The silence was so loud. It’s louder than usual. She sat on the cold floor, her back against the wall. She felt like shivering but all she could feel right now was impatience. Impatient for Coralie to wake up, for the girl to tell her that she’s fine. She wants to see her teammate, her partner… no, her friend once again.
She wished that she had listened and not went after that man. She should have thought more about Coralie, how could she be so selfish to the point she had lost her friend!? She rested her head on her knees as she felt desperate to have her partner by her side again, to be there with her and to fight together with her. She wanted to cry but her eyes felt tired as if they’re going to shut anytime but she didn’t want to miss the moment her partner would wake up.
”What if she’d never wake up?” That thought made her terrified. She didn’t want that to happen at all. She didn’t want to think at all at this point, her every thought scared her and made her heart want to jump out and run away in a negative way. She gritted her teeth as her nails dug into her knees. It felt painful but she didn’t want to think of those thoughts at all.
“She sacrificed herself to save you.”
“You should have stayed in your place”
“It’d be better if you never become a valkyrie at all!”
“You should’ve given up, you clearly carry bad lucks”
“Useless”
“Useless”
“Useless”
“Am I really useless?” She thought as she stared at the floor, feeling like she’s empty inside. It felt like something was clawed out of her heart, leaving it empty. It felt so wrong… What made it worse was the one who told her about Coralie’s state was the person who she looked up to and admired the most.
“I hate her.” Helia mumbled as she still had her head on her knees, her hand wrapped around her legs. She wanted to be like her. In the end, it all ended up so wrong.
If she had just perhaps been herself and not tried to be like Durandal, maybe Coralie would still be here. She knows, she really does know that the older woman’s not in the wrong but something deep inside her just hates her so much. She didn’t want to hate her but oh god, she just wants her friend back by her side, to tell her that she’s okay and that she’s alive.
She tried to take a deep shaky breath but ended up coughing instead. She could now feel the tears escaping as they wet her cheeks and dripped onto her arms. She wants her friend back, she needs to keep going. She’s either going to do things Coralie wants her to do, avenge her or bring her back.