Chapter 6
After reforming, Garnet never feels like herself right away. She’s more aware of the fact that she’s two people than usual—which is to say, Ruby and Sapphire are still settling. They are far more likely to step in and take over, or to talk to each other aloud, during this time. All else being equal, it takes about a day for Garnet to feel normal again.
Right now, all else is not equal.
What she and Steven find in Kindergarten shakes her to the core. After the Crystal Gems are done capturing and bubbling all of the clusters, and Garnet makes damn sure they haven’t left a single one of them behind, she has to take a moment for herself. She’ll talk to Steven after that. She has to do it, she knows she does—and she wants to, it’s not that—but right now…
“We almost lost it,” she says. She’s actually isn’t far from the temple. Right now she’s sitting cross legged on the top of the Beach City water tank, watching the humans go about their lives in ignorant bliss. She couldn’t have gone much farther than this. Not right now. She needs to be close, just in case something happens. All around the peninsula, the ocean sways and heaves like a great breathing beast.
Jasper and Lapis are still out there somewhere.
Don’t do that right now. One thing at a time. You’ll find them, you’ll fix this. It will happen. Just give yourself a moment—isn’t that why you’re here?
“I almost lost it,” she admits. “I’m still here to protect you, to be you, but those gems… our friends…”
“It’s not our fault,” Sapphire says softly, using Garnet’s mouth. They’ve heard it before, but it needs to be said again. “There’s no way we could have known this would happen.”
“We know what Homeworld’s like,” says Ruby fiercely. “What were we thinking, showing them fusion and expecting them to understand it the way we do?”
“It was one time, and it was over 7,000 years ago! No one can see that far into the future, even if you know what to ask. If predicting what happens next week takes as much as 80% speculation, seven millennia—”
Ruby is looking down at their palms. “I know. I know.”
As they’re both using Garnet as a mouthpiece, things are getting a bit jerky. This is a discussion that might actually be easier separated, but they can’t, they can’t, not after…
If Homeworld is going to torture Crystal Gems and call it fusion, then there needs to be at least one example of it that isn’t bastardized. One example of real fusion. Besides, they’re safer together; they can protect each other better this way.
After the waking nightmare that nearly split them apart, and the monstrous force of will that kept them together anyway, the only response that makes sense is to hold on tighter. To never let go. The fact that their fusion is good and stable and full of love is a comfort. It’s probably the only form of comfort that could work right now, because the memory of nearly being torn down the middle isn’t leaving, those gems were reaching to her for help, she can still feel it, they needed her help and she couldn’t do anything, she froze, and that feeling is still there—
“Fusion isn’t a bad thing,” Sapphire says, neatly interrupting Ruby’s spiral of fury and anxiety. There is conviction in her voice, but both of their gems are quivering with unease; there’s no ignoring that. “I can’t regret this. I won’t.”
“What, and you think I do?” says Ruby incredulously, throwing out an arm. “I can’t regret this either, but the fact of the matter is that if we hadn’t figured out how to do it then Homeworld never would have gotten the idea to do something his monstrous, and those gems wouldn’t have been—spliced together like some kind of human science project!”
“So what do I do?”
The question comes from Garnet herself, and at first it is met only with silence.
Quite without warning, tears spring into Ruby’s eye. “Sometimes I forget that you’ve come into your own, even when we use you to argue.”
Automatically, Sapphire reaches up and wipes the tears away with their right hand. “We’ve had our moment, and now we need to stay strong and move on. The next step is talking to Steven.”
So it happens that by the time Steven goes up to check the laundry, Garnet is already there waiting. She can’t feign lightness, can’t pretend like everything is okay, but she has to admit, talking to him does make her feel a little better.