rollercoaster ride

Serene was irreparably a loner.

Still a loner. Willingly, this time, at least.

And Alice was, well, Alice. Perfect, lovely, sweet, her everything. Somewhere along the way her reason had begun to rust away in the depths and corner of her mind after Alice had doused it in venom. Paralyzing venom, to be exact, just slowly seeping in. Slowly and surely to sap the will to escape out of her.

Or maybe she never had any reason, maybe she was just some ticking time bomb so close to exploding.

Some things just never changed, Serene would always have no one but Alice and Alice would always have everything; be everything Serene could ever want and could ever wish to be, even years after their meeting. Alice had appeared so suddenly, offering a place to stay, claiming she had missed their friendship.

And who would reject a free place to stay? (And validation?)

Their sudden living arrangements only served to drive that in further. Rather than an opinion, it became truth.

(What was truth when it came to Alice?)

The rather luxurious apartment— Alice still hadn't answered how she got it, always dodging the subject. But honestly, wasn't keeping secrets so normal for her now?— She bought for the two of them still felt a bit empty but slowly getting filled with furnitures and more lived in.

It honestly wasn't so bad. Although Alice often hogged all the chores and left nothing for Serene to do, claiming that she had 'done enough and deserved to rest'.

(Although, Serene had a feeling that Alice preferred to do things her way, wash the dishes and place them where she wanted them, mop the floor, move furnitures around how she wanted.)

It wasn't that bad.

But Alice kept secrets. Ones she never tries to share.

Some of it isn't even secrets; just plain basic information.

"What do you want to order, Shizu? Do you have anything you like?"

"Hm... Anything, you pick!"

"Uh. Is soup fine with you?"

"Anything is okay."

Favorite food? No. It was almost always Alice who dragged Serene to whichever restaurant she felt like eating at but she never ordered the same thing twice in a row.

"Which one of these dresses do you like more?"

"Ehh, I don't know. Which one do you want?"

Not even her favorite color.

Years ago, this would've been fine. But no. They've been friends for years.

Shyness was one thing but Alice was anything, everything but shy. She was the type to chase after attention, good or bad, lived off of it, even.

(Sometimes, after school, she would find Alice surrounded by so many people, their stares digging into her like she was a living, breathing target painted in red and white, some of their expressions admiring, some of them jealous.

Alice's smiles seemed to widen more at the irritated stares.)

So unfair. Alice knew things about her; things Serene herself didn't even know and the stuff she never told her about. As if it was the natural order of things, instinctive and normal.

Like the weeks before when she had prepared a whole party on her own for her birthday, complete with confetti and homemade cake.

(The cake was sweet and blueberry-flavored, just how she liked it. Perfectly sweet because for some reason nothing could ever go wrong in her presence. She knew everything, down to how Serene liked her tea. Three cubes of sugar, a teaspoon of milk, and with a bit of cold water so it wouldn't burn her tongue.)

And yet when she tried to do the same—

Green eyes stared at her blankly.

"My birthday?"

Serene tilted her head, playing with her hands.

It wasn't a sensitive question, was it?

"Yeah. I was thinking it was unfair, so—"

"Don't worry your silly head about it, Yuki!"

She beamed, although her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. (As always.)

"But—?"

Alice bounced up from her swivel chair, leaving it to roll away to some obscure corner of the room, and picked up the piles of folded clothing set down on the mattress, "It's what friends do. And that's what we are, right?"

No. It feels like you're my friend but I'm not yours.

"I still have to know, though? It's like—"

Clean clothes were shoved into Serene's arms. Her hands clutched them absent-mindedly.

"Can you put these in your closet? It's your clothes, I folded it for you."

Like you always do. Down to every single little thing.

"Ahh, I really want to talk to you but," She pouted, "I have too much work to do tonight, okay?"

"Just—"

"Let's talk tomorrow, 'kay?"

(Frankly, she hated it. She hated how Alice always talked to her like she was a child.)

Without warning, she was ushered outside the door and pushed out gently.

"Goodnight, Yuki."

And with that, the door closed with a soft click.

Saying it was frustrating was an understatement.

What kind of person didn't know the gender of her own best friend?

"I've been thinking for a while."

Alice snorted and shook her head, "When do you not think?"

Serene rolled her eyes in response.

"The way you dress is certainly distinct." Serene thinks that at this point, she would recognize Alice's purple candy striped scarf anywhere; it was a stark contrast against the rest of her outfit painted in different shades of green. It was the only purple article of clothing she had aside from her bow. But it worked. Somehow, it fit well with her green eyes.

Although she still hadn't figured out why Alice chose to wear round glasses when she had eyes that worked perfectly.

They had matching bows in their colors. It was something Serene suggested during one of their outings while a warm, fuzzy feeling engulfed her chest and took her logic away. She didn't expect Alice to respond in kind energetically, practically vibrating in excitement while handing over the custom made bow.

"Sometimes I wonder about your gender."

Frankly, it was ridiculous to doubt such a thing.

Maybe, just maybe, she would occasionally dress like some teen boy, sometimes her voice would lower several octaves— that always gave her the shivers— but that didn't mean she was a guy, right? Besides, she had long and wild hair, surely a guy wouldn't purposely grow it that long?

...But androgynous men with feminine names also existed too, right?

Uhm?

Serene half-thought that she did those things intentionally to mess with her. She wouldn't put it past her... him?

Alice stared at her silently. Blank. Expressionless.

A soft smile emerged from her— maybe his— face.

"Don't worry about it!"

Huh?

She meant it as a joke though?

What's with that uncomfortable expression??