Unmasked Glances

The next day was the same as every day before. Hermione and Ron were silent. Lessons were boring and Snape was tormenting him. Harry sat taciturnly through his lessons with Malfoy and refused to think about this Slytherin offspring. The next few weeks followed suit. Harry improved in Potions, but Malfoy still did not perform as well as he should have. Although they no longer practised the Patronus in class, Harry and Draco both knew of his failure.

Only the curse of an enchanted necklace, which had injured Katie Bell, a Gryffindor, was doing the rounds of the castle. Slughorn had invited Harry to his Slug Club parties, which he attended on Dumbledore's instructions. Christmas came as suddenly as it did every year and Harry’s throat tightened at the thought that nothing from his godfather would be at the end of his bed this year.
Ron's anger towards Hermione remained. Mione was so hurt by his blindness that they were both going home this year. Hermione had apologised to Harry a thousand times until he had lost his patience and made it clear to her that she didn't need to apologise. At Slughorn's Christmas party, the uninvited Malfoy had burst in. Snape had accompanied him outside and Harry had followed them unnoticed. He overheard that Snape wanted to protect Malfoy and that he had sworn an unbreakable vow.

The calendar above Neville’s desk announced the 24th of December. Tomorrow was Christmas and Harry had already bought and sent presents for his friends. He and Malfoy were still meeting to practise. In a silent agreement, they had both decided that insults and curses would not help them. It was a chilly morning in the Highlands, which reflected Harry's mood perfectly. Outside, it was grey, almost dark. What's more, today was the last practice session with Malfoy, the last Patronus training of the year. The day went smoothly, the food was delicious as always and Harry had used the rest of the time until the evening to practise Quidditch. Dinner was a delight and the fact that he couldn't see Malfoy from his seat only made it better.

Over the last few weeks, Harry had to admit a few things to himself. Firstly, Draco Malfoy was perhaps not as big an arsehole as he had always assumed. Harry had used his free time during the holidays to go on a secret mission with his father's cloak and the map: Who is Draco Malfoy really? Because another admission was that maybe, just maybe, Draco Malfoy did have a character and wasn't completely evil.

He had found Malfoy on one of his forays through the castle in Myrtle's broken girls' lavatory. Draco Malfoy had been crying pitifully. With red eyes and wet cheeks, he had been leaning against a toilet door, mumbling unintelligible words. Tears streamed down his pale skin.

Harry’s curiosity had once again shown its strength and so he stayed until Malfoy disappeared. He then pressed the unusual ghost. "Hey, Myrtle?!" Harry had taken off his cloak of invisibility and was standing in the same spot where Malfoy had just shown his feelings. "Come on Myrtle, I know you're there!" he hissed indignantly. When he thought of the intrusive ghost, he got a queasy feeling in his stomach, like when he had eaten too much pumpkin pie.

"Harry, love," Myrtle giggled from a cubicle, wafting through the door opposite Harry. "What brings you here?" Her dead eyes grew wide and she tried in vain to put on an innocent expression. "I came to ask you something, Myrtle..." He saw her disappointed expression and finished his sentence differently than he had planned. "- and I was thinking about you."

Harry's smile seemed forced, but the ghostly lady didn't notice, just giggled eerily. "What do you want to know? When my birthday is?" Her shrill giggle gave Harry goose bumps. "The boy who was just here, did you hear what he said?" Myrtle's smile instantly disappeared from her white face.

"Why do you want to know that? Are you interested in him?" Her voice had taken on a terrible pitch and Harry prayed that no one would hear her. It was only a few seconds later that he realised what she had meant by the last part, He and ... Malfoy? "No, Myrtle, I would never..." He didn't even dare say it. She scrutinised him for a moment and then smiled seductively. "All right, I'll tell you when you come to visit me more often again! You've been here sooo rarely Harry!" She dragged the last part out incredibly. If it were possible, Harry would have got goose bumps on his goose bumps.

Harry nodded weakly. "He always just sits here and cries like a baby," Myrtle's voice had a cheerful undertone that didn't even begin to match the mood. "No, father, I don't want to be like that! I don't want to fight. Leave mum out of this!" she imitated him. The ghost let out a shrill giggle before hissing towards a toilet bowl. "Really boring, always the same, like a baby, visit me Haaarryyy!" And with that, she disappeared into the toilet, splashing water.

Harry stood in silence for a few more minutes, staring at the tiles, before turning round and heading back to the tower. That evening and the nights that followed were hell. Myrtle's words stayed with him, not so much what Myrtle had said about Draco, but what Myrtle had said about them both.

He and Malfoy...together. That was so unimaginable, Voldemort would sooner surrender voluntarily than he and Draco ... MALFOY not Draco. Harry shook his head. But as soon as he closed his eyes, the images came to him all by themselves.

Today, Harry had decided to grill Malfoy, to provoke him in order to find out more. It was obvious that Malfoy Senior was forcing Draco to do something he didn't want to do. Most likely it had to do with Hogwarts. Maybe with him, too. Malfoy was hiding something. Something was bothering him and he, Harry Potter, would find out what it was! He was rapidly becoming obsessed with Draco Malfoy.

Harry arrived on the seventh floor on time, as he almost always did. Malfoy was already waiting for him. Not once had the blond dared to summon the Room of Requirement himself. When Harry opened the door this time, the room seemed to have changed. Harry sighed and said goodbye to his hope that Malfoy would remain unaware of Harry's plan. The small room was covered with thick carpets and a fireplace adorned the right-hand side of the room. There was a sofa and two armchairs in front of it. Everything was kept in muted colours, with neither reds nor greens coming to the fore. Dark and light brown tones alternated and complemented each other.

Malfoy stepped next to him and looked over the room in silence. Harry noticed that the blond was gripped by a strange resignation that had nothing to do with the fear he had felt a few weeks ago. On the surface, Malfoy had remained the same arsehole Harry had known all those years, but he held back on insulting him and his friends. It was as if Malfoy was avoiding him.

But as soon as they were alone, the arrogant snob was replaced by a serious young man who made Harry wonder. Until now, he had believed that it was easy to draw a line. Between good and evil, right and wrong and between him and Malfoy. Over the last few weeks, he had tried to understand. To understand that perhaps there were victims on both sides. That Voldemort was also causing harm to his followers and their families, that Malfoy was perhaps at an impasse, the same one that had stopped Harry himself so many times.

Admittedly, it had taken him a fair amount of time to see in Malfoy not just the monster he had known and feared for five years, but the person behind it. Even if at times he was reluctant to think of Malfoy as a living, feeling person. He took a deep breath and glanced at him. He surveyed the seating area expressionlessly and settled down on the sofa. "What do you want Potter?" His voice sounded indifferent. Harry was no longer sure if he could really change anything. He took a deep breath, "Talk, Malfoy." Harry muttered curtly. His counterpart laughed mirthlessly and gave Harry a scornful look. "Talking, Potter? About what? Your opinions are settled, my opinions are settled, we have nothing to say to each other." Draco looked as if he had nothing left to lose, as if nothing Harry said could change anything.

Despite this, the thirst for action that had made him a Gryffindor awoke in Harry. "But Malfoy, I do think we have a lot to say to each other." The blond young man opposite looked at him with raised eyebrows. "I know about your father," Harry finally began.

"We can go to Dumbledore and-" Hands went round his collar and pulled him up. "What do you know about my father, Potter?" Malfoy shoved him backwards and grabbed his shoulders hard so he wouldn't fall. With a hard grip, he pushed the black-haired boy against the wall behind him and the cold slowly crept into Harry's bones.

"I know he's trying to force you to do something, Malfoy, but you don't have to do what he wants, you don't have to obey him!" Harry pressed out, trying to loosen Malfoy's painful grip in vain. "What do you know, Potter, what my father can and can't do? Or the Dark Lord? Do you think I'm free?" He had hissed the last one in Harry's ear before slapping the Gryffindor hard across the face.

Harry fell to the ground. Draco with him, as Harry was still clutching his hand. The pain in his chin and the hard impact, as well as Malfoy's added weight, drove the air from his lungs and tears from his eyes. With rage in his stomach, he also struck and only Malfoy's painful gasp gave him the certainty that he had also hit him. The brawl that followed was just like all the ones before, and yet very different. Harry couldn't tell where Malfoy had hit him, or where he had hit Malfoy, everything hurt. It was as if he had been overrun by a horde of hippogriffs.

He was lying on the carpet behind the sofa and Malfoy was so close to him that their arms were touching, and Harry could hear Malfoy's choppy breathing. "What was that about?" Harry finally managed to get out when he felt like his breath was getting less heavy. "You just deserve a thrashing," gasped the blond next to him.

"For what? I was trying to help!" With a pained gasp, Harry turned onto his side and propped himself up on his uninjured arm so that he could look Malfoy in the face. "Oh of course, the great Harry Potter, saviour of the poor and wise, is trying to help me, the Death Eater's son. Surely you don't believe that yourself!"

The blue-grey mocking eyes, the red cheek and the tousled hair made a picture that would surely haunt Harry. Harry gave him a nasty look before taking a deep breath. "I saw you in the girls' loo and in KingsCross in September." Without meaning to, all the memories that had been plaguing him for weeks bubbled out of Harry.

While Malfoy's eyes were still angry at first, they got bigger with every word Harry said. "And then I thought about why you can't cast a Patronus, and why you cry, and why you don't just say no when your father tries to tell you something."

Harry ended up with red cheeks and a fiery glare. If anyone treated him the way Malfoy treated his son, he would have told them off long ago and run away. "I'm not free" Draco said after a while of silence. Harry looked at him in surprise. He hadn't expected Draco to say anything at all.

"I'm not like you, Harry. I can't make decisions about my life. I wasn't carried around my whole childhood like you were. I had to learn, learn and learn. Behaviour, spells and being the best. I have to be the best at everything. I can't fail, my father and the Dark Lord, I can't. Don't you understand that? I'm not free, I'm tied to my family! I can't just run to Dumbledore when I have a problem like you do and he helps me out of pure philanthropy. I've done so much wrong, thinking I was doing everything right. And now it's too late. I have no choice, Harry, I can't decide my life, it was planned out before I was born. I will have to serve him, fight and die for a wrong thing! I have to keep this façade up"

Draco had also straightened up and was staring at Harry with wide, desperate eyes. He was breathing heavily and his posture looked tense. "I've never been carried on my hands, Malfoy. They hate me where I have to live. I lived in a cupboard under the stairs and was the house-elf to them. I didn't even know magic existed until I was eleven! And then I come into your world and everyone expects me to fight, win and create a new world full of peace. I was a baby, it wasn't my fault that he lost. It wasn't my fault that I survived. I would rather have died and gone with my parents than be hailed as a hero! Do you think I had a choice? I was never free to choose. I will always be the hero. I will have to fight, I can't hide behind anyone. I'm certainly not free!"

Harry's voice was trembling and bitter. He had never spoken so freely before. Not even to Hermione and Ron, he assumed they knew how he felt. They both stared blankly at each other. They had hated each other for something they weren't. Actually, they had hated what the others had made of them. And now they were sitting here, without masks, without secrets and the worst thing was, it felt good.
"What now?" Draco's voice was quiet and almost drowned in the silence. "I don't know," Harry whispered from a dry throat. "Are we friends now?" his counterpart muttered. Harry flinched at Draco's words. The memory of the little boy at Madam Malkins' passed in his mind, as did the proffered hand of the little Draco with the arrogant mask. "I don't know. Do you want us to be friends?" Harry looked up and saw Draco's face. It was marked by uncertainty. The blond seemed undecided. "Maybe just here."

Yeah, here in the Room of Requirement they could start again. Away from what was happening outside, without influences, prejudices and masks. Draco held out his hand and Harry finally took it. A tingling sensation ran through his body and he quickly let go. Draco was still staring at their hands. "Are we still going to see Dumbledore?" Draco seemed to struggle with himself but denied the request. Harry smirked, "I knew you'd say that," which made Draco grin as well.

Late at night, Harry laid in his bed and thought about Draco. He had confessed to him that he didn't want any of this and Harry had believed him immediately. How could he not? He had known Draco for so many years now and knew quite well when he was lying and when he was serious, even if he didn't know that side of Draco.

That night, Harry dreamt of Draco Malfoy. It wasn't the first time, but this time it was quite different. He saw the blue-grey eyes in front of him. His blond silky hair. He wondered what it would feel like to brush through his hair. Harry loved it when Draco's cheeks turned pink and he dreamed of the grin Draco had given him today.

He woke up all at once. What was actually going on here? Harry knew that feeling. He had carried it around with him once or twice before. He thought of Ginny and Cho, who were now just friends to him. How he had felt insecure in their presence and how a day could start well when he had seen them at breakfast in the morning.

But Malfoy? Draco Malfoy? To be honest, there's always been a certain tension between them. Never really good ones. He thought back to when he had kissed him to escape from an awkward situation. It had only been a joke, a stopgap measure. Harry had never thought about it since. But Draco hadn't pushed him away right then, he'd given in to the kiss briefly. What had that meant?

Panic broke out in Harry. Was he gay? He had to talk to someone about it. But he couldn't imagine who. His friends wouldn't understand him. How could they? If only he could talk to Sirius. Suddenly a thought popped into his head. He jumped up from his bed and ran over to his desk. He quickly dug out some parchment and his quill and began to write.

On the front, he scribbled in frantic handwriting: "to Remus Lupin". He quickly turned the note over and wrote "I really need your help, I don't know what to do. Harry" Without giving it much thought, he folded the note and handed it to Hedwig, who flew off into the snowy night sky, wings flapping.

As soon as he had sent his note, he thought that it might have been a bit hasty. What should he tell Lupin anyway? Harry got himself a cup of peppermint tea from the common room and crawled back into his bed.

About half an hour later, he heard quick footsteps running up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. What was going on here? Harry quickly grabbed his wand and adjusted his glasses. The door to his dormitory opened abruptly and he was blinded by the bright tip of a wand.

"Harry, what's happened?" Lupin yelled frantically. Oh, thought Harry. He hadn't expected Lupin to receive his message so quickly. He felt really bad to have woken Lupin up in the middle of the night for something like that.

"Umm nothing," Harry muttered. "Sorry, I need someone to talk to." Remus' face relaxed a little and he took a few steps towards him. "Sorry for shooing you here in the middle of the night. That was stupid" Harry ruffled his hair. "How did you get through the castle?"

"I used to be a student too Harry, tell me what's going on." He still sounded unsure whether Harry was in danger or not. "Have you been dreaming about Voldemort again?"

"No, something completely different. I don't know how to talk to my friends about it. I don't think they would understand." Harry took a breath, "and then I thought about Sirius and how that wouldn't work anymore and then you were my next thought." Harry looked down at the hands in his lap.

"Oh," Lupin said, taking off his winter coat, placing it over one of the other chairs and taking a seat.

"I don't know if I can talk to you about it," Harry muttered. Lupin's gaze hurt and he whispered, "If you can talk to Sirius about it, you can talk to me Harry, okay? I think if Sirius hadn't been an option and there wasn't the whole werewolf thing, I might have been your godfather."

Harry looked astonished "oh really?" Lupin looked thoughtful "yes I think so". "Tell me, what's troubling you so late on the night before Christmas?" murmured Lupin encouragingly. Harry played with his fingers, not daring to look at Lupin's face in the dim light. Why had Harry thought that would be a good idea?

"Okay don't laugh, I think I fancy someone." As soon as Harry said this, a blush shot up his face. "Oh that’s nice" said Lupin "don't be embarrassed about love".

"Well," his gaze fell to the other side of the room and he stared out of the window, "it's a boy”. "Oh Harry," he heard Remus grin and pour himself a cup of tea. "When I was your age, I fell in love with a boy too."

Harry's gaze shot over to Remus. "Really?" Remus chuckled amusedly. "He was the most popular boy in our year and all the girls were after him." Harry's interest was sparked.

"What happened and how did you find out?" Harry asked curiously. Remus leant back and looked out of the window. "I think I always knew. I was never really interested in girls, unlike the other boys. He was something special. Every time I made him laugh, I felt this warmth inside me. And then at some point, we kissed and got together. We kept it a secret for a long time, it was different times Harry, until we told our friends or they found out themselves.” He mused with a certain nostalgia.

"How did my parents react?" Harry asked a little anxiously. Remus looked at Harry again, got up, knelt down in front of Harry's bed and reached for his hands. "They've always supported us and they'd support you too. Harry your parents loved you so very much, gay or not."

Harry felt tears rolling down his cheeks and quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand. Remus embraced him immediately and Harry desperately needed it. Now he knew why it hadn't been a bad idea to write to Remus.

"What happened to the boy?" Harry whispered after a while. Remus sat back in his chair and looked at his own hands. "We moved in together, the war came, he was arrested and then a few years ago he broke out. You know the rest of what happened to Sirius."

Harry stared at him in disbelief, "You and Sirius?" With that, Harry managed to make Remus laugh. "Harry you're so oblivious. He and I have always been. Of course it was different after Azkaban but still familiar, you know? I wonder when I'll see him again." he said resignedly.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered. "Don't be," Remus muttered. "It's not your fault. Tell me about your boy." Harry blushed immediately. The thought of Remus referring to Draco as 'your boy' was strange.
He fidgeted a little. He didn't want Remus to know who he was talking about. After all, he was their teacher and knew all the students. "He's special. I've known him for so long and yet I'm only just getting to know him. I don't even know if he likes boys," Harry said in despair.

"Did he show any signs? Has anything happened between you? Is he going out with girls?" Remus asked matter-of-factly. Harry mused. "Not really, I don't think he's had a proper relationship yet, but I haven't really either," Harry smirked. "I kissed him about half a year ago, just for fun, as an emergency situation, no background you know? I didn't feel anything for him then, I guess. I didn't give it much thought either."

Remus grinned, "Well, that's a start. How did he react? Did he ask you about it?" Harry shook his head. "He did lean into the kiss first, but it was all really fast and never said anything about it ever again." Harry buried his face in his hands.

"Hmm okay and why do you think you're in love with him? Have you liked other boys before?" Remus asked hesitantly. "You know you don't have to answer that, right Harry?" Harry nodded but continued talking.

"Well I thought a few other boys were rather handsome" Harry thought of Cedric "but I liked girls too" Harry paused "He's different, he's good looking and clever. He's all I can think about lately. It almost drives me crazy. Remus I followed him with the cloak and the map." Harry confessed. "Maybe you shouldn't do that, Harry," said Remus. "Yes, I know, he keeps a lot of things secret and I want to know more." Harry took a sip from his cup.

"Maybe just try to talk to him more instead of spying on him." Remus grinned. That made Harry grin too, "You're right.” Remus seemed to be thinking. "Do you want to kiss him again? Have you thought about it?"

Harry hadn't really thought about it yet. "Maybe, yes, I don't know. How am I supposed to know?" Remus grunted in amusement. "Well just go with the flow Harry, don’t stress too much. I know it’s easier said than done"

They talked for a little longer until Remus said goodbye to him and Harry managed to drift off to sleep.