Barty wouldn’t call himself overly religious, rather average. Maybe even under the average. He still wore the cross he received when he was 13, a constant reminder to beg for forgiveness for his sins, his father had said. Now it felt heavy against his chest.
The sun was beating down, the heat almost unbearable, even in the shadows and the cicadas so loud, that Barty wanted to scream at them to shut up. Evan, his best friend, and him were walking towards the lake behind the small town. The firs that were standing close and dense looked dry. His brown hair sticked to the sweat on his forehead and he already had to take of his shirt. Evan wasn’t doing better. His hand was combing through his blonde hair almost every minute.
The gravel on the thin path didn’t make walking easier, but eventually Barty could see the blue of the lake and the small rocky cliffs shaping the outline. „Thank God“, Evan murmured under his breath.
They both took a deep breath, a small breeze carrying over the smell of water. „Race you to the cliff“, Evan called out already pulling his shirt over his head. „Bet“, Barty ran as fast as he possibly could. Which, considering the weather, wasn’t that fast, but he still was the first to stand on the rock. Evan arrived shortly after him, completely out of breath: „I hate summer sometimes.“ Barty silently agreed.
„See you down there then“, Evan smiled at him, the white of his teeth almost blinding in the direct sun.
Then he was jumping, almost like a fallen angel he was falling down, his body hitting the water with a loud splash. „Wait up!“, Barty jumped after him. The water was colder than he expected. It felt incredibly good.
Strays of sunlight were breaking through the surface cloring the water a light blue. Barty swam up for air, spitting out water. It tasted salty on his tongue. Evan swam close to him. It didn’t take long until they were splashing water at another.
When his skin felt all crumpled from the water and his legs were heavy from all the swimming, Barty made his way towards the shore, his best friend close behind him. „I’m so hungry“, the blonde said, while weaving through his hair.
Evan was on the football team so of course he was fit. Barty just never noticed that he was this fit. Water was dropping down from his biceps onto the gravel and his skin was glistening in the afternoon sun. „Mhm“, Barty agreed.
While the walk towards the lake felt like hell the walk back was heaven. A warm breeze was curling around them slowly drying their hair.
They ended up at Johnˋs, a crusty fast food place close to shutting down. But it was cheap and the food tasted quite good. They were talking about whatever, something about slasher movies and bands, when Julie and her friends came in. Julie had tanned skin, black hair, green eyes and the tiniest shorts. She went to their school. Evans eyes were immediately on her. The girls ordered - a mix of millshakes and fries - then walked towards one corner of the small dining area.
She looked around and eventually locked eyes with Evan. She smiled shortly before talking to her friend while twirling her hair. Julie looked to Evan one more time before going outside. Seconds later, Evan leaned to Barty: „I’ll be back“ „Good luck, dude“, he said back.
Then he too went outside. Barty looked at his half-eaten burger and decided he wasn’t hungry anymore.
Julie and Evan made out. That’s what he told Barty when he got back. Not like it wasn’t obvious. Julies hair was messed up and her lipstick a bit smeared. Evan had had that smug smile that Barty really wanted to punch of his face.
It was sunday. Church day. His head was bowed down, left next to him his mother and on his right side his father. Evan was some rows behind him with his mom and his twin sister. She was quite pretty, Barty thought. Blonde hair, smooth fair skin, pretty eyes. Something just wasn’t right, else Barty would’ve long tried to get with her.
„Was it good“, Barty asked from the bench were he was currently trying to roll a cigarette. Fair to say he was absolutely failing. „I guess. She was alright“, Evan answered throwing a basketball at the basket for the who knows how many time.
„Only alright?“
„Like I said, I guess.“
„That’s mean.“
Evan gave him a deadpan stare. „Don’t act like you care about being so nice very suddenly. We both remember Emily“
„Ohh“, Barty clutched his heart:“Not this again please.“
Evan scored. Barty looked down to his creation: „I think I got it.“ Evan walked over, dropping the ball next to him. „Are you sure?“
„I tried my best“, he answered fake-offended.
„As long as it works“, Evan shrugged and sat next to him. Barty pulled out the lighter he once found by these condom-vending machines.
„Why don’t you just buy pre-rolled like a normal person“, Evan asked waiting for Barty to hand over the cigarette. „Do I look like I have the money for that“, he answered blowing out smoke. Evan stared at him. „I can’t just ask my dad for money for cigs.“ Evan blew the smoke right into his face. „You’re disgusting you know that“, Barty murmured.
Evan leaned back onto the picknick table: „Do you know how to shotgun?“
„´Course.“
„Show me“
Barty looked down onto his friend looking for any hint of a joke, but he was sincere. „All right dude.“
He inhaled the burning smoke and leaned over to Evan. His hair looked so smooth, the other boy was closed to softly combing through it with his hand. Instead he focused on his face. He wore that smile again, which Barty thought looked so punchable. He blew the smoke out and Evan inhaled it. He let it stay before blowing it out towards the blue cloudless sky. He loughed raspy. Barty stayed leaned over him, neither of them breaking the eye contact. He could trace the smile lines on his face and his brows.
„Evan!“, broke through the silence and Evan leand up, still not lookimg away from Barty. He only turned towards whoever was calling his name when they were standing right in front of him. It was Julie.
„Thought it was you.“, she smiled sickening sweetly. Her shiny hair was put in a ponytail and her throat was decorated with golden necklaces. „Do you wanna“, she nodded towards somewhere. „Yeah“, Evan got up. „This evening still standing?“, he asked Barty, who just nodded in response. „Alright see you dude.“, he followed Julie.
Evan did come. „Almost thought you forgot.“, Barty said from the floor where he was currently trying to pick a movie. „Yeah right. As if.“, Evan dlopped down onto his friends bed. „This one or this one“, the brunette haired boy held up two cassettes. „I don’t care. You choose.“
They got bored throughout half the movie. They were at maybe the fifth chase scene followed by screaming and a ton of fake blood. Evan was still lying on his bed, while he was sitting leaned against it. Suddenly he felt a hand tracing over hair, following it to his forehead and drawing after the lines. It felt so caring, but the cross felt heavier around his throat.
Evan and Barty have been best friends for like ever. They met in kindergarten. Barty was always angry and Evan was always calm. No matter how many times Barty told Evan to leave him alone he never really did. He wasn’t obnoxious like others and actually funny found Barty soon. So even when he said:“Leave me alone“, he hoped that Evan would just laugh or stick out his tongue and stay. In the end Evan was the reason for the grass stains in Bartys jeans and the doodles on his arms. His father always got angry at him, screaming something about tatoos and mistreating the body god gave him. So he learned how to hide them. Evan never aked questions when Barty told him to draw them higher.
Middle school was the best time, they hung out almost everyday. Girls were scary and they were the best on the football team. The principal hated them and sighed out whenever they were sent to her office for „causing mischief“ as they would call it. But they made it. Evan asked him about the blue and purple marks and Barty told him that his dad sucks. Evans dad left his mom when she got the twins because: „he wanted just one child, he can’t handle two.“ Then they called their dads the worst insults that they could come up with and that was that.
High school changed a lot. They changed too. The got taller their faces less childish. Evan got on the Football team, while Barty started creating art. They still hung out almost everyday, either outside or at Evans house. Then girls became a topic. Bartys first kiss was a spin the bottle at a party. They only got invited because Evan and the host always had training together and if Evan comes Barty is definitely there too. The girl was a lot older than him, but Barty rememberes that she had red hair and a piercing on her lip.
Evans first kiss was Emma. She was blonde and a cheerleader. They kissed by the bins behind the school building. He neber really had a girlfriend though. Always small hook-ups here and there but nothing serious. Barty had Ria. She always wore platforms, chains and a lot of eyeliner. She was one of the coolest people he had ever met. They broke up when she moved states.
Barty came home late one night. His sight was swimming, his head buzzing from whatever alcohol the had mixed at whoevers party. He had left after he saw Evan go up the stairs with another girl and he suddenly felt like vomting. Now he was trying to be quiet. He almost made it up the stairs when someone suddenly turned on the lights. He looked up. There on top of the stairs stood his father, belt in his hand. Behind him his mom. Her hair was tangled and her eyes looked fearful.
„Where were you?“, his dad asked stern.
„Nowhere, I promise.“
His father stepped down, ignoring the quiet pleas from Bartys mother.
„Do not lie to me.“
„I promise father.“
„How dare you lie to your own father. How dare you lie under the eyes of god.“, he screames at him and strikes.
He stared at the Mirror. Red strikes were gracing his upper body. He felt numb against the pain, probably still from the alcohol. His mother had given him some disinfection spray. She couldn’t look him in the eyes.
„Forgive me father, for I have sinned“, his father muttered on Sunday in church. Barty looked behind him, searching for Evan. It didn’t take long until he locked eyes with him. Evan shot him a lopsided smile, which soon tuned concerned when Barty didn’t smile back. „Turn back around and pray.“, his father instructed.
At the first opportunity, Barty walked to Evans house. His mom was currently cooking, while his sister was drawing. „Hello Sweetie“, his mom greeted. „Evan is in his room.“
Barty loved Evans room. While his walls were completly empty except the cross over his door, Evans were plastered with posters. He had a couch under his loft bed and his old skateboard which broke in two halves hung on the other wall. Somewhere in a drwaer was some weed and in another his spray cans, which they had used to spray their initials under the bridge behind the supermarket. Evan was lounging on his couch, Gameboy in his hands.
Evan looked at him. „Do you wanna skate?“ They never talked about what happened. They both understood eachother without it. So Barty nodded an grabbed their skateboards from under his dresser. Barty always left it at his house. Because there wasn’t a skate park anywhere nearby they had to get creative. Thankfully in the outskirts of their town a company had gone broke, left and never demolished the buildings or the terrain around them. They had found it some years ago when they were trying to hunt a bear.
They were skating around the area, skating up the ramps that were origanally made for cars. Barty was trying to land a kickflip. „Trust me I have done that before“, he assured after the third fail. Evan laughed and skated around him. „It’s probably not working because you’re watching.“
„Why? Do I make you nervous?“
„Haha.“
Barty tried again, but the board slipped away from his feet and he staggered forward. Evan held him at his shoulders. The sun behind him was creating a hole behind his head and Barty was convinced for a second that maybe Evan was an angel. They were so close Barty could smell the 3 in 1 body wash the other boy uses. He stared at his face, tracing every detail in his mind. His brows, which were always slightly furrowed, his lashes, the green eyes, his nose and his lips. That’s were his eyes stopped. Evan was slightly grinning and Barty could see his teeth. He felt a hand around the base of his throat. A force pulling him forward.
„What do you think you’re doing?!“, a voice called out behind the,. Barty hastily turned around. A bearded man in uniform came marching towards them. „This is private property!“
„Oh shit“, Evan murmured scrambling to take his things. He waited up for Barty and then they ran.
That sunday Barty prayed. He prayed for answers and forgiveness. His mom was happy that he bowed his head down and whispered. His dad too seemed pleased. He wouldn’t have it he would’ve know what Barty was praying about.
Against his expectations nothing changed between them. Whatever happened at the buildings was just another thing that best friends do. Almost kiss. Now Barty was sitting in Evans garden eating pasta. In front of him Evan and his sister Panora. He loooked at them until he realized what panodora was missing for Barty to date her. It hit him like a truck and with full force. No soft launch. He almost choked on his spaghettis.
What is a small crush between friends?
That was the first time Barty prayed on another day than sunday.
Thursday, cruel day. The hottest day in the year. The pool was going to be packed, so Evan and Barty again made their way to the lake. Evan was already only wearing his bathing trunks and Bartys mind was shortcutting. Small droplets were rolling down his body and apparently that was all it takes. Barty was a weak man.
They stood atop the cliff. Their shirts and shoes discarded down at the „beach“ ( a small strip of sand). „First in gets a free joint from the other?“, Evan proposes. „Bet.“
„3, 2,1“
Barty doesn’t know if he’s the first he just feels when he crashes into the lake, the cold water immediately cooling him down. Then he opens his eyes. There is Evan, the sunlight illuminating him. And Evan looks right at him. They hold eyecontact for a good second, before Evan finally lunges forward and grabs Barty like a lifeline. Their lips crash together in what feels more like a punch then a kiss buts everything Barty wanted. They swim up to the surface and fear builds up in Barty. It vanishes on the spot when Evan smiles at him. Barty takes a deep breath and then he pulls him in. His hand finds its way to Evans waist, an attempt at pulling him even closer. Evans hands hold him so softly that Barty almost feels like a precious thing. His rational thoughts pull him back for a second and he drags Evan by his hair from him.
„Why are you doing this“, he asks through his teeth.
„Because I want to“
„Your smile is so sickening I really want to punch“
„Do it“
„I also really want to kiss you“
„Do it“
And so he does. He forgets to breathe like six times but it’s the best he’s ever had.
„I wanted to do this so many times“, Evan murmurs when they finally pull away.
„Tell me“
„Some other time“
Then Evan is kissing him again, his hands all over him and Barty doesn’t ever want to do something else. They hold eye contact cross still burned on his chest, but with Evan pressed so close against him, he would gladly burn.