Lily has never been in a room this quiet. It's hard to tell if she's breathing, she feels as though her heart has stopped beating. She's only brought back to life by the baby in her arms, who shifts in his sleep. She looks down at Harry and gently touches his face as if to make sure he's real. She takes a shaky breath in.
James is quiet in the chair next to hers. She can't bring herself to look at him. Their home, everything they've been protecting during the war. Neither can live while the othersurvives, Dumbledore's voice says in her head. Everything they've done to stop Voldemort, everything they've sacrificed—
"I understand this is hard to hear," Dumbledore begins.
"No, you don't," James interrupts. Lily has never heard him sound like that. So firm. So scared. "You don't."
She looks up, originally searching for Dumbledore's face, but her eyes land on everyone but him. Everyone looks miserable—like they're already grieving. Every single one of her friends is grieving their son, who is still alive, asleep in her arms.
Born as the seventh month dies. Lily remembers that day. The way James held her hand all the way and cried when he first held Harry. The way the same people in the very same room she's sitting in right now were also there in the hospital, impatiently waiting in the hallway, ready to meet a new member of their family. She remembers Remus getting emotional but trying to hide it from her, Sirius giggling about it through his own tears—Marlene and Alice running to check on her before even glancing at the baby.
"No."
She doesn't even realize she's spoken until Dumbledore repeats it, "No?"
Lily stands up and starts pacing around the room, trying not to panic, trying to keep Harry asleep. If this were any different she'd crack a joke, something about how she and James are incredibly sleep-deprived right now, or how Harry and James make the same face when they sleep. Instead she keeps quiet and tries to slow down her racing thoughts.
She watches as Sirius and James make eye contact.
"There has to be another way," Sirius speaks up. "Something else we can do."
Dumbledore sighs, like this is unimportant and makes no sense. Like they're children back at Hogwarts. "If he finds out about the prophecy, there'll be nothing to do."
"I'm not giving you my baby," Lily says firmly. "I'm not doing it."
Her eyes meet James'. She feels like crying, she wants him to hold her until everything's passed. He must see the look on her face, because he stands up and lets the others do the arguing as he steps towards her. He cups her cheeks and kisses her before looking down at Harry in her arms.
"We'll keep him safe," he assures her in a whisper, though she can hear the uncertainty and fear in his voice. "We will."
She wants so badly to believe him.
"If there was any other way to end this," Dumbledore says loudly, speaking over everyone else's arguments. "I would have done it. This is all we have. Sometimes we must make a sacrifice."
"Fuck you," Lily blurts out. "Fuck you and your fucking sacrifices."
James' hands are curled up into fists, shaking. He turns away from everyone and faces the wall, like he's afraid he'll do something he'll regret. Harry makes a small noise from her arms, and the room goes quiet once more.
"We've given you everything in this war," she says. "I won't let you have him."
For so many years she admired Dumbledore. When she first met him and he had to explain what magic was to her she thought all she would ever want was to achieve his level of talent, to learn as much as she could from him. But here she stands now, and all she truly wants is to go home and put their baby to bed then hold James, tangle her fingers in his hair until they both fall asleep (and are ultimately woken up by Harry's cries, because he is only a few months old, after all).
She's been away from home for only two hours and it feels like it's been years.
"Find another way," James says, still facing the wall. He turns to the table. "We're going home with Harry."
Dumbledore's expression doesn't change. Lily wants to slap it off his face.
"If he finds out, he will find you. He will kill your son."
"So protect us," Lily counters. "After everything all of us have given you, it's the least you could do."
This time he's quiet, and James has had enough—"Let's go."
Once they're out of the room Lily hears Marlene yell something, presumably at Dumbledore. James shuts the door behind him and turns to her, sighing. Lily bites the inside of her cheek. She feels herself begin to tear up and knows she can't hold it in. A second later she's sobbing.
He closes the distance between them and hugs her side, careful not to hurt their baby. He kisses her eyebrow and wipes her tears away, mumbling comforting words one after another.
"It's okay. It's okay, Lils, we'll be okay. I love you, okay? We'll be alright."