Chapter 3
Since that day, Nobara began to spend weekends to be able to meet Maki more often and gradually this became a habit for both of them.
Although when talking about herself, Maki often says that there is nothing interesting or admirable about her, but Nobara doesn't think so. After getting to know Maki, aside from her being truly stunning, charming and so hot, Nobara quickly realized how amazing Maki really is.
It’s easy to realize how strong Maki is, like extremely strong. Her strength is really impressive, when she first saw Maki show off her muscle strength by lifting a large rock that blocked their path as if it were nothing, Nobara had to use the water bottle she had brought on her head just to cool down the heat on her face. She has to admit, Nobara thinks her strength is probably equal to Yuuji or maybe even more. This only makes Nobara feel hot every time she thinks about it.
And once, when Nobara knew that Maki was not only in one place but often changed her place.
"Wait, so you're not just live in this cave?"
"Of course not, you think why those hunters haven't found my place yet?"
"So that's why you don't have much furniture inside the cave huh"
However, every time the two meet, they still meet in the old cave, or rather, every time Nobara goes to see Maki, she is always in the one place, the original cave where Maki brought her. When Nobara asked about it, Maki simply replied that it was the most spacious cave and made her feel like it was an actual home, instead of temporary places like other caves (you can call Nobara an illusion, but there's something inside her says the real reason Maki stays in one place like that is just so Nobara can visit her whenever she want, Nobara is not sure about that but she prefer to think like that).
Nobara also gradually noticed that more and more other things appeared inside the cave, such as having more tables and chairs for eating or wooden slabs under the floor to make it flatter and many other things. And what surprised Nobara was that, except for the couch Maki saw in an abandoned house, most of the rest were made by her (once again, Nobara liked to think that Maki had done these things for her). And aside from wondering where Maki got the tools, sometimes Nobara wished she could visit Maki every day to see the scene of her making them. She can imagine how Maki's firm, alluring biceps keep flex up and down every time she folds her arms, or how beads of sweat would trickle down her beautiful, angular face...
Anyway, Maki can always surprise her about something every time they meet, from the fact that Maki knew quite a lot about herbal plants, to the fact that she doesn't need a map or compass and still can determine the direction by observing the surrounding plants during the day or looking up at the stars if it's night (that day, Nobara had been extremely embarrassed when Yuuji shouted her name all over the square).
Nobara also discovered that Maki is not only very skilled at detecting traps, but she is also incredibly intelligent, always able to find a way to break the traps, even if they are a new type she has never seen before. Maki often teaches her about their structure, how they work, and how she can easily detect them. And many other things as well.
But of course Nobara knows that everyone will have certain flaws, and Maki is no exception. She is confident, yes, but sometimes Nobara can see that she just carries it as a cover. Maki is smart, but there are times when she's quite foolish (though Nobara wouldn't really count this against her because, honestly, those moments make Maki seem pretty cute). She’s also not the best with words and sometimes it makes her quite rude (and even her jokes can be kinda lame sometimes). And then there was the time when Nobara found out Maki couldn't read when she handed her a book she'd borrowed from the library.
"You can’t read?"
Maki shook her head and turned her gaze elsewhere, looking a bit embarrassed.
"It's okay, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone in the town or the my old village knows how to read. I was lucky that my grandmother taught me when I was young" Nobara said as he reached out to grab Maki's hand, which was resting on the grass "If you want, let me teach you, Maki"
Maki looked down at their hands and then looked up at her, without any hesitation she smiled and nodded "If you said so, sure"
And as Nobara had said, Maki never failed to surprise her. In less than a month, with only a few meetings, Maki had already mastered reading an entire book without any difficulty.
Even though she might not be perfect (or nearly there), after all, to Nobara, Maki is still amazing, and there is always something about her that makes Nobara deeply respect her.
Then when going through many meetings, the feelings inside Nobara grew bigger and bigger. The excitement whenever she thought of Maki, the eager anticipation knowing that she would get to see her the next day, the gentle flutter in her chest whenever Maki smiled, the soft, jittery sensation like thousands of butterflies in her stomach whenever Maki ruffled her hair, the warm, happy feeling when Maki held her hand, when she hugged her, and the countless other things that Nobara couldn’t put into words.
There was always something about Maki that captivated Nobara, something that almost made her intoxicated, making her crave Maki even more.
Nobara didn’t want them to just be friends anymore. She didn’t want their relationship to be limited to small talk or casual greetings every time they met. Nobara wanted more than what they currently had.
She wants to kiss Maki. So many kisses. She doesn’t know how many imagined kisses, the invisible butterflies landing on those lips. Nobara wants to paint many roses on Maki’s skin with her lips, wants to know more about her, and wants to understand Maki better
She wants to be by Maki's side, want to be with her, to accompany her, and she doesn't care what can be happen to herself.
And all of this made Nobara quickly realize that she had fallen for her, or, to put it more romantically, Nobara had fallen under Maki’s spell.
The small, smoldering flame has now flared up and there is no way to extinguish it.
She doesn’t know since when, but if she had to say it, Nobara thinks she probably had these feelings the first time she met Maki, or at least not long after a few more meetings. And she’s sure she won’t be ashamed of it, of the feelings she has for Maki. She won’t hide it either, because why should she?
"Hey, Maki”
As usual, Nobara sat reading with Maki, sipping tea and enjoying the blueberry pie she had brought along. Since she learned to read, Maki seemed to have developed quite an interest in books. Nobara had given her a few that she had borrowed from the library, and in just two weeks, or maybe a little more, Maki had finished them all. And sometimes, when the two read together and Nobara got bored with a book that Maki had already read, she could ask Maki to immediately summarize it for her, so she wouldn’t have to read any further.
But that doesn’t mean Nobara doesn’t like reading books. Contrary to what many people might think, even though Nobara is typically energetic, there are times when she enjoys spending time in peace to read. However, even so, compared to Maki, Nobara feels that she would probably need more time to finish reading.
"Hmm?"
She mummered in response, but her eyes were still glued to the book in her hand.
"You don't have a surname, right?"
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"Do you think, one day....you know"
"I don't understand what you're saying Nobara"
"Do..." clenching her fists tightly and exhaling deeply, Nobara said in one breath, trying to keep a cold expression to avoid looking like an idiot "Do you think one day you will have someone's last name?"
She paused, then looked up at Maki, not forgetting to add afterward.
"And by someone, I mean me, just in case you think it's someone else."
"Are you..."Maki finally looked up and glanced at Nobara "Confessing to me?"
Actually, when Nobara said this, she thought it would sound more like a marriage proposal. Although she’s glad that Maki still understood what she meant, but if Maki had taken it in that direction, Nobara probably would’ve been even happier (Nobara know she might be a little wild, thinking about proposing even though she hadn’t confessed yet, but could anyone blame her? After all, it was something Nobara had started dreaming about recently, ever since she realized she had fallen for Maki.).
But anyway, she still responded to Maki with a nod and observed her expression.
Only to saw Maki stare blankly at her, thinking that maybe she was just surprised, so Nobara waited patiently, but when she recovered, Maki still didn't say anything but just looked away... Oh shit! What did this mean?! It wasn’t at all like Nobara had imagined, and it made her feel a wave of anxiety she couldn’t shake off.
"You really..."
Maki said and then stopped halfway, she seemed to be thinking about something and during this time Nobara's hand was still holding the book so tightly that it made her fingertips white, but that was not what she needed to pay attention to, the only thing she noticed now was Maki's expression.
Actually, Nobara had thought about the possibility of being rejected. She knew Maki liked her—of course she did! But what Nobara didn’t know was whether Maki’s feelings were the same as hers. Nobara thought that even if Maki didn’t feel the same way, she would still be fine. Sure, she was pretty sure it would make her sad, but she believed she would get over it quickly. After all, what Nobara really wanted was to be by Maki’s side, and even if she were rejected, she would still be happy if they could continue their friendship.
But if possible, Nobara still hopes that Maki will not reject her.
And after a moment of waiting in anxious anticipation (though it had only been a few minutes, it felt like the longest few minutes of her life), Maki finally spoke up.
"I'm a wolf"
"Huh?"
"I’m a wolf, and you’re Little Red Riding Hood, Nobara" Maki said, then turned to her, gazing with an expression Nobara couldn't decipher "If you date me, what would everyone in town think of you"
"What are you talking about?"
"You should find someone else that you can be proud to stand in front of everyone with, not a savage and the villain in stories like me”
Maki is confident, yes, but sometimes she can also be very self-deprecating to the point of being stupid.
"So what you mean is..."
"I won't accept this confession, we’re different Nobara. I’m not the one you should have feelings for"
"Maki, if you just simply reject me because you don't have the same feelings as me, then okay, I would definitely accept it" Nobara said, frowning and trying not to show too much anger "But this reason you're using to reject me, I will never accept it. Do you understand?"
"Listen Nobara, you should—"
"No! I'm tired of hearing this, Nobara should do this, Nobara don't do that, Nobara, you’re a girl, you shouldn't be like that, bla bla bla" she rolled her eyes and looked directly at her "Listen, Maki, I don't know why you think you can reject me this way, but it’s useless because I don’t fucking care what they think of me."
"You should care"
"Why?"
"Because you belong there"
"Who told you that you have the right to decide where I belong. The place where I belong is the place I chose, Maki, and that's not that place and not that damn village!"
At Nobara's stubbornness, only seeing Maki let out a sigh. She set the book aside and stood up, stepping back a little so Nobara could see her fully.
"Look at me, Nobara. Do you see me?" Maki extended her arms as a way to show her "The way people call me. Montus, right? I'm a cold-blooded monster who's killed many people. My body is covered in hideous scars. Can you really think someone like that is amazing?"
"Of course not"
"Then—"
Nobara raised her hand to indicate that she hadn't finished speaking yet.
"I don’t think someone like that is amazing, I think you’re amazing"
But that still didn’t seem to shake Maki and only made her frown tighter. She seems to be angry, but Nobara couldn’t tell if Maki was angry about something or at someone.
"Come on Nobara, don't make this harder than it needs to be" Maki said, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose and sighing. She then looked up at her again "You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, Nobara. You should just give up. It would only be a disadvantage for you to date someone like me. There’s nothing amazing, beautiful, or anything good about me."
"Stop trying to impose your thoughts on me" Nobara crossed her arms, her voice still firm "That’s not how I see you"
"Then you're wrong Nobara"
"No, I’m always right"
And before Maki could object anything more, Nobara stood up and stepped closer until she stood right in front of her, the two were only one step apart. Nobara gently cupped her hand around Maki's cheek, she could feel Maki's tension before she allowed herself to relax and Nobara tilted Maki's face down slightly so that she could look directly into her eyes.
Maki's expression was sharp and serious, but her eyes, Nobara thought she could see something—like a crack, a fracture of some sort.
"Don't love me" Nobara saw it "you don't want me" what those golden eyes wanted to say.
And she doesn’t like that at all.
But Nobara doesn't look away, she's not a fragile porcelain doll who can't decide for herself what she wants, and Nobara has never been afraid of what she wants.
"I always look at you and I see you, Maki. I see very clearly, the true colors inside you. That's why I love that girl and everything about her so much" Nobara put her other hand on Maki's beating heart "And you should love her too, Maki"
Then, she didn't say anything. Nobara saw Maki open her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but then she saw her close it again, and Maki glanced away, not meeting Nobara's eyes, her lips tightly pressed together. Nobara took that as a sign that this short conversation had come to an end before she pulled her hands back and stepped away.
"Take your time to think about it, Maki. If you still reject me, I hope it's because you don't have the same feelings as me, not because of that stupid fabricated things you think about yourself" Nobara said, then bent down, picking up the basket with the empty teapot and the utensils she had brought for the pie "The sky is almost turning orange, it's time for me to head back."
"I will take—"
"No need, just go back, I want to go alone today"
"T-that so, see you later then... take care on your way back"
"See you later"
Then Nobara pulled up her cape and turned her back to leave, she could feel Maki's eyes still watching behind her and Nobara trying not to look back to see what expression was on Maki’s face. It wasn’t until she had walked far enough and was sure she was no longer being watched that Nobara turned around. But of course, there was no one behind her, and she was only staring into an empty void. Clenching her fists, Nobara turned back and continued walking.
She was angry with Maki. This was the first time Nobara had felt this angry and a little sad about her. She knew she shouldn't be angry with her, Nobara doesn't think I know everything Maki has been through or what she feels, but she just couldn't stand it when Maki belittled herself like that. Nobara saw the goodness within her, but Maki always ignored it and denied it. Sometimes, Nobara wished Maki could see herself the way she did, because if so, Maki would know how wonderful she truly was and would treat herself better and stop seeing herself as a monster like the way others see her.
"You shouldn't be angry with her, Nobara"
Muttering to herself, Nobara then ran a hand through her hair. Damn it, she wasn’t used to blaming herself like this.
But in the end, she just sighed, Nobara stopped and looked up at the blue sky that was gradually turning orange. Perhaps the best thing she could do now was to leave Maki be. Maybe the only thing she should do was to give her more praise, so Maki could start changing those thoughts about herself... Maybe? Nobara isn’t sure about that, but she will definitely give her more compliments, so that she can give up those thoughts about herself and because Maki deserves it more than anyone else.
"Yeah, just like that"
———
Maki sat down on the grass, she wiped the stain on her face with her hand and then wiped it on her shirt, which was also soaked in blood, before collapsing onto the ground. Looking up at the starry night sky, a heavy sigh escaped Maki’s lungs, as if she wanted to release all the lingering anger still inside her.
No more goals, no more reasons, no more hatred. Now, she feels utterly empty.
Placing a hand on her forehead, Maki closed her eyes, she suddenly remembered her deceased sister. And once again, like the dream on those nights where she woke up with a tear-streaked face, Maki found herself standing on the familiar beach and once again facing Mai.
"Mai" her legs lifted, began to walk quickly to Mai "I’m sorry, I can only avenge you now. Can you forgive me?"
In response, there was only the silence of the other. And with each step, Maki's movements grew slower, heavier, and more difficult, making it harder and harder for her to reach Mai
"Why are you still not saying anything?"
But Mai still said nothing, still frowning at Maki with a dissatisfied expression.
When her legs became too heavy to lift, Maki could only stop in front of the relentless waves, each one gently brushing against her toes.
It was always the same. Even when her sister was right in front of her, Maki still felt like Mai was thousands of miles away from her, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t walk to her. It was always the same, no matter how hard she tried to reach out or speak to Mai, she never received what she longed for. And it was always the same, Maki desperately continued to repeat those things again and again, even though she knew she would never get anything in return.
As Maki tried to lift her foot again, a gust of wind blew and from the corner of her eye, she saw a flash of red. Instantly, Maki turned around, and despite her heavy legs, she made an effort to lift them and run after that familiar red. What started as heavy steps gradually became lighter, her eyes never leaving that red color, and Maki reached out to grab it.
It was a red cloak, something Maki always saw every time that little girl appeared, something that always brought a sense of peace to Maki, reminding her that she would once again see that small figure and the bright smile like sunlight.
Holding the cloak in her hand tightly, Maki turned around, now she has returned to where she was originally stood. Mai was still there, still not saying anything, but her expression had changed from before. She wasn’t frowning, yet she wasn’t smiling either. Mai simply looked at Maki, as she always had.
Maki once again wanted to lift her foot to step towards Mai, but then she stopped, looking down at the red cloak in her hand. Her thumb gently caressed the soft fabric.
And then Maki opened her eyes, waking up from the dream that she didn't know when she fell asleep.
“Nobara…”
Unconsciously, Maki uttered my name. Unconsciously, I remembered your bright smile, your scent and sweet voice and your honey-colored eyes.
Unconsciously, Maki whispered her name. Unconsciously, she remembered her bright, radiant smile, the sweet scent, the sweet sound of her voice and her honey-colored eyes.
Since when…
Maki wondered since when this girl began to occupy her thoughts so much. Looking back at the days before, Maki recalled feeling a strange attraction when she first saw Nobara, but it was just that—nothing more. She never imagined or dreamed of feeling the way she did now. Feelings like when she heard Nobara call her name, when she embraced her, when she leaned on her shoulder, when she held that small hand, or when she saw the way those honey eyes gazed at her so gently.
Maki couldn’t remember how many times she had imagined herself kissing those soft, rosy lips, how many times she had tasted that sweet, imagined flavor with her own lips. She wanted to kiss Nobara. She wanted to taste those lips as much as possible. She wanted to trace a line on Nobara's skin with her lips, to savor all of Nobara, inside and out, inch by inch.
"Maki, you're staring. What's up? Did I somehow charm you... haha, just kidding."
"Stop always making that face like Megumi. You have such a beautiful smile, you should smile more often. Come on, smile for me, Maki."
"This face, you're thinking those silly things again, aren't you? Come on, the weather is beautiful today, you're out with lady Nobara here, and I've even baked a batch of delicious cookies. So, show me your brightest smile, Maki."
"Maki, I love you"
The words she spoke echoed once again in Maki's mind. And once again, those words made her heart swell.
Maki had been cowardly avoiding that confession for too long. She didn’t want to reject it, but at the same time, she didn’t want to be the reason Nobara became isolated from the town. Nobara was still just a girl, she had her life ahead of her, a whole future waiting for her. Maki couldn’t just ruin it. She hadn’t been able to bring happiness to Mai, so how could she ensure that Nobara would find happiness with her? Nobara was a stunning and tough girl, with the sharp elegance of a rose. Yet, she was also gentle and sweet, pure and kind. Maki had always wondered why such an angel like Nobara would admire someone like her and constantly showering her with praise.
So when Nobara said she wanted to marry her (yes, Maki knew what she meant, she just didn't want to put this more seriously), and that she thought she was amazing, Maki became angry. But not at Nobara, no, how could Maki be angry at her. Maki was angry with herself, angry for making Nobara get involved with someone like her, angry for not being able to live up to the image Nobara had of her. She was angry with herself for not being able to do anything to deserve the love Nobara had given her.
Nobara deserved all the best things in the world, and Maki couldn’t give her that. There would be nothing good in being involved with someone like her.
Maki wanted her to have a happy life with someone else, not with her.
Lies.
Maki's mind almost repeated this aloud. She sighed, turned to lie on her side, and stared at her crimson-red hand, the memory of the softness of that red cloak flooding back. Why did it appear there? Why hadn't she been able to reach Mai? Why hadn't it been Maki back then? Why was she still alive? Why couldn't she bring happiness to anyone? Why hadn't she died yet? Why?
The night gives no answer to those things except silence. And Maki's body began to tremble, tears that seemed to have been dry for a long time now welled up in the corners of her eyes and began to flow down.
"I want to see you, Nobara..."