Remus walks around the halls patrolling with the Slytherin prefect. Lily couldn't stand him, so he would offer to do it for her. Now he wishes he hadn’t . Ben Hallen had kissed him on one of the many nights they had patrolled. Soon enough they started dating. It was great, really great. Lily figured it out one day and assumed he wanted to patrol with Ben, so she stopped asking if he wanted to. Now it was his duty; she took all the other nights, as he was a lousy prefect, and Remus took that night. He used to look forward to it, but now he dreaded it. One night they argued about how Ben had been rude to a muggle-born. Out of nowhere he raised his hand and hit Remus. He stood there shocked, unable to choke out any words. There was a small part of him who knew he should end it right there but who was Remus to listen? Ben apologised profusely, saying he didn't mean to, so they kissed and made up. Remus wanted to believe it as much as he could, so he didn't tell Lily and continued seeing Ben. Slowly the hitting became more frequent and the apologies became less frequent. Afterward, Ben would forcibly kiss him or shag him and then leave. Remus knew it wasn't right, but if he said something... James, Sirius, and Peter would realise he's gay. Remus didn't know what they would think, so he refused to say anything. The topic had gotten brought up a few times between them. Nobody ever said anything bad about being gay but Remus could just imagine Sirius' disgusted face or James turning away from him. It got worse – much worse. He had to learn makeup spells from a magazine he had stolen from Mary. Soon he perfected the spell and could easily hide a purple bruise. Which was good, as he was covered in them. The constant fucking had also gotten worse. Sitting or standing usually hurt, but now he could barely deal with it. There were bruises on his hips and neck and where their skins lapped together. Remus wanted out of it so badly. Every time he saw Ben he physically wanted to hurl. He hated him.
It was dinner, and Remus sat by the rest of the Marauders. They talked about Quidditch, leaving Remus looking down at his place, moving the food around. He knew if he ate, he would probably throw it up later or Ben might comment on his appearance. Recently he had started to get mad if Remus wasn't "perfect" but to Remus that was never. "You alright, mate?" Remus didn't hear it. Peter nudged him, and he looked up. "What? Sorry," he says, seeing them all eyeing him worriedly. "I said, Are you alright, mate? You normally eat loads," James says in concerned manner. "I, uh–I'm okay, just, uh, feeling a bit ill, you know, with the moon and all," Remus replies, his voice coming out more shaky than he would like. James seems reluctant but nods, Sirius still eyes him suspiciously. "I'm going to go see Madam Pomfrey," Remus says quickly. He stands up quickly, too quickly, and winces before he can stop himself. The marauders all take notice of this, glancing at each other before they get up as well and follow Remus out of the hall. "Moony, wait up," Peter says after him as the rest of them follow. Once Remus is out of the Great Hall, he leans against the wall, clutching his chest. They all share looks concerned for Remus. "Moony?" Remus looks up from the ground, meeting Sirius's eyes – oh, his eyes. Remus looks at him. "Are you sure you're only sick?" James asks. Oh, how Remus just wants to speak. No, I'm not. I'm gay, and I'm terrified to tell you guys. I don't want to lose any of you and I'm terrified of being left alone, the Slytherin prefect, the one I patrol with – we're dating. He makes me do things I don't want to do, and he... He wants to tell them so badly, but he can't. "Thank you, guys; I swear the moon's just gotten worse over the summer." They all give him sympathetic looks. "Want to head to the common room early?" asks Peter. "Yeah, but I have to go later; I've got patrolling with Ben," Remus replies trying to keep himself from breaking down at the thought of it.
The common room glowed with the flickering warmth of the fireplace, its crackling a soft counterpoint to the low hum of voices. Remus sat across from Peter at the chessboard, the carved wooden pieces blurred in his vision. He moved a pawn half-heartedly, his fingers trembling as they brushed the cool surface, but his mind was elsewhere—trapped in the shadowed corridors he'd soon walk with Ben. Peter's brow furrowed. "Moony, it's your turn again," he said, his voice gentle, almost hesitant, as if he could sense the storm brewing beneath Remus's skin.
"Oh. Sorry," Remus mumbled, shoving another piece forward without looking. It didn't matter where it landed—checkmate was inevitable, just like the night ahead. His stomach churned, a sickly knot of dread tightening with every tick of the clock above the mantel. How bad would it be tonight? The question gnawed at him, sharp and relentless. Last time, Ben had kept his hands to himself, their patrol ending in tense silence instead of the usual bruising grip or worse. Remus had almost let himself hope it was over—foolish, naive hope—but now he knew better. Tonight would be different. Ben would demand what he'd been denied, and Remus's body would pay the price. The thought was a dark stain spreading through his mind, ugly and unavoidable, and yet he couldn't stop turning it over, examining it like a wound he couldn't help but prod.
Across the room, Sirius's laugh rang out, bright and careless, as he sprawled in an armchair, gesturing wildly about some Quidditch maneuver. James grinned beside him, his eyes alight with the easy confidence Remus envied—craved, even. They were so alive, so untouched by the rot festering inside him. He wanted to scream at them, to shatter their bubble with the truth: I'm drowning, and you don't see it. But the words stayed lodged in his throat, heavy as stones, because what would they think if they knew? That he was weak? That he was dirty? That he liked it, like Ben kept insisting? The shame burned hotter than the fire, searing his chest until he could barely breathe.
The portrait hole swung open, and Lily stepped in, her auburn hair catching the light like a halo. James froze mid-sentence, his cheeks flushing a ridiculous shade of red, and Sirius smirked, nudging him with an elbow. Remus barely registered it. Lily's voice cut through the haze, sharp and oblivious. "Ben says he wants to start patrolling early. You'd better get going, Remus."
The words hit like a curse. His throat closed, bile surging up so fast he had to swallow hard to keep it down. Ben wanted him early. Of course he did. More time meant more control, more chances to take what Remus didn't want to give. He could already feel the phantom press of Ben's hands—rough, possessive, inescapable—and the memory made his skin crawl. "Yeah, okay," he croaked, the sound scraping past his lips like broken glass. It was all he could manage, a flimsy shield against the panic clawing at his insides.
"See you later, Moony," Peter called, oblivious, as Remus pushed himself to his feet. Sirius waved lazily, and James tossed a "Don't let the Slytherins hex you!" over his shoulder, still half-lost in Lily's orbit. Their voices followed him out of the portrait hole, warm and fading, like a lifeline slipping through his fingers. He stepped into the cold corridor beyond, the Fat Lady's frame clicking shut behind him, and the weight of the night settled over him like a shroud. He wasn't ready. He'd never be ready. But Ben was waiting, and Remus had no choice but to go.
He sees Ben leaning against a wall, grinning at him. "Hey," he says to Remus, making his breath shudder. "Hey..." Remus replies with a shake present in his voice. Ben makes a scowling face, nearing close to him, a finger now resting on Remus's chin. "Baby, if you're scared this won't be fun," Ben says to him. "Ben, let's do this later," Remus says, trying to hide the nervousness from his voice. Ben's expression immediately changes to anger. He grabs Remus by his collar, forcibly dragging him to the broom cabinet. "You think you can mock me like that?" Ben says, his voice full of anger. "Ben, please-," Remus says pleadingly. "Don't please me!" Ben's shout echoed in the cramped space. His knee drove into Remus's stomach, knocking the air from his lungs. Remus doubled over, gasping, as Ben's hands pinned his face, forcing a kiss that tasted of anger and iron. It wasn't love—it hadn't been for a long time. Ben's fingers roamed under Remus's shirt, rough and uninvited, and when Remus whimpered, an elbow jabbed his shoulder hard enough to make him bite back a cry. "I'm helping you," Ben growled, tearing Remus's shirt open. "You'll thank me later." That is all Ben says. He takes Remus's shirt off. His mouth now sucking at the skin underneath, leaving dark hickeys all over him. His hands then make it to his pants, where Remus shakes his head. "Please, Ben, no." His voice frantic and hands shaking where they rest against the wall. "You're letting me do this; don't act like you don't want this," Ben answers as if it was obvious. Remus tries to force himself to agree with that. So maybe he can live with himself a little easier, but he can't. Ben's hands pull down Remus's trousers, leaving just his boxers. Ben quickly tosses those aside. A finger sitting at the entrance of his hole. "W-wait, please, Ben." Remus pleaded. "I don't want it." His voice sounded pathetic. Ben rolled his eyes and slid 2 fingers in, which earned a gasp from Remus. "Stop acting; I know you want it." Remus wanted to scream, as loud as he could. "I – don't" was all Remus could say. "Your body says otherwise." Ben grinned sliding another finger in, curling them which made Remus moan. Soon he pulled the fingers out. Sliding his length in, Remus cried out in dismay. Ben put his fingers around his throat, holding him against the wall. "Be quiet, would you! I know you want this; you love it." Ben said angrily. His fingers pressed into Remus's throat as he thrust back and forth into him.
Remus woke up the next morning, his body aching. He quickly went to the bathroom before anyone woke up to cover the damage from last night. He looks in the mirror, disgusted by what he sees. His eyes have dark circles under them from his recent sleep loss, and he looks skinnier than he normally does. He covers the bruise on his stomach and shoulder with all the hickeys. He comes out of the bathroom. Sirius is sitting up, looking directly at him. With a concerned, worried expression. He motioned toward the door. I nodded, and we walked out to the common room. It was early morning, so nobody was there. They sat down, Sirius a little too close to him. He scooted away, hoping he didn't take notice. "Moony, I know something is up." Sirius looks at him. Remus refuses to say anything. If Sirius finds out, if he tells Sirius, he can't imagine what Ben will do. What if Ben does the same thing to Sirius? Or Sirius thinks he's weak and pathetic and tells everyone, and then the whole school thinks he's just some whore. Sirius seems to realise he's not going to reply. "Please, talk to me. You've been acting so much differently, especially last night. I saw when you got back; I was awake... I don't know what I saw but I know it wasn't good." Sirius says, concern obvious in his voice. Remus feels like he might throw up. "Are you okay? You look pale." Sirius asks; he brings a hand up to Remus's forehead, but he flinches away. Sirius brings his hand down. His grey eyes searched Remus's face, shadowed with something heavy—something like recognition. "Is it your parents?" he asked, voice low and tentative. "Lyall, you know... hitting you?" The question hung between them, fragile and sharp, and Sirius's gaze flickered, lost for a moment in his own memories—dark corridors, raised voices, the sting of his mother's hand before the Potters took him in. It was the only explanation that made sense to him, the only lens he had for the bruises Remus couldn't quite hide.
"It's not that," Remus said, the words clipped and brittle, falling like stones into the silence. He stared at the floor, at the scuffed toes of his shoes, anywhere but Sirius's face. His chest tightened, a familiar ache blooming beneath his ribs, and he clenched his fists until his nails bit into his palms. That was all he could give—four small words—because anything more might crack him open, spill the ugly truth he wasn't ready to face.
Sirius's jaw tightened, suspicion etching lines into his forehead. He wanted to believe Remus, wanted to trust that clipped denial, but doubt gnawed at him. What else could it be? The flinch when Sirius moved too fast, the way Remus shrank into himself lately—it screamed of something hidden, something wrong. He ached to push, to pry the answer loose, because if Remus wasn't alright—if he was hurting and Sirius hadn't seen it—how could he live with himself? "Before James knew about my parents," Sirius said, his voice softer now, almost pleading, "I swore he'd look at me differently, or tiptoe around me like I was glass. I carried it alone for months, drowning in my own head, until he dragged it out of me. And when I told him, it was like breathing again. I got out because I let him in, Moony."
Remus's head snapped up, his breath hitching as a wave of raw, jagged emotion surged through him. He wanted to scream, to hurl something at the wall—anything to shatter the suffocating quiet. How dare Sirius think this was the same? His parents weren't the ones leaving marks on his skin, twisting his body into something he didn't recognize. This wasn't some noble escape from a cruel household; it was a secret that clawed at him, a shame so deep it felt like drowning in tar. Sirius's story was neat, heroic even—confess and be saved. But Remus's? His was a jagged mess of fear and filth, and the thought of laying it bare made his stomach lurch.
He knew it was selfish, irrational, to resent Sirius for trying to understand. He knew Sirius meant well, his voice thick with care, his eyes brimming with that reckless loyalty Remus both loved and feared. But this wasn't the same. Lyall had never raised a hand to him—his father's sins were colder, quieter, born of distance and disappointment. What Ben did... it was something else entirely, a violation that stained him inside and out. Remus's throat burned with the urge to shout it, to fling the truth at Sirius and watch his face crumple—or worse, harden with disgust. But he couldn't. Not yet. So he stayed silent, the weight of his unsaid words pressing down until he thought he might break.
The days pass, and Sirius grows more suspicious each day. Remus catches him looking at him at all times. He has also caught Ben looking at him from across the Great Hall multiple times. It seems their days patrolling aren't enough for him. One day after herbology, I felt a hand grab my wrist while walking out. I frantically looked to see who it was; it was Ben. He dragged me inside the old herbology shed. "Ben, I have potions in 10 minutes!" I said worried. If I was late, I would need to find an excuse; Sirius wouldn't believe it, and he would probably try to investigate. What if he had the map on him? They would know that I'm gay. They wouldn't know what he does, but I think Sirius would figure it out. After he saw the bruise, there's no doubt. Which means if they have the map right now, they will find out. If they don't have it, I'm safe. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, lying to everyone and having to do things I don't want to. I don't even want to be with Ben anymore. I'm just scared to leave. "Just get it over with quickly, please," Remus begged. Ben smirked; he put his hand on Remus's shoulder and pushed him down to his knees. "Let's see how quickly you can make me cum, then I'll let you go." Remus looked up at Ben. He didn't want to do this, not ever. Ben took out his length and forcefully shoved it into Remus's mouth until it hit the back of his throat, making Remus gag.
Remus stumbled into potions late, his throat burning. He sat down next to Lily. "Mr Lupin, I assume you had better things to be doing than coming to class on time," Slughorn spoke. Remus looked down at his desk, feeling embarrassed; the class had directed their attention to him, and he could almost feel Sirius's eyes staring at him. "I er-" His voice came out hoarse. "Hospital wing wasn't feeling too great." Remus used it as an excuse. Being a werewolf at times was the worst thing in the world, but at least he could use it as an excuse. The class went by slowly. The fumes of the potions make him nauseous. He kept noticing Lily giving him worried glances. He refused to look back at Sirius; he knew he would be questioned later for being late. Remus never was late, at least never on purpose.
After class, Remus hurried away; he could sense someone following him, but he didn't care to look back. Remus walked quickly along the halls, coming to a halt in a secluded area where he could rest. Just as he sat down, he saw someone coming around the corner. Oh, how he wished it was Sirius. No, it was Ben. Remus tried to pretend he didn't notice him, but it was no use. "Were you late to potions, hmm?" Ben asks. Remus refuses to look up, his throat still hurting from earlier. "Fuck off" is all Remus says. "Oh, so we're brave now?" Ben says tauntingly. Remus hides his face in his hands; he hates this. He hates everything. "Lupin, don't be a baby about it. Just because you think you don't want to be fucked, I know you do. You're just an attention whore; be honest." Remus refuses to look at Ben. He feels bile rising in his throat. Before he can reply, he feels Ben pull him to his feet, push him to the wall, and forcibly kiss him. Remus cries out and tries to push him away. Remus looks to the side, tears welling up in his eyes, as Ben, against him, sucks at his neck. He sees shadows on the other side of the wall and goes rigid. Before he can react, James, Peter, and Sirius round the wall map in hand. Remus makes direct eye contact with Sirius, the tears evident in Remus's eyes. Ben doesn't even notice before he is blasted off Remus and hexed with about 8 different hexes. Peter comes towards Remus while James and Sirius continue to hex Ben. Peter slowly reaches out, grabbing his hand carefully not to startle Remus. Peter takes him to where James and Sirius are standing. Sirius grabs the hand Peter is holding; James looks at him, worry evident in his eyes. Nobody says a word, and they walk to the Gryffindor dorms.
James tried to make him tell McGonagall or Dumbledore, but Remus refused; he doesn't want to cause more of a problem or be viewed as a whore. Sirius hadn't said a word to him, but he stared at him, his eyes full of tears. It was obvious Sirius felt guilty for not noticing before. Peter had just stood there, not sure what to do but siding with James. Eventually, after Remus begged to be left alone, they left. Now he lay in his bed, curtains drawn with a silencing spell on. His face is against his pillow, muffling him as he cries. He hears a small voice to his right from behind the curtain. He sits up and peeks behind his curtain; Sirius is standing there, his cheeks tear-stained. He's gorgeous even after crying. "Hey, Moons, could I come in?" Sirius asks softly. Remus wipes his eyes, looking back at him. He wants to, but he doesn't know if it will remind him of Ben or if he will get nightmares and wake Sirius. Sirius seems to sense his hesitation and says, "We don't have to sleep; I know just talking helps." Remus contemplates for a second before nodding and letting Sirius come in. Sirius sits beside him on the bed and closes the curtain for him. It was silent for a moment before Sirius spoke up, "I'm sorry I didn't notice, Moons; I should have." Guilt was evident in his voice, and he looked like he was about to start crying. Remus wanted to be mad at him so badly; with every bone in his body, he wanted to yell at him and hit him until he couldn't anymore, but he couldn't. He couldn't be mad at Sirius. "It's okay," was all Remus was able to say without bursting into tears. "I love you, Moons; we all do, and we're here for you," Sirius said, opening his arms invitingly. Tears burnt in Remus's throat; how he wanted that I love you to be more. He nodded and slowly leaned into Sirius's embrace. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus, and it didn't feel like Ben at all. It was safe; his Sirius was safe.
Remus woke up in a tangle of limbs; at first he panicked until he saw Sirius. His cheeks had a slight hint of pink on them. His locks of hair tangled a few wavy strands in his face. His mouth slightly opened, and his warm breath was against Remus's neck. He was perfect. Remus lay there as long as he could until he saw the sun poking through the curtains; breakfast would be soon. He tried to get up without waking Sirius, but it was no use. Sirius slowly opened his eyes and sat up. "G'morning," he said, his voice still laced with sleep. Remus opened the bed curtains and stood up, walking to the bathroom to get ready. James was polishing his broom for the hundredth time, and Peter looked like he was studying, but that was highly unlikely.
They all walked down to the great hall together. Peter gave Remus a chocolate frog; James was just trying to keep the conversation going. It was all weird. They knew Remus was gay, and they hadn't said they were grossed out. They knew what Ben was doing to him, and they didn't call him weak. It all felt weird to him. Why do they still want to be his friend? They sat down, and Remus sat in between Lily and Sirius. James and Peter were on the other side of them. Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas were all talking to Lily. It was weird how everything felt so normal. Everything was supposed to feel off. James tried to involve Remus in their conversation, but Remus ignored it. He didn't know how to act; he just kept pretending everything was fine when every thought he had was worried about how they didn't like him anymore or Ben doing something to him again. He couldn't deal with it. He wanted to yell at them for not saying anything or for not ignoring him. He couldn't deal with this in between. Just then he saw Ben walking towards the table. He froze. Lily seemed to notice this, and she asked if he was okay. After she said something, the rest of the marauders seemed to notice. "Fuck," Sirius said under his breath. "Why is he walking over here?" Peter asked, venom laced in his voice. James was glowering towards Ben. Ben was then standing behind Remus. Sirius, Peter, and James all stood up. James had his wand already drawn, and Sirius had his hand on his wand. "Hey, Remus. I just wanted to know if you were planning on spreading your leg." Ben was cut off. Hexes and jinxes came flying out of James, Sirius, and surprisingly, Lily's wand as well, even though she was a prefect. Ben was lying on the ground; Remus didn't have time to process much before he was dragged out by Sirius. They were standing outside of the great hall. "Remus?" He didn't respond. "Remus," someone said a bit louder. Remus looked up; it was James. "Sorry," he said, ashamed. "No, don't be sorry; Ben's a dick," James said reassuringly. Sirius and Peter agreed. "Do you guys still like me with everything that you have found out?" Remus asked quietly. "What!? Of course we do; you're a marauder." Sirius said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We wouldn't care if you betrayed us for someone else. You're one of us. Isn't that right, Peter?" James said, smiling. "Yeah, we know you would never betray us anyway," Peter replied. First Sirius hugged Remus, then James joined, then Peter joined. "Thank
you," Remus said, tears in his eyes.