A fight, an apology and a plan
With Sirius and Remus openly dating now, at least in front of him and Pete, James thought the dynamic of the group might change a little. But to his great surprise, it didn’t. The only thing that changed is that they cuddle even more than they already did and- to James’s great annoyance- they kiss a lot. It normally wouldn’t annoy him all that much and to be honest, he thinks it’s rather adorable, but it’s just that James is so painfully single. He’s never been with anyone and he’s in his last year at Hogwarts. Sirius and Mary dated for a while in 5th year, Pete is with Dezzie- Desdemona Lewis, a really cute Ravenclaw in their year- and Remus went on a date with Lily once. James remembers being terribly jealous of it. He might’ve had a tiny crush on her all the way from his 2nd to his 5th year at Hogwarts. Now, he’s over it though. Remus didn’t even realize it was a date. Bless him. He apologized to James after he found out. He couldn’t be angry at him after that.
And now, Pete, Sirius and Remus are in happy relationships while James never even went on a date. He did have offers, though. Plenty too. He just… Well he never agreed, because he was ‘saving himself up’ for Lily and now… Mostly, people flirt with him because he’s James Potter. Quidditch captain, head boy, pureblood, attractive and charming. James doesn’t want to go out with those girls, really. He wants someone to like him for him. And he wants to like them back too, not lead anyone on and… After Lily, he’s never felt that way for anybody again. Why? James can’t say. But he didn’t. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to, though. He wants the kind of love his parents feel for each other. Like his dad massaging his mum’s shoulders after she’s had a long day. Or his mum cupping his dad’s cheek and ruffling his hair every time she sees him. Or the random ‘I love you’’s just in case the other forgot or needs to hear it or even just because they want to say it. Linking arms, cuddling, dancing with each other, kissing. Yeah, that’s what he wants. Call him sappy all you want. He craves that kind of love and he thinks he can see it with Sirius and Remus. Even Pete and Dezzie. He wants it too.
So, James is a bit jealous of their relationship and finds all the PDA slightly annoying. He doesn’t tell them. Of course not. They’re so disgustingly happy and clearly in love. James wants to find someone to love too.
At the moment, he’s sitting at the black like with his walk-man and headphones that Moony got him for his 15th birthday. One of the best presents he’s ever received. How people can be averse to Muggles is beyond him. He loves that walk-man with all his heart. And the music too. Sirius and Remus are on a date in Hogsmeade, as well as Peter and Dezzie. James didn’t want to third-wheel which brought him here: tossing stones into the lake, sitting on a rock that’s freezing his bloody bollocks off, honestly. He’s wearing a big, warm brown winter jacket since it’s really cold out now, getting closer to the holidays. His hands are cold. He stuffs them in his pockets. The song that he’s currently listening to on repeat is one of his favorites: Somebody To Love. From a muggle band named Queen. Sirius loves that band, Pete loves it, Remus loves it and James loves it most.
Oh, James realizes, That’s probably why he thought about all of this stuff. About wanting to find somebody to love. Hah. He didn’t even realize. A bit creepy that one’s brain just adjusts to its surroundings like that. God, he’s bored. Thinking about his own brain.
Wait. If you think about your brain… Is your brain thinking about itself?
He should really get up and do something. This is getting ridiculous. It’s cold anyway. James sniffs, get’s up, turns his walk-man off and leaves. He pulls the map out of his bag, activates it and looks at it. Just out of boredom. Maybe one of his other friends stayed at the school as well?-
Wait. Is that… Regulus? Yes, just there, in the astronomy tower, that’s him. And he’s alone. Why didn’t he go to Hogwarts with his friends?
… James shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. He already pushed too hard. He closes the map again and starts heading back to the castle.
But, of course, his curiosity gets the better of him. Of course James doesn’t go back to the common room. He’s heading straight towards the Astronomy tower.
---
James pushes open the heavy wooden door of the Astronomy Tower, his breath clouding in the crisp evening air. He is a bit wary. Regulus might scream at him or make him leave. Mocking and scoffing at him his a given, of course. But James really doesn’t want to fuck it up and cross any boundaries or push too hard. He decides not to mention his offer or anything deep. Not today.
He nearly trips over a pair of long legs stretched out on the floor. Typical. Come on, James.
Regulus Black sits cross-legged by the always open window, bathed in sun light. His gaze is fixed on the sky, shoulders tense, jaw tight. He doesn’t bother to look up when James steps closer.
James clears his throat. “Didn’t peg you for the type to skip Hogsmeade.”
Regulus doesn’t respond. Typical. James isn’t sure why he expected anything else. He contemplates leaving, but curiosity keeps him rooted to the spot.
“Bit cold up here,” James says, mostly to fill the silence. He’s right—Regulus is dressed in just a black button-up and trousers, sleeves rolled up despite the chill. The Black heir’s skin is pale, almost translucent in the sunlight, and James notices the way his fingers shake, just barely, when he adjusts his collar.
James shrugs off his sweater without thinking, stepping forward to drape it over Regulus’ shoulders. Regulus flinches, finally turning to glare at him.
“What are you doing?” Regulus snaps, his voice low and sharp.
“Saving you from hypothermia, genius,” James replies, unfazed. He waits for Regulus to shove the sweater off, but he doesn’t. Instead, Regulus just stares at him like he’s trying to decipher some complex riddle. James’s dark blue sweater wrapped around him, but he didn’t put it over his arms yet. It’s kind of adorable, actually.
“Don’t you have somewhere else to be, Potter? Why are you bothering me again?” Regulus mutters, but his voice lacks its usual bite. He really must be cold, because he’s putting the sweater on for real now.
James could point out that Regulus also has somewhere else to be, but he just shrugs and drops to the floor beside him. For a while, neither of them says anything. The sky stretches vast and grey above them, and only the bit of sunlight makes the whole atmosphere seem a bit brighter than their last encounters.
James sneaks a glance at Regulus out of the corner of his eye. The other boy’s face is softened in the sunlight, lips pressed together in that familiar, perpetually displeased line. James wonders, not for the first time, why Regulus always seems like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He notices that Regulus has a few freckles. He never saw them before. They suit him. Regulus looks at James, only to find him already looking back. They both look away.
Eventually, James leans back, palms flat on the cold stone floor, and lets out a long breath. “It’s nice up here,” he says, almost to himself.
Regulus doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t leave, either. They sit in companionable silence, the sweater slipping slightly off one shoulder but still draped around him. James decides not to mention it. He looks oddly cute in James’s sweater.
It’s odd, he thinks, how peaceful it feels just sitting next to Regulus. He wouldn’t call it comfortable, exactly, but it’s something close. James watches Regulus again and really whishes he could read the other boys mind. He just wants him to leave that house. No one deserves to live like that. He doesn’t mention it again though. Instead, he looks away and closes his eyes, letting the sunlight wash over him.
He doesn’t notice the way Regulus glances at him, just once, eyes softer than before.
---
It sort of becomes a habit, after that. Whenever James sees Regulus alone somewhere and he’s got the time, he’ll seek him out and sit with him. Regulus never protests, because James doesn’t disturb the silence. It’s weird, actually. Usually James hates silence. He can’t keep quiet for more than three minutes. But this feels different, somehow. It’s happened four times now. Every time, Regulus is mean to him when he arrives, and every time, he starts relaxing again after a few minutes of silence. They sat together in the library two times. One time, it was an empty corridor Regulus used to study for history of magic and last time, they were in the Astronomy Tower again. Regulus gave James the sweater back after the first time it happened and left without a word.
This time, when James arrives at the tower, Regulus turns around abruptly and lets out a frustrated breath.
“Really, Potter? Again? How do you always seem to find me anyways?”, he snaps at him.
“That’s a secret I unfortunately can’t tell you about, Reg-“
“It’s Regulus or Black to you, Potter”, he interrupts him sharply.
“Yes, Regulus, sorry. Anyways”, James continues, sounding unbothered, “Yes. Again. Really. What, are you saying you don’t like my company?”, he asks Regulus in a teasing voice.
“Obviously I don’t.”
"Okay, first of all, rude. And second of all... Why not? I make for good company," James insists, walking up to the smaller boy.
Regulus smirks. "You’re not... awful company, I’ll admit. But... well, Potter, I just can’t stand you." He says it without batting an eye.
James pouts. "You wound me, Black."
Regulus huffs a small, reluctant laugh, and James feels oddly triumphant. Emboldened, he moves to sit down next to him, shoulder brushing lightly against Regulus’s. This time, Regulus doesn’t scoot away.
"If you really hated me, you’d hex me on sight," James points out.
"Don’t tempt me," Regulus replies, but there’s no real malice behind it. They lapse into silence again, but it’s lighter this time. James notices how Regulus doesn’t tense up when their shoulders bump, and he decides not to mention it. It’s progress.
After a long stretch of silence, Regulus breaks it for the first time. "Why do you do this?" he asks, voice quieter than usual.
James blinks, caught off guard. "Do what?"
"Sit with me. Follow me around. Act like... like I’m someone worth wasting your time on." Regulus doesn’t meet his eyes.
James swallows, unsure how to explain. "I don’t know. I just... quite like it. I like being around you and…I think you need it. The company, I mean."
Regulus’s jaw tightens. "I don’t need your help. I don’t need anything from you."
"I’m not saying you do," James counters, unfazed. "I just think... sometimes, you look like you could use someone around. Even if it’s me."
Now, Regulus does look right at him. His eyes flash with irritation. "You think I’m lonely, is that it? You think I’m some tragic figure who needs saving?"
James shakes his head. "No. I think you’re someone who doesn’t know how to ask for what they need. That’s all."
Regulus scoffs, pushing himself to his feet abruptly. "You’re so full of yourself, Potter. You have no idea who I am. Stop pretending you do."
James reaches out, but Regulus steps back. "I’m just trying to—"
"Don’t. I don’t want your pity." Regulus’s voice wavers, just for a moment, and James sees it—a crack in the perfect, cold mask.
Before James can respond, Regulus turns on his heel and walks away, leaving the tower without another word. Well, fuck. So, no progress then. James needs a different tactic then.
---
The next day, between classes, James seeks him out again. So much for pushing too hard. But his friends say his persistence is a good trait. He hopes it is.
James spots Regulus walking briskly down the empty corridor, shoulders tense, his face set in a familiar, indifferent mask. Without thinking, James quickens his pace to catch up, falling into step beside him.
“Oi, Regulus—”
“Go away, Potter.” Regulus doesn’t break stride, his eyes fixed firmly ahead, jaw clenched.
James huffs out a breath, running a hand through his messy hair. “Look, I just want to—”
“Didn’t you hear me? Leave.” Regulus’s tone is sharp, cutting through the air like a blade.
“Yeah, I heard you,” James replies, voice softer now, stubborn but less cocky. “But I’m not leaving until you let me apologize.”
Regulus stops abruptly, and James nearly collides into him. Regulus turns, eyes flashing. “I don’t care. You think your stupid Gryffindor persistence means anything to me? You can’t just decide you know what’s best for me and push your way in.”
James hesitates, his chest tightening. “I didn’t mean to push you. I just... I didn’t want you to feel lonely...”
Regulus scoffs, arms crossing over his chest. “Right. So you thought choosing for me like I'm a child was the answer?”
James winces, guilt prickling at his conscience. “I- . I saw you... I was there with you... in that alcove and you looked miserable and it...changed things, sort of. And I thought if I could just get you out of there, get you to leave it would be better. For you. For Sirius... I wasn’t thinking about how you’d feel about me just... you know", James trails off, running a hand through his hair yet again.
Regulus’s jaw tightens, but his voice drops, quieter now. “You never think. You just act. And you never think about what I want.”
James rubs the back of his neck, shifting uncomfortably. “I know. I’m sorry. I know you don’t need saving. I just—” He swallows, forcing himself to meet Regulus’s glare. His eyes really are gorgeous. “I care about you. I can’t stand the thought of you being there...alone in that house.”
Regulus looks away, and the silence stretches between them. Eventually, he mutters, “You don’t even know me.”
“I want to,” James insists, voice barely above a whisper. “If you’ll let me.”
Regulus doesn’t respond, but his shoulders aren’t as tense as before. When he finally walks away, James doesn’t follow this time, but he can’t help the small flicker of hope because that wasn’t a no.
Of course, James takes that as a sign to be even more persistent. He can’t really say why he wants to get to know Regulus all of a sudden. He didn’t have anything to do with him before. But after that moment in the alcove… Well, James wants to help. That’s just who he is, sue him. But he’s going to be more careful from now on. He wants to make Regulus see that he really wants to be there for him and when Regulus has to choose one day… Maybe he’ll see that James makes him feel better than his parents do. At least he hopes that he does.
So… He’s going to think of a few silly questions to get to know his best friend’s little brother a little bit better. Not very deep questions. And he’s going to get to know him. He just knows.