"My love feeds on your love, beloved
And as long as you live it will be
In your arms
Without leaving mine..." If you forget me by Pablo Neruda
YN walked into her old room and pulled the bed aside. The floorboards creaked, the memory of what was hidden came back to her and she felt a sense of urgency. Using her nails, YN dug into the board she loosened decades ago. First to hide candy, then cigarette, then condoms and her fan fiction.
Biting her lips, she pulled the board out .
“Here you are “she said to no one as she pulled her old notebook out of the hole.
How much time passed ? Ten, twelve years since she last thought of it, but recently she was feeling compelled to save her fanfiction from her parents house. When they left for a holiday and asked her if she could stay in her childhood home and care for the cat she enthusiastically agree.
With her notebook in hand , YN made her way down into the living room. She put on a show on Netflix, more for the ambiance than anything else.
After feeding the old orange cat, YN cuddled on the sofa, next to her a bag of chips , in front of her on the low table , a glass and a good bottle of red wine.
“Girl dinner “ she told Weasley
She named the cat after the Weasley family out of obvious reason,but even after all those years it made her chuckle.
YN clicked on her phone. She should stop online stalking her ex husband, but somehow she still felt compelled to see what he was up to. Life was difficult now that the boy she loved since she was 16 was gone. His absence left her with a emptiness she could not fill.
They technically grew up together, but once he became a successful lawyer ,he decided that YN wasn’t good enough for him anymore.
She washed the bitter taste down with wine.
She always put him first, her husband dreams,his needs, his wants…and so ,she ended up the loser in a race she had no idea that she entered.
YN refused to cry on this evening, instead, she cracked her notebook open. Rows and rows of her neat handwriting greeted her from yellow tear-stained pages.
Was she sad when she wrote it?
She lost those memories somehow.
She had forgotten how much she loved to write and with each page she read she found another page of her soul again.
Netflix stopped ,but she kept reading. The prose wasn’t perfect, now and then the story needed to be reworked, but the emotions that it evoked were real and burning inside her chest.
“I had no idea”she whispered as Weasley, typical cat decided to cuddle up to her, purring.
One more glass of wine turned into two and Y recalled pulling the quilt closer to her chest as she fell asleep.
YN woke startled, her knees hurt as they crashed against hard stone floor.
Her eyes opened and she looked around
What ?
She wasn’t able to say anything, her heart was racing inside her chest. She turned around, looking at the room.
Stone walls, stone floor, a fireplace with a hungry flame trapped inside, devouring the last remnants of a log. The smell was different from what she was used to, the air was filled with the smell of herbs and oils.
And the sound of someone breathing.
YN turned around slowly, trying and failing to wake up. This must be a dream. She read about those dreams that are so vivid that you feel as if you stepped into some sort of virtual reality shit.
A sofa stood there, and on the sofa ..no, that was freaking impossible she pressed her hand on her mouth to suppress the shriek that was about to escape her.
No freaking way. Tall, with long dark hair, his signature hook nose and those beautiful lips, it was him. Her body reacted to the proximity of her dream man.
Severus Snap lay on the couch, his black robe touching the floor, his face so peaceful as he slept , with a large book open on his chest.
YN knew that she was dreaming. She didn’t care what made her have such a vivid dreams, but she just thanked her father for the good wine he left in the kitchen. Her hands shook and she pressed them closer to her pants trying to calm down , this was a good dream.
She couldn’t stop herself from taking a few steps closer. The man was more impressive than she imagined him, he was tall , with beautiful hands and those long elegant fingers, but most of all , the serene expression of his face attracted her like a moth to the flame.
Before she knew it, YN touched his forehead.
Why ?
YN should wake up now, she thought, but his skin felt warm and soft under her fingertips, and she was touching that worry crease between his brows.
His long dark hair spilled on his shoulder and his whimpers danced on his high cheekbones. YN stood there, unable to breathe properly.
It’s a dream,just a dream, she repeated it like a mantra.
During her teens she had been terribly in love with this beautiful, misunderstood fictional character and now her alcohol soaked brain decided to give her a nice dream. After all, she deserved it.
Oh, fuck it. She kneeled on the stone floor , next to his face. Could she do it, would she dare kiss him ?
It’s my dream, YN reassured herself, and I’m all sorts of creepy, she whispered with a light giggle that was lodged somewhere in her throat.
Her fingers moved from his forehead to her lips, and then just as she wanted to kiss him hand moved impossible fast and trapped her wrist.
YN released a soft yelp as two of the darkest eyes she had ever seen made her freeze on the spot.
He blinked a few times, then his gaze softened and he held on to her fingers as if he tried to convince himself that she was real.
Moving her hand to his lips, he pressed a soft kiss on her knuckles before standing up.
YN was tempted to take a step back, but Severus still held her hand trapped in his. He loomed over her, like a dark shadow. His hair falling cascades down to the mid of his back and down around his shoulders.
Was he saying something? She tried and failed to focus.
The rush of her own blood made YN unable to hear anything else.
“This is a dream “She finally managed to say as their eyes met.
“You came back to me “Severus whispered, his voice velvety sweet, filled with longing and pain.
YN felt her head spin, and the world around her became dark.