so exposed sitting like this and just wanted this nightmare to be over. You needed all of this to be over with.
Five minutes later Elliot had taken care of all of your cuts. Both the ones on your thighs and the ones on your arms.
He quickly scatter all the things together and move to sit next to you with the plate of sandwiches on his lap.
“I’m not hungry” you mumbles quietly.
It was an empty try.
You knew that either of them would drop it now that they had seen your body but Olivia especially wouldn’t drop it now that she’d gotten a somewhat answer out of you.
“Bullshit. We will eat with you Y/n, just one small bite. Nothing bad will happen if you eat Y/n” Elliot says softly.
He hands you a sandwich and Elliot and Olivia take one each. They patiently wait for you to take a bite but you never do instead you just break down crying.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” you cry.
Elliot takes the sandwich back and put the food away. Maybe right now wasn’t the right time to try get you to eat something but this wasn’t the end of it, that much he knew.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for Y/n… It’s okay. What can we do to help you right now?” Olivia’s voice softly speak.
“Hold me please” you whisper with your voice cracking ever so slightly.
Elliot and Olivia looks over at each other before they both wrap you into a tight hug, both of them just glad that you finally told them what you needed of them.
Feeling somewhat safe for the first time in weeks even over a month, you once again break down letting all the feelings you’ve been feeling for months out.
“You’re not alone Y/n. We will help you through this, every step of the way” they both whisper softly.