toujours pur

They didn't speak of it.

A full two days had passed since that morning. James understood that Remus, burdened by his own affliction, had other things on his mind. But the knowledge that Remus had seen him lead Regulus to Pomfrey gnawed at him, setting his nerves on edge.

Moreover, he didn't want Sirius to know.

That summer, after Sirius had fled his ancestral home to the Potters', James had heard enough. Walburga Black was consumed by the idea of blood purity. Obviously, this was monstrous from a moral standpoint, but beyond the social perception, there was Sirius' perception.

He was expected to marry, without his opinion being so much as considered. And Sirius would bet his entire record collection that his bride would be some relative – distant or close, as fate would have it.

Regulus, on the other hand, echoed his mother in all things, and this infuriated Sirius beyond measure. It wouldn't have stung so much if Regulus actually believed in it all – then he could have cut ties forever and forgotten they were ever brothers. But it wasn't like that. When he and Sirius were alone, Sirius would try to knock some sense into him, and just when it seemed to be working, the Fear of Mother would kick in. Like a virus, it paralyzed him, forcing him to act against his will, all for the illusion of security.

The day Sirius decided to run, he and Regulus had a terrible row.

The fact was, if the Blacks disowned Sirius, then Regulus would be next in line to give them precious bureblood heirs, and he didn't want that. Regulus begged Sirius not to leave. Sirius told Regulus to fuck off, and they fought. And while Sirius was trying to gather a few belongings, Regulus ratted him out to their mother.

Sirius said she resembled a banshee when she burst into his room: all green skin, hair standing on end, screeching until his ears rang.

Naturally, he didn’t manage to take much.

And now, after Sirius had endured something like that, and one could understand why he behaved the way he did toward Regulus... Now James goes and helps him? Befriends him?.

James was afraid Moony would tell Sirius.

Also, James feared what would become of Regulus when the winter holidays finally arrived.

Merlin, how he longed for sleep.

***

"Moony, are you coming?" Peter was stuck in the doorway.

James, tying his laces, kept his ears open.

"Yeah, almost. Just need to finish this paragraph. Don't wait, I'll catch up," he scratched his forehead with his quill, then thoughtfully dipped its tip into the ink.

"Prongs?" Peter called.

"I'm with Moony," he said, and Peter shrugged and disappeared through the door. 

For a couple of minutes, only the scratching of the quill on parchment could be heard. Then, without looking up from his essay, Moony asked, "Did you want to discuss something?"

James focused all his attention on a thread of yarn that had come loose from the fabric of his red sweater.

"I do." He could feel the blood rushing to his face.

"I assume it's something to do with our meeting in the Hospital Wing," Remus said calmly, as if stating a fact.

"Yeah," James sighed, adjusting his glasses.

"And you wanted to ask me not to tell Sirius about it," Lupin concluded, waving his hand. "Don't worry, I haven't and I won't."

"Why?"

"Prongs, I'm not an idiot, and I don't want to be an accessory to murder."

"Fair enough," James nodded. "Aren't you curious yourself, though?"

"Actually, I am." Remus put down his quill and rolled the parchment into a scroll. Then he turned to James, leaning against the desk. "What the hell were you doing there with Regulus Black? It wasn't you who roughed him up so badly he couldn't make it to Pomfrey on his own, was it?"

"No." James shook his head grimly. "I was just coming from the kitchens, because Sirius wanted shepherd's pie, and then I heard someone in the corridor. Saw a bunch of Slytherins kicking his arse."

"Bastards," Remus said, rubbing his stiff shoulders. "Beating up their own."

"They didn't just beat him up, Rem, they threatened him. I think they're trying to force him to take the Mark. You've heard the rumours about Rosier, haven't you?"

"Rosier? Evan Rosier?"

"Uh-huh."

"Let's say I have, but what's it to you? It's Regulus' problem."

"I saw him resisting," James said, meeting Moony's eyes, which had widened with understanding.

"But then you have to tell Sirius," he frowned.

"No," James shook his head. "You didn't see him that day. He can't be told. Not now, at least."

Remus sighed heavily, rising from his chair and heading for the door.

"I'll tell him at the Winter Holidays." James joined Remus, and they both left the dormitory.

"And why then specifically?"

"Well," he narrowed his eyes slyly, "because you'll be coming to stay with us, and you can sing him a lullaby when you sneak into his bed again."

Remus stopped dead and flushed crimson. Then he clicked his tongue and asked quietly, "How long have you known?"

"How long have you two been at it?" James countered. Moony's expression amused him like nothing else.

"We're not doing any 'it'," Remus said, looking away awkwardly. "I just... sleep better that way. Especially when my bones ache."

"So you're not..."

"No," Remus interrupted. "It's complicated. It's just friendly sleeping in the same bed." His face contorted into an impossibly sour expression on the word "friendly."

"Then what's so complicated?" James adjusted his glasses, perplexed.

"Nothing. How about I forget about Regulus, and you forget everything I've said."

"Moony."

"What..."

"Moony," James repeated warningly.

"What is it?"

"I could ask Sirius, see if maybe..."

"Forget about it," Remus said sharply. "Don't even think about it."

"But—"

"Conversation over," he cut him off.

***

In those two days, James had only ventured into the library once, and even then, for only a few minutes, not trying to see (or trying not to see?) Regulus.

Regardless, they caught each other's eyes during meals in the Great Hall, and James wouldn't look away.

On Friday, McGonagall announced that Hogsmeade weekend was next week.

Hearing the girls chattering about who would buy whom Christmas gifts, James himself began to ponder what he would give his loved ones. And along with that, he was considering the possibility of staying at the castle that day.

Wormtail was the most excited: he had invited some girl from Hufflepuff on a date. And she had even said yes. Sirius teased him about it. They were harmless jokes, but Wormtail still looked a little hurt. Moony ruffled his hair in a friendly way and smiled, looking into his face, and for some reason, it worked, and Wormtail stopped sulking.

"What about you, Jamie?" Sirius asked, looking at him intently.

"Me?"

James realized he had missed part of the conversation.

"Are you coming with us?" Black clarified. "We need to stop by Scrivenshaft's; Moony's running out of ink. And then, Zonko."

"I don't know," James said distractedly, staring ahead.

"Are you finally going to ask out Lily? I thought you two weren't speaking..." Wormtail remarked.

"What does Lily have to do with it?"

"Well, is there anyone besides her?" Sirius frowned, trying to remember who his friend had mentioned lately.

Remus's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Leave him alone." He tugged at Sirius's sleeve.

"Is she at least a Gryffindor?" Peter persisted.

"Get off my back, Wormtail, you're a pain in the arse," James snapped. "I'm going to the library, okay?"

"Prongs," Sirius began smoothly, "has Moony bitten you, by any chance? Why are you holed up in that library like an owl?"

"I'm not holed up. I'm studying for my NEWTs," he muttered, and Merlin knew how much he wanted to ask Sirius if Moony had bitten him. But he held back.

"Mmm, I see," Sirius drawled, tossing his shiny black hair in a way that strangely resembled Regulus. "Well, if you change your mind, let me know. There's still a week left."

No way, James thought.

Now that he knew that, as things stood, Sirius and Remus would be going to Hogsmeade together, he definitely wouldn't be joining them, even if he did decide to go to Hogsmeade.

***

James didn't change his mind.

On Hogsmeade day, the castle was practically deserted. McGonagall gave him a strange look, but said nothing. Moony looked slightly happier than usual, and James gave him a knowing smile, to which he innocently tilted his head to the side.

At first, he wanted to go fly on the pitch, but in the end, he decided that today was not a day for flying in the cold, and abandoned the idea.

Out of boredom, he flipped through his Transfiguration essay, tidied his trunk and his bed, then went down to the dungeons, to the statue of the witch with the willow branch.

And as soon as he approached, he ran into Regulus.

"So this old hag has gotten to you, Potter," he sighed. "What in Circe are you doing here again?"

"Can't seem to remember her name," James muttered thoughtfully.

"Why are you here?" Black shook his head.

"What about you?"

"Well, you're the one in the dungeons, not me in Gryffindor Tower."

"I mean, in the castle," James corrected, adjusting his glasses. "Everyone's in Hogsmeade."

"I have things to do," Regulus replied, turning up his nose. "Normal people have many activities besides setting off Dungbombs and circling statues of old women."

"Is getting into trouble on your list of important things?" James smiled.

"I'd say I just accomplished that one," Regulus nodded, trying to hide a smile.

"Perhaps," James agreed. "You wouldn't happen to be going for a walk, would you?"

"I told you, I have things to do. I don't have time for walks."

Something was definitely fishy.

"We could walk around the castle, if you don't want to go to Hogsmeade," James suggested.

Regulus gave him a wounded look and muttered: "I don't have a permission slip anyway."

There it was.

James casually shoved his hands into his robe pockets. Stepping forward, he leaned close to Regulus's ear.

"What if I get you into Hogsmeade?" he whispered, immediately pulling back to observe Regulus's expression.

He looked bewildered.

"And what do you want in return?"

"Well... you'll tell me what that gang wants from you," James offered, shrugging.

Regulus hesitated for three seconds, and then said:

"Fine. Lead the way."