You're an Idiot, I Love You
James
James cannot believe how great life is at the moment.
Sure, NEWTs are creeping closer and he’s done approximately none of the studying he probably should be doing. And yeah, he still has no idea what he wants to do after Hogwarts—which, okay, might be mildly terrifying. But everything else? It’s a bloody dream.
He’s dating Regulus Black.
Regulus Black.
Lovely, brilliant, sharp-tongued Regulus who he actually did write poems about. (Bad ones. Slightly desperate ones. Sirius found them last week, laughed so hard he nearly passed out. And apparently his parents found them too.)
But James isn’t embarrassed. Not even a little. Because Regulus makes him weak in the knees and proud in the chest and more himself than he’s ever felt.
Also—they’ve started sleeping together. Not just sleeping (though they do plenty of that too, tangled in warm blankets and each other), but…yeah. That too. And it’s good. Better than good.
Regulus practically lives in his room now. His things are in James’s drawers, his books stacked on James’s desk, his toothbrush next to James’s in the bathroom. It’s normal, it’s domestic, it’s perfect.
And the best part? It’s not a secret. Everyone knows. No hiding. No pretending.
Right now, it’s just the two of them, walking through the village hand in hand to pick up breakfast for everyone. The morning air is crisp, their fingers laced together, and James can’t stop smiling. They’re talking about nothing and everything—books, food, how Sirius spilled tea all over the Daily Prophet and blamed it on the cat.
James is in love. Stupidly, giddily, helplessly in love. He still can’t believe that Regulus said it first.
The bell over the bakery door jingles as they step inside.
A girl James doesn’t recognize is standing behind the counter. Brunette, about their age. She’s new—probably a part-time holiday worker or doing some kind of internship. She brightens when she sees them.
“Hello there,” she says with a grin. “What can I get for ya?”
She’s got dimples and a friendly voice, and James smiles right back, unthinking.
“Morning! We need five croissants and some cupcakes for later,” he says, stepping up to the counter.
He pauses to scan the selection. “What kind of cupcakes would you recommend?”
The girl leans on the counter a little, grinning like they’re sharing a secret. “Well... personally I like ’em sweet,” she says, and actually winks at him. “So I’d either take the chocolate ones or... the strawberry ones, probably.”
James laughs, a little charmed—not because he’s actually interested, but because she’s being nice and he’s always had a soft spot for flirty banter. “Sweet, huh? You’re trying to tempt me.”
“Is it working?” she teases.
James flashes her a grin without even thinking. “Dangerously.”
He feels Regulus shift beside him so he looks over to him, but his face is unreadable.
James turns back to the girl. “Alright, then. I’ll take three chocolate and two strawberry. We’ll trust your expert opinion.”
She bags them up, still smiling, and James thanks her, pays, and nudges Regulus gently on the way out.
“See? Quick and painless. Told you bakery missions are elite.”
Regulus hums in response. A quiet, noncommittal sound.
James frowns a little, but lets it go.
They walk back mostly in silence. Regulus doesn’t reach for his hand again. He tries not to be too disappointed by that. He knows that sometimes Regulus needs his own space. They’ll cuddle again later.
---
They do not cuddle again later.
Breakfast is good—They have the croissants and other delicious things—but Regulus barely talks to him. Barely looks at him, even. He answers questions when asked, but it’s all clipped and quiet and distant in a way that makes James's skin crawl with unease.
After breakfast, Sirius asks if they want to play a quick game of backyard Quidditch before lunch. James says yes immediately, but Regulus just shakes his head.
“I’ve got some homework to finish,” he says. “You two go ahead.”
James doesn’t think much of it at first. Regulus is kind of a freak about studying.
But then comes lunch. And Regulus is still closed off. Still quiet. Still not looking at him.
Then the cupcakes—they sit on the back porch, enjoying the sun. James eats his chocolate one and nudges Regulus’s knee, trying to get a smile. Nothing.
He suggests watching a movie together after. Something cozy, something just them.
Regulus agrees. But during the film, there’s no hand holding. No thigh pressed against his. No casual touches. No cheek kisses. No snarky comments whispered against his jaw. Just silence and stillness and a wall James can’t get past.
Halfway through, he asks gently, “Are you feeling alright?”
Regulus just nods. “Yeah. Just tired.”
Then he gets up and leaves before the credits even roll.
---
James feels sick.
Because this morning, everything was perfect. Regulus held his hand. Laughed at his jokes. Called him Jamie under his breath when he thought no one was listening. So when did everything go wrong? What did he miss?
Dinner is tense. Regulus still doesn’t really speak to him.
Sirius notices—James can tell by the way he keeps shooting them worried glances, like he’s bracing himself for something to explode. Effie and Monty, bless them, act like everything’s normal. James is grateful for it. It lets him pretend for a little longer.
But he can’t take much more of this pretending.
---
When dinner is over and the three of them head upstairs, James finally does it.
He pulls Regulus gently aside at the top of the staircase, out of Sirius’s earshot.
“Reg?” he starts, voice low. Careful. “You’ve been acting... weird all day. Like I did something wrong.”
He bites his lip, heart pounding. “Are you okay? Did I do something?”
Regulus’s eyes flick up to meet his. Just for a second.
Then he looks away. Shrugs. “No. You didn’t do anything.”
James frowns. “Then what’s going on?”
“I’m just tired,” Regulus says, tone neutral. Too neutral. “Can we not do this right now?”
“Reg…”
“I said it’s fine. Just leave it, James.”
That hurts more than James wants it to.
Regulus is already turning, already walking away—toward his own room.
“Wait—are you not coming to bed?”
Regulus pauses with his hand on the doorframe. He doesn’t turn around.
“Not tonight,” he says.
Then the door clicks shut.
James stands there for a long moment, frozen. His chest feels hollow, like someone scooped the air out of him.
He doesn’t know what just happened.
And worse—he doesn’t know how to fix it because he has absolutely no clue where it went wrong.
---
James wakes up alone.
The room feels colder without Regulus in it—even though the windows are shut, even though the blankets are still tangled around him. The dent in the mattress where Regulus usually sleeps is untouched. His jumper is still draped over the chair, his book still on the nightstand. But he’s not here.
And that hurts more than James expected it to.
He gets up slowly, like the air’s heavier than usual. He doesn't eat breakfast—just pokes at a piece of toast and tries not to let Sirius notice he’s quietly unraveling.
But Sirius always notices.
“You two have a fight?” he asks casually, later, as they pass each other on the stairs.
James shrugs. “Not really. I don’t know. Maybe.”
“You don’t know?”
“He won’t talk to me.”
Sirius gives him a look that says, that sounds like Regulus, then claps a hand on James’s shoulder and mutters, “You’ll figure it out. You’re disgustingly in love with each other.”
James tries to believe that.
---
Regulus ignores him at lunch and James is angry. Really angry now, because Regulus won’t talk to him. Won’t tell him what he did wrong. Won’t even look him in the eyes. And James—he’s tried. He’s thought about it again and again, turning over every second of the last day, and he just can’t figure out where he fucked up.
Regulus said he knows how to ask for what he needs now. So why won’t he? Why is he shutting James out instead?
So, yeah—James is angry now. Angry and hurt and confused. And he’s done playing this game.
He finds Regulus under the tree in the garden. A book in his hands. Same guarded posture. But James doesn’t sit down next to him.
He stops in front of him and says, not unkindly but sharp around the edges, “Alright. No more dodging. What the fuck is going on?”
Regulus looks up slowly. “James—”
“No.” James cuts in, jaw tight. “Don’t do that. Don’t give me some half-answer and then disappear again. You’ve been weird since yesterday. You won’t look at me, you won’t touch me, you didn’t sleep in my bed—Regulus, I’ve been losing my mind and you won’t even tell me why.”
Regulus’s mouth tightens. “I told you. I was tired.”
“Oh, bullshit.” James throws his hands up. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
Regulus stands, shoving his book into the grass. “No. I think you’re dense.”
James stares. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means maybe if you actually paid attention, you’d know what you did!”
“I have been paying attention!” James yells. “That’s the problem! I can’t stop thinking about what I did! But you won’t say it! You’re punishing me for something I don’t even understand! What the fuck did I do?”
“You fucking flirted with that dimple girl at the bakery!” Regulus explodes. “It was fucking humiliating, because I was standing right there, James, and you were smiling at her like—like you weren’t with me. Like I didn’t even matter.”
James reels back like he’s been slapped. That’s what this is about?
“I wasn’t flirting.”
“She winked at you and you asked her opinion and you just—lit up,” Regulus says, voice cracking. “Like she made you feel good. And I just stood there like an idiot. Like I wasn’t even part of the conversation.”
“I didn’t mean to—”
“That doesn’t change how it felt!”
They’re nose to nose now, chests heaving. Anger and something deeper buzzing in the air like a storm about to break. James’s hands are clenched, but Regulus—Regulus looks wrecked. His eyes are sharp, but behind them is something fractured. Something small.
“You smiled at her like—” Regulus’s voice drops, raw. “Like you smile at me.”
James goes very, very still. His anger dies in an instant. “I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
There’s a flush on his cheeks now—not anger. Not entirely. Something more fragile. Embarrassed. Ashamed.
And suddenly James gets it. Why Regulus wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t touch him, wouldn’t come to bed. Because he saw something that made him feel replaceable. Like he was just another person James could smile at and then forget. And for someone like Regulus, who has spent most of his life being told he’s not enough, who has clawed his way toward love with trembling hands—this isn’t just jealousy.
It’s fear.
James’s chest aches.
“Oh, Reg,” he says, softer now. “I didn’t—fuck, I didn’t mean anything by it. You think I want her? You think I’d ever—you’re it, okay? You’re it.”
Regulus turns away suddenly, like he’s going to leave, like he can’t bear to hear it—but James grabs his wrist and pulls him back.
Regulus is furious now. Eyes blazing. “You don’t get to just say that when I feel like this—”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m not enough!” Regulus hisses. “Like I’m always one wrong look away from losing you! I’m sorry I’m not some pretty girl with dimples. I’m sorry I’m—me.”
James stares at him, stunned. Then he breathes, low and fierce: “You’re a bloody idiot.”
Regulus shoves him. “Don’t—”
James grabs him.
And then they’re kissing.
Or maybe they’re colliding.
It’s not sweet. It’s violent with want—James’s hands on Regulus’s jaw, Regulus grabbing his hoodie like he wants to rip it off. Their mouths crash together, all teeth and tongues and fury. James kisses like he wants to claim him. Regulus kisses back like he wants to destroy him.
It’s filthy. It’s messy. Tongues slide and lips bruise and when James bites down on Regulus’s bottom lip, Regulus gasps and digs his fingers into his hair.
They break apart panting. Lips red and swollen and wet. James’s chest rises and falls like he’s been sprinting.
Regulus licks his lips.
“You were jealous?” James asks, voice still ragged.
Regulus looks away.
“I know it wasn’t rational,” he says, quieter now. “I know you didn’t mean to. But I saw you with her and it—fuck, it just hit me in the chest. I felt stupid. And small. Like I was twelve again and someone better had just walked into the room. Like—like I could be replaced just like that. Like I was nothing.”
James feels it like a punch to the ribs.
He steps closer, all the fire turning gentle. “You’re not nothing,” he says fiercely. “Don’t you ever say that again.”
He cups Regulus’s face, brushing his thumb along his cheek. “You’re everything. Do you get that? You—you’re it for me, Reg. I don’t see other people. I don’t want other people.”
“I know,” Regulus whispers, voice cracking again. “I know. I just—I hate how it made me feel. And I hate that I didn’t tell you. And I hate that I care so much—”
James kisses his forehead. “I love that you care.”
Regulus lets out a broken laugh. “Even when I’m being a jealous prick?”
“Especially then,” James grins. “It’s sexy.”
Regulus rolls his eyes. “You’re insufferable.”
“You’re the one in love with me.”
“Unfortunately.”
James pulls him in again and buries his face in Regulus’s neck. “You’re stuck with me.”
“I know,” Regulus whispers, pressing a kiss behind James’s ear. “And I’m really glad.”
---
This time, thankfully, Regulus sleeps in James’s bed again.
It’s late. The room is quiet, dim, peaceful. They’re curled up together under James’s blanket, limbs tangled, chest to chest. James’s fingers play lazily with Regulus’s hair — he loves doing that, and even if he won’t admit it out loud, Regulus definitely loves it too.
James can’t stop thinking about the fight earlier. About how wrecked Regulus had looked. About how long it took for him to open up. And James thinks — maybe they should talk more. Just a bit.
So he speaks, quiet in the dark.
“Reg,” he murmurs, “I’m really, really sorry I made you feel like you’re not enough. I swear I didn’t mean to. And if it’s bothering you…I can stop the flirting thing. I mean, I don’t do it to actually flirt — it’s just what I do. With everyone. Sirius, Remus, Pete, Mary, Marls, Lily… even Slughorn and McGonagall sometimes.”
Regulus snorts faintly.
“I’m serious,” James says, lips twitching. “But I can try to tone it down, if it’s—”
“Jamie,” Regulus interrupts softly, and James’s breath stutters. It never fails to hit him when Reg says his name like that.
“I don’t want you to change for me,” Regulus goes on. “And I don’t need you to. I know you’re a massive flirt — honestly, it’s kind of hilarious sometimes. You flirt with everyone and everything. But when you flirt with me…” He glances up at James through his lashes, “You get flustered. All shy and not your confident self. And that alone makes me feel… special.”
James blinks. That does something to his chest.
Regulus sighs. “I know it wasn’t rational. I know it doesn’t mean anything. But it still made me feel bad. Maybe because she was a stranger. Not one of your friends or the professors. Maybe I was just feeling insecure. I’m not sure. But I don’t want you to change for me.”
He hesitates.
“I love you just the way you are.”
James has to kiss him for that. So he does — soft and slow and sweet. He pulls back only slightly, their foreheads still touching.
“Reg,” he breathes. “That’s the longest you’ve ever talked about your feelings. I’m so proud of you.”
Regulus glares at him in the faint light. “Fuck off,” he mutters.
James grins. “No, but really. Thanks.” His tone is more serious now, eyes earnest.
Regulus looks puzzled. “For what?”
“For saying you don’t want me to change. I think I… needed to hear that too. I act confident, but I’m not always. And hearing that you love me just as I am — that means everything. I honestly don’t think I could stop flirting. It’s basically a personality trait at this point.”
Regulus chuckles, the sound soft and fond.
“Yeah, but…” James continues, brushing his thumb along Regulus’s jaw, “I’d try. If it really hurt you, I’d try. And just so you know — I love you too. Exactly how you are. Even when you get all jealous and snappy.”
He pauses, hesitant.
“But maybe next time something like that happens, you could…” He trails off, unsure how to say it without sounding like he’s accusing him.
But Regulus looks him straight in the eye.
“James. Tell me.”
James swallows.
“I want to be a good boyfriend,” Regulus says. “When we started this… I knew I wouldn’t get everything right. Loving people, caring this much — it’s all new to me. But I want to try. You deserve everything, Jamie.”
James just stares at him, eyes wide. “Merlin,” he breathes. “I love it when you call me that. And I love you. So much. And you are a good boyfriend, okay? Fights happen. Honestly, I’m shocked we made it this long without one.”
Regulus gives him a small smile.
“But,” James says, circling back gently, “if you want to know what you could do differently next time… maybe just tell me. Don’t shut me out. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong, and it… didn’t feel good. Being shut out, I mean. I was really scared I messed everything up. So just… tell me. Right away. If something I do hurts you.”
He says it quietly, almost sheepish.
Regulus leans in and kisses his cheek.
“Okay,” he whispers.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I will. I promise.” He pauses, then adds, “Same goes for you though, okay?”
“Yes,” James says, without hesitation. “Okay. I love you.”
Regulus lets out a soft laugh. “I love you too. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Not really.”
James presses a kiss to his forehead, lingering there for a moment, wrapped around the boy he loves.
He’s not going anywhere. Neither of them are.
---
James wakes up to sunlight filtering through the curtains and the heavy warmth of Regulus pressed against his chest.
His first thought is: This is nice.
His second is: I hope it stays like this forever.
Regulus is still mostly asleep, curled up like a cat, one leg thrown over James’s hip, face smooshed into his neck. His hair is an actual mess — wild and soft and somehow still annoyingly perfect. James runs a hand through it gently, and Regulus lets out a small, sleepy grumble.
“Stop it,” Regulus mumbles, not moving.
James smiles into his pillow. “Stop what?”
“Petting me. Like a bloody dog.”
James laughs. “I’m not petting you. I’m stroking your hair lovingly. There’s a difference.”
Regulus groans and burrows deeper into his neck. “You’re disgusting.”
“You love it.”
“I hate it.”
James grins wider. “You hate being cuddled and adored and worshipped in the early morning light?”
“Yes,” Regulus mutters. “Detest it.”
James presses a kiss to the top of his head. “Liar.”
Regulus doesn’t respond, but the way he squeezes his arm a little tighter gives him away.
They stay like that for a while — tangled up, half-asleep, limbs numb and warm. James could stay here forever. No pressure. No pretending. Just Regulus, sleepy and soft and his.
After a few quiet minutes, James says, “Hey… do you still hate me a little?”
Regulus hums. “No. Just a little scarred.”
James snorts. “Well, fair. I flirted with a dimple girl and ruined your life.”
“You did.”
“I kissed you until you forgot about her though.”
“You did,” Regulus agrees, voice barely above a whisper. “That part was… effective.”
James smiles at the ceiling. “So if I flirt with the post owl, do I get yelled at or—?”
Regulus bites his shoulder.
“OW!”
“You absolute menace,” Regulus mutters.
James just laughs and flips them both over, pinning Regulus to the bed and grinning like the absolute fool in love that he is.
“You’re stuck with me, Regulus Black.”
Regulus pretends to sigh. “Unfortunately.”
But he kisses him anyway.
There’s not much talking after that.
Yeah. They’ll be just fine. They had a fight and they handled it. They can do anything.
---
“Soooo, you two made out then? Uhm—made up, I meant?” Sirius asks at breakfast, smirking over the rim of his mug.
“Yes, we did,” James replies, unbothered, biting into his toast.
“Both,” Regulus adds coolly, reaching for the butter like it’s a perfectly normal thing to say in front of his brother.
Sirius recoils. “Ew. I do not need to know about that.” He pulls a face, then immediately turns to James with a grin. “Since you're not brooding anymore, Prongsie, want to do something today? I feel like you're replacing me with my brother—”
“I hope not,” Regulus mutters, making a face of his own.
“Anyway,” Sirius says, pointedly ignoring him, “I want to spend some quality time with my best mate. Any plans?”
James glances between them, chewing thoughtfully. He hadn’t realized it, but yeah… he had been spending nearly all his time with Regulus. Which he loved, obviously—and Sirius had done the same with Remus back in the day, and James remembered how it had stung being left behind.
And right now, Sirius looks hopeful and honestly a little worried. James can’t have that. And he kind of misses Sirius too.
“Well,” James starts with a mischievous grin, “I already did your brother—”
“EW. EW. EW. James!” Sirius slaps his hand over his ears.
“Sorry, sorry. I mean—not sorry that it happened but—”
“PRONGS.”
James laughs, holding up both hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, what I meant is: I'd love to spend time with my most amazing best mate in the whole wide world.” He looks over at Regulus, eyes sparkling. “Reg, you won’t get jealous, yeah?”
Regulus snorts into his tea. “Ha ha. Hilarious James. And no, I don’t mind. Just don’t break his nose or anything”
James grins. “No promises.”
Sirius looks dramatically offended. “I never start the fights.”
Regulus and James say, in perfect unison, “Yes, you do.”
Sirius rolls his eyes. “Whatever. You’re just jealous of my natural charisma. Now come on, let’s plan some new pranks. We haven’t pulled a stupid stunt in weeks and it’s our last year.”
James tilts his head. “Like what? Want to hex Snivellus’s shampoo again?”
“I was thinking something more impressive. Maybe we dye the lake pink. Or charm McGonagall’s teacup to sing opera.”
James’s eyes light up. “Oh my god, yes. I’ve missed this.”
Regulus groans and stands from the table. “I’ll be in the library, not being arrested.”
Sirius waves him off. “Nerd.”
James tugs him back down for a quick kiss before he goes. “Love you.”
Regulus huffs. “Love you too. Don’t let him get you expelled.”
“No promises!” James calls after him cheerfully.
Sirius shakes his head, amused. “You’re disgusting. I liked it better when you were pining and miserable.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Okay, yeah, it was awful.”
James claps him on the back. “Let’s go wreak havoc, brother-in-law.”
“Don’t call me that. Brotherfucker.”
James just winks.