Number 12 Grimmauld Place was a quiet house. It had always had an eerie silence to it as long as Regulus had known it, but something about the walls that surrounded him that night were particularly off-putting. Maybe it was the shadows cast on his walls from the moonlight shining through his window, or the looming anxiety that wouldn't stop rattling around in his mind as he tried his hardest to fall asleep, but tonight he was feeling particularly claustrophobic. As if the darkness of the paint on the walls were a black hole that circled him until he suffocated. Like a python sizing him up and swallowing him whole. It's not like he had a small room or anything. He was very well aware that his family was amongst the richest in the wizarding world. If anything he often had more space than he knew what to do with. Just another aspect of his life that made him feel small. But loneliness was a powerful thing. Even in a ballroom, it can track you down and snuff you out until you might as well be trapped in a box, the walls being your mind itself. And then there’s Sirius.
Regulus turned on his side and pulled the blanket over his head. He couldn't think about Sirius anymore tonight, not if he wanted a real chance at peaceful sleep. Sirius was the cause of all his problems, creating a dichotomy of wanting him to disappear and not being able to bear the thought of him leaving. As if on cue, Regulus heard the door squeak ever so slightly.
“Reg?” his brother whispered into the room.
“Reg are you awake?”
Regulus didn't move at first. It was already so late, it would have been so easy to pretend he was asleep. Things could be so much less complicated if he was asleep, but also, his brother was at the door…
“Ok, sweet dreams then Reggie.”
He heard his brother's footsteps, and then the door started to creak back when Regulus pulled his blanket back from the cave he made for himself.
“Wait, Sirius -”
“Oh, I'm sorry did I wake you?”
“No. I couldn't sleep.”
“Me neither.”
Sirius came back into the room and carefully shut the door behind him before jumping onto Regulus’s bed with him. Even in the dark, Regulus could ever so slightly see a gleam in his eyes. It made him happy to see his brother this excited about something, but he couldn't help the fact that it also felt like a stab in the gut. Not something he would actively admit to Sirius. But that didn't mean his brother couldn't tell.
“Oh Reg, are you gonna miss me?” Sirius said in a teasing voice, but the joke didn’t quite hit.
The truth was, Regulus really was gonna miss him. Sirius looked him in his eyes and his slight smirk faltered.
“Come on. It'll be ok. It's not like I’m not going to write to you. I’ll write to you every day if you want.”
“You don’t have to do that Sirius…” Regulus started.
The last thing he wanted to be was a burden. He knew once his brother had tasted the freedom outside of their house, Regulus was going to be the last thing on his mind. All his new friends, and new adventures, exploring all the secrets that they had both read in Hogwarts a History…
“Oh come on. You know I want to. What else am I going to do without my little brother?”
Sirius scooted closer and met Regulus’s eyes.
“You are my best friend and that's never going to change. You're my brother after all. That's a bond that's unbreakable. You and me Reg. The Black brothers. Also, how am I supposed to find anyone as cool as you? I’ll be the one that's lost without you.”
Regulus could feel his mind starting to ease at the sound of his brother’s words.
“And even after that, It's only a year. A year from now we'll be able to take on Hogwarts together.”
Sirius always seemed to know what to say. He just hoped his brother’s words were true.
***********************
September 1st 1971
When Dawn finally broke the next morning, Regulus made sure to clear all his emotions before descending the stairs for breakfast. He knew with all the preparation to send Sirius off to school, his parents were especially stressed. Also before any public outing, his mother always seemed to pay special attention to their appearances and body language. She had to make sure that her perfect family presented as so, and the last thing Regulus needed today was to be scolded for acting like a child.
“Quit your weeping Regulus. I raised you to act like a man, not to be weak”, his mother would snap at him.
As he entered the dining room for breakfast his mother glanced up from her cup of tea while his father sat at the head of the table looking at a newspaper. The room always had dusky light that peaked through from the curtains. It was yet another room that was too big, but it was grand, he could give it that, with the velvet cushioned chairs and crystal that basically decked the room from goblets on the table to the chandelier that was strung up above.
“Where is Sirius?” Walburga said flatly to Regulus.
“Umm, probably still asleep”, Regulus responded quietly.
Just then his father decided to acknowledge his presence.
“What have I told you, boy,” Orion boomed. “Speak up.”
Regulus stiffened up a little, but kept his face blank, refusing to give his parents something else to scold him on.
“I said Sirius is probably still asleep,” Regulus repeated
“Typical,” Walburga stated with a bite to her voice. “That boy has no respect for all that we do for him. Very well then. Kreacher!” she yelled. “Go fetch Sirius and tell him he is required to be down here for breakfast before we leave. His father and I have some words for him before we depart.”
About 10 minutes later Regulus could hear Sirius's footsteps and he pranced down the stairs. Even if the rest of his family hadn't already been sitting with him at the table, it would have been easy to identify Sirius's footsteps. It was like the souls of his feet were made out of concrete the way he clambered around. He showed absolutely no grace with his footing.
“Mother. Father.” Sirius greeted his parents before taking a seat next to Regulus.
The first thing Regulus noticed about his brother was he seemed to have the wildest case of bedhead. Walburga just glared up at her eldest son.
“What?” Sirius said. “I was thinking about going for a new look. It's like ‘bad boy’ meets ‘won a fight against a bear.’ It makes me look mysterious.”
“More like lost a fight to a gust of wind,” Regulus muttered.
Walburga clearly didn't have the patience for these antics because, with a swift flick of her wand, Sirius's hair was gelled back.
“Sirius, today is a very important day because it's your day to make a first impression on the Wizarding World. You are the Black Heir and you should be very aware that that holds a lot of power. I know you know which wizarding families are trusted and which ones are traitors. I trust you'll be able to use that knowledge wisely.”
“Don't worry mother. I know the Sacred 28 like the back of my hand and I'll be sure to befriend the first Weasley I can find…”
“Sirius Orion Black,” Walburga raised her voice.
“Yes mother,” Sirius responded back with a drawl of sarcasm. “I’ll make sure I only surround myself with people who bleed green. Toujours pur and all that.”
“Anyways, I asked Narcissa to watch over you on the train. She’s a prefect this year so she'll be sure to know how to set you on the right path.”
Sirius groaned in response. Orion, who was decidedly done with his paper, began to butter a piece of his toast and began speaking without glancing up at either of the boys.
“I know you boys are very bright, so I want you to be aware that the way the climate of the Ministry is going, there are more and more Mudbloods and Halfbreeds wiggling their way into powerful positions. They want nothing more than to take away our way of life that has been built on thousands of years of tradition. These people may act kind, but they only have malicious intent and intend to harm you. Especially you Sirius. Be careful of the company you keep. They will only take advantage of your power and use it against you.”
Over the last few years, Regulus had heard his parents hushed whispers in the study or been present for Galas with Ministry Department heads. He wasn't quite aware of what was going on but it seemed like Hogwarts was letting monsters into the Castle. Sirius had always reassured him that Hogwarts was a magical place and that they should be excited to attend, but part of Regulus worried for his brother. What if they tried to hurt him?
“I am sure that you will make us proud Sirius,” Orion said firmly to the boy next to him.
It wasn't often that Regulus’s older brother got along with their parents. He was often causing more trouble than necessary. His parents were already easily angered, but it wasn't their fault. They were always under immense stress. Regulus couldn't imagine what it must be like for them to have so many other government officials looking up to them and relying on their support, but he knew that his parents were just harsh on them because they wanted their children to be able to handle the pressure their family was under. That's why Regulus didn't understand why Sirius always made himself the center of attention all the time. Sometimes he appreciated his brother taking the attention away from himself when he was in his weaker moments, but Sirius just got into more trouble than he would have if he just tried his best to listen.
Moments like this, though, were nice. It reminded Regulus that his parents really cared about them. He was always told family was the most important thing, so when it mattered most, his parents were there for both of them. Regulus thought back to what his brother had said the night before.
“You're my brother after all. That's a bond that's unbreakable.”
The pit in his stomach started to form again when he thought about the day ahead. It'll be ok though because his brother would only be away for a while.
****************
Kings Cross Station was unlike anything Regulus had ever seen before. It was very uncommon for him to travel. Besides when he was younger and he and Sirius would sneak out to the park down the street. Sometimes when big events happened he would get to go, but once you go to one or two wizarding mansions, they all start looking the same. Kings Cross Station though, was magnificently bright with life. He had never seen so many muggles before let alone people. They all looked so strange in their clothes. Funky colors and big hair. Some of them had clanky jewelry that was tacky and did not look like they were made by highly skilled goblins. He doubted any of the jewelry muggles owned were goblin-crafted. The thing he noticed most of all was many of them seemed to wear these blue pants in varied styles and varied shades, but
they all looked like they were made of the same fabric.
The building itself had massive windows along the walls and even on the roof. It was bustling, sunlit, and extremely overwhelming. He was worried that if he looked away from his family for even a second, they would disappear into the sea of people around them.
Once they got to Platform 9 ¾ Regulus became very aware that he was running out of time. Soon his brother would be gone. And Regulus would be left alone. He glanced over at Sirius who looked like he was ready to explode from excitement. He was taking in the platform and all the people on it with a look of wonder. His parents were saying something to him, but he didn't look like he was listening. It was hard to hear on the platform anyway. Walburga picked up Sirius’s bag to hand it to him but Sirius ran over to where Regulus was standing first.
“Reggie, isn't this incredible?”
Regulus just glanced around at all the people saying their goodbyes and the kids in the window waving to their parents.
“Yeah, I guess…”
“Come on, remember what I said. I'll be back soon. And I promise I'll write, as long as you promise you'll write back.”
“Of course I will.”
“Good cause I'm gonna miss you so much. But think about all the new stories I'll be able to tell you. You'll need something to keep you entertained in that dull house. After all, I am the funniest person you know.”
“Oh sod off,” Regulus pushed his brother away.
“Reg, I love you and I’ll see you soon.”
“I love you too,” Regulus said.
And just like that Sirius was gone. With a blow of the whistle, the train was off, and so was Regulus’s brother. Regulus’s best friend. And deep down Regulus could feel the world ever so slightly shift.