I want to hurt myself. This feeling is too overwhelming. Please make it stop.
Thoughts that ran through her head as she ventured in the dead of night through Star Tower to her room. The Avengers just had a successful mission, so they would say.
Not to Suisei.
It was a task as simple as any other day. The city was under attack, and they went to protect the people. Tanks ran through the streets. Helicopters bombarded the buildings. The explosions were nothing but background noise. But…
She slammed the door to her room open and quickly dashed towards the bathroom. The lights that turned on automatically for her blinded her sight for a brief moment before she kneeled down to open the cabinets.
Their strongest foes were there. That Abomination thing, had been giving the team some trouble. Kanata was preoccupied and civilians were being put in danger by the minute. She had to make the call to leave the monster to herself and…
She scattered the clutter, throwing it hastily on the ground before diving in to grab a sharp knife. She stood back up to look herself in the mirror.
Towa. She thought the suit could protect her. Goddammit she thought it was enough. She thought she had taken every precaution. She enforced it with the strongest materials she had. She armed with enough weaponry to level a small army. And yet…
Her starry blue eyes looked dull. Her hair unkempt from tonight. She also realized during this brief moment of respite the dull ache that had begun to grow in her chest. It hurt, but she didn’t care. Her sense were nulled. All that mattered was the sensation of metal scraping against her skin-
They had tried to lead him away. Towa took the initiative. But Suisei was sloppy. One mistake and…
It hurt. It hurt so much. She only barely stifled a scream. She only managed to hold on for a couple of seconds before having to stop. Yet, it felt so freeing. The blood dripping down from the knife rhythmically onto the floor, staining it red. The warmth of her own blood on her skin from the cut. This was what she deserved.
She failed her parents.
She failed her sister.
She failed her friends.
She failed herself.
She failed Towa. In one fell swoop she was hit by a backhand by that things frantic swinging and was launched directly into a pile of rubble. She screamed her name. That wasn’t enough to kill her, right? Right…?
She put her thrusters to max and flew over to check on her, ignoring the behemoth she was letting loose on the city. Her feet hit the ground. She disengaged from her own suit. She walked up to the still body of Towa. The eyes of the suit unlit.
Towa…?
Towa…
Towa…!
She screamed her name. The suit remained still. Her heart had lost hope. Tears grew in her eyes without notice and her wails became deafened by the chaos around her. She had lost another one. Why. Why her. Hadn’t she had enough?
No.
It was never enough.
She realized that now.
She deserved nothing.
It was her fault for bringing her into this. For trying to better herself. For trying to hide from who she was. A narcissistic billionaire piece of shit that knew not even basic sympathy. She didn’t belong with other people.
She heard loud stomps behind her. Probably that thing. That Abomination. She could hear its movements. Probably was going to kill her.
Let it.
She rested her head against the still corpse of who she once called her only friend, eyes closed and waiting for death. She reminisced about her life, only to find nothing but pain, ego, pride…
Curse this faux heart of hers.
…
But that death never came.
“Suisei! Are you in there?”
Her ears were disturbed by the sound of a loud mini gun, the noise of bullets tearing through flesh alerting her. She looked back up. The eyes of the suit flickered with light, the mini gun on its shoulder slowing down with smoke coming from its end. She dared not look back at whatever the thing was aimed at.
“Suisei! Come out!”
Towa…
“SUISEI! IF YOU DON’T OPEN THE DOOR I’M COMING IN!”
The suit’s mask lifted itself to show the weak expression of Towa. Her eyes barely hung open, her emerald green eyes losing light. She turned to Suisei. She hugged her.
The door was bust down. Susie was startled, turning to face her intruder. She was greeted by purple hair tied into twin tails and widened green eyes. Alive green eyes full of light. She looked terrified. Wait-
“Suisei… why do you have…”
No. That’s not what she should look like. She should…
“T-Towa… I can explain.”
Suisei began to take steps back.
“What did you do…”
Towa’s eyes drifted to the large wound on Suisei’s arm.
“Listen, I…”
Suisei’s back hit a wall. She was cornered.
Towa’s eyes began to scan the mess on the floor, her gaze landing on a first aid kit. She nabbed it and began to walk over to Suisei. Her expression no longer held terror. Instead, a cold determination.
“T-Towa…! I’m f-fine…”
“You’re crying.”
What? No, I’m not. This is what I deserve. I don’t deserve to be able to cry. I…
Why does my face feel wet…? This isn’t right… I shouldn’t be…
Stop. No, I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve kindness. Stop helping me. Please. No.
Suisei’s legs had given out, and she almost fell onto the floor. Towa catched her before impact, however, and sat her down against the wall, away from the corner. She put her hand over Suisei’s and gently unclenched her fingers around the knife, taking it away and setting it on the bathroom counter. She then began to apply the first aid. All the while, endless streams of tears ran down Suisei’s face.
“Why…”
The choky, practically wheezing voice of Suisei as she tried to say words caused Towa to look up from her work.
“Why are you helping me…”
Towa focused her gaze back on Suisei’s arm.
“Answer me…”
The bandage was wrapped around her arm.
“Answer me…!”
Towa put her hands around the staunched wound comfortingly.
“ANSWER ME…!-“
“Because I care about you.”
…
Hehe… what? That’s a funny joke. Towa always was one for humor. Who would care about me? I’m nothing but an asshole.
“Suisei…?”
Oh. I’m actually laughing.
It was weak. Faint. Sounded like she was choking, almost. She wished she was. She held her faux heart. The metal reactor in her chest.
“Consider your contract fulfilled.”
“What?”
Towa’s voice turned into one of hurt and shock.
“You can leave. Anytime you want. You no longer need to work for me.”
“Are you… trying to push me away?”
No. No. No that’s not what I’m trying to do. Why can’t you see it?
Suisei was silent.
…
Towa hugged her. Suisei’s teary eyes widened.
“I’m not going to leave you.”
Why. Why. Why.
“Why…?”
“Because I care about you.”
“Why…”
“You’re my friend.”
“Why…”
“I love you.”
…
“Towa…?”
“You’re the only friend I’ve had my entire life. I’m not going to let you go. And I won’t let you let go of yourself either.”
“Wha…”
“You’re a good person, Suisei.”
“No…”
“You formed the Avengers. You cared for them. You provided for them. You took me and Kanata in. You cared for us. You bridged the gap between us and the rest.”
“…”
“You constantly fight for what is right.”
“…”
“Thank you.”
…
Suisei hugged Towa. Tightly.
…
“You’re so unfair…”
Towa began to rub circles on Suisei’s back. The cold metal of a reactor didn’t deter her.
“YOU’RE SO UNFAIR…!”
…
Suisei eventually passed out. Towa noticed and moved her to her bed. Her head resting against the pillow, blankets over her body. The thing Towa noticed as she sat in a chair next to the bed though, was that Suisei’s sleeping face looked so peaceful. Stained by tears, but resting. She deserved it, Towa thought. She deserved so much more.
She smiled.
“Goodnight, Sui-Chan.”