United I Stand

“Change ‘surprise buddies’?” says Steven. “Well, I admit it’s not very punny or clever… how about Future Free Friends?”

“Um.”

“Sorry, you’re right, that sounded way better in my head. Let’s see…” Steven puts a hand on his chin and hums thoughtfully. “I want there to be alliteration, because alliteration is always classy, you know? What about Friends Forgoing Fantastic Future Figments in Favor of Freelance Frivolity?”

“Steven, what are you coming up with names for?” asks a baffled and mildly concerned Sadie.

“Oh, Ruby and I told Sapphire to stop giving us spoilers, and we’re trying to come up with a decent team name,” says Steven brightly.

“Okay,” Sadie says slowly. If her frown is indicative of anything, then this hasn’t actually cleared up any of her confusion.

Steven doesn’t take the cue to elaborate, and neither do Sapphire or Ruby, but that’s also when Lars barks out, “Hey, some of us are still frozen to the floor, remember? Sadie, help me up!”

“Oh, right. Sorry, Lars.”

After Sadie hauls him to his feet, Lars stoops down and rips his sneaker from the tile with a loud crack. He stomps back into it and finally finishes his retreat into the breakroom, grumbling incoherently to himself all the while.

Some people just cannot take a joke, you know?

Steven is not paying the least bit of attention through any of this. “Okay, I’m thinking we should go with a different angle here—surprises add to your funky flow, right? How about Funky Fresh and Future Free? No, no, that sounds like a band name… hey Sapphire, what’s so funny?”

Sapphire has her hand over her mouth, and her shoulders are quaking violently as she tries to keep in her giggling. She’s laughing too hard for them to hear the entirety of her response, but Ruby still catches her gasping “Funky Fresh—would that be you, or Steven? And if there were costumes…!”

“There’s a reason her nickname is Laughy Sapphy,” is all Ruby says.

“Well, if you say so,” says Steven a bit dubiously. “What do you think, Ruby? Did any of those team names sound good?”

Honestly? “What about trying… uh…”

Sapphire, either hearing Ruby faltering or coming up with more Funky Fresh jokes, just laughs harder. Once she gets going, it’s hard to stop her.

“Oh, I know!” Steven clicks his fingers. “Present Pals! Because every moment is supposed to be a gift we don’t want spoiled by spoilers, and today is kind of like Garnet’s present to us! Eh, what about that?” He waggles his eyebrows, clearly expecting a slew of cheery accolades for the cleverly layered meanings.

Sapphire stops laughing.

Ruby doesn’t know what to say.

“Oh, Steven.” Sadie puts a hand over her heart, touched. “I don’t really know what you’re talking about, and even I think that’s beautiful!”

“What?” asks Steven blankly. “What did I say?”

As lost as he is, Steven is still really good about rolling with the proverbial punches. When Ruby lets out a “Come here, squirt!” and launches forward and traps him in a playfully affectionate noogie (“That one. We’ll call it that one”) he just giggles out a “No, not a noogie! Anything but that!” and tries to squirm out of her grip.

When Steven finally disentangles himself, it seems to be without any sort of awareness of the conversation that has just transpired. Ruby knows that can’t be right, but he still waves adieu to Sadie and moves on.

“What are—” Ruby starts to say as they stroll down the sunny boardwalk, but then she catches herself and promptly shuts down that line of questioning.

“What are what, Ruby?” asks Steven with interest.

“She almost asked what we were going to do next,” says Sapphire. “But then she remembered that she’s a Present Pal.”

“Oh—hey, yeah, I don’t know! I kind of started walking thinking that we’d run into—Jamie!”

“Hey Steven!” cried the mailman with honest delight. Steven ran up and they did the oddest high five-and-sound-effects combination about “Ahh—ooh!—acting!”

That reminds Ruby of something. Why does that remind Ruby of something?

“Jamie, meet Ruby and Sapphire!” says Steven with yet another novel grand gesture (honestly, how does he keep thinking them up?).

This is driving Ruby crazy. When the hell has she ever given a damn about human thespianism?

“Hey Sapphy, why do I—no. No, no, no, no! Stop it!” This wager is going to spell the end of her sanity, isn’t it?

“I haven’t done anything,” Sapphire deadpans, though Ruby can see from the angle of her lips that she is on the verge of bursting into hysterics.

“Well, I—” Truthfully, though, Ruby can’t think of a decent comeback right now. She’s just so used to having frames upon frames of perspective and future vision to rely upon that her own narrow worldview has begun feeling increasingly restrictive, like only being able to see the world through the eye of a telescope.

Ruby loves bantering with Sapphire like this—loves interacting with her on any level, really, and this one is so underutilized that it’s almost novel; Ruby appreciates it for that—and she is honestly having a fun time today. Becoming your old, less efficient self almost exclusively in times of danger and unease had brought about a stigma about her own individuality that Ruby didn’t notice she’d internalized. Having this, the hours of memories with a person as outgoing and friendly and unconditionally accepting as Steven, is doing her just as much good as Garnet said it would. Still, Ruby knew that being apart for an entire day wouldn’t be easy, and knowing this is good for her doesn’t really stop her from already wanting to be Garnet again.

Nevertheless, they’re here for the entire day, just as they promised, and the conversation must continue. Ruby crosses her arms and adjusts her weight distribution to sixty-forty, away from Sapphire. “I blame you anyway.”

“I knew you would.”

“Okay, I know you’re just saying that to get a rise out of me.”

The corner of Sapphire’s mouth quirks up, just a little. “Is it working?”

“…cousins?” says Jamie.

“Cousins?” Steven looks thoroughly baffled. “They’re Crystal Gems!”

“But I thought you only had three Crystal… caregivers?”

“Crystal gems, Jamie. They’re here to protect humanity! And yeah, I guess it looks like it’s only Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst, but that’s just because Ruby and Sapphire are—” then Steven seems to realize precisely who he is launching into this explanation with, and abruptly segues into “—usually away on missions! Yes, they’re usually away.”

“Another fun way to phrase it,” remarks Sapphire. “Everyone has one today.”

Ruby’s stance relaxes as she chortles over her partner’s tone.

“Missions?” repeats Jamie. “Oh, the thing with all of the light that comes out of the windows at your house, right?”

“Exactly!”

For some reason, that’s the line of conversation that triggers Ruby’s memory. “Oh, I remember now!” She gives Sapphire a pointed look. “See? I knew you shouldn’t have meddled.”

Sapphire offers a wry smile. “I’ll keep my urges in check next time.”

Ruby affects a noise of vehement agreement, and that’s when they both start laughing. This wager over bragging rights is just too ridiculous to keep it up much longer.

“Steven, are you sure they’re the ultra-serious mission scouts that you say they are?” asks Jamie. “They seem like a couple of goofballs to me.”

That only makes them laugh harder, because oh, the things this poor man just doesn’t know.