Writing Prompt: Hurt/Comfort, “Stop, You’re Losing Me”, “Be Quiet”
Ex Harry/Ginny, Harry/Pansy
Harry sat on the sofa, trusty firewhisky in hand, and stared into the flames. How had he gotten here? He was the savior of the wizarding world. He had given his youth to everyone, and had nothing besides a divorce and string of failed relationships to show for it. His friends were nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t blame them. Ginny had been right all those years ago, he was useless. He was weak. He should have died and truly given EVERYTHING for the wizarding world.
He swirled the liquid in his glass, hearing her shrill voice echo in his head:
You don’t have a brain in your head do you?
Did Hermione tell you how to tie your shoes?
You couldn’t even die properly, why should I expect you to be a proper husband?
If it wasn’t for me, you would have no one!
People only tolerate you because you were the “boy” who lived… twice. What do you have to offer anyone?
5 years in and he couldn’t even end their marriage. Ginny did it for him. He was too dependent on her. Dependent on everyone else. He relied on Hermione and Draco to guide him through the next steps. Separating assets. Separating friendships. After all, Hermione and Draco had experience with that. They had even helped him to move on. Reconnecting with Cho (fail), a fling with Luna (too weird), one of their random muggle neighbors (it was a one night stand… you can’t bring a muggle to a house where portraits will yell at them), he had even tested the waters with Theo Nott (it was quite the whirlwind affair but ultimately not what he needed). After a year of floundering, at one of Draco and Hermione’s parties, Pansy caught his eye. Harry could admit that it was as close to love at first sight as could be possible. And they were inseparable for months, only leaving bed to go to work and sometimes eat. He was consumed with her. But the doubts started niggling at his brain several months in. He was inadequate. He wasn’t pure enough, rich enough, smart enough, sexually capable enough. He wasn’t enough for a woman like her. In those moments Pansy would kiss him stupid (or stupider) and tell him to “Be Quiet”. She would murmur into his skin all the ways that he was enough and how he completed her. He was the wizard that she had hoped for. No matter how she tried to soothe his worries and fears, inevitably Ginny’s voice echoed in his skull and undermined all of Pansy’s hard work.
Harry squeezed the glass in his hand and glared at the flames, they flared along with his temper. He tossed the remaining dregs of alcohol back and threw the glass in the fire. The fights with Pansy had gotten worse and worse of the last few months. He knew he was pushing her away, out of his life. But he couldn’t stop. He didn’t deserve her love and she didn’t deserve his misery. She didn’t deserve to be punished for his mistakes. Their fight last night had been the worst. In the midst of the yelling and screaming (it had made Walburga run from her portrait) Pansy had enough and screamed “Stop! You’re losing me! Before we both ruin this, I am going to Draco and Hermione’s” and flooed away before he could consider what she said.
Now, 12 hours later, Harry’s heart didn’t beat right. There was a gaping Pansy sized hole in his chest and he needed to fix it. All the things that he had done “wrong” with Ginny, he would do right for Pansy. He gathered his courage, grabbed the floo powder and called for Hermione and Draco’s home.
He crashed through and ran straight into the softest and most beautiful witch he had known.
“Harry? What are you doing here?” Pansy brushed the ashes off of her clothes, then put her hands on her hips. She stared at him warily.
Harry knew she doubted him. He never came crawling back. He never apologized. He just existed. He was pathetic. But more so, he was pathetically head over heels in love with her and he refused to lose her. He took a step forward, palms up in supplication, hoping for the forgiveness he didn’t deserve.
“I don’t deserve it, but please hear me out.” Another step closer.
“No! I have built you up so much and in the process you let me fall apart. I’m not that type of witch” Pansy whimpered. “I need more, and you can’t give it to me.”
Another step forward.
She was right. Harry knew it too. She deserved everything, the world and grand gestures. She deserved to be worshiped. Gods he hoped it wasn’t too late.
He was right in front of her now, he ran his hands down her arms and clasped her dainty hands in his, then dropped to his knees in reverence and kissed every knuckle.
“You’re right. You are everything. You are a rainbow. You are a sun. You are a phoenix. I should have been what you deserved, rather than someone that hoped to deserve you. I let you heal me without nurturing you, and I am so sorry. I deserve to lose you, because I didn’t give you want you need. I didn’t love you enough and I vow that I will do better. I will wake up each day to honor you. Because that is what you have given me. I will no longer take from you Pansy. I will give you my whole heart and soul.”
He gazed up at her and watched her eyes glitter at his words. He took that as a cue and rose to his feet.
“Come home with me Pansy. Come to our home. Help me fill it with the love that it was missing.”
She pulled her hands from his, cupped his face gently and whispered “Be Quiet” and nodded her head before softly kissing him.